Chapter

Five

Mama ordered the pizza, and then got dressed for her date with Lawrence. Not long after the pizza arrived, I heard keys rattling down the hall.

I peeked my head out of Sean’s door to catch a glimpse of Mama. She looked stunning in her white dress with spaghetti-sized tassels hanging from it. She completed her look with strappy, silver high heels and red full lips. She kind of reminded me of Tina Turner, without the big hair, but just as beautiful.

I wondered why she trusted Sean enough to leave me with him, while she and Lawrence partied. I guess, once again, men and booze meant more to her than me.

“We gone. Be good, Nikki.”

“Okay, Mama, I will.” She gave me a side look before closing the door behind her.

I waited until I heard the ignition start and the car pull off before I paged André.

A few minutes later, the phone rang. “Somebody page me?”

“Hey, André, it’s Nikki.”

“What’s up, girl?”

“I’m ready to come over. Where are you?”

“Just come down Euclid. I’ll be standing on the corner waiting on you. How long will it take you to get here?”

I put my hand over the phone and whispered to Sean, “How far is Euclid?”

“About ten minutes from here.”

“I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

“All right, cutie. I’ll holla at you in a minute.”

“Okay. See you soon.”

I hung up the phone and rushed into the bathroom to get ready. I didn’t have anything sexy, but I changed my shirt, brushed my hair and put on some lipstick that I found on the counter in Mama’s makeup bag.

Sean sat on his bed cleaning his sneakers, watching me walk around in circles looking for my jacket.

“So, you going through with it, huh?”

“With what?” I asked, putting my arm in my jacket.

“Going to see that boy?”

“Yep.”

“I should tell your Mama.”

Sean’s threat got my attention. “Why do you care? You don’t even know me.”

Sean looked up from his task and flashed a crooked smile. “Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.”

“Whatever. Which way is Euclid?

“Just walk straight for six blocks and you’ll run right into it.”

I checked my ponytail once more and walked out the door. Once I closed the door, reality set in. I’m in the hood. There were abandoned buildings and people hanging on the corners, plus it was dark and creepy out there.

I walked quickly and looked behind me every 10 steps to make sure no one was there. I could hear the soundtrack of the city in my ears as my white canvas shoes hit the pavement—music playing, people talking and tires screeching. I was scared. I kept my head down, cautious to not make eye contact with anyone.

A few blocks down, I saw a group of men standing on the corner, drinking out of brown paper bags and offering customers small packs in exchange for money. I attempted to walk quickly past them, but my presence didn’t go unnoticed.

“Hey, girl. Where you going all alone? You need some company?” one man called.

I didn’t respond but just kept on walking. My heart was racing as I prayed he didn’t follow me.

“Hey! You hear me talking to you?”

I walked faster, stretching my legs as long as I could.

“I know you heard me, you stuck-up bitch!” I heard the man yell in the distance.

He reminded me of that time I walked to the store after dark to get something to eat. When I came out, there were four older boys standing at the end of the slope. I tried to go around them, but one boy with a grill of sparkly gold teeth blocked my way and insisted that I tell him my name. I told him, but he wouldn’t leave me alone. Finally I shouted, “I’m only 13!” and he eased up, but not before telling me, “You going to be fine when you grow up. I’ll be watching you.”

Uncle Teddy told me to watch out for men like that because they liked to take advantage of little girls. I didn’t understand why a grown man would want to have sex with a little girl. I just figured they were creepy that way.

I continued to walk as fast as I could to Euclid. I was so scared I wanted to cry. I had never been out that late by myself. I wanted to go back, but that meant I would’ve had to pass that crazy dude on my way.

Instead of letting my fear get the best of me, I hummed a song and thought about how excited I was to see André. It seemed like forever before I reached Euclid. When I finally got there, I saw a familiar figure standing on the corner with a group of boys. As I slowly approached the corner, André walked towards me.

“You wasn’t playing, were you?”

“Nope. I wanted to see you.”

André looked just as I remembered him, brown-skinned with a low haircut, hazel eyes and two gold teeth on each side of his mouth. He was dressed in a Nike t-shirt with jogging pants and white and black dope man Nikes.

He smelled so good, like my uncle’s favorite cologne, Cool Water. I was so nervous I felt like I was on fire. My hands were super sweaty and my heart was beating a mile a minute.

“You’re a cutie.” he smiled.

“Thank you.” The sight of his eyes intimidated me, so I looked down and kicked a rock that was minding its own business.

“All right then, niggas.” André gave his friends a pound, grabbed my hand and guided me to a big white house. He opened the door and locked it behind us.

“I’ll be right back.”

I stood nervously in the hallway as André briefly talked with a man sitting in a recliner and watching TV in an adjacent room.

“All right, come on.”

I followed his lead, up a dark staircase and into an empty room with a mattress on the floor and no sheet on it. I stood in the doorway, confused about what I was seeing.

“Why you looking like that? I thought you weren’t scared?”

“I’m not.” The truth is, I was scared.

“Well, take off your pants.”

I stood there, frozen. I didn’t think he wanted to do “it.” For some reason, I thought we would talk and maybe kiss. Meechie was right. He did just want to hump me. I should’ve got that condom from her.

I slowly pulled down my pants and hesitantly laid on the bare mattress. The room was dark, but I could see his white shirt reflecting off of the cars passing by. André dropped his pants to his shoes and climbed on top of me. I was stiff and frightened. I wanted to run.

He kissed me on my lips hard and short, spread my legs and then reached in his boxers to retrieve his manhood. I heard paper rattling. Is he putting on a condom? I was shaking; I didn’t know what to expect.

Meechie told me when she and Eric had sex for the first time it hurt, bad. It was right after her thirteenth birthday. Eric’s parents were like Meechie’s other family. They trusted them alone. She told me the second time they had sex it wasn’t as bad. I hoped that was the case for me, too.

I had seen sex scenes on TV, but they always seemed to be in love. There was always a lot of hugging and kissing. This was different; scary, even.

Instead of getting up and running, I decided to hold my breath and ready my body for the pain. It didn’t take long.

André painstakingly attempted to put himself inside of me. Meechie was right: It hurt—bad. My first instinct was to push him off of me.

“Stop! It hurts!”

“Hold on, I’m trying get it in you.”

“Ouch, ouch, please stop!”

André paused, “Wait. You’re a virgin?”

I breathed, “Yes.”

André stopped. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t think you would want to talk to me again.”

Before André had a chance to respond, I heard the door open and saw a shadowy figure enter the room.

“Nah, man, get out.”

“Nigga, let me get some.”

“Nah, man, not this one! Close the door!” He closed the door loudly.

André returned his attention to me. “Do you want me to stop?”

“No.” I figured we had already started—why stop now?

“I’ll go slow, okay? If it hurts too much I’ll stop.”

“Okay.”

André did his best to be gentle. He kissed my cheek and inquired if I was okay. I wanted to cry, but I held it in. I liked André, but in a way I felt robbed. I always thought that my first time would be on a nice bed, covered with roses, with the man of my dreams. Not on a stained mattress. I wanted the experience to be over. Scratch that…I wished it never started. After we finished, André took off the condom, wrapped it in its packaging and helped me to my feet. As I got dressed, he helped me find my shoes in the dark room and made sure I had all of my belongings before we headed down the steps and out the door.

Once outside, I prepared to say goodbye and head back to Lawrence’s house alone. André surprised me.

“Can I walk you home?”

I was relieved, “Yes, please. It’s scary out here.”

“You should’ve told me you were a virgin. I wouldn’t have let you come to the spot.”

Damn, Sean was right. He thought I was a freak.

“I didn’t want you to think I was a scared little girl.”

“Why are you out this time of night, anyway? Where’s your mama? Does she usually let you stay out this late?”

“My mama is never home. Tonight, she went out with her boyfriend. I snuck out to see you.”

André flashed his gold teeth and rubbed his head. “Girl, you’re wild. It’s not safe over here.

You better be careful walking around this time of night.” He paused and grabbed my hand tightly before continuing. “Luckily, I’m here to make sure you safe.”

I smiled and looked down at the ground, attempting to conceal my bashfulness. I felt validated. André wasn’t the jerk Meechie and Sean said he was; he did care about me. Even if it was only a little bit.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

André paused before answering. “Why do ask that?”

“I heard you had a girlfriend.” I looked into André’s eyes, searching for the truth.

“I did, but not anymore.”

“What happened to her?”

“Shit, some gals don’t want nothing but your money. She was one of them.”

“So, do you have a lot of girls that you mess with?”

André laughed. “Dang, you ask a lot of questions, don’t you?”

“I just want to know.”

“I have friends, but that’s it.” As André finished his sentence, something began to beep near his waist. He lifted his crisp, white t-shirt, revealing a small black gadget clasped to the side of his belt. After checking it, he continued, “You ain’t got nothing to worry about. Them gals don’t mean nothing to me.” André turned and put his arm around my waist and pulled me close to him. “I got to go. Give me a hug.”

I obliged, hugging André tightly. He showed his gratitude by kissing me on the cheek.

“Call me when you get in the house.”

“I will.”

“Bye, cutie.” André smiled once more before walking away. I watched his strut for a moment before turning to headed towards Lawrence’s house. I could still smell the scent of André’s cologne on my jacket. I didn’t want him to go, but I knew he had someone waiting on him. Jealousy settled in my stomach as I thought of that “somebody” being a girl. I hoped I had showed André I was good enough to be his girlfriend and he wouldn’t leave me like Mama does and my daddy did.

I wondered if he could tell I was young and vulnerable. Did I act old enough? I thought. While I recounted the night, I also thought of all the things that could’ve gone wrong. What if that man would’ve killed me for ignoring him, or André would’ve let that boy come into the room? I counted my blessings and thanked God for getting me home safe.

What a night, I thought, turning the knob to Lawrence’s house and entering the darkness. My God, what a night.