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Sexual Activity and Sexual Pleasure

Sexual activity is any action that gives a person sexual pleasure. For example, when someone eats an apple, it may be pleasurable but not in a sexual way. Their body does not have any physical reactions in terms of sexual excitement such as increased blood flow to the genitals, increase in heart rate, dilation of pupils, tingling in body parts. However, when that same someone kisses their partner they may well have some or all of those physical expressions of sexual excitement. For men or others with a penis, increased blood flow to the penis results in the penis swelling and holding itself up and away from the body. This is known as an erection. The clitoris on women swells with increased blood flow and becomes more sensitive, which can be pleasurable for some people and painful for others. Sexual excitement is also signalled by the vagina becoming lubricated from the inside.

People can engage in sexual activity, whether by themselves or with another person/people in a variety of places. However, in most places it is illegal to engage in any form of sexual activity in a public place and, if you are caught, you can be arrested and charged with public indecency. In some countries the penalties are much harsher than other countries. People who do engage in sexual activities outside, need to ensure that they are not able to be seen by other people to avoid breaking the law.

Sexual activities are deemed inherently private in most cultures, which is at odds with the way female bodies are sexualized and used as marketing tools in many cultures. For example, women in bikinis may be used to help sell cars at a car show. The marketing implication being that if you buy this car, you may attract this kind of woman. In addition, pornography is freely and easily accessible to most people via the internet. Some available pornography is illegal, such as that involving animals and/or children, while some is produced by exploiting people, usually women.

Some pornography is self-created and sold online by entrepreneurs, often in a subscription model. It may be that you explore pornography because you are interested in understanding what sorts of sexual activities are possible or to see particular types of sex. However, what is depicted in pornography is rarely typical or even possible for most people. Research has indicated that habitual viewing of pornography can damage the real sexual relationships of people over time. In addition, some people can become addicted to pornography and this can substitute for or replace real relationships. If pornography begins to affect your mood, sleep, daily functioning and/or relationships, you should seek professional help to break the addiction. Treatment can take the form of out-patient or in-patient therapy.

However, occasional viewing of pornography to elicit a sexual response in yourself and/or your partner should not be problematic. Pornography can be visual, written or aural. Couples should be able to discuss their opinions of pornography openly and decide what role, if any, it will have in a long-term relationship.

Laura: When I was at high school the boys would be giggling and passing around these books and magazines, so I asked to look. One of the boys gave me The Happy Hooker by Xaviera Hollander to read and I just enjoyed it, so when I had finished I took it back and asked if he had another book I could read. The whole time I was friends with this boy (though now I look back I realize we were not friends, he copied my homework and I let him, and in exchange he loaned me his porn collection to read. I used to masturbate while reading and I still like written porn. Videos or porn movies don’t excite me at all because I don’t find conventional beauty sexually attractive – I like curvy women with real women type bodies. I don’t mind if I am single because I can give myself an orgasm. If I am in a relationship I have found that my partners don’t tend to like me reading porn around them. They have told me that I shouldn’t need porn, that they should be enough, but it is nothing to do with that for me, I just like reading it and imagining me within it. I like them and sex with them too. So now I hide the porn books in the back of my closet if I am in a relationship.

Jill: My husband was addicted to porn on the internet. It was terrible – the more he watched, the more weird things he would want me to try. When I said no, he got even more into his internet porn, but it was taking up all his time in the evening and weekends. He wanted us to have orgies at the house and I don’t even like being around other people much, let alone having lots of naked people in our house all wanting to have sex with each other everywhere! I googled porn addiction and found that it was a real thing, though I had to print out some information and make my husband read it before he would go and get treatment. Then I found out he had spent thousands of pounds on a new credit card on these pay per view porn sites. I was so upset. His psychologist is working with him and says that after a while I will need to go in with him for some couples therapy. What a waste of money.