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Hunter
Back at Tiara’s home in Oakland, California after spending two nights in Memphis, Hunter stood at her doorstep, gripping his black overnight bag. Their four-hour flight from Memphis had been fraught with tension.
After Tiara walked out of his bedroom last night, he had not revisited the reason for their argument. Asking him about Sofie had opened up old hurts. Thoughts he had relegated to the back of his mind.
Tiara had since refused to have any conversation with him. He had tried everything. Nothing worked, and her cold silence was killing him slowly.
Throughout the return flight, he had wondered what was more important? Making his girlfriend happy, or protecting his vulnerability?
Earlier today in Memphis, he had bought her a gift–a pair of Louboutin strappy gold heels with crystal-adorned bows. After she glanced at the shoes, she stuffed the box in her luggage and ignored him. Undaunted, he also got her a bouquet of roses and the grenade shaped, Flowerbomb perfume by Viktor & Rolf. When they shared breakfast and lunch, she did not respond to anything he said. Her silent medication killed faster than the bullets on the battle field. Now, Tiara stood by her door and threw him a dirty get-lost gaze.
“Can I come in, Ti?”
“No. I think it’s best we cut all ties now, Hunter.”
Letting his bag fall with a heavy thud, he cussed under his breath. Then, he paced before running his fingers through his hair.
“You’ve been acting weird all day. Give me a break!”
“That’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m giving you a break. Go your own way, Hunter and I’ll make my own way in life. I’m not ready to accept the crumbs of your life you’re willing to share with me.”
Damn! I fell straight into that hole.
“Is this about my nightmare?”
“Yeah. It’s about everything, Hunter! Everything! What’s the point of a relationship if you get to hold back when it suits you, which is all the time? I’m no longer your girlfriend—that ship has sailed.”
She gritted her teeth as her eyes flashed with anger.
“I told you I wasn’t ready to talk about it.”
“I heard you. Walk away, Hunter. You’re not ready to have a relationship, yet. I get it. You’re emotionally scarred and won’t let go—”
“Then help me.”
“I’ve got my own scars I’m dealing with, Hunter! I’m not taking out my frustration on you. But you think it’s okay to lash out at me because I’m a trained therapist? I’ve got emotions and you’ve hurt me. I don’t want any of this.”
He could not picture his days without talking, or laughing with Tiara and his nights without her sane voice drowning his fears and doubts.
“I need you, Ti. You mean the world to me.”
“You don’t need my help. I resigned as a therapist. Did you forget? I’m not in your service. And, I got an email stating I’ve got to face the ethics committee because of our relationship. This has got to end.”
“Fuck the license! You’re a good therapist, with or without the license. I thought you were supposed to be patient with me?”
“Resigning was what I did. But the ethics board won’t stop until they revoke my license. You know how that feels, Hunter because you’ve been there.”
“They need my testimony. I won’t give nothing. There’s no record of our sessions, Tiara. None. I’m not your patient. I’m your boyfriend.”
“I broke the rules and I might pay the price. That’s okay with me. What you’re doing to me is something I’m not prepared to accept. Move on without me.”
“Look, you said, I was savage. I’m not the same guy who made you sick in your office. I’m dealing with my demons. But I want to do right by you. I gave you my word. I’ll never break your heart, so I can’t move on.”
“Make up your mind what you want my role to be. If I’m your therapist, I can’t be your girlfriend. If I’m your girlfriend, you’ll have to accept all of me. And part of who I am, is that I’m a therapist. I can’t sign off even though I’ve resigned.”
“What if I need you to be both?”
“I tried but you pushed me away. Just in case you didn’t know, I’m human. That means I’ve got feelings you choose to ignore when it suits you. You’re playing with my emotions and I’m not willing to let you destroy my heart.”
“You ignored me all day, Ti. How does that work?”
“Where did you get the idea, I was perfect? I’ve got mood swings too, Hunter. And, I’ve got anger issues like the rest of the human race. So, deal with it.”
“Then let me inside.” He prayed in his heart.
“What do you want from me? As soon as I ask you questions, you shut down. I’ve been patient with you. I don’t see us working out, Hunter. I want to go on my trip around the world, alone. By the time I return—”
“Can I come in? I want us to talk. Please?”
“It’s been a long day and I’m tired, Hunter.”
“I want to talk about, Sofie.”
What was the point of breaking his girlfriend’s heart over something that happened in the past?
Overcome your stupid demons, his heart howled.
Tiara scowled before finally making a U-turn and heading indoors. Relieved she gave in, he grabbed his bag straps and followed behind before she changed her mind. She was right. He had taken her for granted, pushed her buttons and taken out his fury on her. And, she had done what any self-respecting woman would do by pushing back. And for that, he respected Tiara Williams even more.
After Tiara left him alone in the early hours at the hotel, he had taken a good look at himself, his life and the choices he had made so far. Then, he had asked himself a simple question—why was he sabotaging his own relationship?
Folding her arms on her chest, Tiara stood by the ceiling-to-floor glass pane and stared out at the sea.
“That’s my spot,” he murmured, hoping she would give him a grin, or a smile. Even the hint of warmth would energize him on the inside.
Turning her head as if in slow, the corners of her lips quirked up.
“It’s mine now.” She nibbled on her bottom lip.
“Sofie was my girlfriend. She was Dutch.” He felt a tightening in his gut, so he swallowed. “I met her on a trip to the Netherlands. We were together for a year–”
He paused because the familiar anguish knocked on his conscience like it happened yesterday, yet he did not break his gaze from Tiara’s. If he was ever going to leave the past behind, he had to face his demons—now.
“Before what, Hunter?”
Tiara stared wide-eyed, gesturing with her fingers, a sign of encouragement.
“Sofie showed up in Iraq to surprise me on my birthday, that year. But I was on an assignment. Our camp took a hit the same day she landed. She was taken hostage by enemy forces. I didn’t reach her in time. She was caught in the crossfire like some others. Her family insisted on an autopsy. They found out Sofie was pregnant. It was the reason she flew out to Iraq to tell me in person. I got her killed.”
“Did you pull the trigger that killed, Sofie?” came Tiara’s quick-fire response.
He blinked when he felt warm hands shaking him.
“No. No! Of course not!”
“Wrong place. Bad timing. Then, why do you blame yourself, Hunter?”
“It’s what I do.” Clenching his fingers, he frowned at his fist. “I’ve got so many people killed, Tiara.”
“No, you’ve blamed yourself for many people’s deaths, Hunter. There’s a difference.”
The woman who knew and said the exact words to delete his agony wrapped her palms around his forearms and dug her fingers into his skin through his blue Nike overhead hooded top.
“I’m so sorry you lost, Sofie. But it wasn’t your fault, Hunter. You didn’t pull the trigger. Do you hear me?”
Standing stiff, Tiara’s words seeped through his subconscious until they echoed inside his head and healed his heart. Gulping in air, he staggered a little as the fatally graphic images faded from his vision. He shook his head, gasping.
“Hunter?”
“It has been hell!”
“You need a mental purge. Forgive yourself.”
“I know that.” He breathed in her face, narrowing his gaze. “Give me a pass.”
“Yeah. Want a drink? Something strong?”
“Got whiskey? Neat.”
“Coming right along.”
When Tiara moved from his side to get him the drink, he followed her with his eyes.
“I’m sorry about the baby.” She threw him a side glance. “That was gruesome.”
Lifting his hands in the air, he sneered.
“I’m a downright mess, Tiara. Everyone I’ve ever loved is gone. Gone! Am I cursed because I bring the stink of death with me?”
She handed him the glass. “Drink, Hunter.” After a short pause, she sighed. “Your mom passed before you enlisted for the military. I can’t smell the stink of death. You’re not cursed. Don’t talk like that, OK?”
The silent voice of reason in his heart urged him to listen to her words. So, he collected the glass and clasped her wrist with his free hand.
“Am I worth your time, Ti?”
“No.”
He went rigid from head to toe as a knife plunged through his chest. Grinding his jaw, he gaped at her.
“Are you serious, Tiara?”
Chuckling, she caressed his side face.
“You’re worth every second of my time. Has it ever occurred to you I’m not looking for a mess-free guy? And, I’m not looking to fix you. I came into this relationship with my eyes wide open. I just need you to trust me with your pain, fears, vulnerabilities.”
“All right. Will you trust me with yours?”
“All of it, Hunter. Anytime.”
Tilting his head back, he downed the shot of whiskey, shaking his head as the golden-hued liquid burned the back of his throat.
“Come with me to Florida this weekend. I want to show you my happy place and make up for my mistake on our Memphis trip.”
“Only if you tell me what I want to hear.”
“I will. I sure will.”
He deserted the glass and took two steps forward, cutting off the air supply between them. Clearly, he heard her quick intake of breath before she angled her neck. Something in her eyes spruced his thoughts and heated up his skin. Flames torched his neck. Curling one hand around her shoulders, he pinned her hearty lips with his mouth and slipped his tongue past her trembling lips.
Desire gutted his chest, ending his agony.
Moaning softly, she pushed her hands beneath his hoodie and raked her fingers across his back. He went still when she touched the back of his left shoulder. Her fingers stiffened in response. Knowing he would risk her anger if he switched off, he had an honest chat with his emotions before relaxing his tense muscles. But the fond moment was gone. He released her lips but he pressed his forehead against hers, breathing down her face.
“I’ve got battle wounds, Ti. Scars that are as physical as they are emotional.”
“Anything less would’ve surprised me. Let me see your scars, Hunter.”
“No...”
She caressed his skin, luring him to trust her.
Everything inside him resisted her need to see him truly vulnerable. But losing her trust would hurt him more than anything else he had ever experienced. Turning his back to her, he pulled up his hoodie, keeping the hem across his elbows.
He felt her fingers waver up and down his back. The tips of her hands circled his bullet wounds and knife scars. But she did not mutter a word. Only her lips delicately painted and patted his skin. When he felt tingly all over, he pulled down his top with one hand and claimed her to his side with his other hand.
“Your scars are like gorgeous pink medals, Hunter. You’ve got nothing be ashamed of. They’re all scars of victory. You survived. That’s what we celebrate.”
For the longest time, he simply stared into her eyes, holding her with both hands around her upper back.
“More gorgeous than you, Ti baby?”
Giggling, she shook her head. “No.”
“I didn’t think so.”
“Hm. I love the combo pet name, Ti baby.”
He hugged her to himself. “I don’t ever want to lose you.”
“You won’t by God’s grace. Do you believe there’s a higher power who can fix you for good?”
“I’m beyond broken. Do you think I’m fixable?”
“Jesus Christ will fix you if you allow him.”
“How?”
“Confess your wrongdoings to Jesus Christ. Ask him to forgive you, to heal you, to help you to believe in him. If you believe in him, you will have everlasting life. The earth will someday fade away just like we do when we grow old but there is Heaven where we who believe and continue in His word will live forever.”
He raised his brows. “Is it that easy?”
“Much easier than you’d imagine, Hunter.”
“What are am I waiting for then?”
