THE “END CHAT” message dings, and I press the button on my remote, my lights shutting down with one quiet sigh. I relax against the mattress, not surprised in the least when my phone vibrates, muffled by sheets, my hands fumbling across the fabric before finding and unveiling the phone. I answer it with a smile.
“Hey, baby.”
Jeremy’s voice is throaty, as if he has just woken up and is flexing his throat muscles back into action. “Hey.” I grin at the thickness in his voice, and imagine him stretched out on his bed, chest heaving, cock heavy in his hand. Sated.
“Well?” I wait.
“I think I just fell in love with you.”
I think? It is close, close enough that my heart races and chest tightens. Do I want that? Am I ready? I laugh the statement off, rolling onto my back. “That’s what they all say.”
“I want to see you. Now.”
My smile widens, and I prop myself up, glance at the top. “It’s too late. It’s almost ten.”
“Tomorrow?”
I blush. “Tomorrow.”
“Is that how they all are? Your chats?”
My smile drops at the vulnerability in his tone. Suddenly, every bit of my cybersex prowess is a potential negative, his thoughts quite possibly running through a wood chipper of what-ifs. “No,” I say softly. “None of them have been like that.”
It is, in some ways, true. It is, in other ways, one of the most harmful lies I have ever told him. I’ve been that aroused before. Have come to the sound of a man’s voice plenty of times. I enjoy my job. I enjoy the escape it gives me. I understand that a boyfriend might have an issue with what goes on under the lights of my set. It’s more than understandable. It is expected. And I wonder, my high fading, how much of an issue this will turn into. I wonder if my budding love is worth the extinguishing of my online life. I can’t stay in 6E without the cyber interaction. I will go crazy. Crazier.
“Night, baby.” His voice holds trepidation in its sweetness.
“Night.”
I hang up the phone, wishing it were earlier. Wishing I could overcome his worry with physical contact. Wishing he could come over and pin me against the wall, put his mouth on my skin. But it’s late. This time of night? I’m as likely to kill him as kiss him. And that would be a tragedy. Because despite our issues and the cavernous void of my secrets, I think I’m falling in love with him too.