16

Claire Bassett

It didn’t take long before Jonathan was asking me out again.

“Saturday afternoon. How about that Lake Arthur picnic? We’re running out of days before the snow flies.”

I shook my head. “I can’t. I need to save weekend days for Isabella. She’s in school all week and needs time with me.”

“Bring her. I’d love to meet her. You know how smitten I am with Hannah.”

That would definitely not happen. I gave him a sad smile. “You know I can’t do that.”

“OK. Saturday night? How about a movie?”

“Not this Saturday. I’ve got some things I need to do.”

Things like reading my daughter a book or watching a movie with my parents.

I couldn’t fully explain. I did want to see him again, but every weekend felt like a commitment I wasn’t prepared to make. My mother would jump to conclusions. She’d have me out looking for a divorce lawyer. Besides all of that, I was far too vulnerable around him. No, I needed to limit the time spent with Jonathan.

I offered an alternative so he wouldn’t be too disheartened. “How about the following Saturday? A movie sounds good. I haven’t been to one for ages.”

He flashed a broad grin. “The following Saturday it is. I’ll check to see what’s playing when it gets closer.”

“I better get back to work.” I swept my hand over the stacks of paper on my desk. This was our workplace, deserving of respect. There were enough wagging tongues whispering my name.

“Lunch today?”

Without answering, I repeated my hand motion, indicating a heavy work load.

With his back to anyone within view, he touched his fingers to his lips, and with the same fingers, tapped my cheek. Then he turned and was gone. My cheek warmed with the heat of his touch.

~*~

I was two separate people with two distinct focuses. I continued to pray for Andrew, to caress the face in my frame, and dampen my pillow at night with tears. And then I’d find myself eager to walk into my office, see Jonathan’s impish grin, and feel him weaving his fingers with mine. How double-minded was that. I was betraying both men.

And if that wasn’t enough confusion for my mind, I kept seeing Andrew sleeping in doorways or begging for food. That seed of thought was planted even though my logical mind told me it was impossible. Every time it surfaced, I chased it away with a prayer or Bible verse or by humming a tune. Anything to erase the picture. Take captive every thought.

Following dinner, Dad took Isabella and Drew for a short walk around the neighborhood. A text message came in, but I continued cleaning the dishes.

Mother turned toward the sound. “Claire, did I hear your phone making little noises?”

I dried a plate and stacked it with the others. “Yes, Mom. No hurry. It’s in my bedroom. I’ll get it in a little bit.”

She stopped in the middle of wiping Drew’s highchair tray. “Do you want me to go get it for you?”

“No, thanks. I’m almost done here.”

I so needed my own place. My parents meant well, they really did. I desperately needed their help. But the heart of me missed the control of my own home. Every day it was the same. I’d check my incoming text messages. She’d ask me who it was. I’d have to explain. It was probably one of the girls from the neighborhood checking on me. But it could be Jonathan, and then I’d have to dodge my mother’s questions.

I hung the dishtowel up to dry, peeked in the yard, and saw that Dad was back with the kids. I pulled my bedroom door behind me. The message was from Molly. I saw the subject line before opening it. This is the man Jason saw.

As the attachment opened, a stranger, thin with shaggy clothing and a receding hairline appeared. As the pixels came together, there was the face of my husband. A gasp left my throat. Surely my mother would come running. My legs refused to hold me, and I collapsed onto the bed.

He was alive. Alive and living as if he had no home, no family. What should I do? How would I find him? The playing field went from anywhere in the whole world to the streets of downtown Pittsburgh.

“Claire, are you coming out? Dad needs to leave for his church meeting.”

“Coming.” How could I go out and take care of my children when my life was toppling?

“Who was on the phone, Claire?”

It took her longer than usual. “It was Molly checking in on me.”

“I’m glad you have such good friends.”

~*~

Tomorrow was a work day. I desperately wanted to change my day from Wednesday to Thursday. I was told I could do that anytime I desired, but I couldn’t fabricate a believable story for my parents. I certainly wasn’t ready to tell them about this latest news.

When I got to my desk, once again my chair contained a surprise photo, a still life. It took me a moment to realize what it was. Dante’s. The table we shared, or one like it, complete with a center candle, table setting, and a bottle of Merlot. It could be vintage Italy and would be beautiful framed. But today, I couldn’t even muster a smile. I slid it into the drawer where I kept my purse and got busy with my tasks, thankful for a cubicle in the back of the room.

No one bothered me except to call out a “good morning,” and I didn’t venture away from my desk until lunchtime. I picked up my bagged lunch and disappeared into the confines of my car. I ate my sandwich while driving nowhere.

Riding on rural roads was the best I could do to avoid seeing people and holding casual conversations. Yet I couldn’t hide from my own thoughts. I purposely turned my attention to the landscape, taking in details to occupy my mind.

The trees were almost bare, a few straggling leaves holding on even while their color faded to a lifeless brown. The occasional burst of color came from fall-blooming mums in orange, gold, and russet. As I turned back onto campus, green grass replaced the colors of autumn.

I parked and returned to the complex that housed my cubicle in the far corner. But my solitude had ended. Jonathan was loitering around the office, no doubt waiting for my return.

“Well, how’d you like it?” he asked the moment I sat down.

“The picture? It was beautiful. Thank you.” I took a deep breath. “Jonathan, I have tons to do today, and I’m a little distracted. I need some space.”

He held his hands up in submission. “Space you will have. I’ll talk with you later in the week.” If his feelings were hurt, he didn’t show it.

Before returning to my tasks, I opened a search engine and began to hunt for anything about the homeless in Pittsburgh. A few resources came up, and I intended to visit each. I’d print the picture and show it in each place. Tomorrow—my day off. I couldn’t take Drew, but I couldn’t leave him home without providing explanations.

I picked up the phone. “Molly, will you watch Drew tomorrow? I’ll explain when I get there.”

“Of course I will. You OK?”

“No, not one little bit. Talk with you in the morning.” Far from OK, and I couldn’t masquerade. I’d find an excuse to take the kids out somewhere this evening, or my parents would see right through to the heart of me. In the morning, I’d tell them that Drew and I would be visiting a friend.