Facebook, BBM, E-mail, and Other Non-Texts

“Texting is the best b/c there is no pesky ‘BLOCK’ feature like on IM. The only way to stop a text is with a restraining order ... and who has the time to go thru the hassle to get one of those?”

—John

Text messaging is the most widely used and recognized tool in dating today. It begins and ends with the text messaging. Its universal accessibility and popularity has proven staying power greater than any technology fad. We do however find it necessary to acknowledge our other techno-dating and-relating friends. Modern times have supplied us with a few supplements that we found also enhance our social calendars. Enter stage left: e-mail, BlackBerry Messenger (or, as the cool kids say, BBM), Facebook, MySpace, and instant messenger or IM. These are all ways we stay in touch, network, and of course, flirt. From a dating standpoint, determining which avenue a boy approaches you says a lot about them. Read below to see what each means.

BBM: Stands for BlackBerry Messenger. It’s portable instant messenger for people with BlackBerrys and it’s free. If you can believe it, BBM is even more instant than text messaging. It works like instant messenger for BlackBerrys. It shows when someone is typing you a message and confirms when someone has read your message, adding a whole new component to communidating.

Pros:

• Faster than text messaging.
• It lets you know when messages are read, leaving no question that they didn’t get it.
• Exclusive to BlackBerry users.
• You have to exchange pins in order to connect.
• Free.
• Fun!

Cons:

• Exclusive to BlackBerry.
• It tells you when someone has opened and read your message, making the excuse “I didn’t get your message” not an option here.
• Adds an element of guilt. It’s a diss if someone reads your message and doesn’t respond.

texting tell-all

BBM is just like a text!

Secret unveiled: How to check a BBM without getting the “R?” Someone BBMs you and you want to read it but don’t want them to see that you read it, aka the “R” you get once you know someone read your messgage. Here’s what you do: you go to another BBM conversation and wait till the bottom bar notifies you that Dave wrote you “Hey what are you . . .” and you can’t make out the rest. You roll over this part and right click “copy”—go into a blank message box and “paste.” Your entire message Dave sent you will be pasted without him ever knowing you read it. Now rest assured you have all the time in the world to write back. You took the time clock off a BBM which makes it a text again. You’re welcome.

Now say you met a boy the other night and didn’t get a chance to exchange phone numbers. You most likely will receive a Facebook alert inviting you to become his “friend” the following day. That is, if you don’t beat him to it. From there, a friendly poke or message trail begins that can lead to exchanging numbers, an official date invite, or joining his Facebook entourage! Facebook has alleviated the stress of shoula coulda woulda asked you out, because before you know it, you’ve been “Facebooked” (a term widely used among Facebook faithfuls). All you need to know in order to find a boy on Facebook is his name or a mutual friend; the rest involves some digging on your end.

texting tip

Facebook: This started as a social network for college kids and has recently grown and expanded. From students to business professionals to celebrities, everyone who knows what’s good for them has joined the ranks of the largest social network today. You create profiles according to your “network,” which consists of the school you attend/ed, the city you reside in, and the job you have.

This makes for an instant connection between people who went to the same school, are from the same town, or work at the same corporation. The beauty is you can put as much or as little information as you deem necessary on your profile page. If a PBF checks out your page and likes what he sees, expect a friend request and message soon thereafter. Facebook is also a great way to keep dibs on any boy by checking his status (where he is, who he’s dating, what he ate for breakfast), recent photos, wall posts, and mutual friends.

Pros:

• You can read up about a person and their whereabouts based on the public information that is readily available thanks to photos and status updates.
• Before accepting someone’s friendship request, you can check to see what friends you have in common. This will either help you remember how you met, or send up a red flag that they are in fact a stranger. (Remember, stranger danger!)
• You can set your profile to private so that only people in your network can view your page.
• If your friend wants to set you up with someone, you can check their profile to see if you are interested before committing to a date.
• You can spy on ex-boyfriends or people from your past.
• You can chat with people worldwide for free.
• You can Instant Message your friends if they are logged onto Facebook at the same time you are.
• If you’re browsing your friend’s page and stumble upon a hottie who is PBF quality, all you have to do is ask them to be your friend and watch as your relationship blossoms! No harm in that!
• You can rekindle friendships with people whom you have lost touch with.
• Facebook will suggest people that you may know or want to be friends with based on your current friends and networks.
• You can add the Facebook application to your BlackBerry, so that you can quickly detag any unflattering photos before anyone notices.

Cons:

• Snooping around on Facebook can sometimes cause you to find out more than you bargained for. Like when that boy you like changes his relationship status from “single” to “in a relationship.”
• Your friend could “tag” you in an unflattering photo for the world to see.
• People know when you don’t accept them as a friend. It’s a snub.
• It’s addicting.
• Employers have taken to looking at someone’s Facebook page before hiring employees. It’s a way for them to check out the real you. Be sure not to put anything unbecoming up. You never know who is looking.

MySpace: The first and still widely popular online social network. Open to anyone and everyone who has Internet access. It started as a way to help people connect to those they have lost touch with. If you don’t have their number anymore, chances are you can find them on MySpace. You can also see what they’ve been up to since second grade (i.e., where they live, what they do for a living, if they’re married, or if they’ve gotten fat!). A lot of lame boys also use MySpace to pick up girls. For some reason they think that if you are on MySpace it is okay to hit on you, but hello, if we don’t know you it’s creepy.

Pros:

• It’s the biggest and most popular social network, making it likely you will find who you are looking for.
• You get in touch with people who you have lost touch with.
• You can keep up with what your old boyfriend is doing these days.
• There is a safety feature allowing you to block strangers from looking at your page.

Cons:

• Because it is so widely used, there is a lot of unwanted solicitation from strangers, bands of unwanted solicitation from strangers, bands you’ve never heard of, and people from your second grade class that you don’t care to rekindle relationships with.
• Everyone who once had MySpace, has now moved to Facebook and therefore hold two domain homes. This makes it hard to keep up with which one to use to contact them.
• People can call themselves whatever they want as their user name, making it difficult to find people.
• If you can’t find them through their user name, you have to have their email address to find them.

E-mail: More often these days, people prefer to give out their e-mail address, instead of their phone number, to someone they just met. E-mailing is a more neutral means of connecting that doesn’t blatantly read “I want to date you!” This form of communication is most popular amongst the thirty and up boy bracket. Boys who e-mail are usually those who didn’t have cell phones in college and at one point relied on e-mail to feel out a girl’s interest before asking her out. It is not uncommon to be asked on a date over e-mail and to accept.

Pros:

• E-mail allows you endless space to type your message.
• If you’re not into him, the excuse “I didn’t get your e-mail” is most believable here.

Cons:

• Your e-mail can get lost in SPAM and you will never know.
• Some of us don’t have e-mail hooked up to our phones so it requires you to be constantly on the lookout for a computer.

Pin: Also exclusive to BlackBerrys, this is your individual code you use to begin a BBMing dialogue. Alternately, you can send someone a message, much like a text, via their pin. Meaning you can use their pin as their number and send a text that way. You are still able to see whether or not that person read your message and all of your past messages to that person will show up in the log. This is a less popular method, though used more frequently in the case that someone doesn’t want to commit to the time sensitive pressure of BBM.

Pros:

• You can tell when the person you sent your message to read it.
• You can see all messages sent to that person on one screen.
• A way to connect without exchanging phone numbers.

Cons:

• It’s not well known and therefore not as commonly used.
• It’s a little aloof. Getting a pin from someone can be awkward because it is so infrequently used.

Instant Messenger or IM: IM is a way to have quick conversations with your friends over the Internet. Usually when you log onto your e-mail account, you are able to instantly IM with other people who are logged on. Don’t be surprised if while you are checking your e-mail, you get an IM from your crush, who is most likely also checking his e-mail or stalling from working on company time. As it was most popular in the nineties, the use of IM is dwindling and giving way to other techno-dating methods. However, once upon a time, boys would ask you on dates, express their love for you, and madly flirt over IM. Following the three-hour telephone conversation era, boys and girls resorted to “IMing” from their home computers because most likely they were writing a paper and enjoyed the sideline conversation that allowed them to “take a break.” Since dating has gone mobile, so must the ways we date. Instant Messaging is no longer the way to a girl’s heart. It’s just used for quick sideline conversations.

Pros:

• Fun distraction when you’re at work or writing a paper at the library.
• Quick, easy, and free way to say hello.

Cons:

• Was a late nineties fad. People don’t use as often when it comes to communi-dating.
• What you write isn’t taken as seriously as texting.
• If one of the parties logs off their email then the conversation will end without warning. If you weren’t the one logging off then this could leave you thinking that it was your bad joke that made him end the conversation without notice.