Chapter Fifteen

Cade didn’t even know who he was anymore. Only because he’d witnessed Tyler falling for Lainey last year did he recognize the warning signs.

The second he’d walked into River’s last night, he’d known she was there. The air felt different when Sarah was around. Sure enough, she was sitting there with Hope and Lainey, looking as though they’d all been friends for years. It had made him so damn happy to know that she was out with Lainey and Hope. But the second he’d sat beside her, he knew he was a goner. It was why he’d tried not to get too close during the week—it was almost impossible to be around her and want to touch her or kiss her. He was attracted to her on so many levels that he hadn’t experienced before. This was all new to him.

He’d been pissed off for most of the day because he was falling for a woman he couldn’t have. Then, when he did see Sarah, he was even more pissed off because he had to pretend they were just friends. When he’d held her close again last night, he knew he was a goner, but he didn’t know how to stop himself from wanting her.

So he was going to take her out…as a friend.

It was for the best. If things went too fast, he’d get roped into…something. He wasn’t okay with that—for her sake. She didn’t really know him in the way she thought. She saw him as this great guy, but if she really knew who he was or where he came from, then she might realize he wasn’t the one for her.

He pulled open the door to Tilly’s Diner and swore under his breath when he saw his best friends sitting at the counter. Great. They were going to have a field day with this one.

The diner hadn’t opened for the day yet, but Dean and Tyler were already there. Didn’t anyone work on a Saturday anymore?

“Hey, Cade! Your picnic order’s almost ready,” Lainey called out, giving him a sweet smile, completely oblivious to the havoc she’d just unleashed. She disappeared into the kitchen, and Dean and Tyler turned around on the stools slowly, their smiles those of kids on Christmas morning.

“Picnic order?” Tyler said.

Cade shot them a look that normally would have shut them up, but clearly he didn’t have that kind of respect anymore.

“Is it in a basket, Lainey?” Dean called out.

“My cutest one!” she yelled from the kitchen.

“How do you even have a license to practice medicine?” Cade grumbled, leaning against the counter, no intention of sitting down with them.

Tyler barked out a laugh at that one. “So you’re taking Sarah out on a picnic? That’s very…charming…and very unlike you,” Tyler said.

Cade braced his hands on the counter. “That’s funny. Kind of like how you suddenly attend church on Sundays.”

Tyler frowned at him.

“Well, you’ll both be reassured that I’ll never change a damn thing about myself for another person,” Dean said.

“Yeah, you’re really winning at life, Dean,” Tyler said.

“Can you guys stop insulting each other?” Lainey said as she came out of the kitchen. Tyler and Dean burst out laughing when they spotted the basket, and Cade had to close his eyes momentarily at the sight of it. He didn’t want to hurt Lainey’s feelings, but it was a giant basket with red-and-white-checked lining that peeked through where she had a bottle of San Pellegrino poking out. Nothing he would ever be caught dead purchasing.

She placed the basket in front of him on the counter. He slipped her a large bill and grabbed the handle, wanting to take it and leave as quickly as possible.

Unfortunately, she plucked his hand off and opened both sides of the lid and insisted on giving him a walk-through. “Okay, so everything in here is dairy-free, sugar-free, and gluten-free.”

She paused as Tyler and Dean snickered. Lainey turned to them. “Are you guys twelve?”

They both shook their heads quickly.

“This is for Sarah,” she said to them.

“Sure, sweetheart,” Tyler said.

Satisfied, Lainey turned back to face him. “I picked up this amazing vegan cheese from the Cheese Boutique, assorted imported cold cuts, along with these gluten-free crackers. Of course, there’re fresh grapes and strawberries. Because it’s for you, I did manage to pack up a single-portion lasagna,” she said with a wink that made it impossible for him to be irritated. “For dessert, I baked a gluten-free chocolate chip banana bread. Oh! There’s also a small thermos of coffee with dairy-free creamer, in case you want some with dessert and, of course, the San Pellegrino. I think that’s it. Does that sound good?”

He cleared his throat. “Uh, yeah, you went above and beyond. Thanks very much, Lainey.”

She beamed. “I’m so happy. I just love Sarah.”

“Yeah, we love Sarah,” Dean said, giving him a dumb smile.

“Oh! Shoot. I didn’t even think of getting champagne!” Lainey said, leaning against the counter, a finger to her chin.

He rubbed the back of his neck and ducked his head. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Oh, Cade, what will you do without champagne?” Tyler asked.

Lainey turned around slowly, a hand on her hip. “Tyler, are you making fun of me?”

“No, ma’am,” Tyler said with a sparkle in his eye and a slight smile that for some reason Lainey must have found charming, because she laughed.

Cade shut the lid on the basket, leaving the money on the counter. “Well, thanks again. I should really get going,” he said, backing up.

“Make sure you get champagne,” Lainey said. “It’ll be perfect with the strawberries.”

“Nah, Cade, why don’t you bring that cheap beer you tried to pawn off on us last weekend?” Dean said.

Because Lainey was around, Cade didn’t want to use his choicest words for his best friends, so he flipped them off…just as Father Andy walked through the door.

Of all the luck. “Morning, Father,” Cade said, using his middle finger to scratch an imaginary itch on his cheek.

“Wonderful day for a picnic, Cade. And a wonderful day to take a special young lady out,” Father said.

Lainey’s face turned red, and she quickly ducked behind the counter.

Hell, sometimes Cade hated small-town life and the gossip that came with it.

Cade nodded and hurried out the door like he had a train to catch. He placed the picnic basket on the passenger seat beside him, then drove back to the ranch. Luckily, the farther from town he got, the happier he became.

He found himself thinking about spending the day with Sarah without anyone around. Of course, that led to other thoughts of things they could be doing without other people around. But really, if Tyler or Dean had told him a year ago that he’d be going on a picnic—one that he’d planned, with a woman he wanted morning, noon, and night but knew he couldn’t actually have—he’d have laughed his ass off. Cade didn’t think he’d ever even been on a picnic.

So why the hell was he doing this? Because Sarah had mentioned how one of her favorite things to do was go on picnics with her family.

God, who was he?

He pulled into the ranch thirty minutes later, and she was already walking down the front steps of the ranch house. Her dark hair shone in the sunlight, the wind picking up a few strands. Her red-and-white-checked shirt was tucked into her skinny jeans, and she was smiling as she walked toward him. He’d never had anyone look so damn happy to see him.

Maybe it was that, or maybe it was that he’d never been so damn happy to see anyone that it made him forget they were at the ranch, that they were just friends, that Mrs. Casey was probably peering at them while making the sign of the cross from her bedroom window, but he met Sarah halfway.

“Hi, friend,” she said with an adorable smile that made him want to pull her into his arms and kiss her until there was no doubt in her mind that they would always be more than friends. Sarah made him forget everyone else. Sometimes she even made him forget his past, because the present with her was so damn good.

“You’re going to use that against me forever, aren’t you?” he asked, holding open the door for her.

“You bet.” She laughed.

As he rounded the cab of his truck, the idea of there not being a future with her struck him. Ideally, he’d work one ranch for the rest of his life and then retire. Would this be that ranch? If so, he’d work here until he was in his sixties and then…leave. What would happen to them during those years? One or both of them would get married? How would they go on with other people and then just pretend this thing between them had never happened?

He shoved all those thoughts to the back of his mind and hopped into the truck. It would ruin his day, thinking about her married to someone, having kids with someone.

“Where are we going?” she asked once he pulled out of the driveway.

He shot her a smile but kept his eyes on the road. “Three guesses.”

“River’s?”

“People don’t go there during the day unless they’re really hard-luck cases.” He didn’t add that he’d been there a few days in his lifetime.

“Okay…Tilly’s.”

“Good guess, but nope.”

“Uh…the Highwayman? We can check in on Carl.”

He choked on his laugh. “I’m sure Carl is fine. And I don’t think either of us ever wants to go back there.”

“All right. Fine. Are we coming home tonight?”

“Uh, damn straight. Unless we want to dodge Mrs. Casey and the shotgun she’d have waiting for me when we returned.” Again, who was this version of himself? Worried about an elderly chaperone/housekeeper and propriety? It was like he was living in the last century. But the woman beside him made it very hard for him to complain.

She sat back and let out a theatric sigh. “I give up!”

A few minutes later, he pulled off the road to the clearing he knew all too well. It was the winding road that led out of downtown, the one with the old red barn that Lainey had painted and hung in her diner.

The banks of Wishing River would make the perfect spot for their picnic. He hoped that she’d be happy and that it wouldn’t spark any sadness as she remembered days with her family. If it did, he swore he’d make her happy somehow.

“We’re here,” he said, hopping out of the truck.

“Where?” she asked, rounding the corner of the truck to his side. He pulled out the picnic basket, and her eyes widened.

He grinned and slammed the door shut.

“A picnic?” she breathed. The image of her telling him she didn’t cry at the Highwayman floated across his mind, because for a second, there was a sheen in her eyes before she blinked it away.

He nodded, grabbing her hand and walking.

“You planned a picnic?”

“I’m not sure why everyone seems surprised by this and if I should be insulted. Are you more surprised that I planned a picnic or are you surprised that I was able to plan a picnic?”

She laughed, the sound making him smile, and he squeezed her hand. “You just don’t strike me as the picnic sort of guy.”

He didn’t think he’d ever felt so comfortable with another person or so at peace. He didn’t know how she did that. “Well, I’m open to new experiences. You…told me about your family and that you loved picnics, so I thought…”

They had stopped walking, and he almost felt awkward or bad or guilty somehow because she was staring at him as though he’d just given her a million dollars. Then she threw her arms around him, and he immediately hauled her up against him.

“Thank you,” she whispered against his neck.

He slowly put her down, her soft curves gliding against his body. He reached for and squeezed her hand, then kept walking in the direction of the clearing. He didn’t want to get too close to her; he didn’t want to ruin this or push too hard because he didn’t even know what was happening.

“I never would have guessed you were such a softie,” she said.

He glanced over at her, his eyebrow raised. “I’m not.”

She gave him a mischievous smile. “I think you are. Everything you’ve done for me, our night together. I mean, I may have been pretty isolated and lonely, but I’m not completely delusional. You don’t exactly strike me as the type of man who stays up eating candy and talking in a motel room or going on picnics and holding hands all day.”

He stopped at the clearing and busied himself with spreading out the checked picnic blanket Lainey had lent him, purposefully not answering her. He had no idea what to say. Of course this wasn’t how he spent his time with women. But with Sarah…it wasn’t like that. He wanted to do this stuff because she wanted to do this stuff. That made him happy. All of that was an entirely new concept for him.

“What do you think of this spot?” he asked, sitting down on the blanket and taking out the containers of food.

“This is absolutely gorgeous. The river, the flowers, the mountains. All of it,” she said, sitting down opposite him.

“I hope you haven’t had lunch, because Lainey packed this thing to the brim,” he said, opening the San Pellegrino and pouring two glasses. “Everything is gluten-, dairy-, and sugar-free. Except the lasagna—she knows I’m kind of obsessed with it. But I don’t have to eat it now.”

She was staring at him with that same expression again, her eyes slightly glazed. “That’s really sweet. You go ahead and eat it; it won’t bother me.”

He shrugged. “I’ll save it for later. There’s other things—crackers, some kind of vegan cheese, fruit—but that can sit. Oh, she also made banana bread, I think, and coffee with dairy-free creamer.”

“Uh, talk about hitting the jackpot in the friends department,” she said, reaching for the cutlery and napkins while he pulled everything else out.

“I know. You guys seemed to be getting along,” he said as they helped themselves to the food.

She beamed. “They texted and asked if I wanted to meet them at River’s the night you saw us there. Luckily, Wishing River is so small, I knew where it was. I hear you’re a regular?”

He took a long drink of water. He had no idea what Lainey and Hope had told Sarah about his…dating life. But the fact that she was still smiling was a reassuring sign. He shrugged. “There’s not a lot of places to go in a town like this, so Dean, Tyler, and I hang out there a lot.”

She nodded, popping a grape into her mouth. “I guess that’s where single people in town go to hook up?”

This was the last conversation he wanted to be having with her. But he also didn’t want to lie. “It’s sort of known for that.”

She nodded, looking toward the river. “I always love how Wishing River can look like it has diamonds sparkling on it when the sunlight hits it perfectly.”

Hell. “Sarah, I know that we both have different lives…”

“I don’t have a life, remember?” she said with a smile that was too tight to be a real one and a tone way too chipper to be believed.

“Is that what’s bothering you?”

“Omigosh, what am I doing? Never mind. I’m fine. Let’s just enjoy this lunch that you went to so much trouble getting.”

“It was no trouble,” he said.

“But it was so thoughtful. You remembered. You took the time to do this for me even though you’ve probably never done anything like this before.” She smiled, a real one this time. “I’ve been getting the vibe that you’re not the ‘Sunday night roast beef dinner and meeting the parents’ type of guy.”

He didn’t even know what that was. He only found out about Sunday night dinners when he lived at Tyler’s place. That had been the first place he’d ever had a home-cooked meal. Before that, it had been just putting together whatever he could find. When he’d lived with his grandfather, he’d been the one responsible for cooking—and he didn’t cook. Over the years, he’d learned a thing or two, but he mostly ate at Tilly’s or the canteen at whatever ranch he worked at. So Sunday night dinners weren’t his thing, with or without the parents. “That’s true,” he said, knowing he was going to have to expand on something.

“But that’s okay because even though I’ve met parents before, it’s really not important.”

“Right. Those guys you dated.”

She rolled her eyes. “We never came close to anything like the Highwayman experience.”

That was just sad.

“Oh, that’s pity in your eyes, isn’t it?”

He ducked his head. “Guilty as charged. You’ve been missing out on life.”

“You haven’t.” She said it matter-of-factly or maybe with a tinge of awe.

“Let’s just say we’ve lived different lives.”

“And I guess that means I’m the only one here who’s had no life. Or sex life. You seem to have mastered that area of life?”

He choked on his Pellegrino. He was as far from virgin territory as the San Pellegrino was from Italy. “Of all the things you were going to say, that wasn’t one I’d bet on.”

She shot him a smile. “Well, you’re very evasive. I’m just trying to get some insight into your life before…we met. I feel like you know everything about me and I know nothing about you.”

That was true, and it wasn’t a coincidence. He shrugged. “I’ve never had a serious relationship with a woman because in my younger days, I had to work really hard to have a roof over my head, and now… I don’t know. I never saw a point in commitment or anything like that. I don’t let people in very easily. I don’t talk about my past. It’s nothing I’ve ever wanted to share. The women I’ve been with haven’t wanted that, either, so it was a mutual understanding.”

She nodded like she understood, even though he caught that flash of disappointment, or maybe hurt, in her eyes. She smoothed her hand over the blanket. “So, just like, sex in a motel room like the Highwayman?”

His stomach dropped. “It’s not the same thing. Those are two entirely different things.”

She waved a hand. “No, no, I get it.”

She didn’t get it. She wouldn’t get it because he didn’t even. He didn’t understand how he could feel more intimately connected to Sarah after a night in a dingy motel, fully clothed, with barely a kiss. “I don’t think you do. But…I haven’t been with anyone in a long time. And I’ve never done this. I’ve never talked to anyone other than Tyler, Tyler’s parents, and Dean for this long. I’ve never gone on a picnic. I’ve never taken a woman out more than once.”

She tilted her head.

“I mean, it’s not that I don’t want that,” he hurried to say. “I see what Ty and Lainey have and…I think…he has it all,” he said, his voice fading at the end as he stared into her eyes.

He thought he’d known who he was. His entire life he’d been figuring it out, wanting to be more than that poor kid but never really believing it was possible.

“They seem so happy,” she said, picking at the remains of the strawberries on her plate. “Were your parents happy together?”

He stopped eating. Just thinking about his early years robbed him of his appetite. “No,” he said flatly.

She stared at him expectantly, and he took a deep breath, trying to tell her what he never told anyone, even his closest friends, even when piss-drunk in their youth. He wanted to tell her all of it; so badly, he wanted to share it with her.

“Uh, no,” he tried. “They weren’t really together for long.”

She gave him a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry.”

He shrugged and put the plate aside. He wasn’t good at sharing his past, but there were other things he was good at, and he’d rather concentrate on those. He leaned across the plates to place his hand at the nape of her neck.

She met him halfway. “I don’t think you answered any of my questions. And the whole Lainey and Tyler angle was a really great way of getting out of answering my relationship questions.”

“Who wants to talk about old relationships?”

She shrugged. “It just says a lot about a person, I guess. It’s also how you build trust. You can’t go any further without trust.”

“True. I’m not good at it, Sarah. It’s not personal; it’s just a fact,” he said, hoping that was enough.

She searched his eyes, and he felt like she was waiting for something from him, looking for something in him, and he prayed like hell that he didn’t come up short. “Well, since I’m the blabbermouth, I can tell you all about my past relationships.”

He smiled, pouring coffee for them. “Did I tell you that’s one of the things I really like about you, that you’re so honest? What were your relationships?”

She groaned and pulled back, resting her palms down behind her, and he couldn’t help letting his gaze roam appreciatively over her, the way her shirt strained against her breasts, her small waist, and then back up to her eyes. But it was the look in them that was the biggest turn-on of his life. There was this sexual chemistry between them that he’d never experienced before, this want, this ache that filled him, and yet they’d barely done anything.

She turned her head away from him for a moment, and he saw the shyness in her expression, in her needing to break his gaze. “So, yeah, my experiences were probably a little different from yours.”

“Well, I’m anxious to hear,” he said with a smile, handing her a cup.

“Thanks,” she said, taking it from him and adding a bit of creamer. “They were prearranged. You know, like, preapproved financing?”

He bent his head and laughed. “That sounds bad. So your parents were the lenders?”

She nodded, some of the sparkle back in her eyes. “Something like that. I shouldn’t be mean, I guess. The guys were…well, they meant well. They were nice.”

Her voice hung on the word “nice” for a moment, but he didn’t say anything. He was waiting for more. Maybe he was slightly uneasy, thinking about these men her parents approved of, knowing he’d have never made the list.

“They just had some pretty strong beliefs of how relationships were supposed to play out and how marriage and kids and all that would go.”

“Seems like pretty intense conversation for a first date?”

“Oh, none of them got to the relationship phase…or the kiss phase…or the anything phase,” she said with a laugh that sounded awkward. Then the laugh stopped and he realized what all of that meant. That their time together in that dingy motel room was the most intimacy she’d ever had. Even that kiss. That had been her first.

He ran a hand over his jaw and tried to mask his shock. He didn’t want her to feel embarrassed, but hell…that was sad.

He swallowed hard. He had known she wasn’t experienced, but he didn’t really think that anyone in their mid-twenties would have that little experience in the relationship…or kissing department. “Why not?”

“I knew my parents were pretty traditional, and I mean, on the whole, I didn’t mind that—it’s not like I was dying to have any kind of…relationship with anyone. But I have my own ideas, too, and my own goals and ambitions, and I wanted more than to just be someone’s wife. I wanted to run this ranch, and there was no way in hell any of those guys would have been okay with that. So I would have been on the sidelines watching, not because I chose to but because that’s the way it would be with one of them. I want to be able to make my own choices.”

“You don’t give yourself enough credit. With all the problems in your family, the fact that you could turn these guys down even though you knew it disappointed your parents… You should be proud of yourself.”

She picked at some grass on the edge of the blanket. “Thanks. That’s the first time I’ve heard that or had someone get it. I have no regrets.”

“And you shouldn’t. I wouldn’t ever want to be stuck living by someone else’s expectations or have to commit to the person I’m supposed to be with for the rest of my life because of anyone else.”

“Exactly. My parents were pretty irritated with me, but I knew there was no point in continuing any of those relationships. One date each was more than enough. By the fifth guy, I told them I was done.”

“Five?” He shook his head. “That’s persistent. What’d they say about that?”

She shrugged. “We argued a lot, but they sort of led their separate lives, and soon after, my dad had a heart attack and was gone before we knew it. In a way, he was gone as quickly as Josh.”

“I’m sorry.” Much like when she’d told him about her brother, he had the urge to reach out and hold her or comfort her, but she took on that distance she had that night. It was a hands-off vibe that felt so unlike the person he thought she was. It almost reminded him of himself. They were so different but so alike in so many ways, and he wanted more for her. He didn’t want her to be like him. He didn’t want her to have the walls that he had. She needed more than that.

Maybe he did, too.

“It’s strange, because he’d changed into someone I didn’t know anymore,” she continued. “The father who raised Josh and me was happy, encouraging, and fun to be around. I mean, he was still pretty strict, but he was a different man. I lost everyone when Josh died—” She winced. “I’m sorry. It’s like every time we’re alone, I unload all my old baggage on you.”

He cleared his throat past the lump that had formed there, that always seemed to be there when she talked about her brother. “Please. Keep going. You’re not unloading.”

She hesitated. “I want more. I’ve always wanted more. I want the ranch,” she said quietly. “Josh and I had plans for that place. We were going to be partners; we were both going to have our families and build houses and all work together.”

The longing and pain in her voice filled his chest. “I’m sorry.”

She blinked a few times and gave him that brave smile he was coming to care about so much. “I can still keep my end of the deal. Thanks to you.”

His chest swelled, but he shook his head. “It’s not thanks to me. You would have found your way, Sarah.”

She gave him a teasing smile. “Ah, but then I wouldn’t have met all those escorts.”

He gave a short laugh. “Well, I’m not going to argue with you there.”

They lapsed into silence, picking at their food and drinks.

Eventually, Sarah spoke. “Have you ever had perfection? Lived perfection?”

She was perfection. But he couldn’t tell her that. He shook his head.

“I have,” she continued. “I had it and I lost it and I became afraid to ever wish for it again, because I know it’s fleeting, that in one moment, it can all be taken away. So what’s the point of wanting something so good only for it to be ripped away?”

His stomach turned because he knew she was talking about her brother and her childhood. He knew the scars it had left. But it was wrong for someone like her to keep hiding from life and dreams. “Because maybe even a short time of bliss is worth the heartache. Maybe this state of not really living, this half-baked attempt at life, will wear you down until you wake up one morning, eighty years old, and realize that you wasted your years alone and afraid, but hey, you still made it to eighty. You made it to eighty without a person to love, and maybe that’s a helluva lot worse than loving and losing.”

None of this was stuff he dreamed he’d ever say to anyone, let alone a woman. Then again, had it been any woman but Sarah, this conversation wouldn’t have even happened. She made him think about things he tried to avoid on a daily basis. She would just throw these thoughts, these truths, out there and make him dig deep to really figure out what he believed.

“I’m not sure I agree with you, but it’s a nice theory,” she said with a polite nod.

He tried to hide his shock. “Really? I thought that was a damn fine convincing argument.”

He was rewarded with a soft laugh that pleased him inexplicably. “It was. Except for the fact that there are no guarantees anyone makes it to eighty.”

He shrugged. “I’d take ten amazing years with the right person over fifty years of sitting on the sidelines, afraid to live.”

Her fear and hesitation were reflected in her eyes, but damn it if he didn’t want to be the one to take that look away forever.

…

“Are you happy?” Sarah asked, fighting the nervousness and leaning closer to him.

The afternoon had been one of the best of her life. Sometimes when she was with Cade, she felt like she didn’t know herself, but now she was beginning to wonder if this was the real her, if being with him brought out the side of herself that she’d hidden away. She hadn’t shared her real feelings with anyone in so long, yet it came so easily to her when he was around. There was something about him that made her think that he would have her back, that he’d be strong enough to take whatever she threw at him. He hadn’t ever tried to shut her down or end their conversations about her family or her brother. He understood her dreams for the ranch when no one in her family besides Josh ever had.

She looked into his aqua eyes, searching for the answer, desperately wanting him to say yes, that he was the happiest he’d ever been in his life. Lying on the picnic blanket, his hands linked behind his head, he managed to make the gorgeous landscape less interesting by comparison. One leg was drawn up, and he looked like the poster boy for the cowboy life.

He turned from gazing up at the clouds to give his full attention to her. Sarah’s breath caught in her throat at the tenderness in his eyes, that sweetness that always took her by surprise, that was such a contrast to the hard man he presented to the world.

This was her Cade. The one she saw, the one she was falling for.

He reached out for her, his hand coming to rest at the nape of her neck again. “With you, here, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.”

Warmth seeped through her, and she leaned down to kiss him as though she’d been doing this for years. Her body pressed against his hard one, both his hands tangling in her hair, and all thoughts of Cade being sweet vanished. He kissed her with a passion that she understood, that was always lingering between them, one that made her forget reason, and one that left her hungry for more of him. But he rolled her off him gently, his hand still on her face. He looked at her with a mix of fire and tenderness. It almost made his rejection not hurt at all.

“Why’d you stop?”

He pulled his hand away and ran it through his hair. “For all the reasons we said before. Plus, you’re not the only one who can have morals.”

“Hey, who said I needed to exercise those morals right now?” she asked, scrambling up.

He let out a choked laugh. “Yeah, well, I’m not enough of an ass to not make promises and then just sleep with you. There are rules.”

She wanted some kind of reassurance that he would be here tomorrow, or next month, or next year. Of course, he’d signed on to be here, but she wanted the promise that he’d be with her next month. That was ridiculous, of course, because what were they? What was this?

He’d been on his own a long time—did he want to stay that way? In all the ways that Cade made her feel alive and free, he also made her feel safe. He gave her the freedom to reach for what she wanted, to not place limitations on her, yet his presence always made her feel like he’d be there to catch her. That had never happened to her before. Every person who’d loved her had stifled her or had left her alone.

She had been buried so deep inside herself, so far under the blanket of grief, that she hadn’t wanted to reach for her voice. She’d craved silence, not empty, meaningless words. But nothing seemed meaningless with Cade. She was done being silent.

“I think my parents would have liked you,” she said, touching his hand.

He leaned his head back and stared at the clouds as the sky turned overcast. “I’m not so sure about that.”

“No, they would have,” she said, frowning.

“Maybe as a foreman, but not as your boyfriend, not anything more than that. I didn’t have a family in the way that you did,” he said. Something about his demeanor changed. He was suddenly aloof, pulling away and standing.

“I’m sorry,” she said softly.

He shrugged. “I’m fine with it.”

Everything about his posture and the stiffness in his voice told her that he wasn’t fine with it at all. It was also very clear he didn’t want to talk about this. “What was your family like then?”

He shoved his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. “I was a mistake. My parents weren’t the type to want kids or commitment or anything like that. They were alcoholics; they couldn’t hold down a job or make rent. It got to the point that I had to look after them in order to stay there or, uh, they’d send me out on the street. They eventually did get rid of me.

“I was passed from one low-functioning relative to the other. My last stop was my grandparents. My grandmother died shortly after I came to live with them, and then it was just my grandfather. He, uh, he needed help, so I helped him as best I could. Spent almost ten years there. I’d attend school when I could, but most days he really needed me around. He died when I was fourteen. I slipped under the radar and just left town, and I’ve been on my own since then.”

She knew that if she showed emotion or pity, he’d close off even further. His voice was choppy, his face rigid, and she wondered if he’d ever told anyone even these small details. Pride and defiance were stamped on his strong face, and she took a deep breath, searching for the right words, trying not to convey the ache in her heart.

He had opened up to her, had laid it all out there, and she wanted to offer the comfort he obviously never had. She scrambled, standing, not about to just sit there when he was standing alone. Knowing he might push her away, she wrapped her arms around his waist and looked up at him. His eyes glittered, and his jaw remained clenched. “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above,” she said, the bible verse jumping into her mind.

He took a step back. “You think I’m different than I am. That’s why I told you all this, so that you could see where I came from. How different we are.”

“You are exactly who I think you are. Better, maybe, because I had no idea. You don’t wear that hurt on your sleeve, you don’t walk around with a chip on your shoulder.” Maybe it was silly because he was a man who looked like he needed no one, and for so long, he hadn’t. Maybe it was silly of her to think he might need her as much as she needed him. “You’ve come a long way. There are so many people who have a start like yours who can never escape that life, and who end up repeating the mistakes their parents made.”

“I haven’t been a saint. I’ve done things I’m not proud of when I was desperate, things I can’t take back, things I’d be ashamed to admit to you.”

She swallowed past the lump in her throat, not turning from his hard gaze. She didn’t know if he was trying to scare her off or warn her. Standing on her tiptoes, she placed a light kiss on his lips, hoping to crumble the massive wall that he was trying to build between them. Her heart ached at the slight flinch she caught as she reached one hand up to touch his face. “Yet you made a life for yourself. You have friends who’d have your back any day. You have made more of a life for yourself in this town than I have. You’ve shied away from no one. You are a good man—I know it, and I’m so lucky you walked onto my ranch that day.”

“Sarah,” he said in a tortured, raspy voice. His jaw clenched repeatedly, and his eyes glistened as he gave her an almost imperceptible shake of his head. There was nothing childish or immature about Cade, nothing soft or mushy, but for the briefest second, she caught a glimpse of that hurt, unwanted boy, and she wanted to reach out to him, to comfort him.

“You could tell me anything and it wouldn’t change what I know to be inherently true about you—you’re a good man, a strong man, one with deep emotion. You’re the only man who’s ever really listened to me, who believed that I knew what I wanted, who was willing to take me on a road trip and sit up all night eating junk food in a crappy motel room, and who acted like a complete gentleman.”

One corner of his mouth curled ever so slightly. “I can’t lie and say that my thoughts were entirely gentlemanly.”

“Our thoughts are one thing, our actions another,” she said, taking her own words and letting her hands slide down the hard, hot skin of his chest and rest on his waist.

He threaded his fingers through her hair, grasping her gently, tugging her forward slightly even though she didn’t need any encouragement.

She stared up at him and knew, deep inside, that she was falling in love with him. That seemed impossible to her. A month ago, she didn’t even know he existed. A month ago, she’d been buried inside her parents’ home, living a life she didn’t want. A month ago, she thought she’d be alone forever, that she’d never let anyone in again. And now this man was here, telling her everything she wanted to hear.

Except they could never be anything other than what they were because of his position. So where exactly did that leave them?