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GOOSEBUMPS PRICKLED along the lengths of my arms. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end as I straightened my posture and looked out the attic window.
The street was empty. A few stray leaves left over from the fall, tumbled across the asphalt. I watched them tangle with the tall grass. It was time for me to get off my lazy behind and cut the lawn. But first, I needed to accomplish a bit of spring cleaning. I don’t know how, but junk always seems to accumulate in the attic. Half the time, I don’t even remember bringing it up and yet, there it was stacked and covered with dust.
I sneezed and I swear, it made the house shake. Even the foundation quaked at my violent outburst. “Well, that’s one way to clear away the dust,” I muttered to myself as I wiped my nose with the back of my hand. “Now, let’s see here...”
First and foremost, there were some books. You might say I have a bit of an obsession. With my shelves packed, the overflow finds its way into other parts of the house – the attic especially.
Unfortunately, the attic wasn’t the ideal place to store them. They were covered with mold and most of the pages were stuck together with humidity. “I’m sorry,” I apologized and with a heavy heart, I tossed them into a trash bag. Next came a few unused Christmas gifts. There comes a point when a girl reaches the limit of ugly sweaters she can keep in her wardrobe.
Once that was all sorted out, I continued to dust. Only, it wasn’t just dust I was dealing with. There were cobwebs up the wazoo up here and it was totally freaking me out. I kept thinking some big, hairy tarantula would jump from the shadows and eat my face clean off my skull.
Needing some fresh air, I opened up the window and stuck my head outside. Again, I had this feeling like someone was watching me.
“Grandma?” I whispered almost like I expected an answer from the sky. Of course, all I got for a response was utter silence. “I must be losing my mind.” With a shake of my head, I continued to clean out the attic until it was more-or-less spotless.
Spent, I wiped the sweat from my brow and sat down with an old photo album in my lap. My parents had given my grandmother a polaroid camera just before they had passed away in a car accident. She became obsessed with the thing, snapping pictures left and right. There were a ton of me playing in the front yard. She had taken the responsibility of raising me when they were gone and she had done everything humanly possible to provide me with a rich and fulfilling childhood.
I ran my fingertips along her weathered face. It was one of the last before she started to lose herself. First, it was just forgetfulness. She’d misplace her glasses on the top of her head or she’d look around for her car keys only to realize she had been holding them the entire time. It didn’t take long for her to start wandering around the neighborhood, unable to find her way back home.
That’s when I decided it was time for me to admit her to a nursing home. It was heartbreaking because I knew that I had lost my best friend forever. The woman I called ‘grandma’ was nothing more than a shell. I no longer had someone to talk to about my future and the loving husband I’d find one day or the many grandchildren I planned to give her.
And when I buried her... it was like a piece of myself was buried alongside her.
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to force back the pain. Despite the years that had gone by, I still missed her and I thought about her almost every day.
A tear escaped down my cheek, staining it with a trail of saltiness. I wiped it away and closed the photo album. Grandma wouldn’t have wanted me to live the rest of my life in sadness. She had always advocated for my happiness – for me to do whatever it was that made my heart want to fly.
“I think that’s enough spring cleaning for one day.” I clapped my hands together and descended the rickety ladder that led to my bedroom, which had once belonged to my grandmother. In her will, she had been gracious enough to let me keep the house being that I was her only grandchild. All her other assets, however, had been liquidated in order to pay for her end-of-life care. Which meant that being between jobs, I was strapped for cash. On the bright side, however, I had a roof over my head.
My shoulders felt incredibly heavy as I shuffled into the kitchen and made myself a cup of tea – earl gray – the only one grandma kept in the house.
As I allowed it to steep, I stared out the front window. The curtains were pulled back to let in some of that spring-time sunlight but I drew them to a close hoping it would keep that somebody’s-watching-you feeling at bay.
Seriously, what’s wrong with me today? I thought to myself.
I was just about to turn around when I heard that telltale sound I had been waiting for.
Vroom!
It rattled through my bones as a bright smile overtook my face, stretching my lips from ear to ear.
He was here at last.
I threw open my front door and saw a sleek BMW round into the cul-de-sac. It was black as night with a bit of pearl to the paint, making it look like it had been soaked in a sea of stars. I’m not even much of a car person and even I could tell that this thing was one well-crafted machine.
As it passed by my house, the driver-side window came rolling down revealing one of the most handsome men on this planet — hands down.
Gayle Nash, baseball player extraordinaire, flashed me one of his signature grins. It sent my heart thumping. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not one of Gayle’s many fangirls. Sure, the guy’s hot and the bad boy every girl dreams of dating as a teenager, but I know very well that its best to keep your goals realistic. I wanted a nice, normal husband and Gayle Nash was anything but normal. Trying to date a guy like that was like trying to tame a wild wolf – you’d be gunning to get hurt.
And I was smarter than that.
Gayle killed the engine and emerged from behind the wheel.
“Are the doors supposed to do that?” I asked as they swung upwards instead of outwards. It looked like something out of a futuristic movie.
“Mhm. Pretty neat, don’t you think?” His grin deepened. “I picked her up at a trade show. I think it might be the best purchase I’ve ever made.”
“You always say that about your newest toy.”
He shrugged. “Care to take a look inside?”
“Sure.” I approached the car and bent forward so that I was halfway inside the interior. Doing so, my ass was left hanging outside the door. I felt the weight of Gayle’s stare. Was he staring at my ass? Before I could look back and find out, he had joined me. His body was nearly pressed against my own. My heart accelerated and my skin became as hot as lava.
“Check this out,” he said as he pressed a button on the dash. All of a sudden, the roof of the car came alive with a million tiny specks of light. “It’s called the ‘Star Gaze Feature.’ So, if you ever want to lay down in the backseat and watch the stars with me, all you have to do is ask.”
My cheeks burned with the implications. Gayle hadn’t returned for more than five minutes and already, he was getting me all hot and bothered.
You’ll end up marrying that boy one day, came her grandmother’s voice.
I had always denied it, more so when he became big and famous. What would a record-holding baseball player want with a Plain Jane like me? Maybe back in high school, I could have taken a jab at it but now? I had better luck winning the lottery.
After he explained all the state-of-the-art features the car had to offer, we finally stepped back from our precarious position. My heart was still beating like a drum and I found it difficult to look him in the eye. Why was it that every time I saw this man I was invaded by a pack of butterflies? You’d think I would have gotten used to it by now — but no, my body had to betray me with a bundle of emotions each and every time.
He leaned against the car and looked up at my grandmother’s estate. “It’s strange to know that she’s gone.”
“Tell me about it.”
“Must be lonely in that great big house all by yourself.”
“Oh, the ghosts are great company,” I joked. “We converse by banging pots and pans as hard as we can.”
“Sounds like a hell of a time. I might have to join in on that someday.”
I tried to keep a smile plastered to my face but thinking about grandma always opened up a fresh wound in my chest.
Gayle seemed to sense that I was aching because he wrapped his arms around me in a tight and much-needed hug.
I melted against his chest feeling like a little girl all over again. Gayle had a knack for making me feel better. Even as we grew up, that skill remained.
“She’s in a better place now,” he whispered against the top of my head.
“Yeah...” I answered. “That big ‘ol castle in the sky is much better than Sunny Acres down the road, right?”
“Absolutely,” he agreed. “She’s probably watching us right now.”
“And teasing that we’ll get married one day,” I added.
“You know, my mom still asks me if I’ve popped the question to you every time she calls.”
“Really?”
“No word of a lie,” he said. “I don’t know who’s more of a matchmaker — my mother or your grandmother.”
“My grandmother, without a doubt.”
“Why’s that?”
“You don’t remember how she would bake her famous apple pie and then just leave us alone for hours on end? Your mother, on the other hand, watched us like a hawk.”
“I think that’s because she knew my father was a hound and that I’d probably grow up to be just like him.”
“Have you?”
“I don’t know. Although, I wouldn’t mind turning out like my father. He always managed to make my mother very happy and he always managed to put food on the table even if something kept him from working. I don’t know how he did it.”
“We both had pretty decent childhoods. I guess that’s why we decided to stay in our childhood homes.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way. Some of my teammates have big fancy homes but none of them have charm quite like mine,” he boasted. “Although, the lawn and garden could use some TLC.” As he spoke, he looked down at me.
“Oh no,” I said, shaking my head. I was about to shuffle away from him but that’s when I realized that he still held me in that hug from earlier. Had he simply forgotten to let go or was he deliberately holding onto me for longer than he needed to.
“Oh, come on. You’ve got a green thumb and everything I touch ends up dying.”
“So, what does that mean for me?” I asked. “You’ve been touching me for a solid five minutes.”
“Do you have your will in order?”
We both tried to keep a straight face but it only took a few seconds to break our composure. He started laughing first and from there, it was contagious. I couldn’t stop. Tears ran down my cheeks as I doubled over, lungs begging for air.
“Oh, God,” he gasped. “It’s been way too long, Lily.”
“It has,” I said with a nod even though Gayle’s return was routine. It was simply a part of a schedule and something I marked on my calendar each and every year and yet, waiting for the off-season to end was always a special sort of torture that I could barely stomach. “It’s good to have you back.”
“Good to be back.” He smiled and that pack of butterflies started to swirl all around my chest.
Oh, sometimes I really wished that baseball season would never end so that Gayle could stay here all year long.