(WASHINGTON, DC) Special to The New York Times—Today four former Trump White House officials were arrested and one killed after a shootout that echoed across the nation as President Donald Trump attempted to retain power following a crushing Electoral College defeat last November. It was the first time in modern American history that the transfer of presidential power was accompanied by violence, and serves as a grim bookend to the Trump administration.
The day began with a break with tradition that foreshadowed the shocking events of the afternoon. As President-elect Joseph Harris-Warren was waiting in the White House to depart for the swearing-in, the 45th president refused to accompany the group to the Capitol. When the motorcade departed without him, it is alleged former Trump aides Corey Lewandowski, Stephen K. Bannon, Sebastian Gorka, Stephen Miller, and Leland Bob Snipes, Jr., began to use furniture to barricade themselves in the White House residence along with President Trump.
After the swearing-in, Washington was beset with rumors that Trump would refuse to vacate the White House, and a series of tweets from the @realDonaldTrump account soon became national news.
@realDonaldTrump: Fake News. Election results wrong. Your favorite President will serve three more terms. #KAG
Secret Service and FBI Hostage Rescue Team agents were dispatched to the White House, where gunshots were then heard. The agents who ended the armed standoff were shocked to find Lewandowski, Bannon, Gorka, and Miller manning the barricade.
“They were wearing what looked like mall-ninja tactical gear they ordered off eBay,” said an HRT member who spoke on the condition of anonymity. “We knew it was Gorka and Bannon because they were wearing ‘Husky’-cut plate carriers.” Gorka fired repeatedly and inaccurately from cover.
Previously obscure White House aide Leland Bob Snipes, Jr., was the sole casualty in the White House gun battle.
Digital forensics are continuing, but sources tell the Times that Snipes was found with his phone in hand, an unsent tweet as a last memorial to his odd, lost cause of an eternal Trump presidency: “Taking fire. Q will save us though. Any minute JFK Jr. will lead the QArmy through the gates and we’ll…”
QAnon is the widespread conspiracy theory embraced by many Trump supporters.
Former president Trump was uninjured in the battle and has been taken to a private mental health facility for observation. He was extracted from the White House residence master bathroom holding his ubiquitous “Twitter phone” and an extra-crispy drumstick from Kentucky Fried Chicken.
In the last hour of his administration, Trump issued multiple pardons via Twitter, and legal scholars are already debating their validity. Ivanka Trump and her husband, Jared Kushner, are rumored to have fled the country. Former First Lady Melania Trump was seen boarding an Air Canada flight to Ottawa and declined comment.
As the smoke cleared, former Trump senior advisor Kellyanne Conway was seen whispering to President Harris-Warren on the White House lawn. Sources indicate she is in line for a senior position in the new administration.