20

 

We’re supposed to find the joy in our sorrows, the blessings in the storm.

The words came back to haunt Lisa once again. She still hadn’t managed to come up with anything to feel joyful about or to find one single blessing.

It was Cody’s birthday today, which made it all the more difficult to find anything to feel blessed about. Today was the day the entire trip was supposed to have centered around, the reason they bought the tickets in the first place.

Her little boy. Cody. He was supposed to be here with her, with Joe, the three of them together. Lisa wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand then put her fist to her mouth in an effort to suppress her sobs.

They were on a charter boat with about thirty other people, headed away from the cruise ship and toward Glacier Bay. Joe had planned the day for her prior to her finding his e-mail. He’d invited Jessica, Brandon, and Chad, and Lisa couldn’t bring herself to disappoint Brandon by not showing up.

Luckily, the boat was large enough that no one could hear her cries and she could be alone with her thoughts.

She sat alone in an alcove off the main cabin where, she supposed, she could lick her wounds over Joe’s plans for a divorce. She’d meant it when she said she wouldn’t sign the papers, but she still wasn’t sure what the future held for them if Joe truly didn’t want to remain married to her.

Occasionally, she could hear Brandon firing questions at different people. Each time he did, Lisa tensed, waiting for Chad to scold him for bothering them. But he surprised her, often chiming in with questions of his own. Joe’s talk with Chad really seemed to have had an impact on him.

There. A blessing stared her right in the face.

The thought brought her up short.

Brandon and Chad’s relationship.

Restored.

All thanks to Joe.

Another thought occurred to her: When Joe had seen Cody’s sweatshirt, he said he’d been able to picture Cody’s face. Something he hadn’t been able to do for a long time.

Another blessing.

Also, Joe was praying again. He’d bowed his head at dinner the other night. And he’d prayed other times, like when he couldn’t find her after she’d missed seeing the whales.

Filled with silent amazement, Lisa stood and walked through the cabin and out to the back deck where she sat down on a bench that faced the water. She stared out at the boat’s wake, at the smaller boats that seemed to disappear behind them. Then she looked at the snow-capped mountain peaks that towered above the trees.

A bittersweet mixture of joy and sorrow washed over her.

Joe was making his way back to the Lord.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered as the shameful truth washed over her. It wasn’t about her and Joe after all. It was about Joe and his relationship with the Lord.

Even if he never came back to her, his heart and soul were right back where they belonged.

The revelation filled her with a sense of peace so strong, tears of joy sprang to her eyes.

Are You here, Lord? Is that You I feel beside me?

Until the other night, she’d gone so long without truly feeling God’s presence. And like the other night, He was here. He’d never left her. She just needed to clear her head of the selfish thoughts and focus on someone besides herself.

Lisa was amazed at the blessed peace, even stronger than before, as it flowed through her.

For a long time, she sat there and prayed. She prayed prayers of forgiveness, prayers of thanksgiving. But mostly she just rested in Him, knowing He was with her and would see her through every trial she faced. She just needed to keep her eyes firmly fixed on Him.

This was something she had to share with Joe. She rose and turned toward the cabin. Before she could take a step, Joe stepped onto the deck.

The sight of him took her breath away. The easy gentle smile, the hope that lit his eyes. These were all things she never thought she’d see again.

“Joe, I need to apologize to you.” Lisa swallowed hard.

“Apologize?”

She nodded. Please, Lord, give me the right words.

“I’ve been thinking only of myself, of getting you to come home. I wasn’t considering you at all.”

“Of course you were.”

“No.” She shook her head. “I knew you were hurting over Cody, of course. And I prayed God would ease your pain as well as mine. And I knew you needed to find peace, just like I did. All this was about more than you coming home to me. It was about your returning home to the Lord.”

“My relationship with the Lord is getting better.”

“No thanks to me. Somewhere along the way, I forgot that’s what was important. And I forgot about my own relationship with Him. I spouted it, of course, but I didn’t feel it. I’ve been thinking about how wrong I was. How I hurt you rather than helped you.”

“You didn’t hurt me, Lisa.”

“Yes, I did. I’m so sorry. When I accused you of taking your eyes off God, I was really the one who had. I became so focused on getting you to come home to me that I took my eyes off Him and forgot about something I knew in those awful days after Cody first died. You needed to find your way back to God. That’s the only way your life will ever be right again. My eyes are back where they belong. They’re firmly on the Lord, just like yours are. I can see it. And if you don’t come home, at least—”

“Before I do, there’s something you should know.”

She stared at him for a full minute before she comprehended his words.

“Before you do what?”

“Come home.”

“Joe?” Dare she hope?

“I never wanted a divorce. I only thought it would be best for you if I was out of your life. I e-mailed Mike the morning we went to Juneau, and told him I’d changed my mind.”

“You did?” She stared at him, unsure what to say.

He nodded. “The message you opened from Mike was an old one, replying to one from the old me. You probably didn’t notice the dates. I really don’t like stacked e-mail. It can be so confusing. But if you looked in the sent folder, you would have seen the one I sent asking Mike to stop the proceedings.”

The hope rising in Lisa’s heart terrified her. She couldn’t take another letdown where Joe was concerned. Still, she whispered, “What changed your mind?”

“Praying. The more time I spent with Him, the more I changed. But it all started with you. That day you yelled at me…I thought about the things you said to me about taking my eyes off God. About finding the joy in the sorrows. They’re all hard things to do. You were doing it alone. I was doing it alone. No wonder we took our eyes off of Him. We were so caught up in blaming ourselves, and we forgot to praise Him for being there to carry us through.”

Lisa’s heart hurt as she recognized the truth in Joe’s words. “That’s when we lost our focus. At least, I know I did.”

“Me, too,” Joe admitted.

“You said you had something to tell me. What is it?”

“I quit my job.”

Lisa blinked, not sure she heard him right. “You what?”

“Quit my job.”

“Why?”

“I’m a burned-out lawyer who never did enjoy handling divorce cases. I don’t really think that’s God’s plan for me. What more can I say?”

Before Lisa could react, Joe was on one knee with one of her hands tucked between both of his. “How would you like to be a farmer’s wife?”

“A farmer’s wife? What are you talking about?”

“Jessica’s tulip farm. I told her I’d come stay at the farm; take care of it for her while she travels. I said I’d learn the business and then if I like it, I would buy it from her. But I also said I wouldn’t do it unless the conditions were right.”

“What conditions are those?”

“That you go with me.”

“You want me to move? Away from the home we had with our son?” Panic filled her in a sudden grab.

“He’s not there, Lisa. He’s in heaven with God. He’s in our hearts and memories where he’ll be forever. But if it makes you feel better, we can try to find a way to keep the house.”

Lisa swallowed hard and tried to blink back tears. Unsuccessful, they spilled down her cheeks in a hot trail. She slapped at them, angry with herself for crying in front of Joe. “Sorry,” she whispered.

“Ah, Lisa, don’t be. Your tears were my problem, never yours. They reminded me of the guilt I felt. Of all the ways I let you and Cody down.”

“You didn’t. He thought you were the best dad in the world.”

“He did?”

Lisa nodded. “That day, on the way to the game, he told me not to be mad at you. He said you had to work hard so you could pay for the trip to Alaska to see the orcas. He said you were the best dad in the world.”

Joe swiped at his eyes.

“Thank you. Thank you for telling me that.”

She smiled, glad she could give Joe some modicum of peace where their son was concerned.

“You don’t have to make a decision about moving today. Take some time and think about it. But I’d really like you to come with me. Just think about what it will be like in the spring.”

They’d been to Skagit Valley when the tulips were in full bloom. It was like nothing she’d ever seen. Fields and fields of color, everywhere she looked. If she closed her eyes, she could picture her and Joe standing in one of those fields with their arms around each other. They would be laughing, soaking in the beauty of it all, their love for each other surrounding them.

“I’ll go with you to Jessica’s tulip farm on one condition.”

He merely smiled at her and raised one brow quizzically.

“We learn the tulip business together. And in the evenings, you have to promise to let me help you get all of your children’s stories ready to send to a publisher.”

Joe answered her with a kiss that buckled her knees.

“Miss Lisa! Miss Lisa!”

Joe groaned as she pulled away. “It’s OK, Joe. There’s plenty of time for making up.” She turned to Brandon, who danced around her and Joe in delight. “What is it, sweetheart?”

“The whales! They’re here! Hurry! The captain said the best view is from the bow. He said they’ll come really close to us. Come on. Hurry!” Brandon tugged at her hand, and she let him pull her along. But she kept her other hand firmly on Joe’s. He had to come, too.

Together they followed Brandon through the cabin where he prepared to climb a small ladder that led out to the bow.

“Don’t forget your life-jacket, Brandon,” Chad called out to his son.

Without an argument, Brandon stopped and pulled on an orange vest off a rack near the ladder. He waited until Lisa and Joe followed suit, and then tugged them toward the ladder. After they were out on the bow, he pointed at the ship’s rail.

“There,” he said proudly. “The captain said we could sit right there and watch them. Cuz it’s Cody’s birthday and we’re special.”

Joe leaned down and whispered in Lisa’s ear. “He told the captain about Cody and the day you missed the whales.”

“You were right yesterday when you said he’s something else.”

“So are you.” Joe pressed a kiss on her neck, just below her ear. “I love you, Lisa.”

“Come on you guys.” Brandon motioned them over to the wooden railing. “Hurry before some other people come here.” Jessica and Chad both made their way to either side of Brandon, which was good because Lisa would have worried about him being so close to the edge in spite of wearing a life jacket.

The rush of air from the water below was cold as they stepped closer to the rail, but Lisa didn’t care. She was going to see the whales that her son loved so much.

For Cody.

She caught her first eyeful of shiny black smoothness as the orca leapt out of the water then dove back in with only the slightest splash.

When it popped back up, there were two of them. And as they danced across the water it seemed as if they watched the five of them and performed for them alone. Then they leaped in the air and the show began all over again.

Brandon’s shouts and giggles faded away into the background as Lisa’s breath caught and her eyes filled with tears of joy. Each time the whales leaped into the air or dove into the water, her heart danced and dove with them. Beside her, Joe grabbed her hand and squeezed tight.

“He’s here with us, Lisa. Our little boy is here.” He smiled through his tears, and Lisa’s heart soared to impossible new heights.

“I know.” Her own tears flowed and her throat tightened as she whispered, “Happy Birthday, Cody.”

“Happy Birthday, son,” Joe echoed. “God is with us, too,” he said after a moment.

“I know. I can feel them both right here with us.”

“I love you, Lisa.”

“I love you, too, Joe.” She stood on her tiptoes, leaned over and pressed her lips against his. The boat dipped at that moment and she stumbled. But her mouth never left his.

“Welcome home, Joe” she whispered against his lips as he pulled his arms tightly around her. “Welcome home.”