Matt was looking for a peace offering. In John Lewis, after work, he idled through displays of kitchen equipment. The way to his wife’s heart, he sometimes joked, was via a new set of measuring spoons. That was bollocks of course. Sharp knives were more like it. She frequently complained her knives were too blunt and the other day had railed at Danny for using one to carve his name in a tree (Dan had denied this). But a present of knives seemed more hostile than romantic. Finding nothing that caught his eye, he took the escalator. Halfway up he got a call from Bel.
‘Is there a problem with Dad?’ she said. ‘Only Rachael’s been leaving me cryptic messages.’
‘I think he’s hanging on till you get back, that’s all. Why don’t you ring her?’
‘I did, but she’s not answering.’
‘Probably in the garden with Danny. Pissed off because Leo’s not exactly been covering himself with glory. How’s it going at your end?’
‘Actually we’ve been invited to a party tonight…’
‘And?’
He was on the second floor now, wandering through chenille upholstery, Egyptian cotton bed linen and Oriental carpets. The fabrics blurred before his eyes. Bel was spinning him an extraordinary tale about coming across the boy whose life his father had saved. How Julia was going to meet him too, at some sort of local gathering. He stumbled against a heap of rugs and sat down, stroking the rich pile absently. ‘Don’t go,’ he said.
‘Why not? I mean, I wouldn’t if she didn’t want to, but she does. After all, what harm can it do?’
He found it difficult to explain his reservations. ‘I just think it’s a bad idea. However tempting. Like meeting the recipient of a heart or a liver or something. Too many ways it could go wrong. So if you’re asking my advice—’
‘Well I’m not,’ said Bel. ‘And it’s not like he’s a stranger either. I already know him. I told you, we travelled down together, got on great. When I found out who he was it freaked me a bit, but he’s just a guy, Matt. Why d’you always have to do this to me, get into your Mr Solicitor mode?’
‘Bel, that’s ridiculous. All I’m saying…’
‘Ssh, Mum’s coming. Catch up with you later.’
She rang off, disgruntled. Matt thought about texting – easier to express his argument in writing than speech – but an assistant was asking if he needed help. Grateful to be distracted, he allowed the man to spread out the rugs and talk him through the different colours and patterns. He didn’t really want to think about Bel and his mother and this unexpected development; he was too far away to influence their plans. He banished Bel’s news from his mind and dwelt instead on an image of Rachael rolled up in one of the rugs like Cleopatra; pictured himself unfurling her, making love.
‘Right, I’ll take it,’ he said. Rachael could put it on her side of the bed, the first thing her feet touched when she got up in the morning. She’d appreciate his thoughtfulness.
‘Do you want it delivered?’
Waiting for delivery would spoil the spontaneity of his gesture. ‘Can you roll it up tight so I can carry it?’
‘We’ll see what we can do.’
It wasn’t until the purchase was rung up on the till that he realised he’d misread the price tag and mistaken a five for a three. Two hundred pounds – hell, that was quite a difference, almost double, and he wasn’t a spendthrift.
‘It’s beautiful this one,’ said the woman waiting for his card. Matronly, with very black back-combed hair, she wore glasses on a chain around her neck. ‘You’ve chosen well.’
After all, beauty had its price and what was two hundred pounds anyway in the scheme of things: a mere blip in his weekly billing target, a couple of nights out? And he was positive Rachael would love it. He slotted his debit card into the device and entered his PIN. A fraction later the card was declined.
Fuck. He’d forgotten about the cash he’d transferred to Julia and handed over to Bel. Obviously his pay cheque hadn’t cleared yet. He produced a credit card.
‘Bad timing,’ he apologised. ‘Sorry. But this should be okay.’
He was beginning to regret the whole operation – especially when the credit card was rejected too. Please call for assistance read the message on the screen. In alarm he rang the call centre and after he’d navigated the security questions, the man asked, ‘So you’re reporting your card stolen, are you?’
Matt said, ‘It isn’t stolen. It’s still in my possession, but someone’s gone over the credit limit and it definitely wasn’t me. I just want you to check to see if there’s an unusual pattern of spending and if there is I want to know why you didn’t alert me earlier.’
‘No,’ said the man.
‘You mean you won’t tell me?’
‘I mean there’s nothing suspicious. The second card-holder on the account made a large purchase yesterday.’
‘She did? Oh I see.’
‘Is there anything else I can help you with today?’
‘No, there isn’t. Thank you.’ He rang off and said to the matron with the black beehive, ‘My wife and I… we seem to have been at cross-purposes. Apparently she’d already bought a rug and we don’t need another. I’m sorry for putting you to inconvenience.’
‘No worries, love,’ said the woman in a kindly tone, which made him feel like a small boy who couldn’t pay for his sweets. He tried to stalk away with dignity.
Since he now had nothing to carry, his hands were free to gesticulate. He rehearsed his self-righteous interrogation all the way home.
What the fuck did you think you were doing, Rach?
How the hell do you think it made me feel?
Why didn’t you run it by me?
When were you planning to let me know you’d cleared out our joint account?
There was also the possibility that her motive had been inspired in the same fashion as his. A surprise she was storing up? No, he wasn’t going to give her the benefit of the doubt. She’d been sulking for days now, putting the blame first on Bel and then on Leo. It was pathetic and childish and he had to have it out with her, to clear the air.
He hadn’t realised he’d been swinging his fist until somebody caught it and twisted it behind his back. He’d just turned the corner from the station when he felt the yank.
‘Gotcha!’ Kelly grinned. ‘Strong, in’t I? Hey, I didn’t hurt you? Dad says I don’t know me own strength.’
He was glad he hadn’t yelped, though it would have been more from indignation than pain. ‘What do you want?’
‘Don’t be grumpy. What’s up with you today? Why’s everyone biting me head off?’
‘Everyone?’
‘Like, your dad.’
‘Leo?’
‘Yeah. Seems like he’s off his head with something. Our mam used to get like that. Y’know, the eyes go dead. It’s the downers that do it. Great big pupils but she didn’t really see nothing.’
‘Leo’s not on drugs.’
‘I’m not saying they’re illegal. Whatever, he weren’t talking to us. He were talking right up close to your Rach though.’
‘When? What are you on about?’
‘This afternoon, like.’
‘You were hanging around here? Don’t you ever go to school?’
Kelly shrugged.
‘Why are you telling me this anyway?’ said Matt. ‘Are you my spy?’
She giggled. ‘Can be if you want. Like, if there’s stuff you ought to know…’
The offer was disconcerting, as if he might genuinely need a spy, as if he wasn’t aware of what was going on inside his own house.
Kelly hopped on and off the kerb. She filched a biro from Matt’s jacket pocket and rattled it along the cast-iron railings as if testing him. Overhead the trees were spurting into leaf, bright and fresh and green: spring was full of such hope. She dropped the pen back into his pocket and hooked her arm through his, clinging to it in a contradictory combination of bravado and dependency. He’d wondered before whether becoming a father altered the signals you gave off, announcing that you were now a serious, responsible person. Someone to be trusted. Though obviously not in the case of Kelly’s own useless parent, or she wouldn’t be attaching herself to his elbow.
She remained attached to him as they entered the drive. The side door to the garage was open and Danny’s new bike lay on the grass with its wheels spinning. Nathan was running about in manic bursts, stopping to pick up fallen twigs, freezing for a second and then darting forward again. Dan usually greeted his father with delight. Today, crouched in the doorway of the garage, he ignored him. Matt glanced over at Nathan and his curious balletic performance; did he have some special ability to keep Dan enthralled? He was an odd boy. He had the same air of insolence as his sister, but also a degree of detachment, as if he were watching things unfold from a distance. He was astonishingly attractive: long black lashes fluttered onto cheeks that were clear and rosy, whereas Kelly’s streaky make-up failed to hide her spots.
‘Right,’ said Matt. Feeling off-kilter all the way home, plagued by the women in his life, he’d been looking forward to Dan’s rush of enthusiasm, his intense absurdist chatter – none of which was forthcoming. ‘Time for your friends to go, Danny boy.’
‘Can’t me and Nath finish our game?’
Nathan came out of one of his frozen stances and leapt across the abandoned bike. He released his pile of sticks in front of Danny and both boys began sorting through them, searching for the best weapon, Matt supposed.
‘It’s okay,’ said Kelly. ‘I’ll mind them for a bit if you want to go and change, whatever.’ Her phone pinged and she delved for it.
He looked at his watch. ‘Fifteen minutes,’ he said. ‘Twenty at most. Or Rachael will be on the warpath as well as me. She knows you’re here, right? No arguments. No exceptions.’
By now she was texting, but she nodded vigorously. He went indoors.
The house was quiet. Rachael was sitting at her laptop, which she closed hastily at his approach. He’d meant to lead gently into his questioning but something ungovernable took over. ‘Did you think I wouldn’t find out?’ He blurted the words, ugly and aggressive, because he couldn’t lock them in any more.
A look of panic came into her eyes. He waited for her to deny that she knew what he was talking about. ‘How?’ she whispered.
He pulled the credit card from his wallet and brandished it.
‘Oh that,’ she said, leaning back in the chair. ‘I’ve been meaning to tell you.’
‘So what stopped you?’
‘I’m sorry.’ A flush was creeping up her neck. ‘I shouldn’t have got carried away.’
‘Didn’t you think how it would make me look? A complete tosser.’
‘It’s because he’s so persuasive…’
‘Persuasive? Who?’
Her voice dropped. ‘Leo.’
‘Leo!’
‘I know that sounds pathetic. But I really didn’t mean to cave in.’
‘Cave in?’ Matt had taken off his tie. He found himself wrapping it around his knuckles like a bandage or a rope he wanted to tighten. His mind was leaping in different directions. He couldn’t understand the turn the conversation had taken. He hoped he’d misheard her. He knew other men envied him. He knew Rachael caught their attention, from sidelong glances to evident desire. She carried herself regally and she had those wonderful female nurturing qualities too. Who wouldn’t fall for her? Lust after her? But surely not Leo… It didn’t bear thinking of…
‘Christ!’ he exclaimed. ‘Are you saying he made a pass at you?’
‘Leo?’ She was instantly on the defensive. ‘For goodness’ sake!’
‘There’s nothing between you?’
‘Why on earth would you think that?’
‘Isn’t that what you were about to tell me?’
‘Honestly, Matt! What a thing to suggest! You know I don’t even like him much.’
‘Sometimes,’ he said, his tongue swelling in his mouth, slowing his speech, ‘when one person is antipathetic to another it’s actually an opposite attracts thing going on. Except they’re in denial. And you did say he was hard to resist: i.e. irresistible.’
Her complexion paled; she shook her head.
How did we get off the point like this? wondered Matt. Was it because Kelly had alluded to spying, hinted at mysterious goings-on he should know about? ‘It’s funny,’ he said. ‘When I was growing up I liked the fact he was different from other kids’ dads. More like a reckless older brother. He was a laugh, a bit off the wall. He let us do our own thing. But now, however plausible he sounds, I can see right through him. My mother had a lot to put up with. I never blamed her for not wanting to take it any more. He’s an outrageous flirt and he thinks you’re gorgeous, Rach. And I… How do you do this?’
Her upper teeth closed on her lower lip. Her hands lay quiescent on the laptop. Rachael could do reproachful very well; she could make him feel like a shit without uttering a word. She’s wrong-footed me, thought Matt in a mixture of annoyance and admiration, and I’ve let myself be manipulated. Well she won’t win this one. ‘I’m sorry we got side-tracked,’ he said, going to sit in the chair by the fireplace so there was some distance between them. He crossed his legs, toyed with the credit card. ‘I don’t know how the hell we got onto sex. I was talking about money.’
‘So was I.’
‘Oh.’ He was confused. ‘So why bring Leo into it?’
‘When we went shopping in Southport,’ said Rachael, ‘he made out that I could do a deal, get a bargain I couldn’t refuse. It was only afterwards I realised that’s his technique: he has the fun and someone else carries the can. But it’s not as bad as all that. I mean it wasn’t a stupid purchase and I’d just been paid for the lunch do so I reckoned the money could go towards it. I didn’t realise it would cause a problem with the credit card.’ She spoke with conviction but her fingers pecked jerkily at the fabric of the cushion.
‘Then why didn’t you mention it?’
‘I haven’t had a chance. I’ve hardly seen you.’
‘What was it anyway?’
‘What?’
‘Whatever you bought.’
‘It wasn’t an indulgence! I don’t buy designer shoes or dresses, do I? There wouldn’t be any point. We never go out anywhere these days.’
She was doing it again, attacking him. ‘All I’m asking is what you spent the money on. I’m not going to criticise. I tried to buy something today and I couldn’t. That’s all. I know our finances have been complicated because I had to bail out my mother – which was my fault so it’s not like I’m trying to apportion blame here. But I don’t think we should have secrets from each other…’
She flinched at this. ‘I know. Only—’
‘What?’
‘Nothing. I just wanted to choose the right moment so you wouldn’t blow your top.’
‘When do I do that?’ Matt considered himself the most reasonable person he knew.
‘You’re doing it now.’
‘Only with provocation for fuck’s sake! So tell me.’
‘It’s a cooker.’
‘A cooker?’ Deflated, he had to muster some objection. ‘But we’ve got a cooker.’
‘This is a special one. It does so many clever things.’
‘You used to tell me the skill lay with the chef.’
‘That’s true, but this will increase my efficiency. It will make things easier. It will—’
‘Fine,’ said Matt. ‘So this has been a storm in a teacup then?’
She swallowed. He could see her jaw contract, the fluid line of her throat. Could they really have had this whole scene about a goddam electrical appliance? Or was it masking something else? What if he pushed her to another admission? And if it was to do with Leo, would he want to know? He remembered Julia’s fierce determination to take a stand, the way the divorce proceedings had gathered inevitable momentum. She couldn’t have pulled back if she’d tried. Sometimes he wondered if she wished it undone, if that’s why her reaction to seeing Leo in France had been so extreme.
He was formulating a question, nothing too accusatory, when Danny rushed in and he lost his chance. Dan was doing a kind of hyperactive rain dance, which came upon him, Matt had noticed, after spending time with Nathan. He was making fitful leaps from left to right, with his feet together, following some idiosyncratic pattern of his own. His hands and face were grimy and smudged and he was covered with dust.
Rachael rose, as if glad of the interruption. ‘Darling, you’d better go and give yourself a good wash.’
‘Do I have to?’
‘Yes. How did you get so filthy anyway?’
Danny cast down his eyes and put his dirty thumb in his mouth.
‘And stop sucking your thumb. It’ll be covered in germs.’
‘Have the others gone now?’ asked Matt.
‘What others?’
‘Kelly and Nathan.’
His shoulders hunched up to the tips of his ears. ‘Dunno.’
‘What d’you mean, you don’t know?’ Silence. ‘Danny, what have you been up to?’
‘Nothing!’ Dan ran out of the room. They heard a collision on the stairs and Leo’s muttered curses. The child continued upwards; the curses continued; then the man loomed frantic in the doorway.
‘Get help!’ he yelled. ‘We have to put it out.’ Dishevelled and bleary-eyed as though he’d just got out of bed, he was pulling on his shirt, which billowed open and unbuttoned.
Matt’s mind performed somersaults. What was Leo doing in bed in the afternoon? Like Rachael, after their day out together. Could she have been sleeping with him? Was it why she hadn’t answered Bel’s phone call? No, that was too ridiculous!
Leo was shouting, ‘I saw it from the attic.’
‘Saw what?’ He wasn’t going to jump into action at Leo’s say-so, but he could smell something acrid and went to peer through the French windows. ‘Is someone having a bonfire?’
‘Call the fucking fire brigade,’ said Leo, hunting for the house phone, which had been moved since his day. ‘This is no time to piss about. I have to get them out.’
Rachael’s hands shook as she jabbed at her mobile.
Matt said, ‘Get who out?’ A pall of thick smoke was squatting like a thundercloud over the garden; it gave off an unpleasant toxic odour like burning rubber. He was being slow, stupid: the realisation when it reached him was horrific. He forgot his suspicions, his differences with Rachael. ‘Christ, it’s coming from the garage! Do you mean those kids, Nathan and Kelly? Are they in there?’
The smoke made it hard to tell how far the fire had progressed, but they could hear a crackling, see a flame jumping. The Passat, with its full tank of petrol, was parked in the garage along with old tins of paint, flasks of white spirit and citronella oil.
‘Quick! We need to set up the hosepipe. Have we got a bucket somewhere?’
Rachael was urgently giving their address to the operator. Then she said, ‘The only hose we’ve got is in the garage. And it’s too big to put out with a bucket.’
‘Then I’d better move the car.’
‘You’d be mad to go anywhere near it.’
‘If the tank ignites, it’ll be a whole lot worse.’ He grabbed the keys.
‘Matt, wait! They’ve said they’re on their way.’
‘The fire brigade? How long?’
‘I’m not sure. Five, ten minutes?’
‘Ten minutes!’ Shit, thought Matt. A person could suffocate in that time.
Leo hadn’t hung around arguing. He’d bounded outside. Matt could see him wrestling with the side door, shirt-tail flapping, refusing to be beaten back by the fumes and the heat.
‘We have to move the car,’ he said again. ‘It’ll only take a spark.’
‘Matt, you’re nuts. Let the firemen do it. It’s what they’re trained for. They have masks and stuff. If you go into the garage now it will just be pointless heroics.’
Was that a jibe at his father? He said coldly, ‘I’m not aiming to be a hero. But I’m not having those kids on my conscience either.’
‘Kids?’ said Rachael, following him. ‘Leo wasn’t raving about rescuing the kids!’
Matt ignored her. From the front of the garage he couldn’t see what was happening at the back. He struggled to get the key into the lock with hands that were sweaty and uncooperative. His sense of sound, smell, taste, felt deadened, cutting him off from everything but the task in front of him. Getting the car out. There was a moment’s triumph when he managed to crank the doors open but it was short-lived. He should have known – it was common sense after all – that his actions would create a draught, a current of air to fan the flames. They leapt about, joyously.