Kianna: Relax Yourself
It was 7 pm and I was just now getting home. I went down to Redondo Beach and just sat in the sand. I cried, and then I cried some more. Dump me, break my heart, lie to me, but don’t forget to tell me why. At least give me closure. Was she better than me? Was she prettier than me? Did I do something wrong? What can I change to make you choose me over her? Why can’t he call me or email me back? I checked my phone one more time before walking in the front door. My heart leaped from my chest when I saw I had an email notification, but my spirit broke when I read her name.
From December: “Hope you are happy you fuckin homewrecker and you tell Ace to bring his ass home now!”
I wanted to reply so bad with something smart. The nerve of her to call me a homewrecker. First of all, you live in an apartment, so you don’t even have a home to wreck sweetie! Second, you need to find our man and stop worrying about me. I just ignored her email I was done playing her game for now. I wiped the tears from my face and put on a smile. As soon as I opened the door, I am greeted by the sound of loud noise and the smell of sweaty men. My inconsiderate husband has his little friends over here watching football. You think he would have called me as a courtesy to let me know we had company. All I wanted to do was come home to peace and quiet. This is the worst day of my life, and I have to come home to this shit.
“What’s up Kianna,” his friend Sean is the only one with manners and has the decency to speak. The rest of them including my husband just look at me like I committed a crime. I gave Sean a head nod and gave everyone the stare of death.
“Honey, can you meet me in the bedroom,” He waved me off and continued watching the game.
I just went to the bedroom and closed the door. I was so tired of feeling unappreciated. My husband paid more attention to his friends, the people at church, and his job rather than me. Ace didn’t want me, my job fired me, and my daddy left me. I couldn’t take any more. I ran some bath water and got in the tub. I sat in the tub twenty minutes waiting for my husband to come in the room. I just needed to talk to him about my day, but he couldn’t get away from his boys for five minutes. I know I wasn’t the best cook, sometimes I didn't clean the house, and I didn’t pay bills, but I tried. My momma never taught me how to be a good wife, so I was doing the best I could to please Curtis. At least I fucked him good, but he didn’t even appreciate that. Hell, I even went and got a job answering phones just so that I can contribute something to the house. Why did he marry me if I was invisible to him?
My phone began to vibrate. I checked it, and it was an email from Ace, “Sorry, about earlier I think it’s better off that we stop seeing each other. I’m going through a lot right now, and I need to be alone. You need to focus on your marriage and not me. I’m changing my email after today….goodbye.”
I read his message and became numb. I was angry, and I want everyone out of my house. I want to lay in bed and have my husband rub my butt until I fall asleep. I get out the shower wrap myself in a towel and walk right into the living room. My husband doesn't want to pay attention to me, but I bet his friends will.
“Hey, babe what are you doing,” his voice was shaking.
I could tell he wanted to cuss me out, but he was too holy to do that now. Before he became a man of God, he would have choked the shit out of me now he just passive. He used to be a real street nigga, and I made him soft by taking him to church.
“What babe, I’m just going to the refrigerator to get some wine. I have been asking you to come to the room, but you rather be in here with them.”
He starts gritting his teeth, “Get in the room now and put some clothes on.”
After the day I have had I couldn’t believe he was trying to tell me what to do. I picked up the wine glass off the kitchen counter and threw it across the room.
“Don’t tell me what to fucking do in my house. I told you to come in the room, but did you listen to me? I had a long day did you ask me was it ok for your dumbass friends to sit on my couch?”
I couldn’t believe I did that. I guess I was so angry with everything I snapped. My husband jumped up like he wanted to kill me,
“Kianna, what the hell is wrong with you? Hey, my niggas yall gotta bounce,” he yelled with authority.
“Nah, yall can stay. He just wants yall to leave because he doesn’t want me to embarrass his little dick ass.”
“Y'all niggas get out now,” his friends got up without haste.
Telling a man, he has a little dick is a sure way to get his attention or get beat up. His dick was big, but I needed to get his friends out of my house by any means necessary. Now I think I really pissed him off.
“You walking around the house half-naked in front of these niggas, throwing shit, talking bout my dick, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Now I was terrified I haven’t heard him cuss in years.
I break down and start crying, “I lost my job today, they laid me off.”
He looks at me and says, “Well, I can take care of things around here you just chill until you ready to look for a new job.”
Now I'm crying heavy. My husband, my husband, did not even hug me or try and comfort me. He just tells me he will take care of everything. That was Curtis the damn hero. He always knew how to save the day, but he didn’t know how to save me. He had all the answers but the obvious ones. Can’t he see I’m hurting?
“Why don’t you go lay down I know you had an exhausting day.”
I was still waiting for him to hold me and comfort me but instead, he sent me to my room. What was I his fucking child? I walk into the room and slam the door. I lay in the bed waiting for him to come and comfort me, but he never did. Instead 10 minutes later I hear the front door close. He left me here crying without saying a word. Why is it the broke niggas treat you good and the niggas with they shit together treat you like you don’t matter? My phone began vibrating again. I crawled from under the covers and read the text,
“Went to go finish watching the game with the boys. I know you had a long day figure you needed some space ttyl.”
I laid the phone down and buried my face in the pillow. I fell into a deep sleep and dreamed about Ace and I running away together until a loud noise woke me up. Back to reality Curtis the savior is home. I checked my phone and seen it was 1:00 am. I play sleep as he walks into the bedroom and takes his clothes off. This nigga doesn't even bother taking a shower he just lays his dirty ass in the bed. I’m so tired of his shit. I went into the kitchen and grabbed some of my sleeping pills. Took double the dose and fell asleep on the couch.
I wake up at 10:00 am, and Curtis is already gone to work. He could have at least checked on me instead of just getting up and going to work. My life was falling apart, and he could care less. The least he could have done was kiss me goodbye.
I don’t want to spend the whole morning crying, but I’m sad as hell. I figured TV would take my mind off things, so I turn on Wendy Williams. Wendy always got the tea and right now I needed something juicy to lift my spirits. Maybe this staying home thing won’t be so bad? At least I could go to the gym whenever I want because God knows I need to get in shape. I need to find a way to make some money on the side because I do not want to go back to asking my husband for money.
Damn, a payday loan commercial comes on and now all I am thinking of is Ace. I remember he was in a bind and he didn’t want his girlfriend to find out, so I got a payday loan to help him. I broke down again. I was in full Mary J. Blige ‘not gon cry tears’ when there was a knock on the door. Who the hell could that be before I could get up to look through the peephole the person knocks again.
“Kianna it’s me Sean open the door,” Sean what the hell was he doing here.
“Sean, Curtis is not here.”
“Kianna, I know he not here we work together remember. I left my wallet here, and he told me you were home, so I came to pick the wallet up.”
God, I did not feel like being bothered. Why is my husband so fuckin inconsiderate? You would think he would’ve have called or text me and tell me his dumbass friend was coming. Fuck it I’m tired of my husband he was gone regret this. I opened the door wearing just my panties and a t-shirt. My husband wanted to send his friends over unannounced then I was going to give them something to talk about. He stood at the front door and cast his eyes upon my black hair and my thick ass thighs. He licked his lips and walked into the door. He walked over to the couch and grabbed his wallet and then sat down.
“Excuse me, I thought you were coming just to get your wallet,” I said.
“I got my wallet; now I’m sitting down and watching TV. I’m just a little tired you know I work the graveyard shift.”
He just kept staring at me like I was a goddess. He stared at me in a way my husband never stared at me. He stared at me the way I wanted Ace to stare at me, and I was weak.
“Relax yourself girl, please sit down,” he patted the couch cushion next to him.
I walked over and sat down. “I know you always get mad when we over here especially after a long day of work. I know the last thing you want to do is come home to a bunch of niggas.”
Damn why my husband can't understand this.
“It’s no big deal, but sometimes I want to come home and relax. It wouldn’t be so bad if …” before I could finish, Sean interrupts.
“Call first, yeh I know. I try to teach Curtis ass the rules, but he just doesn’t understand how to treat a beautiful girl like you.”
Was he flirting with me? Nah, I’m tripping.
“Thanks for the compliment. Well, I’m bout to get ready to go to my grandparents’ house so you can go.”
“Why you kicking me out.? Relax yourself, girl.”
The more he showed interest in me the less ugly he was to me. I gotta get him out of my house asap. I’m vulnerable right now and still thinking about Ace and I'm ready to go dummy for some dick.
“All I’m saying is it doesn’t take all day to recognize sunshine, and you are shining right now. What you need is a man who appreciates you and not treat you like a job.”
He hit it right on the head. He knew exactly what I needed.
“Yeh, that’s all any girl needs. I’m sure you have someone that you appreciate at home too. You should teach my husband.”
He laughed and said, “Why waste my time teaching him when everything I need is right here.”
My knee began to shake he was turning me on, and I couldn’t help it. I look into his eyes, and that’s when he grabbed my legs. He spread them wide open and buried his face between me. I tilted my head back and stared at the ceiling. I could feel all the frustration from Ace leaking out of me over his beard. I grabbed his bald head and pushed it closer to me. He began talking to my insides with his tongue, and I rose to my moment and released.
“All the things he won’t do baby,” he was talking that good shit now.
He stands up and kisses me on my lips, and I could taste myself all over him. He is freaky. Sean was everything I imagined Ace could be sexually and everything my husband wasn’t. He takes my T-shirt off and places his mouth on my chest. He stimulates me in ways I had never been stimulated before. I begin to kiss him on his neck and take his shirt off. His chocolate skin is revealed, and he has more muscles than the law allows. I kiss his chest while caressing his strong arms.
He turns me around and bends me over on the couch. I moan in anticipation as he begins to dominate me. He feels so large inside of me that a tear rolls down my cheek. I can't take it, but I kept moaning louder so he could go harder. I was sleeping with Sean to get over Ace, to get over my job, and to get over my husband. This man is giving me the closure I need.
He sends electric shock waves through my body. His dick is like lightning, and every time he pounds me from behind it sounds like thunder when our bodies collide. He releases inside of me, and I never felt more alive. I lay down on the couch in disbelief over what just happened. He puts back on his shirt and lets himself out the front door. If my husband would have fucked me last night, then this would have never happened. If only my husband would have called me and told me Sean was coming this wouldn’t have happened. If only my husband would have just been a husband to me, then this wouldn’t have happened. I have never physically cheated on Curtis before, but I will always remember the first time.
Steve Harvey told me to think like a man well that was exactly what I was about to do. No more being worried about feelings, or people judging me. I was free to do with my body what I wanted, and nobody was going to judge me. I get up to take a shower as Sean juices begin to run down my leg. I check my phone, and it is a text from Curtis.
“Wyd?”
I reply back “Nothing, thinking about you daddy. I love you. See you when you get home.”