Chapter

Eleven

“What time is it, Nikki?” Sissy tapped my shoulder.

“I don’t know. Leave me alone. I’m trying to sleep!” I pulled the covers over my head.

“Nik-ki! Get up! Where is the remote?”

“Little girl, if you don’t leave me alone…” I sat up and threw the covers off of me, hoping to find the black remote hidden somewhere under the sheets. I turned over the pillow and found it nestled in the corner of the bed. “Here!” I threw the remote to her. “Why are you making all that noise about the remote anyway?”

“My stories are getting ready to come on.”

“Stories? Like, soap operas?” I laughed so hard I almost fell to the floor. “Only old ladies watch those shows.”

“I’m not old and I watch the soaps.”

“That’s because you’re weird.”

“No, I’m not! And, stop calling me that before I tell Mom!”

“I don’t care. Tell her! She’s never here anyway.”

“So… I’ll tell her when she comes home,” Sissy sassed.

“Whatever. That’s why I’m not giving you the remote.”

“Give it to me, Nikki!” Sissy got mad and balled up her fist like she was going to hit me.

“Girl, please! What are you going to do? You better get on somewhere.”

“I said, give me the remote!” She pushed me and I fell off the bed and onto the floor.

“Ha-ha, that’s what you get!” Sissy laughed and stuck out her tongue.

I was infuriated, “Oh, yeah? You want the remote? Here you go!” When Sissy stuck out her hand to reach for the remote, I hit her with the remote on the top of her hand as many times as I could.

“Ha-ha! It’s not so funny now, is it?!”

Sissy shouted, “Ouch!” and began to cry. “I’m telling Mom on you!”

The reality of what I did set in quickly. Oh, my God. If she tells Mama, she’s going to beat me for sure. I tried to calm Sissy down, but nothing worked.

“I’m sorry Sissy. Here, let me see it.” She held her hand as if I had broken it and stuck it out for me to examine it. It was red and puffy. I became even more petrified.

I ran downstairs, got some ice and put the cubes in a towel I found on the counter. “Here’s some ice. Put it on your hand.” Sissy kept crying and holding her hand.

“Please stop crying. I didn’t mean it. PLEASE don’t tell Mama.” My heart was beating so fast. I knew if she didn’t calm down soon and Mama walked in, I was going to be in deep doo-doo.

“Here’s the remote. You can watch whatever you want.” Sissy’s streaming tears decreased to a few wet spots and some panting. “Whatever I want?”

She knew she had the upper hand. I knew if Mama found out that I had hit her “baby” all hell was going to break loose.

We spent the rest of the afternoon watching The Young and the Restless and any other show she wanted to torture me with. Sissy also made me her slave for the day. Her excuse for not being able to do ANYTHING was, “My hand hurts.” We both knew she was faking it, but I was in no position to say no.

After a long morning of waiting on Sissy hand and foot, I retreated to the front porch to get some air. I watched the kids play Double Dutch in the middle of the driveway. I could also hear MC Breed playing from the neighbor’s window, “Ain’t no future in yo frontin’…” I rocked back and forth to the beat and sang the lyrics to myself. I saw Willie and his friend walking to the building next to ours.

Oh, crap! I hope he didn’t see me! My hair was standing up on top of my head and I was wearing a shirt decorated with food from last night’s meal. I attempted to hide close to an adjacent bush, hoping somehow I would blend in. But it was too late. Willie had spotted me and started to walk over.

Damn it! I dashed for the door. Once inside, I turned my shirt inside out and patted my hair down as best as I could. I also smelled under my arms and my breath to make sure I was fresh. I ran back outside and closed the door behind me as he made it to the doorstep.

“You didn’t see me coming over here?”

“Yeah, I saw you. I had to run into the house really quick.”

“For what?”

I thought if I told Willie the truth he would think that I was crazy. Therefore, I settled on a snappy comeback. “Dang, you sure are nosey.”

Willie smiled slightly and moved in closer. “Maybe I just want to get to know you.”

“Yeah, right. You don’t look like the kind of boy that gets to know anyone.” I backed away.

“Why you say that?”

“I don’t know. You’re a cute boy. I’m sure you’ve gotten to know a lot of girls.”

Willie chucked and rubbed his fade. “No, not really. All these girls in the County are the same—money-hungry and stuck up. I’m looking for something different.”

Willie walked forward and got close to my face as if he was looking for a kiss. With each step, I retreated backwards until I fell into the door, pushing it open and tripping into the house.

Willie poked his head in. “Dang! You weren’t lying. Y’all must have just moved in. Ain’t nothing in here.”

Embarrassed, I attempted to rationalize with him but I couldn’t find the words.

“Well…umm, yeah. My mama hasn’t gotten around to getting furniture yet. She’s been busy with work.” Willie pushed past me and stood in the middle of the living room, searching for a stitch of what makes a home comfortable.

“So… you at home alone?”

“Yeah… I mean, no, my little sister is here.”

“Oh, yeah? If she looks anything like you, I want to meet her, too.”

“Come on.” I said pointing to the door. “You can’t be in my house.”

Willie ignored my request. “Hey, you got something to drink?”

“Come on, Willie. You have to go.” I could imagine Mama coming home and finding Willie in the house. She would’ve beat me for sure.

 

“Just get me some cold water and I’ll leave. I promise.” Willie crossed his heart with his right pointer finger.

“All right, but then you have to go.”

“That’s cool.”

I hurried to the kitchen to find a cup. Willie followed me. I opened the fridge and closed it quickly so Willie couldn’t see how empty it was.

“Wait a minute. Open your fridge again.”

“No. Why?”

“I thought I saw something else in there.”

“It doesn’t matter what you thought you saw. You asked for water. Here you go.” I handed Willie a red plastic cup and stood there until he finished every last drop.

“You ain’t got to get snappy, girl.” Willie gave me the cup. “Can I have some more?” Willie flashed a crooked smile.

“All right.” I hesitated, but cracked the refrigerator door a little bit, hoping to grab the water pitcher without exposing our lack of food to him. Willie was so close I could feel his breath on my neck.

“Dang, back up!”

“Damn! Y’all ain’t got nothing in there. You barely have enough food in there to make a nice sauce!” Willie laughed and cracked jokes for what seemed like forever.

Overwhelmed and angry, I closed the refrigerator door and tried to think of a comeback. But I couldn’t. Willie was right, Mama left us with nothing. Just enough condiments to make a ghetto concoction.

“Why didn’t you tell me you was poor? I could’ve helped you out, girl.”

“I ain’t poor. My mama hasn’t been to the store yet.”

“It look like your mama don’t do much of anything around here.”

“Don’t be talking about my mama!” I got in his face. I was sure Willie was going to beat me up, but I wasn’t going to stand there and let him talk about my mama like that.

“Or what?” he asked, peering down at me.

“You know what? I think it’s time for you to go!”

“What? You mad?” Willie questioned. “I was just playing.”

“No, I’m not mad, but my mama will be home soon and I don’t want to get in trouble.”

Again, Willie ignored my request and resorted to buttering me up. “You know I like you, right?” He cornered me in the space between the fridge and the kitchen counter. Then, he grabbed my waist, pulled me towards him and tried to kiss me.

I quickly turned my head to meet my right shoulder and expressed my discomfort. “What are you doing? You need to go.” I pushed Willie off of me and hurried towards the front door.

Willie’s face changed “Damn girl. Why you tripping?”

“I’m not tripping. My little sister is upstairs. Plus, my mama will be home soon.”

He walked after me, grabbing my forearm when we caught up. “Come on. We’ll be fast. Nobody will ever know.”

I snatched my arm away. “No! I said you have to go!”

Willie smacked his lips to show his disapproval. “Yeah, whatever. You’re just like the rest of them funny-acting hoes around here leading cats on. I saw how you was smiling at me and switching your butt.”

“What? I wasn’t switching my butt at you.”

“Whatever. You should be happy a dude like me wanted to talk to you. You ain’t worth my time anyway.”

My feelings were hurt. “Well, bye then, lil’ dude. You ain’t nobody.” I pushed my way past Willie, ushering him out the door and slamming it behind him.

“That’s why you’re dirty! You stupid bitch!” Willie yelled from outside of the door. “I bet not catch you outside. I’m going to have my sister kick your ass!” He kicked the door and walked away.

I stood in front of the door with my back glued to it, listening to Willie spouting obscenities as he walked to his destination.

“Nik-ki, is Mom back?” Sissy called from the top of the stairs. “No. That was me closing the door.”

“Who’s outside yelling?”

 

“Nobody. It’s probably the neighbors.”

“Okay. Are you coming back upstairs? My hand still hurts.”

I rolled my eyes and muttered to myself, “This little girl is getting on my nerves.” I called out, “Yes, Sissy! I’ll be up in a minute.”

“Oh, and can you bring me some water when you come?”

“Yes, Sissy,” I said in a monotone voice.

Before meeting Sissy’s demands, I took a few deep breaths to calm myself, then made my way to the kitchen to fetch Sissy’s cool drink. As I climbed the steps, I replayed Willie’s words, “You ain’t worth my time anyway!” His words cut deep. The sorrow I felt consumed every part of my heart.

I had felt that way so many times in the past. Worthless, alone—like a nobody. I was hurt that someone else could see the pain I tried so desperately to hide. Furthermore, I was upset that the one person I wanted to see it chose to ignore it.

“Here.” I handed Sissy her cup of water.

“Thank you,” she replied, grabbing the cup with her ‘unbroken’ hand. “When is Mom coming back?”

“Soon.” I couldn’t find it in my heart to tell Sissy that Mama may not be back for days. She looked so sweet and innocent. From that moment, I made a promise that I would put my feelings aside and take care of Sissy like I did when we were little.

“Don’t worry. I’ll take care you of you.”

Sissy looked at me and smiled. “Thanks. That’s nice.”

So many things had happened since the last time I saw Sissy. I had a lot of pain in my heart, which made me bitter towards her. I didn’t understand why I had to live so hard, while Sissy had it so easy. I’m sure Donny made sure she had food and clean clothes. I had to settle for choosing between washing my clothes and having food. It didn’t seem fair.

 

Dear God,

Why me? It seems everywhere I go there is drama. Today, I had to fight one of the neighborhood boys off of me. Mama still isn’t home and me and Sissy don’t have any food. Why are you doing this to me? What did I do? Whatever it was, I’m sorry. I promise I won’t do it again. Please stop the pain I feel in my heart. I can’t take it anymore. Amen.