Six
Life could change in the blink of an eye—or so they said. Zach didn’t even think it took that long. Life could be over in a flash. All one really had to do to realize that truth was take a good look around.
With this case, the accident victims probably had figured they were starting any other ordinary day. They probably didn’t have even a fleeting thought that they wouldn’t return home that night.
The local FBI office had supplied the team with a couple of SUVs. Zach and Paige were in one of them, stopped at a red light, and he was watching the people crossing the street. They had no idea how vulnerable they were, how fragile life was.
Paige looked at him from the passenger seat. “You okay over there?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” But he knew why she’d asked. They always filled the space between them with animated conversation about whatever case they were working, but this ride had been pretty quiet.
“Zach?” Paige pointed to the light that had turned green.
Zach pressed the accelerator, hoping Paige wouldn’t push him and would just leave him to his thoughts, no matter how depressing they were. Then again, death was a fact of life. The Grim Reaper showed no favoritism, snatching whomever was in his path. There was certainly nothing fair about the timing or selection process.
“I’m having a hard time seeing,” Paige said.
He looked over to see her squinting behind her sunglasses.
“You have an optical migraine coming on?” He’d had them before, and they were horrid—zigzag vision often accompanied by speech problems. Usually an antacid and a few Tylenol helped right things. “Do you need me to pull over?” He started looking for a spot.
“No.” Paige smiled. “I was referring to the smoke in here.” She waved her hand as if to clear the air. “You’re so deep in thought.”
He settled back into the seat.
“What is it?” Paige asked. “You have something serious on your mind.”
Zach looked over at her, wishing he could become invisible. But if he was going to open up to someone, she was a good choice.
He gripped the steering wheel and twisted, his knuckles whitening. “I guess now is as good a time as any.”
Paige shifted her body, angling more toward him, frowning. “Now, you’re worrying me. What is it? You and Sheri okay?”
“We’re good.” By keeping things cryptic, maybe he could derail the conversation before it got going.
“Good? Why am I having a hard time buying that?” Her eyes scolded him. “If you’re having problems, I’m here for you. Is she upset that you had to go out of state last minute?”
“No. She knew what she was getting into.” Zach slid her a gentle smile.
“Well, then you’re a lucky one, Zach.”
He was, and he knew it. Maybe that’s why he felt like garbage for viewing his future child as an unwelcome burden. Even acknowledging the thought made him shrink.
“Some say that we make our own luck,” he added lightheartedly, hoping they’d find a new path to venture down discussion-wise. Opening up to someone was losing its appeal.
“If we do, I suck at it.” Paige gave a self-deprecating laugh.
“Oh, someday you’ll meet Mr. Right,” he teased, glancing at the road, then back at her.
“Should it bother me that you went right to my love life?” She thrust out her arm and twisted an imaginary blade.
He was smiling.
“It’s a good thing I like you.” She laughed. “Let’s talk about something other than my love life.”
“The case?” he asked, hopeful.
Paige slapped his arm. “Don’t think I’m letting you off that easy. Spill.” The last word was said with stark seriousness.
Maybe it was best to lay the groundwork for what would follow. “Sheri is pregnant.”
“She’s…” Paige’s face lit into a large grin.
Zach would have laughed at her animated reaction if his stomach wasn’t tied up in knots. How was she going to react when he told her his plans to leave the BAU?
“At a loss for words?” he asked.
“Yeah… Well, kind of. You just got engaged. I take it this wasn’t planned?”
“Nope.” And he wasn’t sure what shook him more, seeing himself as a father or working in a cubicle.
She nudged his shoulder. “But you’re happy about it, right?”
He found himself going still—his body frozen, his thoughts suspended. His lungs expanded with air, and he looked at her, hesitant to admit his innermost feelings, as if voicing them would confirm that he was a bad person.
He’d been shocked when Sheri had told him she was pregnant. Not because commitment scared him; it didn’t. He’d just proposed to her after all. But a baby meant real change. Turn-your-world-upside-down change. That was more what he was afraid of. Then again, it could be a matter of him not wanting to let go, of not knowing how he’d balance this job and a baby.
“It was a surprise,” he said. “That’s all.”
“Oh.”
That one tiny word was a sucker punch to the gut. The way her eyes were scanning him, she was reading him. His anxious energy, his grip on the wheel, the subtleties behind his words, his reaction to the news—it obviously wasn’t lost on her.
“You’re afraid,” Paige added. “Babies are a lot of work.”
He chuckled. “You talk like you know firsthand.”
“Kids aren’t in my future, but that’s me. I think I’m missing the mommy gene.” She gave a small smile. “But for you and Sheri, this is exciting. It will be the start of a fun and interesting chapter in your lives.”
She had no idea. He breezed through a yellow to red.
“Why do I have the feeling there’s more?” Paige asked.
Because you’re a damn good FBI agent.
“Here goes.” He paused. “I promised myself a long time ago that if I got married and started a family, I’d take a desk job.” His gaze flicked to Paige’s. His heart was pounding, but his breathing was shallow.
“Oh.” A few beats. Then, “Ohhh. You’re leaving the BAU?”
“Please don’t say anything about this to anyone. Obviously, I don’t need this getting to Jack before I talk to him.”
“So you are leaving…” Paige slumped. “You can work the job and be a father, Zach.” Bless her for trying, but her reassurance rang hollow.
“Like I said, I promised myself a long time ago—”
“Yeah, I heard you,” she interrupted. “Do you hear yourself? A long time ago. You’re allowed to change your mind.”
“You know about my brother-in-law, Greg, don’t you?” he asked.
She nodded, somber. “He was shot in the line of duty.” Her brow pinched as if she didn’t get why he was bringing him up.
“Right. Because he was a cop.” Zach’s chest tightened. “He left my sister alone, pregnant and with a two-year-old to raise.”
“So you worry that would happen to you?” she asked gently.
“I’m not worried about me. Greg’s death nearly destroyed my sister. I wouldn’t want to do that to Sheri or leave our child without a father.”
“And you think if you get a desk job, that will guarantee that won’t happen? You know, for a genius—”
“I know I could die at any time.”
“Then what’s the issue, Zach? Life is for living. And you have someone who loves you. Soon you’ll have a son or daughter looking up to you.”
He pulled on the collar of his shirt, which was becoming more restrictive the longer the conversation went on. “I just…”
Paige reached over and squeezed his forearm. “Just promise me you won’t rush to any decisions.”
“You should know me better than that.” Saying the words, he felt like a hypocrite. He struggled to envision his future with a family and working with the BAU.
He pulled into the Kelters’ drive, welcoming the reprieve speaking to Gordon would bring. At least his mind—and Paige’s—would be focused on the case.