| |
I ROLL UP MY SLEEVES and look around. We have to get these people out here before DJ Barista spells another man. If she's working as a DJ, a barista, and a witch, no wonder she's in a bad mood. I was too that summer when I had three jobs: running the dart game at the carnival, teaching ballet to five-year-olds, and tasting dog food at the factory.
"Find Reg," the serious vampire says. "Between the four of us, we should be able to stop her."
Had I zoned out again? Focus, Bob!
“Dance with me, Bob,” Sapphire says, doing the robot. “Do your pirouettes!”
“Not now, Saph,” I say. She keeps dancing, but Wim snorts. I smile. "I have a plan. Julian, can you break the spell on the door?"
"Ummm..."
"Great! Rose and your handsome dudes, keep the witch busy. I'll rustle these people out of the club to safety."
It will be just like herding cattle back home. Just like cows, the dancers don’t care what I say or do, but if I can handle cows, I can handle them.
"Safety dance until I get my harem, you assholes," the DJ-witch yells. She's terrible at her job.
"I'll need a horse..." I glance at Ford who nods solemnly. "And a cattle herding dog.” I turn to Wim.
He heaves a sigh and plants his hands on his hips. "Sorry, a people herding dog," I correct myself.
"Wolf," Wim says.
"Even better! Be big and scary." I mime chopping teeth with my hands and fingers.
"I'll ride you," Saph says to Wim and raises her eyebrows.
"Only if you promise to be rough," he says with a grin.
"Let's go!" I say and clap like someone fancy summoning a waiter. It seemed the right thing to do to be leaderly and get everyone to pay attention.
Plus, it always worked on those five-year-olds and my dog co-workers.
Ford spreads out his arms. "Clear some space, good dudes and dudettes." He takes a deep breath, crinkles up his nose, and squints his eyes in concentration.
"What's he doing?" Rose says.
"Stripping," Saph says.
"Ahhh...ahhhh..." Ford says. He doesn't reach choo and shifts without it into his Pegasus form. He flips his head, fine white mane whipping through the air.
I grab onto the mane and pull myself onto his back. Looking down, Saph is already on Wim the Wolf's massive black back, gripping his fur. "You two go counterclockwise around the crowd. We'll go the other way. Yell and be scary and run back and forth so they make their way toward the door."
"Ah...what if it's not open yet?" Wes says, looking at Julian, who’s crouched and squinting by the door.
"Ummm..." I say.
"We believe in you, Julian," Chase says. "You can do it!"
"Good. Get the door open,” I say. “The rest of you, go for the witch-DJ-barista. You really should hire more staff."
The serious vampire frowns at me, but Rose grabs his arm and yanks him into the crowd toward the DJ booth. Her other men follow.
I nod to Saph, who nods back and yanks Wim's fur to make him turn. He growls and she grins happily, making my heart go mushy as wet dog food, but much sweeter.
"Okay, Bob, you can do this," I mutter and take a deep breath. "Just like herding cows." I squeeze Ford between my legs to tell him to run, then remember I could have just asked him.
He gallops around the edge of the dance floor. "Go toward the door," I yell and heave on his mane to make him turn and run back to stop anyone from slipping away.
"Oh, no you don't," the witch-DJ-barista shouts. "Amber, Sapphire, Rose, and the rest of you jeweled named bastards—give me my harem!"