I played the Lead Ball all night. I think I was too tired for anything else. There were weights strapped to my arms and legs, and I lay there and thought about the last look that Erin gave me.
Betrayal and hate and who knows what else.
I was ruminating. That’s what Dr. Ring called it. I listened to my mom and dad fight once before bed. I listened to the TV from downstairs. Despite everything, I didn’t regret showing her. The sad thoughts wanted me to regret it. They tried to tell me I was a traitor. A freak. A psycho. Even Erin had said it.
But somewhere deeper, down where thoughts don’t need a voice, I felt proud. And even lying there alone, I felt less lonely than usual. I wasn’t trying to get away from Sara. I wasn’t trying to change her back into something she probably never was. She had done something brave. I liked that.
I slept after that and didn’t stir again until midmorning. It was a Saturday, so it was quiet. My dad usually slept late and watched college football, and my mom went out with friends. The weights were still there when I stood up, but I ignored them and went downstairs.
I sat down next to my dad on the couch. He looked at least half-awake.
“Morning, Princess,” he murmured, sitting up.
“Morning, Daddy.”
“What are you doing today?” he asked. “Going to the park?”
I smiled. “Maybe just watching some football.”
“Really?” he said, rubbing his eyes and yawning. “You feeling okay?”
“Yeah.”
I patted my pocket to make sure the cell phone was there. No calls or texts. Yet.
Would she do it? I hoped so.
If she didn’t, I would have to show my mom and dad.
The morning passed slowly. Then lunch. We sat and watched football, and my mind was on everything else but that. I thought about group therapy, and Daniel, and James, and all the things that had happened in the last few weeks. I checked my cell phone again and again.
Nothing. Two o’clock passed. Then three.
“Come on, Star Child,” I whispered. “Tell her.”
At four I was getting nervous. I sent her a text message.
I will have to tell my parents if I don’t hear from you. I’m sorry.
There was no reply. I stood up and went to my room. It was time to get the files ready.
I was halfway up the stairs when the phone rang.
I scrambled into my room and closed the door, jamming the phone to my ear.
“Hello?”
“Hi.” It was Erin.
“Erin—”
“Just wait,” she cut in.
Her voice was low and hard.
I heard voices in the background, getting louder. She was walking closer to somebody.
“Listen,” Erin said.
The voices got louder. Yelling. Shouting.
“—I saw them! On her whole body! I will call right now!”
It was her mother.
“—you are not going—”
That was him.
“—the police if you do anything,” her mother said. “We’re leaving today—”
“No, you are not—”
“I’ve already made a report! You just get your story ready—”
The voices were suddenly muted again.
“Happy?” Erin asked.
I closed my eyes. She hated me. I could hear it in her voice.
“Where are you going?” I whispered.
“My grandparents in Maine. For a while. It depends what happens to my dad.”
“I’m sorry—”
“Yeah,” she said. “So am I.”
She hung up, and I stood there for a moment. Then I sat down at my desk and took out the tenets. I could feel a Game coming on. False Alarm maybe. So instead I read them all aloud.
“Tenet number one. You are a Star Child for life—”
I was sitting on the couch again at seven that night. We had eaten dinner, and my dad and I were still watching football. There was a never-ending lineup of games. But Mom was out, and I wanted to be around someone, even if he was snoring beside me.
I was dozing off too when there was a knock at the door.
It was quiet, and he didn’t even stir.
Slipping off the couch, I went to the door and peeked out the window. Stunned, I pulled open the door to reveal Erin on the porch, hands jammed into her pockets, wreathed with snow.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hey.”
She was bundled up. Her hair was a mess. Her eyes were swollen from crying. There was a car in the driveway—her mom and her brother were in the front seats, bags piled in the back.
“They don’t know it was you,” Erin said. “I didn’t tell them.”
She glanced at them, and then stepped closer to me.
“You know … my brother punched him. After all that, he was the angriest of all.”
I opened my mouth. I didn’t know what to say. My eyes were filling with tears.
Erin sighed. “Mom asked if I wanted to say good-bye to you. We’ll be gone for a while, I think. Dad wouldn’t leave, so we are. And she called the cops. He is at the station now, I think.”
“Erin—”
“I said no, at first. But we were driving and I changed my mind.” She hesitated, and her eyes were glassy when she turned them back to me. “I’m angry at you. Like, crazy, crazy mad. And confused. I can’t decide if I want to punch you or hug you. I know you cared. But I asked you not to get involved.”
“I know,” I said.
“It will take some time to get over this. I don’t know if I can. Maybe we can be friends again one day. I need to see what happens to my family. My brother wants to kill him. My mom—she feels guilty. I think she just wanted to pretend. But she showed me bruises. He was hurting her, too. He was hurting her.”
She grabbed my hand.
“Ugh. It might take some time. But you’re not a psycho. Or a freak, or whatever else I said when I was mad. You are a Star Child. No doubt about it. Don’t change back. Promise me.”
I couldn’t hold back the tears now. They leaked down my face.
“I promise.”
She pulled me into a hug and then hurried back to her car. She didn’t look when they drove away. I stood out there for a minute or two, and then I walked back in and closed the door.
Tears were still pouring down my face.
My dad was standing there, leaning against the stairs.
“You have some explaining to do,” he said quietly.
We waited for my mom. Then I told them everything.
They were angry. And upset. My dad punched the wall and threatened to beat up Mr. Stewart. Then they hugged me. In the end I wasn’t even grounded because what could they really take away? Well, they took back my spying equipment, but I was done with it anyway.
We watched a movie that night. All three of us.
And we sat there and my dad ran his fingers through my hair.
For some reason, I thought about something Dr. Ring always said.
If you want to be someone else at the end of this, then you will be disappointed.
For all my rules, no matter how much I had tried, I was still Sara at the end.
“So,” my mom said. “What is the point of these again?”
She was holding my tenets. I had even told them about Star Children and brought down my five tenets to show them.
“They’re guidelines,” I said.
“Guidelines for what?” she asked, reading them over.
“How to like myself.”
She was silent for a moment. My dad and she looked at each other.
“Well, you better follow them closely, then,” he said.
“I will,” I replied solemnly. “I am hilarious, after all. And brilliant. What’s not to like?”
My mom snorted. “I’m going to have to get used to this new confidence, I guess.”
I just smiled and snuggled closer to my dad. Yes, she was. I had tried my rules. I had tried to be like everyone else. I wasn’t. I never would be. After all that, I was still Sara Malvern.
And maybe that was fine.
I took out my cell phone and sent Erin a message:
If you ever need anything, I’m here. Can we still be Star Children together?
It was an hour or two before she wrote back. I was in bed when my phone buzzed.
I picked it up and smiled.
Tenet #1: We are Star Children for life.