Final Chapter: The Five Truths That Fit All
Never-Before-Published Final Chapter by Dr. George Thompson
YOU’LL MAKE FEWER errors in dealing with people whose culture, lifestyle, and background are not like yours by knowing the Five Universal Truths.
Let me set some context for you here. For years as I traveled across this country (as did my VPs, directors, and associates) teaching Verbal Judo, in many places I was asked: Does your course help develop sensitivity to cultural differences? I said of course, yes, it does. And I do teach critical cultural differences.
But I discovered that many departments and organizations had spent thousands of dollars on “cross-cultural training,” a type of training that many admitted had slight positive effect. In fact, some even saw a negative effect. It often polarized people, unintentionally setting one culture against another.
It was with this experience that about a year ago I had an epiphany: What if we asked the opposite question? Not how are we all different, but how are we all alike? What is true of all cultures? I came up with these truths:
1. All cultures want to be respected and treated with dignity, regardless of the situation. When treated with disrespect, all people want to fight and get revenge.
2. All people would rather be asked than told what to do. To ask is a sign of respect; to tell is often a sign of disrespect.
3. All people want to know why they are being asked or told to do something. Telling people why is another sign of respect and based on my own research on the streets of America, I’ve found that it calms about 70 percent of Difficult People. Not telling people why is a sign of disrespect and lowers morale in all organizations, including one’s own family.
4. All people would rather have options than threats. Again, offering people a choice of action shows respect and allows people to save personal face. Threats are not only disrespectful, they force people, if they have any backbone, to resist and fight.
5. Finally, all people want a second chance to make matters right. People are human; we err and act in ways we wish we hadn’t. Whenever appropriate, people value being given a second chance to get it right.
These five truths are indeed universal, regardless of culture, color, race, gender, or sexual preference. Think of a boss shouting at you in a hallway of your corporation, “Hey, you get in my office now!”
How many of the Universal Truths did he violate? He was 1) disrespectful; 2) he didn’t ask but ordered; 3) he didn’t say why; and 4) he left no choice. Four out of the five! Nice! How many times as parents have we done the same? “Hey, clean up your room!” Or a teacher to a student: “Pick up your book!”
Are you beginning to see why we are becoming an increasingly uncivil society?
If you often deal with people from other countries or cultures, you cannot make a mistake of substance if you obey these Truths. I believe that the first, treat everyone with dignity and respect, has no exception and should always be followed, regardless of the situation. No exceptions.
But the other four are subject to SAFER concerns, my acronym for the five times words alone fail. Sometimes words by themselves do not work, and other action(s) must be taken. The S stands for security of others or property under your control. When there is a security threat, action is required and the ability to exercise the other four Truths becomes impossible. We may have to order, may not have time to explain why or give options. The same applies to the A in SAFER: When under attack, act! No time for making talk primary. The F stands for unlawful flight from one’s lawful presence. The police example is clear—the prisoner runs—but also consider a situation where your child might suddenly try to dash into the street, or a patient under your authority tries to flee the hospital. You have no time to talk, only act!
The E stands for excessive repetition, a state we define as existing when we have covered all our verbal bases and we have no compliance forthcoming. When we have both of these criteria, we must take action, foregoing the other Universal Truths.
The R stands for revised priorities. If when in dialogue with someone something unexpectedly happens that is of a greater concern or severity and must be handled immediately, there’s no time for talk, act!
Words may become secondary in any of these examples, but action is primary. SAFER is our guide and the last four of the five Universal Truths are subject to it.
I have often taught, “The more different someone is from you, the better you have to handle them.”
The reduction of more than a hundred cultures to the three types of people or personalities and the Five Universal Truths make it possible to always deliver the proper response, regardless of differences.