If I could’ve slept away the hours, I would’ve, but sadly gods did not sleep. I walked through the garden as Thorne and Devon, the rest of the gods, worked on where to move our sanctuary to next. Staying in one realm for too long was asking for Baladon to attack us when we were too weak to defend ourselves. He was wounded, and though he was stronger, it would still take time for him to recover. I heard talk of reinforcing one realm and moving everyone there, finding a way to set off traps for him if he went to the other realms. No one asked my opinion, so I kept it to myself. Not that I would be much use to them at the moment anyway.
My light had slowly returned, but I felt lethargic, and when I tried to summon it to my hands, it flickered in and out, refusing my commands. I gave up after a while and let myself simply be.
Since returning, Thorne had yet to speak to me about what his plans were or why he acted strangely before I left.
I found a quiet spot to sit and be alone, running my hands over the blades of grass.
Seeing Forrest again had made my already unfocused mind worse—and better at the same time. There was so much I wanted to say to him, but there was no why? Why did I feel a pull to him? I wanted to blame it on him being the one who saved me, but that was too easy. I felt… different when I was near him. Almost like I was back to my old self, and yet a new me at the same time.
I grunted in annoyance, cursing these unfamiliar feelings that made my life more complicated than it already was. And deep down, I swore I knew him. That we’d met before. Walked together under the night sky. But if that were true, then why couldn’t I recall the moment?
“Why are you out here alone?” Agaris came down the path and joined me on the ground. “The others could use your smile.”
“I do not wish to be in the way. And what smile?”
“The one you usually wear. I’m surprised you’re not.”
“Smiling? Why should I be, with the way the world is going right now? Thorne said it himself, the era of the gods is coming to an end.”
Agaris removed the sword sheath from her back, set it on the ground, then leaned back. She closed her eyes as the sunlight washed over her, looking fierce and peaceful at the same time. “All things must end, Mori, even us.”
“I know, that’s what he said, but still. How can we abandon the realms at a time like this?”
“If they weren’t in good hands, the rest of us wouldn’t be.”
More riddles. The rest of us. Thorne’s strange wording earlier. Was I being left behind?
Punishment for what you’ve done, the voice whispered, and I shushed it loudly.
Agaris’ eyes opened. “Is there something else going on inside that head of yours you’re not sharing?”
“No, nothing.”
“And what of the dragon king?”
I picked absently at a long blade of grass. “What of him? He saved me, and I’m grateful.”
“And you have feelings for him, do you not?”
I shrugged, not sure I could answer without letting too much information slip out.
“Mori, when was the last time you let yourself love anyone? Ever?”
“I’m sorry I’m not like the other gods, and I do not take lovers every other century,” I muttered as my cheeks grew hot. “I was happy with my life before this mess happened. There was no longing for it.”
Agaris smirked. “It’s true many of us have had our… dalliances. Farrah, for example.”
“And you and your soldiers,” I said quietly.
She threw a handful of grass at me. “We are not discussing me. We are discussing you.”
“There’s nothing to talk about! What we should be worried about is Baladon, not my strange feelings for a dragon I just met and feel like I’ve known forever.”
“Ha! So, you do have feelings for him then? I thought as much.”
I fell backward into the grass with a groan. “None of this makes sense! I just met him. Why am I so torn up inside over wanting to see him again? Why?”
“Why don’t you ask Harper? That is her territory if you recall.”
“No, I will steer clear of her and her lectures about love that go on and on and on.”
I usually received one once a decade, about breaking free of my realm and learning to open my heart to love. Since becoming the gatekeeper, I did have the opportunity to explore my new range of emotions and wants, but my sense of duty always held me back from exploring what I could have. I never let myself have that chance and who would I have even had it with?
I was the gatekeeper, forever bound to the orb of the gods. Before that, I was a star in the sky with no emotional capacity whatsoever until the gods gave me one, made me into what I was now. Had I longed for love in my life? Every now and then over the many years I’ve been around, but an instinct inside me said if it was meant for me, it would find a way to happen.
And now Forrest was in my life, a dragon who confused me as much as drove me mad with wanting to see him again. It was infuriating. For a moment, I longed to be nothing more than a star again and leave all these muddled feelings behind me. But then I would never see Forrest again, and my heart sank at the notion.
“There will come a time,” Agaris said softly, “that you will have to choose your path, Mori.”
I propped up on my elbow, frowning as my stomach churned with the warning in her words. “What path? I’m already on my path… aren’t I?”
“You tell me. Do you feel as if your life is complete? And be honest with yourself, if not with me.”
For two long decades, I was trapped in a cage before I was chained to a wall for another thirty. Unable to know what was happening outside Baladon’s realm. Only able to hear those being tortured. Before, I knew my destiny, my duty, and did it willingly without complaint. But the more I looked back over the centuries before, I realized how shut off I made myself. How weak I was in all the ways that seemed to matter now. In the end, being strict with the rules laid out by Thorne had done me nothing. Had I missed out on what all there was to experience in this lifetime? My path, the one I was destined to walk, was it too late to find it now?
Or was it waiting for me somewhere not in the realms of the gods?
“I don’t know,” I confessed. “My world is upside down and inside out now.”
You do not deserve to find your path. You never will. You will be lost for all time…
I winced at the harshness of the voice.
Agaris sat up. “Mori? What is it?”
“Nothing, just… I’m fine.”
“The darkness,” she whispered, and I froze. “It lingers in all of us.”
“I keep hearing a voice, it sounds like me, but… it’s tearing me apart. Telling me what I already know to be true.”
“And what is that?” she asked sternly.
I took a deep breath and blew it out, sending stars scattering from my hair hanging beside my face. “All of this, where we are now, it’s my fault.”
Agaris gripped my shoulders hard, her eyes forever shifting colors held my gaze firmly. “You listen to me, you failed at nothing, do you understand? Baladon escaped from his prison, one he was never meant to leave again. You fought to save us all. There is no shame in what happened. You must fight against the shadow in your mind lest it take control. Lest it destroy what light you have left.”
My mind fell back into those memories, knowing how wrong she was. Before I could tell her the truth of what happened, someone cleared his throat nearby, and we both turned to find Thorne waiting for us on the stone path.
“I need a word with Mori alone.”
She gave me another hard squeeze then picked up her sword and walked off. Thorne took her place, settling on the grassy lawn beside me. He said nothing, and the minutes ticked by.
“We are leaving this realm soon,” he finally said.
“Where do we go next?”
“We are leaving. You have somewhere else to go.”
“What are you up to? Are you punishing me?”
His eyes widened, and he stared at me as though I’d asked if he was going to sentence me to death. “Good gracious, child, no. Not in the least.”
“Then why am in not going with you?”
“You have a different role to play, and as such, you are needed elsewhere.”
“And this role would be…” I trailed off, waiting for him to fill in the blanks, but he merely grinned wider. “No help.”
He chuckled warmly, and the sound chased away the darkness, for a moment at least. “The impatience of youth. Ah, how I miss it sometimes.”
I wasn’t young in terms of mortal years, but to the gods, I was the child, the youngest of them all, and created out of necessity. I felt like I had hardly lived at all compared to them. Perhaps that was the reason I felt so comfortable around Forrest. I was in a way closer to his age than the gods and others I’d been surrounded by since my beginning. It was probably also why I was so resistant to the gods’ era ending when I still felt there was so much left for me to do in this lifetime.
“You’re not going to tell me anything?” I pushed, hoping for a hint.
“That is one of the great curses of following one’s path. The choice of where to take your next step and that next step will change your course. I cannot give you a hint for fear it would take you away from your true path.”
“You know talk like that only truly works when it’s Devon speaking,” I muttered.
He patted my shoulder. “Yes, well, it appears after all these years, he has rubbed off on me.”
“Where are you sending me?”
“Oh, I would’ve thought that obvious. Back to Forrest in Torolf.”
My heart jumped at the idea of seeing him again so soon. “And what am I to tell them this time?”
“Whatever you feel is relevant, though I will ask you withhold the truth of where we are going.”
“You want me to keep that secret, still?”
“You will know when the time is right to reveal such information, so yes.”
The reason for my returning to Forrest was unknown to me, but from the calculating look in Thorne’s eyes, he was holding quite a bit from me. He knew far more than he was letting on and it fueled my already sensitive temper of late. I was no use to anyone down there. I was too weak to fight, and my unstable emotions made me a walking time bomb if I lost total control. I was a star in god form and self-destructing down there could be disastrous. Agaris sensed the darkness looming within me. Couldn’t Thorne feel the same?
He seemed ready to send me on my way when a shadow appeared on the path, blocking the sun from reaching us.
I squinted against the bright outline of the god before us. “Devon?”
“Devon, what’s wrong?” Thorne asked, getting to his feet.
But Devon didn’t respond. He breathed in and out heavily, and when he took another step closer, I was able to make out his face, pinched in raw fury that was unlike the peaceful god of prophecy.
Thorne’s body stiffened, and I scrambled to get to my feet beside him.
Devon’s glowing green gaze shot from Thorne to me and he grinned madly. A dark cackle slipped through his lips, and two swords appeared in his hands. They were writhed in shadowy flames, and I gulped at the sight of them, having seen them before in the hands of Baladon’s minions.
A scream cut through the garden, and I heard Agaris yelling for Devon’s head, but she wasn’t going to get here in time.
Devon flew forward, aiming straight for me, but Thorne blocked his way. He shot out his hand and Devon was thrown backward, clattering to the ground.
He didn’t stay there long and was quickly back on his feet. I expected him to go after Thorne and was readying myself to defend him, but his green gaze was only for me.
“Give me the star,” he snarled in a guttural voice.
“Devon, you are not yourself,” Thorne insisted loudly. “Look inward! Find your soul again, you must cast out this darkness!”
He gnashed his teeth together like some wild beast and raised those swords again. It was only then I saw the wet blood on the blades, running down the edge. I gulped, wondering who had just been killed in the gardens.
“The star, give her to me,” he demanded again.
“What is this?” I hissed to Thorne.
“The shadow within Devon’s mind, it’s taken him,” he replied, and put his arm out to protect me as we took a step back. “Mori, you have to go. He’s after you.”
“What? I can’t just leave you!” And why the hell was he after me? What more could Baladon want? He stole the orb from me, and the power to use it. Why would he need me unless… unless he wanted to make another one? For what? There wasn’t time for me to decide his motives, Devon was moving closer and Thorne’s hand reached out for my forehead.
“I’m not giving you a choice.” His hand began to glow, encasing me in its light.
“No! You’ll weaken yourself.”
“You are our hope now, do you hear me,” he muttered. “The path is yours to find, as is the truth. We will always be with you. Remember that in your times of weakness.”
Devon had taken a step closer for each we took backward. Agaris. Where was she? We needed her to fight. I clung to Thorne’s robes, not ready to let him face this evil alone, but then my body was glowing and disappearing before my eyes.
“No! Thorne, please! I won’t lose you!”
“Go, child,” he whispered, and cast me from the realm.
Devon bellowed in rage and attack Thorne again.
I screamed as I soared through the realms, the ground rushing up to greet me. I touched down hard, hearing gasps of alarm around me.
Two hands reached out to steady me. The second they closed around my arms, I knew who it was without having to look.
Forrest.
I looked around frantically, willing myself to go back to Thorne, to save him, but nothing I did worked.
I yelled in frustration before collapsing to the ground again, taking Forrest with me.
“Mori? What happened?” he asked, alarmed.
“Baladon,” I whispered harshly, and Forrest growled at the name.
“He attacked you?”
“No, not him directly, but yes. The gods he had captive, the ones you saved… they’re turning.” I let him hold me as I hung my head, fighting back the tears of anger and sorrow, of not knowing what would become of Thorne. Or Devon for that matter. “Thorne. Devon attacked Thorne, but he… he sent me back here and I… I can’t get back now.”
What was I going to do? I was cut off from the gods, no way back to them. I was too weak to make another orb, and without one of them summoning me back… I had no way to know what happened, if Thorne would live.
“Come on, let’s get you inside at least,” Forrest said gently, and helped me to my feet.
I leaned against him, barely nodding in reply, and let him lead me inside the castle. We were still in Torolf, and I saw the worry growing on the shifters faces as I passed. What hope could I give them now?
“Mori?”
Tristan and Sabella turned to face us when we reached the hall, the latter hurrying to my side.
“What’s going on? You’re shaking.” Sabella took my hand and helped me to a chair.
“The gods are not safe, not anymore,” I whispered. “We’re much shorter on time than we originally thought. Devon, he was one you saved, but… but being with Baladon so long poisoned his mind. He turned, he turned, and he came after me and Thorne.”
I repeated exactly what happened and willed them not to ask me anything else just yet. The darkness Agaris warned me about had taken over Devon in just a few days. I had not been drained like the others, but that same shadow crept through my mind. How long until I succumbed to it? Turned on and attacked those here? And Devon said he wanted me, just me. I kept that part to myself, too. Once I had an answer, I would let them know, but telling them that now would only turn all their worry toward me, and their focus needed to be on stopping Baladon. Not on keeping me safe.
It was going to be hard enough to keep them safe from me if I wasn’t strong enough to stand against the shadow looming in my mind.
“We can speak more of this after you’ve had a chance to rest,” Forrest said firmly. “Tristan?”
“Of course, there’s plenty of room. Please, Mori, take your time.”
“Thank you,” I mumbled.
Forrest offered to lead me to a room. I wouldn’t sleep, but some time alone with my thoughts would help. Or so I hoped.
He said nothing as we walked through the castle until we finally came to a stop at a small chamber with a balcony overlooking the river in the distance.
“Do you need anything before I leave you?”
I almost said I needed him to stay but stopped the words before they could come out. It was true I felt better around him, but I remembered how terrifying Devon appeared when he came after me and Thorne and did not want Forrest near me until I felt more secure with myself.
“No, no I’ll be fine. Thank you.”
“If you do think of anything, or want to talk, just call for me. Please.” He paused at the door, seeming reluctant to leave.
I was torn between asking him to stay and reassuring him again he could go, but then he made up his mind and pulled the door shut behind him.
Slowly, I wandered out onto the balcony and stared up at the blackness overhead. “Thorne, give me a sign here, anything. Please,” I begged.
But the sky gave nothing away, and I sagged against the railing. Alone, I was utterly alone now. No gods, no way back to them. I was weakened and filled with an anger that threatened to consume me. Add that to the range of strange and curious emotions coming to life because of Forrest, a dragon I could have sworn I knew, and at the same time had never met before; I was a wreck.
How did the gods expect me to get through this without falling apart?
Perhaps they don’t, the voice replied, and a shiver raced down my spine. Don’t worry, I won’t leave you. Not ever.
I gulped, willing the voice to go away, but it laughed inside my mind even as I sank to the stones and pulled my knees to my chest, feeling the despair close in.