Q: What do you call a pig with no legs?
A: A groundhog!
Q: Did you hear about the pig that began hiding garbage in November?
A: She wanted to do her Christmas slopping early!
Q: What was the name of the hog who was knighted by King Arthur?
A: Sir Lunchalot.
Q: What would happen if pigs could fly?
A: Bacon prices would go up!
Q: What would a pig name a chain of food stores?
A: Stop-n-Slop Superstore!
Q: What world athletic sporting event is held every four years?
A: The Olympigs!
Q: What should you say to a pig on roller skates?
A: Nothing. Just get out of the way!
Q: What position does the pig play in football?
A: Loinback.
Q: What does a pig use to write his term papers with?
A: Pen and oink!
Q: What do you say to a naked pig?
A: I never sausage a body!
Q: What do you give a sick pig?
A: Oinkment!
Q: What is pig’s best karate move?
A: Pork Chop!
Q: Why won’t pigs take up jogging?
A: They do not like to get that far from the table.
Q: Why didn’t the piglets listen to the teacher pig?
A: He was an old boar.
Q: Why won’t Santa hitch his sleigh to a pig?
A: Pigs do not have red noses.
Q: Why did the pigs get in trouble in their biology class?
A: They ate all the specimens.
Q: Why did the piglets do badly in school?
A: They were slow loiners!
Q: Why did the pigs paint their hooves green?
A: It was Saint Pigtrick’s Day!
Q: Why did the pig run away from the pig sty?
A: He felt that the other pigs were taking him for grunted.
Q: Why did the pig join the Army?
A: He heard the food was a mess.
Q: Why did the pig go to the casino?
A: To play the slop machine!
Q: Why can’t there be a Santa Pig?
A: Pigs can’t fit in chimneys.
Q: Why did the little pig hide the soap?
A: He heard the farmer yell, “Hogwash!”
Q: Why are pigs such early risers?
A: Roosters don’t have an off button.
Q: Who is the greatest hog painter of this century?
A: Pigcasso!
Q: Which of these jokes do the pigs like best?
A: The corniest ones.
Q: Why are pigs such great football fans?
A: They’re always rooting and grunting.
Q: What do you call the story of The Three Little Pigs?
A: A pig tail (tale)!
Q: What do you call an oversized motorcycle for pigs?
A: A hog’s hog.
Q: What do you call a pig thief?
A: A hamburglar!
Q: Did you hear about the pig that opened a pawn shop?
A: He named it Ham Hocks.
Q: How can you tell that the pig failed at being a good Easter bunny?
A: By the egg on his face.
Q: Have you heard about the pig who took up disco dancing?
A: He liked to swing his weight around.
Q: How do you take a pig to the hospital?
A: In a hambulance!
Q: How do you fit more pigs on your farm?
A: Build a sty-scraper!
Q: How did the little pig win at Monopoly?
A: He put up hotels on Pork Place!
Q: Did you hear about the pig who tried to start a hot-air balloon business?
A: He could not get it off the ground!
Q: What kind of tie does a pig wear?
A: A pig’s tie (pig sty)!
Q: Who do they get for Babe the Pig’s dangerous movie scenes?
A: A stunt ham.
Q: What are pigs warned to look out for in New York?
A: Pig pockets.
Q: Why should you never invite a pig to join your tug-of-war team?
A: Pigs want to be pulled through the mud hole.
Q: Why isn’t there a Super Pig?
A: It’s too hard for a pig to change clothes in a telephone booth.
Q: When pigs have a party, who jumps out of the cake?
A: Nobody. The pigs jump in.
Q: What do little pigs want to be when they grow up?
A: Garbage collectors.
Q: What do little piglets do on a Saturday night?
A: Have a pigjama party!
Q: What do hip pigs call their ladies?
A: Fine swine.
Q: What do pigs do on nice afternoons?
A: They go on pignics.
Q: What do pigs drive?
A: Pig-up trucks!
Q: What did Mama Pig say when Junior Pig bought a basket of wormy apples?
A: Don’t tell the farmer. He might charge us extra!
Q: What did the pig say when the wolf grabbed her tail?
A: That’s the end of me!
Q: What did the pig say when it found a fly in its soup?
A: Yummy!
Q: Two pigs robbed a bank. Why were they caught so quickly?
A: They squealed on each other.
Q: How does a pig write home?
A: With a pig pen.
Q: How does a Mama Pig put her piglets to sleep?
A: She reads them pig tales.
Q: What is the pig’s favorite Shakespeare play?
A: Hamlet.
Q: Where do retired pigs go for warm weather?
A: The tropigs!
Q: Where do bad pigs go?
A: They get sent to the pen.
Q: When is a pig an ecologist?
A: When he recycles garbage into ham.
Q: What would happen if pigs went on strike?
A: They’d form pigget lines.
Q: Where did the piglets study their ABCs?
A: At a school for higher loining.
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