Chapter
Ten
Mama just told me Sissy is coming for the summer. I’m excited! I haven’t seen her in a long time. I hope Mama will stay home more since Sissy will be here. Maybe Sissy and me will play games and talk like we did when we were younger. I can’t wait to see her tomorrow. Thank you for listening, God. Amen.
The next day me and Mama went to pick up Sissy from the airport. Mama seemed happy, but I noticed she was smoking more cigarettes than normal.
“I hate coming to this damn airport! I can never find where I need to go.”
“What airline is she coming in on?” I tried my best to help Mama navigate as she sped past the airline names.
“Delta, I think.”
Mama parked her car under the Delta sign, hoping to catch a glimpse of Sissy. A police officer standing by approached Mama’s car and tapped on the passenger-side window.
Mama rolled down the window and flashed her prettiest smile. “Yes, officer?”
“Umm, ma’am, you can’t park here. This lane is for dropping off and picking up only.”
“All right, sir.” Mama waited to roll up the window before she expressed her frustration. “Goddamn police always messing with folks! Go inside and see if you can find Sissy. And hurry up! I don’t have gas to be driving around in circles.”
I sprang out of the car and ran through the automatic doors, dodging a few people moving too slow for my stroll. I was sure Sissy would look the same—tall, dark-skinned with a ponytail. Sissy always slicked her hair back into a ponytail because she didn’t know how else to style it. I wondered if she still had the burn on her forehead from the last time she attempted to curl her hair.
Sissy was three years younger than me. She was sweet and smart. Donny kept her busy with cultured activities, such as chess and debate club. She also played the violin in an orchestra. One year, she got to play at the White House. I was jealous that Sissy had a good life, with a father who cared for her. I knew that St. Louis would eat her up if it had its chance. I wouldn’t let it. Her innocence motivated me to look after her. I enjoyed being the older sister.
I looked all over, but I couldn’t find her. Finally, I gave up searching and asked a man pushing a cart full of luggage where to go. I stood at baggage claim, anxiously waiting for Sissy. What if she’s changed so much that I don’t notice her? I scanned the crowd, looking for an older Sissy, but couldn’t settle on anyone.
“Nikki!” I heard a familiar voice call out. I turned around and there was my sister.
“Sissy!”
I hugged her tightly and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
“Where’s Mom?”
“Mom?!?” I laughed hysterically. She spoke so proper. I hadn’t heard that accent in a long time. “She driving around waiting for us to come out.”
I looked Sissy over once before I helped her with her bags. She looked well taken care of. Her clothes were clean, her hair was neatly pulled back in a ponytail and all of her luggage matched. She wore a pair of yellow headphones around her neck like they were accessories.
“Come on. We better hurry up before Mama loses her mind.” I grabbed Sissy hand and pulled her outside to the curb. A few moments later, Mama drove up, got out of the car and ran and hugged Sissy.
“Hey, baby! How was your flight?”
“It was fine.”
“Good. Let me help you with your bags.”
Mama was different. She was smiling and acting super nice to Sissy.
“Nikki, let Sissy sit in the front so we can talk.”
What? Why can’t she talk to her from the back seat?
Mama and Sissy talked all the way home. Mama had never talked to me that much. When she did, she yelled and told me to get out of her face. I was jealous and mad that she was putting on a show for Sissy.
“Are you hungry, Pumpkin?” she asked Sissy.
“Yes, Mom.”
“What would you like?”
“Umm, tacos.”
I sat up. “No, Mama! I hate tacos.”
“Nikki, shut up! Nobody asked you what you liked.”
I sighed and rolled my eyes. “I can’t stand you!” I retorted under my breath. I couldn’t stop thinking about how happy I was going to be when I found my daddy. I knew he would never treat me like dirt and leave me alone.
Mama and Sissy kept babbling in the front seat until the car stopped. When they got out of the car, I lingered behind, rallying against Sissy’s food choice.
“You’re not getting out?” Sissy asked, passing by my window.
“Yes,” I mumbled and rolled my eyes, wishing Mama could feel it. I got out of the car and followed Mama and Sissy into the restaurant.
While she and Sissy studied the menu, I leaned against a table, trying to recover from the smell of fake meat and nacho cheese.
Mama knows Mexican food makes me sick. Why would she make me eat here?
“Do you know what you want, baby?” Mama was still talking to Sissy.
“Yes. I want two tacos, please.”
Her tone changed. “Nikki, what do you want?”
“I don’t know. Mexican food makes my stomach hurt.”
“Girl, you better order something. I ain’t stopping nowhere else.”
“But, Mama…”
“You better pick something, unless you want to starve tonight.”
How would that be any different from any other night? I thought.
I looked at the menu, hoping to find something appealing, but couldn’t. Eventually, I settled on nachos. I knew I would be on the toilet all night. After getting our food, we headed back to Countryside.
When we walked into the townhouse, the look on Sissy’s face told she wasn’t used to the way we lived. In Washington, Sissy had her own room, full of dolls and decorative pink wallpaper. Sissy stood in the doorway for a few seconds before coming in and dropping her duffel bag on the floor.
“Where’s the table?”
“We don’t know have one,” I told her, trying to hide my sarcasm.
“Well, where do you eat?”
“On the floor.”
“On the floor?” Sissy looked puzzled. “Okay.”
We sat on the living room floor and ate our food. Mama didn’t bother to eat with us. She headed upstairs. I could hear the shower running. Soon after, I heard her singing. She only did that when she was getting ready to leave. I felt bad for Sissy. She had no idea what she had walked into. I thought for sure that Mama would be home while Sissy was in town. I was wrong.
The smell of White Diamonds wafted through the apartment. “Who’s spraying perfume?” Sissy asked.
“Mama.”
“Is she going somewhere?”
“Yep, out.” I tried to mask my frustration as I regrettably scarfed down a cheese-filled tortilla chip.
“When will she be back?”
“Who knows? She always leaves.”
“She leaves you by yourself?”
“Why are you looking so surprised? Yes, she leaves me by myself. I’m used to it. Don’t worry, we’ll be okay. I’ll take care of us.”
Sissy and I finished the rest of our Mexican entrée. I helped her unpack and stack her luggage in the corner before making a pallet on the fluffy living room carpet.
Perfume and cigarettes trailed Mama as she entered the room. She was decked out in a fancy red dress with pointy high heels. Mama was always crying broke, but had the money to shop at famous department stores for herself.
“Where are you going, Mama?”
“To see a man about a dog.”
“What kind of dog?” Sissy questioned.
“A big one.” Mama laughed.
“Look, I need you to watch your sister. I’m going to leave for a little while. Here’s a couple of dollars, just in case.” She threw the money on the counter and headed for the door without breaking her stride.
“I need to call my dad. Where is the phone?” Sissy asked me.
“We don’t have one, but I’ll take you over Aunt Mary’s tomorrow. You can call him from there.” I helped her get ready for bed and we laid down and talked until we feel asleep.
The next morning, we walked to the store to get cereal and milk. On our way back, I saw a group of neighborhood kids hanging in front of the building next to ours. We walked past them but didn’t stop.
“Those kids look around your age. You should go say ‘hi,’ ” Sissy said.
I wanted to, but my interactions with the G-G had deterred me from wanting to meet new friends. Instead, I changed the subject and shooed Sissy into the house. Just as we got in the door, I heard a male’s voice in the distance.
“Hey, girl.”
I turned to find two boys walking towards us. “Sissy, go in the house. I’ll be there in a minute.”
“Hey,” I said to the boys.
“What’s your name?”
“Nikki.”
“My name is Willie and this is my cousin, Mike.”
“You just move in?”
“Yeah, a couple of weeks ago.”
“Where from?”
“The city.”
“A gritty city gal, huh?”
“No. Not really. I’m not from St. Louis.”
“I didn’t think so. You talk kind of proper.”
Willie was cute, but not as cute as André. He didn’t look as dirty and country as the city boys either.
“Can I call you sometime?”
“I don’t have a phone.”
“Well, can I come over?”
“I don’t think so. Especially, if my mama ain’t at home.”
“All right, cool. Maybe I’ll see you outside, with your cute self.”
Willie gave me a grin before turning and walking away. When I opened the door, Sissy was standing there with a bowl of cereal in her hands.
“He was cute,” she said, with a mouth full of cereal.
“He was all right.”
“It looked to me that he was more than all right the way you were smiling.”
“Girl, shut up and eat your cereal so we can go over Aunt Mary’s.”
On the way to Aunt Mary’s, I noticed Willie and his friends were still outside. Our eyes connected, but I quickly turned my head and pretended to talk to Sissy. We made it over Aunt Mary’s, but no one was home.
“Nobody’s here. Let’s go back to the apartment.”
“But… I want to talk to my dad.”
“What do you want me to do? I don’t have a phone in my pocket.”
“Can we wait for a little while to see if she comes home?”
“Ok, just a little while longer. Then we’re going back home.”
Sissy and I waited for over an hour for Aunt Mary to come home, but she never did. When I told Sissy it was time to go, her eyes filled up with tears. “But, I want to talk to my dad.” I gave Sissy a hug, then reached for her hand. “Come on. Maybe we can find a payphone by the corner store.” Sissy’s eyes lit up. She flashed a big smile and held my hand tightly.
We walked through the neighborhood and around the corner to the store. I remembered there was a payphone in front of the store. I didn’t have any change, so we had to go inside.
“Nikki, I’m hungry. Can I get some chips and a soda?”
“Go ahead.”
My stomach was growling, too. I had become so accustomed to being hungry, the pain I felt in stomach was a part of my day. I wandered down the chip aisle, picked up a small bag of Sundance chips and a peach Vess soda, and then made my way to the counter. Sissy followed soon after. I paid for our treats and hurried to use the payphone.
“Do you know your number by heart?”
“Of course: 253-555-5722.”
I dialed the number and handed her the phone. “Hi, Dad! Sorry it took me so long to call you. My mom doesn’t have a phone. Nikki and I are at a payphone.”
“Nikki, my Dad says hi.”
“Tell him I said hi.”
I hadn’t talked to Donny in a long time. The last time I saw him, we were standing in the living room and I was asking why I couldn’t stay with him and Sissy. He tried to explain, but my heart couldn’t understand. I was so upset with him, I vowed to never call him Dad again and I didn’t. Ever since, I called him by his first name, Donny.
Sissy carried on and on about her plane ride and how hot it was in St. Louis. It didn’t take long for the conversation to shift. “Umm, I don’t know where she is.” I knew Donny was asking her where Mama was. I nudged Sissy, shook my head and whispered, “Tell him she’s at work.”
“Oh, Dad, I just remembered. She’s at work. Okay, I’ll tell her to call you when she gets home. Love you too. Bye.” She hung up the phone and faced me, looking perplexed. “Why did you tell me to lie to my dad about Mom?”
“Because Mama don’t like people knowing her business.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. She tells me to never tell her business, so I don’t. Here. Eat your chips and come on.”
When we got home, Mama was in the kitchen, cooking as if nothing happened. The house smelled of ground beef, onions and green peppers. All of the ingredients for Mama’s meatloaf. I could hear the soft melodic voice of Sade playing in the distance. It felt like old times in Washington. Although I was happy to see Mama, I remained disappointed that she left us.
“Hey! Where have you two been?”
“I took Sissy to call Donny.”
“Did you talk to him?”
Sissy replaced her words with a nodded ‘yes.’
Mama stopped what she was doing and gave me and Sissy her undivided attention. “Well, go on. What did he ask you?”
“He asked about my flight and how I liked it here.”
Satisfied, Mama turned and continued stirring something on the stove. “Did you tell him I went out last night?”
Sissy stood there, frozen and scared. Her eyes were big as plums. “No. I didn’t say anything.”
“Did he ask where I was?”
“Umm, yes, but I told him you were at work.”
“Good girl. I don’t like people knowing my business. I don’t care who it is. Okay?”
I watched as Mama stripped Sissy of her innocence. She was no longer a sweet little girl. Mama had turned her into a liar. I could tell that Mama’s request made her feel uncomfortable. She didn’t say much during dinner. Afterward, she sat on the dining room area floor and listened to her Walkman.
I laid on the carpet, looked at the ceiling and imagined lying under the stars. My view was blocked by a shadowy figure standing over me.
“What’s wrong with Sissy? Why is she so quiet?”
I looked over my head to find Mama standing there with her hands on her round hips.
“I don’t know. I didn’t do anything to her.” I sat up and turned and faced her.
“Yeah, right. You did something. What did you tell her? Were you mean to her? You’re always doing something.”
“No, Mama, I promise. We had a good day. I took her to the store and everything.”
Mama bent over and met my face with her finger drawn. “Bet nothing happen to my baby while she’s with you or I’m going to beat your tail.”
“Okay, Mama.”
All I could think about is why she didn’t care what happened to me. I wondered, Am I that invisible to her? Since we were little, she always favored Sissy. If I did one thing wrong, she would beat the life out of me. Maybe it was because Sissy was the youngest and Donny was there to help her. Either way, Mama’s disdain for me made me despise Sissy. I know it wasn’t her fault, but she was easier to pick on.
Dear God,
Sissy has been here for a few days and has already taken Mama away from me. I see the way Mama looks at her and smiles, but when she looks at me, she frowns and rolls her eyes. I wish I could be more like Sissy. Would Mama love me more? I pray that things will get better soon. I’m tired of being sad all the time. I bet my dad is always happy. I can’t wait to see him. Amen.