Chapter 13

 Closure 

Rain pattered against the windowpanes of the lodge after dinner the next Tuesday evening, accompanied by an occasional roll of thunder. Puddles collected in low sections of the trails, resulting in a slippery cement floor when the staff trooped inside. Justin built a warm fire in the big hearth, and the sweet scent of pine seeped through the room. These calm evenings at Adventura made me want to stretch the summer into forever.

The epic belly-flop had turned the tide of staff adoration wildly in my favor. Throwing up on Justin had only cemented my place in their Hall of Fame. Luckily, Justin had been gracious and jumped in the lake to rinse his feet off while I burned with embarrassment.

After I’d finished wrapping leftover pizza—thin crust to avoid burning in the fickle oven and ManStyle with only meat and cheese and bacon—in tinfoil, the back door opened. Hollis walked inside, raindrops sparkling in his long, blond hair.

“Hey, girl power.”

As recompense for taking his belly-flop champion status, Sione had bestowed on me the new nickname girl power. Everyone adopted it. I didn’t mind. Their constant teasing and now frequent mini-pranks warmed the icy layers of my post-Nathan heart.

“Thanks for dinner,” he continued. “I appreciate you adding mushrooms to one of them for me.”

I smiled. “No problem.”

He stood on top of an old towel in the doorway. His fingers fidgeted with the bottom of his shirt as he turned his body away from me, half-facing the fridge.

“Something on your mind?” I asked.

He rushed forward, as if he’d just been waiting for permission, and leaned across the island. “Can I ask you a favor?”

“Sure.”

“I need help with … with a girl.”

“Okay.”

His shoulders slumped. “Her name is Mandy, and she’s wonderful. She lives in Jackson City. I just … I’m not sure how to … ask her out. I had a bad breakup a few months ago.” He winced. “I’m still not sure what went wrong.”

“Did you break it off?”

“No, she did.”

“Have you spoken with her since?”

“No.”

“So you don’t know why it happened?”

He shrugged. “Just came out of the blue. I keep worrying that I did something horribly wrong.”

“Did something bad happen right before?”

He paused and shook his head. “No. Maybe she just rejected me, right? Or maybe it had nothing to do with me.” He threw his hands in the air. “I don’t know! But if I messed up, I may do it again with the next girl I date.”

“Maybe you need to find out what happened before you move on.”

“Call my ex?” he asked. “But she’s crazy.”

“Maybe it’ll give you closure?”

“Closure,” he repeated, humming the word deep in his throat as if he’d never heard it before. “Hmm.”

I warmed to the idea as it spun through my mind. “Find out why the relationship went wrong. Talk to your ex and see what she says. Maybe if you find out why, you won’t be so gun-shy to start another relationship.”

He straightened. “Yeah. That could work, I think.”

I smiled. “Give it a shot. Couldn’t hurt anything, right?” My expression fell. “She’s not a total psycho, is she?”

“Not that I’m aware of. Hasn’t been convicted of any murders … yet.” A wide grin split his face. He tapped once on the island with his knuckles. “Thanks, Megan. I’ll try that out.”

He left as quickly as he’d come. I stared at a shiny square of leftover tinfoil on the counter and listened to my own words.

Maybe it’ll give you closure.

Nathan filled my head like a balloon as I mopped the floor. Adventura kept me so busy I didn’t think about him much anymore. But he loitered in every now and then, like a full bag of garbage that needed taking out.

An hour later, I stared out at the soggy trees, my nose stinging with the dry scent of bleach. Maybe Hollis wasn’t the only one that needed closure. I deserved a chance to respond to how Nathan had broken up with me. A rush of adrenaline made my fingers tingle. It would feel wonderful to tell Nathan how I’d felt that night.

You dropped me like a hot potato, I’d say. I really liked you. I went into debt to impress you. I worked hard, and you just gave up. You valued your career over our relationship, and that really hurt.

I rinsed out a washcloth and hung it over the sink’s edge. Tonight, justice would be served.

Tonight, I would get my own closure.

Ten minutes later, I sat on my cot in a pair of warm sweats, yellow knee socks, and a fleece jacket. Two bars of service showed up on my phone.

“Please hold out,” I murmured, fingers crossed as I found his name in my contacts and hit call. I really didn’t want to make this call in the lodge or main office. Atticus curled up on the cot next to me, his head spilling into my lap. The phone rang in my ear. A little tremor moved every bone in my hands as I waited for Nathan to pick up. I closed my eyes and exhaled a long, deep breath, moving into the safe mountainous place I went to during yoga.

You gave up. Why did you give up? I would have fought for you. For us. How dare you break up with me for your career? I rehearsed my speech over and over again. The words, running through my head like a ticker tape, fueled my courage.

Just focus, Megan. Tell him how you felt. Find your closure.

A harried voice answered moments later. A crackle of static filtered through the line, but it eventually evened out.

“Yeah?”

I paused. “Uh … Nathan?”

“Who is this?”

Surely it hadn’t been that long. “Nate, it’s Megan.”

A beat of hesitation lingered in the dead air. “Megan?”

“Yes. Your ex-girlfriend?”

“Yeah, I know. Hi.”

“You sound stressed. Everything okay?”

He exhaled a short, fast staccato. I could picture him shoving his hands through his hair. I didn’t need to see him to know that he had a wild, cagey expression on his face.

“New York is crazy, Meg. It’s just … crazy.”

“Do you want me to call later?”

The sound of a door closing preceded his response. “No, this is fine. I can talk for two minutes. Oh, hold on.” His voice muffled. He returned thirty seconds later. “Sorry. I’m prepping for a meeting.”

“We can do this later. I—”

“There is no later, Meg. There is no later.”

“Oh. Really?”

He sighed. “Yeah.”

My rehearsed speech slipped away like tendrils of smoke. I cleared my throat. Of all the responses I’d planned for, this frenetic uncertainty hadn’t been one of them. What did crazy mean, anyway? Nathan loved intense jobs.

“Are you enjoying your promotion?” I asked.

“It’s nonstop. There’ve been five other people in this position in the last year. Five. I worked eighty hours last week. I only slept like four hours every night.”

I snorted. “Hope you get paid overtime.”

“I don’t. At least, I don’t think I do. I wouldn’t even know. I haven’t checked my own bank account in … I don’t know how long.”

I leaned forward and pressed my cheek to the gentle, warm fur on the top of Atticus’s head. He snuggled close. Outside, the warm fall of rain continued, pattering in a gentle dance on my rooftop. How wonderful the forest smelled during a rainstorm.

“I’ve been through two assistants already,” he continued. “It’s only been a month. I forgot to eat two meals the other day. I think I have a UTI because I don’t have time to rehydrate. I can’t remember the last time I cut my hair.”

“Nathan, that’s so…”

“Intense?”

“Unlike you.”

“Right?”

“Do you like it?”

“What do you mean?”

“The job. Do you like it?”

“No.” He paused. “At least, I don’t think I do. I don’t even know.”

“But isn’t it your dream? Living in New York City. Working your way into an executive position. Sounds ideal, right?”

The words seemed to hang in the air between us. “I don’t know anymore. I really don’t. It’s all so different than I thought. I mean … I just don’t know.” He sighed. “Listen, enough about me. Can I help you with something?”

My mouth opened, but no words came out. Instead of a thirst for retribution, I felt a surge of compassion. Like me, he’d given much of his life to his career, sacrificing time, money, health, and even relationships. And now he faced a future that he’d created—had once desired, even—but that didn’t promise happiness.

“Megan? You there?”

“Right.” I jerked back to attention. “Sorry. Uh, listen, I won’t take up a lot of your time. I’m just calling because … well, I wanted to check on you. Maybe get a little closure on our relationship.”

“I was kind of an ass.”

I paused, running the words through my head twice before fully comprehending what he’d said.

“Wait. What?”

“Yeah … about that night. I’m sorry for the way that happened. You’re wonderful. You really are. I was caught up in the excitement of the promotion and just acted.”

“Oh.” Tears pooled in my eyes. Could he ever know how wonderful it felt to hear that? No matter how much I blamed myself, it hadn’t been just me.

“Uh, thanks.”

“Although I still hold that we weren’t easy. Breaking up really was for the best, now that I see my job.” He sighed. “Things really didn’t work out the way I wanted, did they?”

My thoughts wheeled backward. Nate wanted an easy relationship with an elusive it factor. But maybe he’d had one valid point—we hadn’t been easy. The forced dinner conversations. Romantic galas where we spent almost no time together. He only did cardio, while I lifted weights. My mind strayed to Justin, then to JJ and Mark. Easy, Nathan had said.

It made a lot more sense now.

“You were right, actually,” I said. “We weren’t easy. That doesn’t mean we couldn’t have made it work, but … I don’t think we were meant to be together either.”

His voice dropped. “Yeah. But the good times were good.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you kidding?” he yelled. “I had a phone call with LA five minutes ago! Meg, listen, I gotta go—”

“Of course. Thanks, Nate. Really.”

“Yeah. You too. Good luck with everything.”

The line went dead. I chuckled, turned it off, and dropped it into my lap.

“Goodbye, Nathan,” I whispered.

Atticus groaned when I disturbed his nap by tucking the phone under my leg. I ran a hand down his long, muscular side, marveling that my heart felt light and free. The manic intensity of my thoughts slowed. For the first time in weeks, I felt as if I could finally put Nathan behind me.

With my hands tucked underneath Atticus’s silky coat, I dozed to the patter of raindrops.