Chapter Thirteen

Sarah shut the door behind her, barely keeping it together, wanting to lean against it in exhaustion and sadness, but Mrs. Casey dashed into the foyer, her face white and her eyes wide. “Where were you?”

Sarah sighed. She needed to deal with Mrs. Casey first; then she could go wallow by herself in her room. “I was away for the night with a friend, just like I said in my message. Last time I checked, I was a twenty-six-year-old woman, not a child.”

Mrs. Casey put her hands on her hips. “Cade was also away last night.”

Sarah knew she couldn’t lie. She shouldn’t have to lie. “I was with Cade.”

Mrs. Casey sucked in her breath and placed a hand across her chest as though she’d just taken a bullet to the heart. “I’m very disappointed to hear that. Your parents would be ashamed. Your father would have fired him immediately, and you should do the same.”

Sarah rubbed her temples and forced her temper to remain in check. “I invited Cade, not the other way around. It wasn’t some grand attempt on his part to seduce me. Quite the opposite.” If she only knew just how true that was, she wouldn’t be worrying about nothing.

“Why would you do such a thing? He should have refused.”

“We’re friends. Nothing more.”

“Still, your father would have had him packing. Your mother, too.”

Sarah glanced at the piano across the room, the family pictures lining the bookshelves, her gaze resting on the spot where Josh’s picture should have been. “Please stop talking to me about my parents. I understand you’re trying to protect me, but the guilt trips won’t work. I don’t need a chaperone or a nanny—I’m an adult. If I want to spend the night out, I can. But because I do believe this is coming from a place of concern, I will tell you that nothing happened between Cade and me. We are friends. He is, was, the perfect gentleman.”

Mrs. Casey crossed her arms and shook her head. “I don’t know what’s happening to you, and I’m just so afraid I will lose you because you’re going off in the wrong direction.”

Sarah stormed over to the bookshelves, crouching down to open the closed cabinet doors on the bottom. She knew their pictures were in here somewhere. His school pictures and the ones of them together at birthdays, Christmases.

“What are you doing?” Mrs. Casey whispered as she stood beside her.

Sarah grabbed the stack of silver-framed pictures and pulled them out. “What I should have done as soon as my mother died. I’m putting Josh’s pictures back out on display so I can see them every day, so that I can remember the brother I had, not try and forget him,” she said, making room on the shelves to nestle his pictures among the assortment of other family photos.

She braced herself, waiting for Mrs. Casey to tell her all about how wrong it was to defy her parents’ wishes. She was startled when Mrs. Casey handed her a picture. “I agree with you,” she said softly, her eyes filled with a rare show of tears. “I never thought it was right to not speak of or see Josh anymore. But I didn’t want to judge. Loss is hard, and we all handle it as best we can, right or wrong.”

Sarah paused, looking down at the last picture, the one of Josh and her the Christmas before his accident. He was making a face at the camera, and she remembered her mother reprimanding him, asking why at his age he still couldn’t behave properly for a picture. She smiled and placed the picture on the shelf, then turned to Mrs. Casey.

“Thank you. I’m not a teenager; I’m past the age of wrong direction. You don’t owe my parents anything,” she said. “You can’t let yourself be saddled by what they’ve burdened you with. Live your own life. You need to get out of this place, too. Maybe you should find a man!”

Mrs. Casey gasped again, that hand flying to her chest, this time taking a step back, another bullet received. “Child, the last thing this woman needs in her life is a man. One man for one lifetime is more than enough, thank you very much.”

Sarah almost laughed, but Mrs. Casey didn’t look as though she was joking.

“I know about men like Cade, Sarah. So good-looking that you forget why they’re so wrong. Where are his parents? Why doesn’t he have a family of his own? What, he just drifts from town to town without ever putting down roots?”

Sarah swallowed the worries because she knew Mrs. Casey was trying to get to her. “He’s not drifting; he’s been living in Wishing River for more than a decade, so… And as far as family, I think that’s really low of you to say. We can’t choose our families. He’s a fine rancher, a hard worker, and one of the most caring people I’ve met in my life. When I got a migraine at the hotel, he took care of me, made sure I was okay.”

“You had a migraine in front of him?”

If she wasn’t careful, another one would be coming on soon. “Yes. A migraine. I didn’t give a striptease.”

Mrs. Casey made the sign of the cross, and Sarah almost felt bad. The most “scandalous” show Mrs. Casey watched was Downton Abbey—all this was way beyond her. But true to form, the older woman didn’t stay down for long. She put her hands on her hips. “You come from a long line of wealthy ranchers, people with lineage, history, roots, and faith.”

Sarah’s breath caught, and her heart squeezed for Cade. “You have it all twisted. None of that means anything. Nothing real. You can’t hide who you are behind a pile of money, Mrs. Casey. When Josh died, my parents fell apart—not for a while but for the rest of their lives. They destroyed each other, their marriage, and I was collateral damage. Nothing could save them. Even with all their resources, they didn’t turn to their faith; they turned away from it and turned to gambling, drinking, and anger.

“When push comes to shove, when horrible things happen in life, all that status isn’t what saves a person. It’s something else, deep inside. Some people have that will to survive, to keep going, to conquer…and some don’t. It can’t be bought and it can’t be faked.

“I don’t hate them, and I’m not trying to dishonor them, but I am trying to shake that mentality. There was no life for them after Josh died. I can’t do that. He wouldn’t want that. I’m twenty-six, and I hope there’s life for me; I pray there’s a long life for me ahead, filled with good days and good people. I’m going to honor the life I’ve been given by living. I would love for us to be in this together, Mrs. Casey,” she said softly.

Mrs. Casey’s eyes were glistening, and Sarah didn’t know if it was from regret or anger.

The older woman braced her hand on the piano. “We are in uncharted waters, Sarah, dear. I’m not sure I’m prepared for this. You were the child I never had. So was Josh. It was my biggest privilege to get to be a part of this family. And…I’m glad you took out that locket. Keep him close to your heart.”

Sarah smiled at her, the lump in her throat making it hard to speak. “Thank you. Josh adored you. I’m going to change things up around here. As soon as I have a free morning, we’re going into town. There’s a great little diner, and I bet you’ll meet a nice group of ladies to become friends with.”

Mrs. Casey glanced away and patted her unmovable curls a few times. “Oh, Sarah, don’t be ridiculous. Women my age don’t go out with friends.”

Poor Mrs. Casey. Sarah shook her head. “There’s a whole other world out there.”

“I can still pray that another man comes along for you.”

Sarah reached out to give Mrs. Casey a hug, despite her comment. “I’m so happy you’re here with me. Even though we may not see eye to eye about everything, I know you’re only looking out for me.”

Mrs. Casey patted her cheek. “Me too. Just remember that the next time I ask after your whereabouts.”

Sarah almost laughed as the older woman walked away. She sat down on the bench, running her fingers over the smooth keys. Playing wasn’t an option for her tonight, as it hadn’t been for so long. What had once been a joyful, creative outlet for her had turned into a painful reminder of a life that no longer existed.

Sometimes, she’d imagined herself married with her own kids, picturing teaching them how to play the piano. She closed her eyes, her fingers on the keys to start her favorite song, but she couldn’t make them press down. She let her head fall forward, exhaustion taking root deep inside, swirling with disappointment.

Maybe it was the disappointment that was more overwhelming. Maybe her parents had been right. Maybe she wasn’t cut out for the real world. Maybe her reaction, her retreat inward after Josh died, meant there was something wrong with her. Maybe Cade sensed it, and that’s why he pulled away from her.

Well, there was one thing she knew for sure—whether or not she was ready, life kept moving forward. It didn’t matter how cruel or unfair, it kept going, and she had no choice but to move along with it. With or without Cade, she wasn’t going to cower in this house.

She was going to live.

…

After a week of pretending as though nothing had happened between Sarah and him, Cade was at a breaking point. Besides the personal reasons for keeping contact to a minimum, there was now the stress of what he’d discovered about her dad. Cade was fighting the urge to walk over to the main house and tell her the truth about how bad her father’s gambling had become.

But he had avoided any kind of conversation that didn’t have to do with day-to-day operations around the ranch. There were two reasons, mainly—he regretted ever going away with her last weekend. It had been a moment of weakness on his part when he’d agreed to that. Never mind that it had probably been the best weekend he’d had in…forever. None of that mattered, because it could never go anywhere.

But he kept thinking about her, about how she’d let him in and told him about her brother and her family. He could hear the pain in her voice, could see the sadness in her eyes, and he remembered how she’d felt against him.

Which was his other problem—the attraction. It had been a PG-13-rated experience, and yet it had been one of the most memorable nights of his life. He wanted her with a part of himself he usually didn’t put into the game—his heart.

He leaned back in the leather chair of Sarah’s father’s office and stared at the numbers in front of him. He had a stack of papers, bank statements, which he’d been going through for the last few weeks. Operating on a hunch, and with the proof the bookkeeper provided, he was pretty certain he knew why the last foreman had up and left.

The ranch was in the red and had been for years, thanks to her father.

His muscles protested after hours of sitting hunched over the desk as he stood. He needed something strong to drink while he came up with a plan. Obviously, he had to tell Sarah. He poured himself a whiskey, his gaze lingering on the handful of family pictures on the bookshelves.

His mind drifted to Sarah telling him about Joshua…and then to her migraines and Mrs. Casey’s urgent warnings about Sarah’s health. He rolled his shoulders and leaned against the bookcase ledge. That time, she said the migraine had been triggered by bad food. But she had also said that stress was a trigger when she used to have them frequently. How was she going to react when she found out just how deep in debt her father had gotten the ranch? She’d feel stupid, knowing her. She’d feel betrayed and panicked. That wouldn’t be good for her health. As foreman, it was his responsibility to solve these kinds of issues.

He was going to have to tell Sarah eventually, but first, he needed to make sure there wasn’t something he could do to make the situation a little better. The last thing he wanted was to ever inflict the kind of pain in her that he’d witnessed last weekend.

It was well past nine at night, a Friday, and this had been his routine for the last couple of weeks since starting on at Joshua Ranch. He’d put in a full day with the men, then shower, eat dinner with them, and put in an evening at the office. While the business side of ranching wasn’t new to him and he’d done most of these tasks at Tyler’s ranch, it was still a new operation to him, and he was essentially teaching himself.

He glanced at the clock and forced himself to get back to work. Time to stop daydreaming about Sarah like a teenager. He was hired on as a foreman, and he’d never disappointed any employer with his work.

The printer signaled it was out of paper and Cade sighed, standing. He was pretty sure there were a few more packs of paper in one of the rows of cabinets across the room. After looking through three and finding none, he came across a stack of printer paper. As he was pulling a bunch out, his gaze came across a stack of picture frames, leaning against the inside of the cupboard. He wasn’t a snoop and it wasn’t any of his business…but the people in the picture were Sarah and her brother. He gingerly pulled out one silver-framed picture, and Sarah as a child stared back at him, her smile wide and laughing. It was a smile he’d never seen on her. She was sitting confidently atop a horse, and her brother was beside her. He had the same blond hair and green eyes and the same smile.

A stab of sadness came over him. This wasn’t his business. He slipped the picture back in the cupboard and shut the doors.

He was my best friend. He was funny and wild and loved life so much. Cade pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to quell the emotion that gutted him whenever he thought back to Sarah telling him about her brother. It wasn’t fair, what that accident had done to her family, to her. She deserved more than to be held back because of fear. No one had held him back; he’d gone on to live life fully. Or so he thought. Maybe he had been missing out on the deeper connections, on the things that mattered.

He was attracted to Sarah on so many different levels that he’d never experienced before, and he’d barely touched her. Just one hot, very controlled kiss. Even after their disaster of a weekend, he found himself looking forward to his mornings, to seeing her smile, to listening to her soft voice as she asked him questions or having her by his side at the ranch. She was a quick learner and didn’t shy away from hard work, never complaining that something was too difficult or that she was tired. She kept on going right along with the rest of them, never giving up.

The sound of his phone ringing in the quiet office jarred him, and he glanced over to see Dean’s number on the display. For the last five or so years, he and Dean had spent most Friday nights together unless Dean was on call at the hospital. Now that Tyler was back home, the three of them had picked up where they’d left off before Tyler had left Wishing River.

He hesitated a moment before answering, for the first time in a long time not wanting to spend the evening at River’s Saloon in town. River’s was like a second home to him and home to many a cowboy in Wishing River. Everyone knew you went to Tilly’s Diner for some real comfort food, but you went to River’s when you were looking for the solace found in a bottle or fun for the night. He didn’t really want either.

The ringing stopped for a moment, and a twinge of guilt hit him. He’d call his friend back. Dean had been there for him, and he knew that his friend’s life was pretty stressful keeping up with the demands of his job at the hospital and the demands of his tough father at the family ranch. Dean’s family almost made him glad he didn’t have one of his own to worry about anymore.

The ringing started again, and this time it was Tyler’s number on his display. All right. Maybe he should force himself to go. He smiled. To him, his best friends were family; they were the closest to family he’d ever get. Despite the fact that he really wanted to finish up in here and go to sleep, he picked up the phone.

Maybe a night at River’s was exactly what he needed. Sarah would never go there.