If someone were to follow me to work each morning they would think I take a random route. Not so, Sherlock. My walk from the train station to the office is based entirely on a whim and I will explain why...
There was a time when I took the same, dull fucking route twice a day. I won’t bore you (or me!) with the details. One day, I forget exactly which, I was dragging my heels and looking at nothing in particular when a fantastic arse hove unexpectedly into view. One moment there was dull, grey boredom, the next a spectacular vision! Even better the arse was attached to a pretty decent pair of legs. The one downer was I couldn’t see her tits properly because she was on the other side of the road, so I decided I’d take a closer look. With the barest of glances I cut across the stationary traffic, watching out for the obligatory twats on two wheels that refuse to queue with everyone else. I increased the speed of my gait as the gap with the arse widened temporarily. It was a good shape, pushing out of trousers that looked sprayed on, with just enough firm wobble. Not the jellyfish jiggle like the recently relieved pregnants (you know, the ones who moan about still having puppy fat) and not the plastic doll rigidity of the size zero’s either. I judged it a great arse, at least a 7, maybe even a 7.5.
Then it disappeared, replaced by a fat guy; no a huge guy. The arse rating on this one was at best a -12. I stopped abruptly and looked around to regain sight of the trim bottom, but I almost immediately received a firm shove in the back.
“What the fuck are you doing?” snapped some bespectacled wanker who’d bumped into me when I’d halted in my tracks. He fired off a glare as he pushed through me.
I ignored him, instead scanning left and right to find the arse again. I spotted it relatively quickly, receding fast down a side road, going in completely the wrong direction to my office. I had a choice between fat guy going in the right direction or sexy arse, with unidentified tits which really still needed a closer inspection, going in the wrong direction.
Frankly it was a piss-easy choice and as a result I was fifteen minutes late for work that day. I’ve never looked back. Now, with hindsight, maybe that was another mistake — not knowing who was behind me.