Patsy closed the book and stopped pretending she’d been reading. After going for ice cream, she and Kenny had brought an exhausted Wendy home and put her straight to bed. How quickly and quietly she’d gone to sleep showed how tired the child was. Patsy and Kenny had sat at her bedside long after she was asleep, reassuring themselves that she was okay.
Patsy had tried to convince Kenny to come to bed with her, but he’d declined. Her heart ached for him. She could imagine the nightmares he was reliving. And he still had to deal with Mrs. Walden. His mother. Patsy covered her face with her hands.
When she saw Kenny, Wendy and Mrs. Walden together in the hospital room, she’d wondered why she hadn’t made the connection before. The family resemblance was undeniable. If you knew what to look for, that is. Patsy was sure no one else would make the connection.
She stopped her musings when Kenny trudged into their bedroom. “Are you going to be all right?” she asked, not liking the tension she saw in his face.
“I’m fine,” he said without much conviction. “You okay?”
“I’m fine and so is Wendy. A lot of kids get fractures.”
“We didn’t.”
“Pure luck, I assure you.” She smiled at the memory of their youthful pranks. “We were a lot more reckless than Wendy is.”
Kenny slipped off his shirt and dropped down on the end of the bed. Patsy saw the tension in the bunched muscles around his neck and shoulders and automatically sought to relieve him. She waddled on her knees to the end of the bed and placed her hands on his shoulders. “You’ve got to relax,” she said, then began working her fingers into his muscles. “Wendy’s fine.”
Kenny dropped his head to give her better access, but he didn’t say anything. Patsy directed all her energy into the massage. If this was the only thing she could do for him, she planned to do her best.
She noticed the shaking in his shoulders before she heard his soft sobs. “Oh, Kenny,” she said softly. “My poor, sweet Kenny.” She lowered her hands from his shoulders and wrapped them around his torso, resting her face on his back. “Wendy’s fine,” she murmured, stroking her hands across his chest.
“You didn’t see her fall, Patsy. I’ve never been so scared in all my life. I could have lost her.”
“But you didn’t. And you won’t. Not for a long time.”
For a short moment, his hands covered the ones that stroked his chest, then he cleared his throat. “Look, I’m fine. Why don’t you get some sleep?” He stood up and looked down at her. “Thank you,” he said simply, then turned on his long legs and went into the bathroom.
Patsy stared at the door separating them, missing the comfort of his body against hers. Her plan had been to comfort him, but she now knew they had comforted each other. Just like a husband and wife should.
When he returned to the bed a little while later, showered and dressed in his standard pajamas, she turned to him. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow.”
That was okay with her. She knew he needed time. She didn’t want to talk, either, but she needed something, some connection with him. She wanted the closeness they’d shared before he’d gone into the bathroom.
“I’m sorry about your celebration,” he said. “I promise I’ll make it up to you.”
Patsy appreciated his concern, but it wasn’t necessary. “Don’t even think about it. Anyway, we did celebrate.”
He looked over at her, a question in his eyes. “I know I was a bit out of it, but I think I’d remember a celebration.”
She smiled, her heart going out to him. “We had ice cream, remember? All the ice cream we wanted.”
She would have paid millions for the laugh her words coaxed out of him.
“You’re good for me, you know that? I don’t know what I would have done without you today.” He laughed again, in a self-deprecating way that made Pasty wince. “Probably broken Wendy’s hand.”
“You looked like you were doing okay when I got to the hospital.”
She thought she saw him grin. “I put on a good show. I couldn’t let Wendy see how nervous I was. The doctor either, for that matter. He would’ve put me in the bed next to her.”
Patsy inched toward him and placed her hand on his arm. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. Wendy’s fine.”
He laid his other hand on top of hers. “I wonder how many times you’ve told me that today. Tell me a few hundred more and maybe, just maybe, I’ll believe it.” He paused. “You know what I want to do right now?”
Patsy shook her head, wondering if he felt the need to hold her as she felt the need to hold him.
“Go back to her room and make sure she’s okay.”
The apprehension in his eyes made her heart turn over. She loved this man with all her heart and she was grateful for the life they had in front of them. Very grateful. “Why don’t we go together?” she suggested. “I could do with a look at her myself.”
They got out of bed and went to Wendy’s room together. Kenny opened the door and they peeked in. The light from the hallway illuminated the sleeping child’s face. “You want to go in?” Patsy asked in a whisper.
Kenny shook his head. “She’s fine. I don’t want to wake her.”
Patsy nodded. They stood looking at Wendy for a few minutes longer, then Kenny closed the door quietly, dropped an arm around Patsy’s shoulder and escorted her back to their bedroom.
Keeping his arm around her shoulder, he turned so he could look down in her face. “I meant it, you know. I’m glad you were with me today. It didn’t really feel right until you got there.”
Her insides churned with sudden hopefulness and she smiled. “Glad to be of service.”
Kenny lowered his head and did what he’d wanted to do ever since she’d walked into the hospital room. He kissed her. The kiss started soft, but quickly became hard and demanding. He needed this. He needed her. Not to satisfy some physical hunger, but to satisfy an emotional need deep in his soul. It was as if kissing her, touching her, made the world real and safe for him. He wanted to keep kissing her. He wanted to do more than kiss her. He lifted his head and pulled her into his arms.
“Am I holding you too tight?” he asked when she groaned.
“Never,” she murmured against his chest.
He contented himself with holding her for a long while. When he moved to release her, she tightened her arms around him.
“Don’t,” she murmured. “I need you, Kenny.”
Kenny’s heartbeat hammered in his chest. Her words could mean a million different things. What did they mean? he wondered.
“Kenny,” she murmured softly, “will you kiss me again?”
He stared down at the face he’d come to cherish more than he’d ever thought possible and saw the yearning in her wide, expressive eyes. She hid none of her feelings for him. She wanted a kiss. But she also wanted more. Much, much more.
He lowered his head and pressed his lips against her much softer ones again. She immediately slid her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her. He groaned against her mouth, then picked her up and carried her the few steps to the bed. With her arms still around him and his mouth covering hers, he gently lowered her to the mattress. He adjusted his body so that all his weight wouldn’t be on her and gave himself up to the kiss.
He luxuriated in her soft, but urgent exploration of his mouth. Her hands slid down the front of his pajama top and her fingers slipped open the buttons so she could stroke the hairs on his chest. He moaned in pleasure, trying to keep his desire in check while she worked her magic on him.
His desire escalated as her soft hands traveled slowly down his stomach to his navel, which was partially covered by the waistband of his pajama bottoms. Unable to hold himself back any longer, he covered her breasts with his hands, feeling their softness beneath her flannel gown. Her muffled groan was his reward.
She pulled away from him, and her passion-glazed eyes held his. He didn’t know what she was looking for in his eyes, but he hoped she found it.
“Are you sure you want to do this, Patsy?” he asked, knowing that if she stopped now he’d die of unfulfilled desire.
Keeping her eyes glued to his, she slipped open the clear buttons of her navy gown, then pulled the garment over her head and threw it onto the floor behind her.
His eyes took in the full length of her, admiring the black lace of her bra and panties, which contrasted so with her now-discarded flannel gown. Had she worn sexy lingerie like this every night? he wondered as his eyes zeroed in on her full breasts, straining at the edges of her bra. He couldn’t stop his fingers from tracing a line around the top of the flimsy undergarment. When his hand covered her breast and squeezed lightly, Patsy sucked in her breath.
His eyes shot back to hers. “You like that?”
Her teasing tongue traced her full lips, causing him to pull her against him and press his mouth against hers again. His hands went behind her and in short order unhooked her bra.
He leaned away from her and she hunched her shoulders, causing her bra to slide down her arms. He pulled the bothersome garment away from her and threw it over his shoulder onto the floor.
She giggled. “In a hurry?”
“No way,” he was able to say before he rolled onto his back and pulled her atop him. His hands caressed her from her cute, little ears to her supple thighs, remembering every touch that made her shiver.
He sucked in his breath when she pushed his pajama top off his shoulders. He shrugged out of the garment and threw it on the floor. Next, her hands slid down his chest to the snaps on his pajama bottoms. “Kenny,” he heard her murmur in frustration. “I can’t get it open.”
She lifted her lower body slightly and he reached between them and fumbled with his snaps, all the while recognizing that the only thing separating his hands from the center of her passion was the thin film of her black lace panties.
He took advantage of his good fortune and cupped her in his hands briefly before pushing his pajama bottoms and briefs down his legs and kicking them off. When he was naked, he rolled her onto her back so he could have better access to her breasts. She moaned in pleasure when he took the taut nipple of one of her firm mounds in his mouth while his hand caressed the other.
Patsy lifted her hips to press closer to him, aching for the release she knew he’d give her. Her tongue slipped out of her mouth in pleasure as he suckled at her breast. He released her nipple, then brushed his lips across its stiff tip. His lips trailed a path from the peak of her breast to her shoulder and on to her armpit. When he kissed her there, her lower body lifted off the bed in spasm.
The more Kenny pleasured her, the weaker she felt and the more frustrated. Frustrated because she wanted to touch him as he was touching her, but she couldn’t. He zapped her energy with his every kiss, his every touch.
“Kenny,” she murmured, but forgot what she was going to say when he slipped a hand inside her panties. Instead, she groaned as one of his fingers eased inside her, giving her a preview of what she could expect from him.
“You’re so wet,” he said, and continued his exploration of her.
She twisted frantically against him, her heart slamming against her ribs. She felt bereft when he removed his finger, but not for long, for he reached around and snatched the thin lace material away from her.
She pressed her lower body to his, needing his heat to satisfy her. She felt him hard and long, and she wanted him.
She ran her hands down between their bodies and touched him, tentatively at first, but then more boldly as his moans of pleasure grew louder.
He shifted slightly, giving her better access to that part of him that sparked her curiosity and drove her passion. Her eyes widened when she saw him.
“We’ll fit perfectly,” he said, and she shut her eyes, embarrassed that he’d read the question in them.
He kissed her eyelids while positioning his body over hers. “Look at me, Patsy. I want to see your eyes when I come inside you.”
She opened her eyes, unable to resist him, and was rewarded with one of his full-blown smiles, dimples and all.
“Now that’s better,” he said, pressing his knee against her leg but not taking his eyes from hers.
She opened for him, anxious to feel him inside her.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, his mouth dragging kisses down her jaw.
She wanted to tell him he was beautiful, too, but she couldn’t form the words. Her brain seemed focused on one thing only—the imminent joining of their bodies.
She gasped when he passed her entrance, then purred with pleasure as he sank deep within her. She watched the play of emotions across his face while he waited for her body to become accustomed to his. Perspiration beaded on his forehead, and the realization that he exercised great restraint made her grow warmer, if that were possible.
She lifted her hips against him and he responded with a thrust of his own. His lips parted and he increased his pace. For a split second she wondered if the rocking sound made by the bed would waken Wendy, but that thought was soon forgotten as he took her mouth in his and his tongue teased hers in a rhythm that matched his other loving movements.
Patsy met him thrust for thrust until she reached a place she’d never visited before. Her fingernails dug into his back and pulled him tighter against her. Her whole body grew still, then the tidal wave of her release flooded over her.
Kenny felt the tension build in Patsy’s body, then saw her eyes widen in surprise and pleasure when she reached the pinnacle of her excitement. The joy and pleasure her release gave him brought him over the top immediately. With a final thrust, he emptied himself into her.
Kenny woke with Patsy sprawled over him, her soft snoring as sexy as hell. He’d have to tease her about it. He hadn’t noticed her snoring in all the nights they’d slept together, so either he’d made a good showing tonight or he’d bored her senseless. He grinned, knowing he definitely hadn’t bored her.
As he gazed on her beautiful, naked form, his body heated with renewed desire and he wanted her again. He considered waking her, but the peaceful expression on her warm face stopped him. He could wait, he told himself, then closed his eyes.
Five minutes later, he was still awake and he still wanted her. He’d either have to get out of bed or go ahead and make love to her. He chose what he thought was the nobler of the two options. He got out of bed, slipped on the pajama bottoms he’d discarded earlier, then padded out of the room to check on Wendy once more.
When he peeked into his daughter’s room this time, he could smile. She was fine. And she’d continue to be fine; he felt sure of that now. He closed the door silently and made his way downstairs.
He went directly to the closet in the family room and pulled out the brown storage box that held videotapes. He didn’t know why he wanted to look at them now, when he hadn’t in two years, but he did.
He slipped a tape in the VCR, not bothering to see which one it was, then eased back on the couch to watch it. His face and Wendy’s were the first images he saw. They were asleep on the couch, the two-year-old Wendy resting on his chest.
“Wake up, sleepyheads,” Leah’s voice called from off camera.
Kenny remembered the lazy Saturday all those years ago when Leah had caught him and Wendy on tape. She’d been bad about sneaking up on them and taping them when they weren’t looking. He remembered those times with a poignant gladness.
Leah’s smiling face appeared on the screen next. Kenny remembered how he’d taken the camera and forced her to pose with Wendy. Had she been happy then? he wondered. He pressed the Pause button on the remote control and stared into the face of the woman he’d loved for so much of his life.
Why hadn’t he realized how unhappy she was? Why hadn’t she told him? She did tell you, he reminded himself.
Then she should have made me understand how unhappy she was, he argued. They were married. She should have told him, given him some signal. She shouldn’t have gone to that lawyer behind his back. That was betrayal.
He looked again at the happy, loving face on the screen in front of him and wondered what had driven her to do something so deceitful. Had she been that unhappy with him? Had he been that insensitive to her feelings?
Kenny admitted they’d argued more than once about his working hours, but he’d explained to her that as the new guy in the district attorney’s office, he had to distinguish himself. He had to work hard now in order for them to have a secure future. She hadn’t understood at first, he knew. She’d complained that she and Wendy missed him and needed him. She’d told him he was missing some of the most important days in Wendy’s life. His answer had been to buy her a video recorder so she could capture those moments for him. He shook his head at the arrogant ignorance he’d displayed.
Leah’s complaining soon stopped, and he had assumed she finally understood what he was trying to accomplish with the long hours at the office. Obviously, she hadn’t. He had the letter from her lawyer to prove it.
He wondered if Leah knew he had found out about the attorney. He’d never been able to confront her with it. At first he’d been too hurt to even discuss it. Then he’d become angry. By the time he’d reached a point where he could talk about it, the doctors had told them about Leah’s illness and its prognosis. There was no use bringing it up then.
Kenny wondered what his life would have been like if Leah hadn’t gotten sick. Would she have divorced him and taken Wendy with her? Or would they have worked through their problems? He’d never know the real answer, but he didn’t think the latter would have happened. Leah had reached her limit if she’d consulted an attorney.
Had he really treated Leah that badly? he wondered. He thought he had, and for that he was ashamed. So ashamed he hadn’t even told Leah about reading the letter about the divorce. So ashamed he hadn’t told Patsy about it, either.
Patsy. He knew she deserved the truth. He should have told her before they were married. She deserved to know he’d failed at his first marriage and might fail at this one. But he hadn’t wanted her to know, hadn’t wanted her to question whether he’d make a good husband. She’d married him thinking his and Leah’s marriage had been perfect, and he’d done nothing to let her know the reality.
You’re a phony, Kenny Sanders, he said to himself. A great big liar. You ended one marriage with a lie. And you’ve started the second one with a lie.
His thoughts turned to Patsy and the night they’d just shared. That hadn’t been a lie. He’d made love to his wife, the woman who was right now enjoying a peaceful and contented sleep after consummating their marriage. Patsy would never betray him the way Leah had. That’s why he loved her. That’s why he was in love with her.
“I’m in love with Patsy,” he said aloud. “I’m in love with Patsy.” The words rolled around in his mind until he was sure of them. He was in love with Patsy. He didn’t know when it had happened, but he’d fallen in love with her.
An overwhelming joy filled him and he wanted to rush upstairs and share his revelation with her. But he couldn’t. How could he tell Patsy he loved her before he told her how he had failed Leah?
He looked back at Leah’s smiling face on the screen in front of him. He’d always thought he was angry with Leah because she’d betrayed him, but now he wondered. Had he been in love with Patsy, on some level, even when he was married to Leah? And had that love kept him from seeing and responding to Leah’s needs?
As he sat in the silence of the family room with Leah’s face smiling out at him from the television screen, a voice in his mind kept asking, “Was Leah the one betrayed?”