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Hours spill into lifetimes when you’re waiting for someone important to come home. Blake tries to distract me, but it only works for so long. She’s worried too. Bast still hasn’t come along and Blake’s tapping fingers across the bedpost are starting to drive me crazy. She cares more about Bast than I think she’ll ever admit. I’m beginning to wonder if the two of them aren’t more than friends, and if I’m the only one who’s noticed.
Finally, when I’m about ready to scream, the door flies open.
I jump to my feet. “Forget it, Jax,” I snap, “there is no way I’m letting you out of my sight again. I’ve been sick with...” I trail off as I realize it’s Trey standing in the doorway, not Jax.
She’s covered in dirt, ash, and...
My breath catches in my throat, my heart stuttering in my chest.
“Please tell me that isn’t your blood.”
“Some of it,” she admits, “but mostly it’s...” She winces. “You guys better come with me.”
Blake and I share a wide-eyed look.
Oh God.
“What happened?” I ask Trey. I can feel my blood pressure rising as I put two and two together.
“No time to explain.” She pivots on one boot and heads out the door again.
Blake and I race after her.
My gait is a little bit awkward given our speed, but luckily, we don’t have to go far. Trey leads us into the critical ward and over to a curtained section around two beds.
Two.
Oh please no.
Trey pushes past the blue curtains with Blake and I trailing in her wake and we finally see what I suspected.
Jax and Bast lie unconscious in the beds. Bast is covered in blood and Jax’s arm is soaked. Both of them are cloaked in ash and dirt like Trey.
I freeze just inside the curtains.
The room is spinning.
Blake gasps, covering her mouth with her hands, and runs over to the beds, to Bast’s side first. She sits on the edge of the bed carefully and, after a moment of hesitation, takes his hand.
I can’t even smile at it. Instead, I whirl on Trey. “What the hell happened?” My heart is stuttering as if trapped in a vise.
Please let them be okay.
Trey grimaces under the weight of my glare. “We were ambushed.”
“By who?” I fold my arms across my chest, as if to hold myself together.
She rings her hands. “Assassins, citizens, we don’t know,” she replies, “but I couldn’t watch both of them and keep my own life intact too. Someone started another damn fire and one of the houses that caught had children trapped in it. A young couple came running, screaming for the kids. These two idiots,” she points her thumb at Bast and Jax, “had to run into the burning building and save the day.”
I take a deep breath.
Of course. Of course they did.
“Are they okay? The children?”
She waves a hand. “Yeah, they’re fine, but these two... They never should’ve pulled a stunt like that.”
“Trey,” I argue. “It’s their job.”
“It’s their job to stay alive too,” she snaps, the stress of the morning getting to her. “We’re already low enough on soldiers. We can’t afford to pull them out of the field, but I think we might have to.”
“Nonsense,” a familiar voice says, interrupting my response, “they’ll be fine.” I turn to see Shirley pushing her way through the curtains. “You’re way too dramatic, Ms. Trey. Mr. Forrester merely has a nasty gash on his arm and some superficial burns; nothing I can’t fix. He’s not in any danger of amputation or permanent damage.” She gives me a look, watching as I visibly relax. “And Blake,” she adds, causing Blake to look up, “Sebastian’s going to be fine.”
I raise an eyebrow, surprised to hear Shirley addressing them—addressing anyone for that matter—by their first names.
“But there’s so much blood,” Blake protests, sniffing. Her eyes glisten with unshed tears.
“He hit his head,” Shirley tells her. “Head injuries bleed a lot, but are rarely as dangerous as they look. He’ll be right as rain in no time. You’ll see.”
Blake doesn’t reply.
I worry she might be cutting off the circulation in Bast’s hand.
“Now,” Shirley goes on, straightening her shirt and rolling up her sleeves, “if the three of you would leave me to my job, the healing will get done a lot sooner.”
“I...” My protest dies out as I see Jax’s eyes flutter open.
“Quinn,” he breathes.
“Jax,” I exclaim. “I’m here. It’s okay.” I run to his side, pushing past Shirley who tries to pull me back.
His eyes meet mine and he smiles. “Hey.”
I brush the hair out of his eyes. “We have to stop meeting like this,” I say.
He smiles wider, but then closes his eyes again.
“Jax?” I whisper, worry creeping back in.
“He’s fine,” Shirley assures me. “He just needs his rest and the three of you need to get out. Now.”
“But—” Blake and I protest.
Shirley gives Trey a look and Trey grabs me by the arm.
“Hey,” I say. “Let go!”
She ignores me and drags me back to my hospital room, locking the door behind her as she leaves.
“Let me out, Trey!” I growl, throwing myself against the door. I feel a few things pop in my shoulder, but ignore the sensation.
Nothing happens.
I swing my foot at it next, mostly in frustration, but my metal appendage merely leaves a dent in the wood and I bite back a cry of despair as something twinges in my knee.
I am weak. Useless.
I blink back tears.
“Please, Trey,” I mumble. “I swear on my life...” But my fire has lost its fury.
The doorknob clicks and the door opens again. I try to shove my way through, my last attempt, but Trey pushes Blake in and closes the door again.
A final click seals us in.
My anger sinks to the bottom of my mind and I fall back onto the bed.
Shirley said they’ll be fine. Listen.
Blake leans against the door, forehead pressed into it, and says nothing.
I throw an arm over my eyes in worried exhaustion. “Was this what Jax was like back when I broke my leg for the first time?” I wonder aloud.
Blake sighs and comes to join me on the bed. We lie side by side in the small space and I find myself wishing I had found her friendship sooner.
“No,” she says, answering my question, “he was much worse. When he wasn’t muttering your name or ‘please’ over and over again, he said nothing. His silence almost drove me to madness. I wanted to hit him, see if he even noticed. He really loves you, you know.”
“Yeah.” I let out a resigned sigh. “I know.”
His love is there every time he saves my life. It’s there in the way he looks at me like I’m not a monster, a killer. It was there when he came back for me at the Guild, in the way he can’t seem to let me go.
I think back to the soft kiss before he left this morning, a small promise that things were getting better.
I take a staggering breath, blinking back more wretched tears.
Please be okay.
“He came to me for advice back before you guys got together,” Blake goes on.
Her soft voice shakes me from my thoughts and I turn my head to look at her. “He did?”
“Yeah,” she says. “He came up to me one day and said, ‘Blake, I know you don’t like to talk about it, but what does love feel like?’”
I raise a curious brow. “What did you tell him?”
She looks at the ceiling as she answers, but there is a joy in her face I haven’t seen before. “I told him that it’s everything—even life itself. It’s sunshine and rain, beauty and pain, a fullness and an emptiness all at once. It’s feeling like you’re jumping off a cliff into unknown waters and hoping they won’t let you drown. It’s terror at rejection and excitement at becoming something more. It’s vulnerability and strength. Love is a miracle.”
“What did he say to that?”
She looks at me, a smile lighting up her face. “He said, ‘I think I’m in love with her.’”
I don’t know how to reply. My heart feels so full. Blake has described love perfectly and now I know Jax and I feel the same, have always felt the same. He knew he loved me long before I could admit it.
I want to break down the door and run to him.
I want to tell him he is my strength, my miracle, that I care for him more than anything in this world and never want to jeopardize our relationship again.
Yet, I stay where I am, not because I’m scared, but because I know he has to heal and it’ll be easier for the nurses if I’m not sobbing over him the whole time.
I can wait, and if I know Jax at all, he already knows these things. He knows my heart better than I do.
Instead, I look up at the ceiling and say, “Bast will be okay, Blake.”
“What?” She looks at me sharply, clearly caught off guard by my statement.
“Bast,” I repeat, making sure she heard me. “Bast will be okay.”
“Oh, yeah,” she says dismissively, “I know.” Her tone is off and I know she’s hiding something. “I can’t believe he went on that mission with Jax and Trey. What was he thinking?”
I shrug, though she isn’t looking. “Maybe he knew Jax couldn’t do it alone. Maybe he was as tired of inaction as the rest of us.”
She sighs. “I just wish they’d ask me to go too. Trey might not be able to watch their backs and her own, but that’s been my job since day one.”
I place a hand on her arm. “I don’t think they’ll make the mistake again. From the state of them, they wouldn’t have survived childhood without you.”
She laughs. “You don’t know the half of it.”
We lie there in silence until we hear yet another click and the door swings open a crack. Trey pokes her head into the room. “You can see them now.”
“Oh thank God,” Blake replies.
I follow her as she leaves the room to join the guys again, practically skipping in her haste. My steps are slow but sure, still getting used to the movement.
The curtains still hang around the beds, but Bast and Jax are sitting up in bed and two chairs are waiting at their bedsides.
Bast is the first to speak, as always. “So, ladies,” he says, “how do I look?”
Shirley must’ve washed his face, but the rest of him is still caked in dirt and dust. He has a bandage wrapped around his head, half covering his left eye. His long brown hair is matted and sticking up in so many places.
“Honestly,” I reply, “you look like crap.”
Jax snorts.
“And I’d say it’s an improvement,” Blake adds.
Jax and I dissolve into a fit of laughter, which soon turns into a coughing one for him, due to the smoke inhalation. I run over and pat his back for him until he can breathe easy again. He’s looking pretty rough too, his whole left arm lost to bandages.
“Seriously though,” I say, “how are the two of you feeling?”
“Sore, but okay,” Bast replies.
Jax nods. “My lungs feel like they’re on fire, but other than that...”
I give him a sympathetic smile. “You’ll bounce back in no time. I’m just glad that for once I’m not the one in the worst shape.”
Jax shakes his head and Bast comes back with, “Says the girl with half a leg missing.”
“I can easily make us match, Sebastian,” I retort.
His eyes narrow to slits as he scowls at me.
I smile back.
“I don’t think he needs more disabilities,” Blake retorts. “He has more bandages on his head right now than he has brains in it.”
Bast scowls at Blake instead. “You’re just mad you missed all the action.”
“No, I’m wondering what made the two of you so stupid as to go without me.”
Jax winces, but Bast crosses his arms. “We don’t need you to protect us.”
“Says the guy covered in his own blood,” she counters.
“It wasn’t our choice to leave you behind, Blake,” Jax says, trying to diffuse the tension. “Trey was the one who brought Bast along.”
“Regardless,” she replies, crossing her arms. “You should’ve told me what was going on.”
Bast shrugs. “Quinby would’ve filled you in.”
“About Jax, yes,” I reply, “but I didn’t know you had gone as well, Seb.”
“Exactly,” Blake interjects. “We were worried sick about you.”
I raise a brow at the mention of we.
Sure, I was curious as to where Bast was, but I wasn’t concerned, at least not until he came back bruised and broken.
Jax rubs his head. “Look, Blake, we’re sorry. Isn’t that enough?”
“It shouldn’t be,” she retorts, tugging at the end of her braid. She steals a glance at Bast and then takes a long breath. “Listen, the three of us are supposed to be a team, right?”
Jax and Bast nod.
“And when you’re a team,” she goes on, “you keep your members in the loop. I shouldn’t have to find out about your whereabouts from Trey, after you’ve gone and got yourselves torn up. I shouldn’t have to wonder whether or not you need me or if I should be somewhere I’m not. And I certainly shouldn’t have been left with the guilt.”
Bast cocks his head. “Guilt?”
“Yes, guilt,” she snaps at him. “What if you two had died out there? How do you think I would’ve felt? We grew up together; you guys are the only family I have. I would’ve spent the rest of my life agonizing over it, wondering if you would’ve lived if I’d only been there to help you.”
There are tears in her eyes and a tremble to her limbs.
I reach out to touch her arm, but then hesitate. If it was me, I would only shrug off the contact.
“I would’ve blamed myself,” Blake finishes. “That’s why I’m upset. You may not need me to protect you, but that’s what family does. So please, don’t keep me in the dark.”
There is silence for a minute.
Blake sniffs and wipes at her eyes with the back of her sleeve.
Jax leans toward her, wincing at the pain of the movement. “I’m so sorry we put you through that, Blake. That was never our intention. If I had thought... Well, I guess that’s the problem, isn’t it? We didn’t think.”
Blake nods and I put a hand on her shoulder this time. She leans into me.
Bast scratches at his bandages. “Yeah I... I didn’t realize you felt that way.”
I roll my eyes at his attempt at an apology.
Poor Bast. Words are not his strong suit.
Blake takes another deep breath. “I’m not going to beat this argument to a pulp. I just thought you two should see it from my perspective. I’m glad you’re both okay.”
“So am I,” I add, squeezing her shoulder.
The tension in the room dissipates.
I walk over and sit on the edge of Jax’s bed. “All right, boys, why don’t you tell us about your adventure then?”
I give Blake an encouraging smile.
She sighs and takes a seat on Bast’s bed. “This had better be good.”
Her words are harsh, but her tone is more lighthearted than before, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips.
Bast launches into the tale of their grand rescue, in his element now that the mood has changed.
I smile, glad my friends can settle their disagreements and move forward together. Their team has endured a lot of strife since my addition to it, but I know they will remain strong in spite of everything.
...
The four of us talk for a while until the nurses come to shoo us away again, telling us the boys need their rest.
I swear, if one more person mentions rest to me, they’re going to experience the eternal kind. I kiss Jax quickly on the forehead and walk away. Blake gives Bast a long, yearning look while his head is turned and then follows me out.
I lead her through the hospital wing, away from the critical ward and back towards the long-term care section where I spent the last few weeks. We come to a stop and lean against a random wall, contemplating life’s miseries and miracles. Joking aside, Jax and Bast are lucky to be alive. I chided Jax for watching over me like a hawk, but after this, I can’t blame him.
Blake’s voice interrupts my thoughts. “I should go. You need...”
“I swear on my life, if you say rest, I will end you.”
Silence.
She crosses her arms. “I wasn’t going to say it.”
I scowl. “Sure you weren’t.”
“I wasn’t.”
I roll my eyes. “Uh huh.”
“I was going to say you need...” She searches for words. “...to get back to your room...before the nurses start looking for you.”
I snort. “Sure you were, and to hell with the nurses. I’m pretty much done with this place. A couple more days and I’ll be leaving it, roaming around the rest of the base with you guys. Freedom will never feel so sweet.”
“I bet.”
Silence again.
“Can I ask you something, Blake?”
She looks over. “Of course.”
I just go for it, and hope she doesn’t hate me after. “How long have you liked Bast?”
“I... What?” she stammers.
“Bast, how long have you liked him?”
She hugs her arms to her chest. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Blake, don’t bother lying to me. I see the way you look at him.”
“The way I look at him... Quinn, I barely tolerate his stupidity.”
I give her a look. “Blake.”
“No,” she snaps. “I do not like Bast...not like that! It’s a ridiculous question.”
“Oh come on,” I protest, throwing my arms out.
“No, you come on,” she counters. “Are you walking around half-blind? You’ve seen the two of us together.”
“I’m not the blind one here, Blake,” I reply.
“I’m done with this conversation,” she retorts, pushing away from the wall. “Our next one better make more sense.” She storms off without another word.
I let out a groan and look to the ceiling, at the loose speckled tiles and bright lights.
Nice job, genius.
I know the truth now, even if she can’t admit it to herself, but I can’t help feeling it shouldn’t have come out this way. Love is a sore subject for Blake, after everything she’s been through, and after her argument with Bast and Jax earlier, it’s no wonder she’s afraid to act. She cares for Bast so much it’s causing her pain. She’s afraid that if she pursues him, she’ll lose one of the only friends and family she has.
Guess it’s easier to throw me away than admit I’m right.
Bast means more to her, but I don’t fault her for it for a second.
If it was a choice between her and Jax...
Guild, it’s a choice I hope I never have to make.
I want to help Blake, but I doubt she’ll let me now. I’m not even sure I could give her good advice. Jax and I hated each other when we first met, and while Blake and Bast bicker constantly, it’s not the same.
I sigh.
My life is a disaster. What’s another mess?
Right?
Maybe tomorrow will be brighter, will bring another chance.
Sighing once more, I push off the wall and return to my room to get some rest.