14

 

After the waiter finished pouring water for Lisa and Joe, everyone placed their order. Joe eyed Darryl to make sure he focused his attention somewhere other than on Lisa. Chad fussed with Brandon over something. Lisa and Jessica chatted about Jessica’s day in Ketchikan.

“Miss Jessica, Miss Jessica!” Brandon tugged on Jessica’s sleeve, eager to get her attention. When she and Lisa stopped talking, he burst in to the conversation. “I get to go on a seaplane tomorrow. Miss Lisa and Mr. Joe are coming, too.”

“Are they?”

Joe detected a hint of interest in Jessica’s response.

“Hey!” Brandon’s face lit up. “Why don’t you come with us?”

“That would be kind of fun, Brandon.” Jessica beamed and nodded. “A real adventure. I need more adventure in my life.”

Joe smiled. After living all these years on a farm in a small town in Washington, Jessica decided she needed adventure. While he pondered that, he became aware of the music playing in the background just as it changed to a melody he and Lisa always considered “theirs.” A fierce wave of longing struck him, and he could barely swallow. They’d played the tune at their wedding, and they’d danced to it on their honeymoon at dinner.

The song, the dress Lisa wore, the tulips she’d bought yesterday and put in the cabin…Again, he had to wonder if Lisa had set up this whole thing, if she’d tricked him into rehashing memories.

No. Joe shook the thought from his mind. He’d been with Lisa since long before they entered the dining room, and she’d never left the table. Besides, Jessica was the one who’d invited them to dinner. And Lisa surely hadn’t planned what happened yesterday with the whales and her despair over missing them. It was a coincidence. Nothing more. Lisa didn’t have a deceitful bone in her body.

Just as the singer asked if they could share a life’s worth of dances, a deep voice startled Joe out of his thoughts.

“Excuse me. Would you care to dance?”

Joe looked up to see Darryl bending over Lisa’s hand. It looked like he was preparing to kiss it. The urge to plant his fist in the guy’s face was strong—overwhelming.

It didn’t escape his notice that Jessica looked on with interest.

Lisa gently pulled her hand from Darryl’s, glancing over at Joe at the same time. Much as he wanted to deck Darryl, he didn’t want to come across as jealous. Especially after he’d grabbed her hand from Darryl’s earlier, and certainly not after he’d been pushing her away for months. “It’s fine, Lisa.” He nodded slowly, heartsick. “Go ahead and dance with him.”

Lisa’s eyes widened and he thought he detected a look of disgust as she turned from him to gaze up at Darryl. Joe’s heart seemed to freeze in mid-beat, and he held his breath while he waited for Lisa to answer Darryl.

“I’m sorry.” She politely declined, and Joe’s heart started to beat again. “Thank you, though.”

There was no hint of disgust in her voice, which told Joe the look had been meant solely for him.

Silence reigned at the table as Darryl walked away. Most likely to find some other guy’s wife to dance with. Though Joe’s thoughts were cynical, the relief that coursed through him was unmistakable.

Jessica studied them both intently, her gaze never wavering. Though it hadn’t taken long for Joe to feel a fondness for her, right now he wished she’d disappear. It didn’t make matters easier when Chad and Brandon stared at him. He wished they’d disappear as well. Did everyone here know their business? It became clear they were neither leaving nor looking away from what he wanted to be a private moment.

He very much wanted to talk to Lisa alone.

Darryl chose that moment to return and take his place at the table.

“If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to powder my nose.”

Darryl and Chad both half-rose from their chairs the instant Lisa stood. Before Joe could stand himself, she was gone.

“Don’t worry, Joe.” Jessica reached over and squeezed his hand. “Things will be fine.” Jessica spoke in a reassuring voice, her tone low so the others wouldn’t hear.

“No, Jessica. They won’t. My son is gone. Lisa’s heart is breaking all over again. Nothing will ever be fine again.”

Joe pulled his hand from Jessica’s and pressed his lips together. His marriage was in shambles. Lisa’s heart was broken. His heart ached all the time. They each carried around a burden of guilt neither one of them knew how to erase. He was so sick of people saying everything would be OK. He’d heard it so many times in the past several months he hoped never to hear it again.

Still, as he watched Jessica’s expression change from encouragement to distress, he realized he’d upset her. She’d meant well, as did everyone else who offered him words of hope. “I’m sorry, Jessica. I didn’t mean to raise my voice. I’m just so…I don’t know…tired, I guess. Tired of waiting to get over it.” A dull ache filled his heart and he avoided Jessica’s eye.

“You’re right, Joe. That isn’t what I meant. You will never forget that boy, and you’ll always hurt over losing him. But your life won’t be this hopeless and dark forever.”

“I tried, Jessica, but it didn’t work very well.”

“What do you mean?”

“Lisa refused to go to Ketchikan this morning.”

“Yes, but she ate breakfast with you on the balcony. And she’s here with you tonight. Didn’t she agree to go to Juneau tomorrow? I think you’re doing just fine.”

“Yeah, but she’s in the bathroom crying right now.” It didn’t escape his notice that Brandon, Chad, and even Darryl—the last person he wanted to know his business—stared intently.

“That isn’t your fault.”

“Yes, it is.”

Jessica opened her mouth to protest then seemed to think better of it. She took a sip of water and looked him square in the eye. “OK, maybe it is. You shouldn’t have—” She cast a glance around the table. Chad and Darryl both picked up their water glasses and avoided her gaze. Jessica lowered her voice to a whisper. “You shouldn’t have told Lisa it was all right for her to dance with a strange man.”

“You’re right, I shouldn’t have. I’m not even sure why I did it. I don’t know what to do anymore. All I know is I’ve upset her even more.”

Jessica sighed and rose from the table. “Come on, Joe. Let’s go for a little walk.” She waited while Joe stood, then she took hold of his elbow.

Before he followed her out of the dining room, Joe turned and said good night to Brandon and Chad. And much as he still didn’t want to, to Darryl.

Once they were well away from the dining room, Jessica steered them to an empty bench along the passageway.

“Look,” she said once they were seated. “Lisa is going to cry now and again. Maybe even for the rest of her life. You are, too. If you’d let yourself feel.”

Joe looked away, not wanting Jessica to know how much he tried not to feel.

“You know, whether you want to admit it or not, you’re trying to help Lisa. And she’s trying to help you. But neither of you can see that by helping each other, you’re also helping yourselves.”

“Helping myself, how?” That made no sense.

“You’ve put yourself out on a limb to help Lisa. You’d rather hide yourself away from the world. But you see Lisa’s need, so you’re trying to make her feel better. You can’t sit there and tell me you don’t feel better, too.”

“I don’t,” he said quickly.

Jessica peered at him over her glasses. “Not in the least? Be honest with yourself even if you won’t be honest with me.”

OK, he admitted to himself. Maybe he did feel a little better. Jessica must have seen something on his face, because a slow smile spread across hers.

“See? It’s the Lord. He’s calling you. You may not even be aware of it, but He’s seeking you. By helping Lisa, you’re digging yourself out of that deep dark place and seeing a little bit of light. The same thing is happening to her. You mark my words, Joe. By the end of this cruise, neither of you will be the same again.”

He wanted it to be true. He didn’t deserve it, but he wanted it nonetheless.

 

****

 

Lisa approached the table at the same moment the waiter arrived with their food. It was a good thing, because she needed a diversion. She’d left the table to get her hurt and frustration under control, but it still threatened to bubble over. Joe had pretty clearly broadcast his eagerness for her to dance with a strange man.

Everything seemed fine until that song had played through the speakers of the dining room. It seemed meant to be. Perfect timing. God’s timing. Only He knew what that song meant to them.

It would have been the perfect moment for them if Darryl hadn’t interrupted. He’d spoiled everything. But the look on Joe’s face when he said he didn’t care if she danced with Darryl—like he wished the guy would take her off of his hands—hurt her deeply and spoiled it even more. Joe’s actions totally contradicted the spark she’d seen in his eyes when they’d first walked into the dining room and he’d brushed the hair from her face. That spark was the only thing she could grab on to for hope that he was coming around to her way of thinking.

“I don’t see any powder on your nose, Miss Lisa.”

Laughter spilled around the table at Brandon’s innocent comment. One look into the little boy’s questioning gaze, and Lisa’s heart melted.

“It’s not the kind you can see, sweetheart.”

“Oh.” He appeared to give it some serious thought. Unable to help herself, Lisa smiled at him. At the same time, her anger at Joe dispersed. Smiling at Brandon while she felt angry toward Joe or anyone else at the same time was next to impossible.

Before she could take her seat, Joe and Jessica approached from behind. She hadn’t even noticed they weren’t at the table.

Joe held Jessica’s chair for her as she sat down, then he turned to Lisa.

“Come with me, Lisa.” He grabbed her by the hand before she could even protest.

And Jessica had a smile—no, a smirk—on her face.

“Where are we going?” His hand felt so right in hers that she didn’t even think of pulling away, even if she was still a little miffed at him.

“I just want to talk to you for a minute.”

Immediately curious, Lisa allowed Joe to lead her away from the table.

As he did, she heard Brandon ask loudly, “Where are they going, Dad?”

Certain the question attracted stares from every nearby table, Lisa hurried alongside Joe. She didn’t care what people thought. She only cared that her husband wanted to talk to her, though she was curious about why he led her in the direction of the dance floor instead of the entrance to the dining room.

“Is there a reason we can’t talk at the table?” Even as she asked the question, her heart picked up a beat. She thought she’d detected a look of relief on his face when she refused to dance with Darryl. Had Darryl caused Joe to realize he was ready to come home? Oh, if he would only tell her so. Her heart quickened.

“Too many people are listening.”

“You mean Jessica?”

“And Chad and Brandon and Derrick.”

“Darryl.”

“Whatever.”

He lowered his voice, and Lisa noticed an immediate softening to his tone. “Let’s dance.”

Her heart picked up another beat, thrumming in her ears. “You’re willing to dance with me rather than talk in front of them?” She tried to suppress a smile. Joe’s mysterious act certainly gave her reason to hope. He grabbed her hand before she could question him or refuse. Not that she would refuse, of course.

With her hand clasped tightly in his, Lisa rested her head against his broad shoulder. There was nowhere else on earth she belonged. Listening to the beating of his heart, she didn’t even try to suppress her sigh. This was so perfect.

The familiar scent of soap and shaving cream almost brought tears to her eyes. It had been so long. She tried to inhale without him knowing. She closed her eyes as she did, savoring the familiar scent. Could she possibly draw enough of it into her senses to last her a lifetime in case the unthinkable happened and he didn’t come home?

“We’ll just be a minute. We need to talk.” His warm breath brushed across her ear as he whispered the words, but it took a moment for them to register. When they finally did, the cloud of perfection vanished.

Need, not want. This didn’t sound as promising as she’d first thought. Joe didn’t sound like he wanted to dance or talk. “About?” Again, her heart picked up a beat. But not in a good way. She was afraid to look up at him, afraid for him to see her desperation.

Joe swallowed hard, and she could feel him hesitate before he spoke again. “Why didn’t you dance with him?”

Her response was simple. “We’re married, Joe.”

“I know that but—”

“But nothing. You’re my husband, and there’s nothing, nothing you can do to change it.”

Before he could respond, she continued. “Today was a wonderful day. It was all so perfect. You made me feel better at a time when I didn’t think I’d ever feel better again. You may not think you need me, but I sure need you. You’re the only man for me, Joe. I’m the only woman for you. When are you going to quit torturing both of us and let us come back to each other?”

Pushing away from his arms, she stared up at him. The pain etched on his face and in his eyes was so gripping, Lisa couldn’t look away.

“I want to dance with you, Joe. Only you. And, like the song they were playing earlier says, our song in case you need a reminder, for the rest of my life.”

“Oh, so you noticed it, too?”

“What?” She wasn’t questioning his words. She simply couldn’t believe he’d noticed the tune when it was playing.

“Never mind.” He glanced away, sounding like he wished he’d kept quiet.

“Joe?” She didn’t know why, but she wanted him to admit he’d heard the song, wanted him to make eye contact so she could see what it meant to him.

And it did mean something to him. She could tell by the way that he still refused to look at her.

She kept her gaze steady, staring at his profile, wanting him to know how serious she was about saving their marriage. Even when her eyes filled with the tears she so desperately fought, tears she didn’t want Joe to see, she didn’t waver.

Lisa wanted Joe to look her in the eyes and tell her he was coming home.

Either that or give her a good reason why not.