SAM HAD KNOWN traveling with his mother would be a test of patience. He had not understood that moving into a new apartment would make him want to shove her in a closet and close the door, just so he could get a bit of peace and quiet.
At first, he’d thought she was nervous about their separation. But she just kept talking.
Then he realized the common theme to every story she trotted out, every trip down memory lane.
His mother was doing a hard sell on Avery Abernathy as the key to all his happiness.
For two weeks, he’d relied on Avery for distraction and entertainment. Even when his ribs had healed enough for him to return to the Otter Lake ranger station to meet with Ash, Avery had driven him in her mother’s SUV. When he’d asked how soon she was going to get her own wheels, her vague answer was enough to make it clear she didn’t want to talk about it.
There could be only one good reason for that.
Avery was planning a return trip to Chicago.
And that made him sadder than saying goodbye to the engine he’d been responsible for maintaining for more than five years.
When she and Janet had sent them off at the airport, Avery had hugged him like she never wanted to let go, but she’d never once mentioned catching up to him. If she was content where she was, they were going to continue on the same paths. That meant they were better off friends.
The sooner his mother came to terms with that, the sooner he’d have some peace.
She’d started in on how well Avery had done with her single cooking lesson, as if the ability to make lasagna was the only thing keeping Sam from claiming her as his...woman, wife, whatever his mother thought.
“Mom,” Sam said as he waited for her to wind down. They were carrying in the comforter and sheets he’d picked up at a discount store. The plain apartment he’d chosen was about thirty minutes west of Boulder in a nowhere spot that might as well have been his old apartment at Otter Lake. He had a view of the woods and the two-lane road that wound up through the mountains. It was beautiful outside. Inside? It was uninspiring. He could imagine what Avery would say.
If his previous style had been “monk,” this was closer to “prison cell.”
But it didn’t have to be completed today. His mother had already insisted they buy plates and a four-place setting of flatware. Why? He had no friends here.
At least he wouldn’t have to wash dishes as often.
His mother never stopped. She paused as he said “Mom” again, but she was too busy fluffing the two pillows she’d bought to “liven up” his beige couch.
“We need Janet’s touch. I should have let her come with us.” She gave each pillow a chop, creating a fold down the center.
Sam raised his hand and said, “Sit.”
His mother was blinking as if she didn’t quite appreciate his tone, but she followed orders.
“We only have one more night together. I don’t want to talk about Avery anymore.” He was caught off guard at the flash of homesickness that formed a lump in his chest. He and his mother had lived fifteen minutes apart, or less, for his entire life. How was this ever going to work?
His mother scooted back to rest against her bright throw pillow. “Okay. What should we talk about?” She was ready to be patient with him, even though she had her own plans. He could still read her face clearly.
“What if this is a mistake?” He’d surprised them both by asking the question. He’d never meant to let on to his mother that he had his doubts. She was already doing her best to pretend that everything was fine. If he didn’t hold up his end of the bargain, she would be so sad.
Or that was what he thought. “A mistake? No way.” The certain, hard shake of her head sent her sleek bob flying so she had to smooth her hair. “You’ve been training your whole life for this. You’re nervous, uncertain. That’s okay, but you have to know that you had this dream for a reason, baby. You are going to do good work. You are going to be safe. You are going to work hard with your team, and before you know it, you’ll have an entire crew who would put their lives on the line to make sure you make it out of the fire zone, like you did at home.”
Sam wanted to believe she was right, but he was still unsure.
“Listen, you haven’t been tested. That’s okay.” His mother took his hand in hers. “You’ve been a lucky duck for more than thirty years and no one wants that to change, but the thing about ducks is they have to change course sometimes. They have to stretch their wings now and then. That’s all this is. Like ducks, you’ll remember the way home. I have no doubt.” She turned away and wiped away the tears that were welling in her eyes.
“And here’s a bit of good news.” She clapped her hands. “Janet and I have been talking for years about planning a ski vacation. Now we got an even better reason.” She poked his knee. “We can get Avery here. You tell her she’d never be good on the bunny slope and she’ll be booking the plane ticket and buying the ski hat. You know it’s true.”
Sam snorted. It was true. That didn’t solve anything.
“And if I know anything, it’s that you and Avery...” His mother made kissy noises. “You two belong together. I’ve never seen you like you’ve been with her these last few weeks. I was pretty sure I was going to have to get a prescription for tranquilizer darts to keep you on that spot on the couch, but y’all played your card games and argued over what shows to watch and generally acted like best friends or...soul mates.” She leaned forward. “I know which one you want it to be.”
“But it isn’t.” Sam was afraid hoping for something that might never be would doom this move before it got off the ground.
“Did you try?” his mother asked softly. “Gotta be scary to risk a friend from way back like that.”
“Does a kiss after a morning trip to watch the otters count?”
His mother frowned. “I’d say definitely, although I need to know more about this. I didn’t know about such a trip or a kiss. Does Janet know?”
“You’re missing the point, Mom,” Sam said as he pinched the beige, beige couch. “It was a good kiss. A great one. Still, no Avery.”
“But did you ask her, son?” his mother said slowly. “Because she isn’t one of those girls hunting for love under every rock. I bet you’d actually have to hit her with the rock to get her attention. It’s hard when you’ve been through what she has.”
Sam knew that. He also knew if he told his mother about the woozy conversation that he could barely remember where she’d told him that one day she’d be ready for him, there would be no stopping her. Avery would be caught in the crosshairs.
And she didn’t deserve that. She didn’t deserve any of it—losing her husband, losing her way, having to deal with starting over and meddling mothers and a guy who was ready to push her further than she wanted to go for a life she’d never be happy with.
“I’m still going to be a firefighter.” That was the sticking point. “And she’s happy in Sweetwater.” Another hurdle. “Better let this one go.”
His mother wanted to argue. He could see it. Instead, she chewed her bottom lip and fussed with the edge of her sweater.
But she didn’t. “I don’t want to mess up our last night together with a dumb argument, Sam, but you can bet you have an agent on the ground in Sweetwater.” She winked. “Two, because Janet would be over the moon to call you a son.”
A son? He and Avery weren’t even in the same state anymore. Telling her to grab ahold of those runaway horses would be a waste of breath. He almost felt bad for Avery. Almost. The mothers might manage what he couldn’t.
All Sam knew was that if Avery was here, by his side, none of these dumb fears, the homesickness or the worry could take hold. She’d brush it all away with light and fun.
“Should we drive all the way into Boulder for some good food?” His mother was already nodding yes as she posed the question. So, they would drive into Boulder. Since they’d made the commute almost every night of the week they’d been there, he wasn’t surprised. “I’m going to try that sushi place this time, the one over by the college.” She hit the last word hard and watched him. Then she waved both hands in the air and headed for the tiny bathroom.
Sam studied his jeans and boots. Changing would mean different jeans and boots, so what was the point? As he weighed his current fatigue against the certainty of a lecture from his mother about dressing for dinner properly, his phone dinged to say he had a text.
He wanted it to be Avery. Instead, Ash had sent him a picture of the charred area around the weather station. His note: Finally got all the flames fully extinguished. That was some surprise fire you guys stumbled into.
In return, Sam sent Ash a picture of the view from his window, the old pines with mountains rising in the distance. Wish you were here. He added the kissing emoji so that Ash would get the message’s sarcastic tone. Then he swallowed hard and tried to convince himself that was how he meant it.
He was staring out the window, wondering if it was too late to pack it all in and head home, when his phone dinged again. Thinking it was Ash again, this time with a flying middle finger or other commentary on his conversational skills, Sam was grinning as he pulled it out of his pocket.
Then he saw Avery’s happy face, the picture he’d saved after one of their afternoon sessions playing with the filters on her phone. There was no sign of the tense, worn-out woman from that first night up at Yanu. Here she was young and wicked, complete with small horns, and so alive.
Feed Courage. Sam read it aloud and then repeated it. “Feed Courage.” It was a good message and at the time he needed it. He didn’t quit. Avery Abernathy would never respect a quitter. He was going to figure out this job. That would give her enough time to make her plans. And when the time was right, he’d figure out a way to make his road and hers cross again.
All he had to do was feed Courage in the meantime.