Life throws challenges and every challenge comes with rainbows and lights to conquer it.
~Amit Ray, World Peace: The Voice of a Mountain Bird
It took weeks for my toes to stop hurting. But at least something was finally hurting worse than my heart. That’s when I knew I was going to be okay.
I had no idea that long-distance running could literally leave one with blackened toenails. If I had, I might have chosen something else to distract myself from the end of my marriage.
I had been a wife for almost two decades. Now I wasn’t sure what I was. My brain was working overtime, and I needed a distraction. I needed something to keep me busy when my daughter went to visit her father. I needed to fill my time with something healthier than “another glass of wine.” So I picked a half marathon.
I called my go-to friend for adventure and asked if she wanted to run it with me. The race was at Disney World. I thought it was ironic to run at the happiest place on earth given my state of mind. I also thought it was ironic the race was called “The Dark Side” half marathon. You have to find the humor in life. It’s my number-one rule in dealing with a crisis.
I trained to the soundtrack of inspirational songs. My mantra became a country song called “Dance in the Rain” by Jana Kramer. My other favorite track was the conversation between my friend and me as we rounded corners and ascended hills. Well, truth be told, my friend did most of the talking uphill. I mostly listened. It was so nice to listen to something other than the thoughts whirling inside my head.
Running was hard, but I figured if I could gut out 13.1 miles straight without stopping, I could gut out anything. Mostly, I was just happy to have some control at a time when the rest of my life felt so out of control.
The morning of the race, we met up with a few other friends who were running. As we stood in our starting gate in the dark, I wondered what had brought these tens of thousands of people here. Did they have something to prove, too? What personal bests were they trying to reach? What demons were they fighting?
Until that day, I hadn’t run more than 11 miles. Finishing what I started was going to take the same thinking that had got me this far. I was going to have to focus on the positive.
I wasn’t sure how I was going to get through the last two miles. Fortunately, by that time, I had learned to just take it one mile at a time. Worrying about the next one did me no good. It’s an approach I now apply to other parts of my life.
I had quite a band of cheerleaders rooting for me. My daughter, my mom, two sisters, an aunt, a niece, and a cousin traveled miles and multiple states to be there. They wore bright yellow shirts that said “Dancing in the Rain,” umbrella hats, and rainbow-striped socks to remind me there is always a rainbow after the storm. They were loud and perfect. It was quite a sight to see in the stands. The experience was a beautiful reminder to me that people are willing to encourage, support and love unconditionally, even in our toughest times. I really needed to believe that.
My body was exhausted when I crossed the finish line. I didn’t even have the energy to fake it.
I couldn’t seem to find my breath, but I had no problem finding my tears. Loss, pain, and grief fell down my face, making room for hope inside. Steadying myself on the shoulders of my mom at the finish line, I faced my divorce and braced myself for the next chapter in my life.
I was going to get my rainbow. I felt it.
— Allison Andrews —