Chapter 4

 

I hesitated, unsure if I needed to walk first and build the courage to look at the book. I knew it was ridiculous, but that didn’t change the fact: I was scared of it.

Michael came around the car and held his hand out to me, and I instantly reached for it with my own. His hand was warm to the touch and felt wonderful in mine. He didn’t mention the book, just locked the car doors and pulled me toward the nearest path.

We walked for several moments without talking, just enjoying the silence together. I watched him as we walked, enjoying all his features in motion. He was tall and slim but his physique was extremely strong. It was obvious in the way he held himself as he walked or even in the casual way he would lean against the car to talk with me. His entire body was hard like the marble stones here at the cemetery, but he created a heat inside that was unbelievable.

He turned to look at me and smiled. “What are you thinking about Rouge?”

Heat rose to my cheeks. “Well, first I was checking you out and thinking about how handsome you are. Then I was thinking about how lucky I am to be with you. I still think you’re crazy to be interested in someone like me, but I have no intention of trying to convince you to change your mind.”

He laughed and pulled me closer to him. His lips brushed my forehead and teased my ear. “You’re the crazy one for choosing to be with me. I’m nothing without you. I would be empty inside if you left me.” He nuzzled my neck. “Plus you’re incredibly gorgeous.”

The pendant around my neck warmed against my skin, sharing his emotions. “I think you need to have your eyes checked,” I teased.

“My eyes?” He pulled back slightly, cocking an eyebrow. “I have better than perfect vision, thank you very much.”

“Maybe your brain has fogged your eyesight then.”

“What in the world are you getting on about?”

I shrugged and looked past him to stare at some of the monuments. “I’m nothing special to look at, just your typical average teenager.”

“You are by no means typical or average.” He stepped back and let his gaze wonder slowly down and then back up. “You’re tall, lean and physically fit from all the running you used to do. Your face is like an angel and those amber-green eyes are breath-taking. Plus you have this mahogany red hair that is crazy-curly one day and then straight the next. You look sexy in a pair of jogging pants and sweats!” He shook his head in disbelief and then pulled me up tight against him. “All this,” he trailed his hand up and down along the side of my body, “is just an added bonus. It is what is in here,” he pointed to my head, “and mostly what is in here,” he pointed to my heart, “that makes me fall in love with you more and more every day. I’m the lucky one, trust me!” He kissed me softly on the lips. “Mind you, with a taste like that, maybe I am just after your body!” He kissed me more urgently and pressed me closer to his body.

It took an effort to pull away and my body didn’t like the cool air between us. I panted, letting my chest rise and fall. “I’ve a feeling making out in a cemetery is not the most accepted thing. I’ll feel awful if someone comes here to put flowers on a loved one’s grave and they have to step around us.”

Michael groaned and closed his eyes. Before they shut, their blue burned brighter than normal but by the time he opened them again, they were back to their ocean blue color. “I didn’t take you here so I could kiss and ravish you. If I wanted to do that, I would prefer a little more privacy.” He grabbed my hand and started walking again.

“Why did you want to come here?” I asked.

“I like walking here. It’s quiet. I figured if you wanted to look at the journal, no one here would bother you. It seemed like a good idea… this being the first place we met and with us leaving in a few days…”

“Are you thinking we won’t be coming here?” My mouth suddenly went dry.

“No! Yes! I mean, we are definitely coming back.” He sighed and shoved his hands into his jean pockets. “I just don’t… I don’t know if this trip is going to change things. I want you to remember the good feelings we had here and if there are any disappointments for you on the trip, I want you to remember that there is a lot of good here.”

He was worried I would be disappointed or even worse, disgusted in what I might find out about my history. Part of me wished I could do this trip on my own so he wouldn’t find out the truth, but I knew I couldn’t do it without him. “I’m not expecting to find much but whatever happens, I will have you there with me. In the end, nothing really matters but that we are together.”

“No matter what we learn; you’re still going to be my Rouge, my little Red Riding Hood.”

I wanted to cry. Maybe he already had a feeling I might be a Grollic or knew about the mark on my back that I was trying to hide from him. Everything was going to change after this trip. I reached for his Sioghra. Caleb would kill me and rip it from my neck before he would let Michael be with a Grollic.

Michael reached for my hand. “How about we take one more lap around and then head back home? I’m getting pretty hungry and there’s some of Sarah’s casserole left in our fridge. Afterwards we can sit in the living room and have a look at the Grollic Book together. I’ll help.”

We both knew there was nothing in the book he’d be able to read or decipher. He meant well, and I loved him for it.

We went home and had dinner in the pool house that was now my living quarters. Michael spent most nights here. He said it was for my protection and I never argued. The conversation of intimacy or sex hadn’t come up yet. I had a feeling travelling across country without the watchful eye of Caleb might change that.

After we turned the futon into a couch and pulled the coffee table close to use as a desk.

Michael grabbed his laptop and set it on the table. “Maybe we’ll need the internet.”

“Sure.” I tried not to sound as half-hearted as I felt. He sounded so eager to look at the journal. “Whoops,” I said as I looked around the small room. “I think I left it in the car.”

“No probs.” Michael disappeared through the front door. He was back in about five seconds.

“How’d you do that so fast?” I had just sat down on the couch with a pen and pad of paper.

“Benefits of being on the dark-side,” He said with a sly smile.

“Come sit with me.” I patted the couch beside.

He dropped down putting his arm around my shoulders and set the journal on my lap at the same time.

“What are the benefits of the dark side?” I asked and tossed the journal on the coffee table. We hadn’t spoken about what he was or what he could do in a long time. I had been thinking about it a lot lately and decided now was the perfect time to learn more, anything to prolong the need to actually open the book.

“There are benefits but like everything, there’s consequences also.” He twirled a curl of my hair around his fingers.

“I’d like to know what I am in for with you.” I poked him playing in the chest. “The good and the bad.”

He laughed as he reached over to stroke my cheek. “Are you stalling? Why are you so scared to look at the journal?”

I swallowed. How did you tell the person you loved that you were wrong for them? That you didn’t want to leave but knew one day you were going to have to? “What if I am a descendant of Bentos?” I whispered. The truth hurt too much I couldn’t hold it in. “What if part of me is werewolf? What if I shifted and bit you? I might actually kill you! I need to find out about who, or what I am before you and I make any other decisions.”

Bentos had killed Michael and Grace about a hundred and forty years ago. He had been able to control the Grollics through a gift and it was his Wolf Book that I now had in my possession.

“What did Damon tell you in the cabin?” Michael asked softly.

Since the horrific night we hadn’t talked about him. My breath caught at the sound of his name and anger boiled inside of me. It took several deep breaths to calm me down but I forced myself to let it go. Damon was dead. He couldn’t hurt me or Michael anymore now. “Damon babbled on about a lot crap.”

“What did he say?” Michael persisted. He shifted and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

Damon had told me that Michael had already known what I was. That Michael would never want me when I turned eighteen. I had turned eighteen and my royal wolf blood hadn’t changed me. “Damon was wrong about a lot of things.”

“He said I was a destructive weapon.”

Michael grinned. “He was right on that one.”

I rolled my eyes. “Controlling and killing Grollics doesn’t make me destructive. It makes me a bad person.” The part that bothered me the most was that I didn’t feel any remorse for the Grollics who had died that night.

“You are not a bad person. You were protecting yourself and those you love.”

“Sure.” I didn’t want to argue with him what my conscience debated with me daily. “Damon said I was a descendent of Bentos, and the wolves want me dead so I won’t be able to carry on Bentos’ legacy.” Just talking about it made me angry. I was determined to find out the truth. I wanted to be with Michael and nothing would stand in my way! I had to find out about my past and my ancestry to see where I stood and what had to be done to secure my future with him.

“I don’t believe for one second there is any Grollic blood in you.”

Little did he know – I had wolf blood coursing through my veins.

“I’d have known that right away,” he continued. “The smell of those mongrels is disgusting and you, my dear, are freesias and honey. That scent runs straight through you, which is also very, very sweet. It’s almost… heavenly.” He inhaled and closed his eyes. “Definitely a bit of heaven in there.” He opened a single eye and grinned slyly.

“You have no idea how much I wish that were true.” We had never spoken about the possibility of me being like him. You didn’t find out until after you died and strangely woke up undead. Sort of like a vampire, but without the blood and bite.

Michael turned serious and leaned back against the couch, resting his feet on the coffee table. “What I’m curious about, and Caleb and I have talked about this a number of times, I’m surprised that if the werewolves had been hunting you since your birth that they hadn’t found you before Damon. You have to admit, Damon wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. How could he figure out what no one other Grollic could?”

“That is something I hope to find out when we drive out to Niagara Falls. Maybe it has something to do with me turning eighteen? Maybe Damon got lucky and made a wild guess.” I grinned. My turn to tease. “Maybe you’ve got a wolf or two in one of your labs down at the office we could question? See if he knows anything?”

Michael raised his eyebrows and rubbed his chin. “I can check.”

I punched his arm. “I’m only kidding!”

He pretended the punch hurt and leaned away, protecting his arm. “They don’t tell us anything anyways. No matter how hard we question. They don’t talk.”

I held my hands up. “I don’t want to know.” I might not feel bad for hurting the wolves, but that didn’t mean I was okay with others hurting them. Weird. “Okay,” I said, folding my arms in my lap. I’d had enough talk about werewolves for the moment. “Let’s stop talking about me. It’s your turn. What about you?”

“Me?” He moved slightly so he could see my face.

“Besides being super-gorgeous, super-fast and super strong, what else can you do?”

He chuckled. “You make me sound like superman.” He pointed to the pendant around my neck. “I can sense you now, even if you are a mile away; I can sense you and my Sioghra. You especially because I’m in love with you but others as well. All of our senses are heightened compared to humans. I can hear see, smell, and even taste better than you. ”

“Really?”

“It’s like everything is better, more perfect now.”

“That sounds quite nice actually. I have a hard time trying to imagine it.” Another thought crossed my mind. “What about Seth – do you remember when he came back to the house and was bleeding so bad?”

“Yeah, the wolves had given him a pretty good beating and he had lost a lot of blood.”

“Could he have bled to death?”

“He would’ve died from the Grollic’s poison. It’s complicated to explain, but our strength comes from our blood. What powers, abilities or strengths we have, we lose from their poison. Seth fought against the poison and I think losing Tatiana made him fight harder. That fear of losing control and strength is what makes us fight to the end.”

“Fight or flight drives you as well. Human nature.”

“We crave power and strength – that is our nature. The more we have, the more we want. Some of us can control it better than others.” He glanced through the window at the house on the other side of the pool.

“That’s the difference between you and Caleb, isn’t it?” I asked quietly.

“Sometimes yes; but Caleb is so strong in different ways that I’ll never be. He’s probably the strongest one on the ‘good-side’ and he never is tempted to go to the dark-side.”

Say what? “Now I’m confused – there’s a good and dark side?

“There are those of us out there that don’t agree to the laws of the Higher Coven. Or they don’t know about the coven – when they died, nobody was there to help them and they were left to fend for themselves. They don’t know what is expected from them and the need for power drives them crazy. There is also a Coven known as the Lower Coven. They make werewolves look tame.”

I felt my mouth fall open. I assumed everyone born with some kind of angel blood was like Michael’s family.

“One moment you’re human and dying, the next you’re suddenly invincible. It’s hard not to take advantage of that. We’re all greedy to some extent. That’s human nature. Some of us just prefer the feeling of giving over the need to take.”

“What’s it like to die and then all of a sudden be alive again? What happens exactly?”

Michael rubbed his chin with his hand. I could sense he wasn’t sure if he wanted to answer those questions. “You die Rouge –your heart stops and it kills you. There is nothing pretty, nothing serene about it. Then, after a little while, your blood begins to flow again but it is different. There is no oxygen inside of it. We won’t breathe because we need air. It’s too hard to explain.”

“Can you bleed to death then?”

He pressed his lips together before speaking. “Caleb’s company clones blood, for humans and for us. The de-oxygenated blood can be pumped through us and can sometimes save us.”

“Why didn’t you use it the night Seth got bit?”

“We didn’t have any here.”

“But if you know it might work, why wouldn’t you keep loads of it on hand?”

“You can’t store it like orange juice in the fridge. Caleb’s company has tried experiment after experiment. One might work on a certain person and then kill the next instead of aiding. It’s too volatile still.”

“So it’s a dead end for now.” I hugged my knees and rocked slightly on the couch staring absently at the wolf book lying there closed and ignored. “What happened with you and Grace the night you died?” I could ignore the journal a little longer.

“You already know what happened.”

“I know you were both mortally wounded. Bentos broken Grace’ back and you were stabbed. But what happened after?”

“Sarah found both of us in our kitchen and ordered her soldiers take us to the forest where they held camp. I died before in the house, Grace died on the way.” Michael stared down at his hands.

“Then how did Sarah know you would wake up again?”

“She saw my eyes change before I died.”

I couldn’t have been more fascinated by this story.

“I re-woke sooner than Grace. Probably an hour or two after I died. It was absolute torture. I thought I was inside the house burning in a fire. It took ten of Sarah’s men to hold me down and allow Sarah to explain what had happened to me.” He closed his eyes and hung his head. “I was angry. Grace wouldn’t wake up and I was alive with all this strength and power. I did some stupid things that night.”

I scooted over and crawled into his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissed him tenderly on his mouth. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

He slid his arms around me and pulled me tight against him. “I think about that night and what I did and it allows me to control the urges I have – when my anger wants to win over reason. I’m different from Caleb and the others that way, my conscience drives me and gives me more control of my power and strength.” He shrugged. “I don’t know if it’s because of that night or that I was always like that. I don’t know.”

“You’ve never talked about this before, have you?”

He shook his head.

It made my heart beat stronger knowing he had the courage to share it with me. I wonder what Caleb would think if he knew Michael’s perspective on what had happened. What would Grace think? Speaking of… “What happened to Grace?”

“Grace didn’t re-awaken for four days. I didn’t think she would, but Sarah was confident. Grace woke terrified. She didn’t understand what had happened or why her body was sensitive to. She didn’t move because she thought she was paralyzed. During that time, Sarah taught and explained to her what was going on and then took her away for a couple of days. I never asked her what happened, where she went, or what Sarah told her, and she’s never told me. All she remembers when she re-woke was that I was there and she was not alone.”

“Wow.” I had no other words to say… until another thought crossed my mind. “When did you realize that you and Grace could communicate with each other?”

Michael chuckled and set be down beside him before standing up. “Why don’t I make us some coffee? I think we’re only beginning to scratch the surface of your questions.”

I jumped up, slightly wary of his cooking and coffee-making ability. My birthday being the exception, but the last time he’d made coffee it had come out thicker than syrup. I did not have the heart to tell him. “I’ll do it. You keep talking.” I slipped behind him and moved to the kitchen part of the room.

Michael settled back onto the couch, lying lengthwise as if on a psychiatric couch. “Okay, back to the story. The first time I went off to hunt for Bentos, I couldn’t think straight. I was driven by hate and anger. Sarah told me I couldn’t go, so I snuck off alone with no clue what I was doing. I had no idea how to hunt or track. I was also terrified someone from town would recognize me since everyone believed Grace and I had been killed, along with my parents, by the fire in the house. So I took off running – and that is something a newbie with super-fast ability should never do.”

“What happened?” I grabbed two mugs out of the cupboard and set them by the Keurig.

“I got lost. I couldn’t believe how fast I could run and that I wasn’t getting tired. I tested my limits and well, I got lost. Suddenly I heard Grace calling for me and I thought she was right with me. Her voice came through so clear I honestly thought she was right behind me. I must’ve looked like an idiot turning around to answer her and then found no one by me. She spoke again and I finally realized it was in my head. I guess she told Sarah because a short while later there were two of Sarah’s scouts leading me back to the camp. Of course, Sarah was fascinated with our talent because she’d never come across it before.”

Happy home-maker Sarah used to be a tough military sergeant. No wonder Caleb fell for her. “Did she train you and then send you off to find Bentos?”

Michael shook his head. “I did it on my own. She never stopped me or told me to let it go. Sarah let me go, even when Grace begged me to stay.” He huffed and let a sharp breath out through his nose. “I spent about five years trying to hunt the bastard down. It became my complete focus. I was close so many times but he eluded me or would send werewolves in to attack and he’d manage to escape. It was consuming me and Grace continued pleading with me to let it go. Finally one day I just realized enough was enough. I needed to move forward with my life instead of being stuck in the past.”

I poured milk into the coffee and added a touch of sugar to mine. Walking back to the couch, I set them down on the table to cool. “So you returned and you guys have been together ever since?”

“I came back to Grace, and talked things over with Sarah. We didn’t stay. Grace and I went on our own for a few years but eventually came back. Sarah knew we would; she was our home. We’d settle somewhere for four to five years and then move to the next town and kept doing that so the non-aging thing didn’t appear too obvious. When Sarah met Caleb, he liked the idea of settling into one town and moving when needed. He wanted to study and experiment without having to cover his tracks. It was only about fifteen years ago that he figured out how to clone human blood and plasma. It took the world by storm. His company is the only one able to produce the cloned blood – no human has been able to copy or repeat the process. It makes Caleb a very, very rich man and gives him the freedom to do as he pleases. Money can buy a lot of things – and not just material wealth. No one knows that he is the owner; he is the unseen face of Fuilteach Corp.”

I had seen the Celtic looking FC symbol from the company on many things but never realized who, or what, the company was. “So Caleb started the company? Hasn’t it been around for like a hundred years or something?” I remembered seeing commercials and some centennial motto on it.”

“You got it. He’s the original owner. What do you think Fuilteach means?”

“It is some easy answer? Like the corporation want to the fuel to teach and learn?”

Michael smiled. “Most people probably assume that’s the explanation. However Fuilteach is actually Gaelic for ‘bloodthirsty.’ Caleb’s mother was Irish and he uses a lot of Gaelic terminology. His sole purpose for starting the company was to use science to figure out how our blood changed when we died, and what made us continue to live. Then he wanted to stop Grollics, and the company’s grown and grown.”

Figures Caleb would use a name so obvious, yet undetected to the human eye. It also didn’t surprise me if he used the government to help fund his research. He probably justified it by selling them the cloned blood and plasma. At the end of the day, he was a business man – an excellent business man. “When we were at the building today, Grace mentioned that there are labs in the basement. Do you work down there?”

“I’m upstairs. My office is connected to Caleb’s. I have access to Caleb’s office and through the hallway. You probably didn’t notice the door as it blends into the wall. I used to work down in the labs. Caleb would like me to do more but I just do not have the commitment to the science that he does.” He shrugged his shoulders like it was an argument he had daily with Caleb.

“I’m sorry you’re stuck in a job you don’t really want to do.”

“Don’t get me wrong, Rouge. I love my job. I hunt down the bad guys. I am set to inherit a kingdom of a company.”

The way he said it, I knew he didn’t mean the last part. He didn’t want the corporation, but he felt obligated to follow in Caleb’s footsteps. Hopefully that day would never happen. “What can’t you stand about it? There has to be parts of what you do you wish you didn’t have to.”

“So basically you are asking me: What do I hate about being me?” A bitter laugh escaped his lips.

I nearly knocked my mug over as I reached for it. He had sounded like Caleb when he had spoken then. “Sorry, that came out a lot harsher than I intended.”

“Be glad you are not one of us. It is hard to explain how I feel. I’m not talking about who I am but what I am. I’m here forever; not allowed to grow old, or die peacefully. I can’t have children or grandchildren.” He reached for my hands and held them tight. “I would trade this entire life of eternity to be with you for the next fifty-sixty years – that would be enough of a lifetime for me.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but Michael didn’t let me.

“I have no soul; I forfeited that the night Bentos walked into my parent’s home. I have to live like a nomad, I don’t really have a place to call home but for a few years and to us, it’s just a blink of time. I have to watch where I go, watch my back, watch what I say or how fast I move, watch this, watch that, watch and wait every minute of every day. That was why I didn’t want you to get close when we first met. It still tears me up inside. I love you and want you to have every experience you are entitled to – the good and the bad.” He stopped talking and turned to look out the window, torn by his feelings and his wants.

“Michael,” I said quietly waiting until he finally turned to look at me. “I’ve had enough of being alone, of being an outsider, to know that what you have and how you feel is more than I’ve had in my lifetime. I can’t imagine my life without you, nor can I think for one moment of you living your life without me. I also don’t believe that your soul is gone or forfeited – what happened to you wasn’t by choice. Maybe there is a real reason why you are supposed to be around this long – possibly to help me or someone else.” He could die, I knew because of what had happened to Tatianna. The thought burned in my throat and cut through my heart. I wouldn’t ever let that happen while I was with him. “I don’t believe you’re a nomad; you’ve had more of a home here than I have my entire life. You have given me a place to call home and I am not talking about here in this cottage I am talking about here,” I pointed to his heart and leaned forward to kiss him on the lips.

“Don’t try to make…” he tried to stop me leaning onto him but wasn’t trying very hard.

“You may not think you’re alive but trust me Michael, you are. You feel love and passion and I know you feel lust. I think you might need a little reminder lesson in that area.”

“A lesson? You think you can teach me something?” he teased, all previous conversation forgotten as I watched his eyes turn to their familiar shade of blue.

“I might be able to teach you a thing or two. After tomorrow’s graduation, you are going to be with a free girl, maybe we can work on making that girl into a lady at some point.”

He chuckled at my choice of words. I lowered my lips towards his neck, and quickly cut off the laughter. It turned it into a groan as his arms came around my body.

I had no intention of working on the Wolf Book tonight and now we wouldn’t be. Caleb would be disappointed but he could wait. That book was my past, my future. It was none of his business unless I choose to share it.

Michael distracted me as his hand roamed over my thin shirt squeezing my breast tenderly. My fleeting thoughts of the book were completely forgotten.