Chapter

Fourteen

“Sissy—Nikki—get up!” My eyes could hardly focus on the image of Mama standing over me.

“Huh?” I replied. “What time is it?”

“Girl, get your ass up! We’re leaving!”

Mama seemed to be mad about something. I could tell by the way she was ripping through Harry’s apartment looking for her things. Harry was standing in the hallway, watching and trying to reason with her.

“Now, Clarene, calm down. I just think we should slow things down for a little while, so I can get to know your girls.”

“Get to know them? What does that mean?” Mama didn’t stop stuffing her clothes into her black-and-pink duffel bag. “You said you wanted to meet them, so I brought them over. Now, all of a sudden, you don’t want anything to do with me? I knew I should have left them home.”

“Left them home?” Harry looked confused. “I thought they were over your mother’s house?”

Mama got quiet, then responded, “What I do with my kids is none of your damn business!”

The sound of Mama’s voice echoed through Harry’s apartment. I gave Sissy a shake, startling her out of sleep.

“Hurry up and get dressed.” Sissy sat up in the bed and rubbed her eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

“Mama and Harry are arguing.” I could hear the muffled sound of Mama and Harry fussing and someone slamming things in his bedroom.

“About what?”

“I don’t know, but something is telling me things are about to get nasty.”

While we finished getting dressed and stuffing our rags into the white grocery bag that accompanied us to Harry’s house, they continued to argue. Well, actually, Harry followed Mama while she walked around the house ranting and raving. Finally, Harry had enough. He grabbed Mama’s duffel bag and headed towards the door.

“You know what? If you want to leave, then leave!”

Harry threw Mama’s bag in front of the door.

“It’s too early in the morning to be screaming and arguing with you! If this is how you’re acting now, I’m glad I’m leaving your crazy ass alone.”

Mama stopped dead in her tracks, threw her pocketbook on the floor and rushed towards Harry. “What did you say, nigga?” Her face was red and her eyes were full of water. It was evident that Harry had hurt her feelings.

Harry took a step back. “Woman, you better get out of my face!”

Despite Harry’s warning, Mama didn’t back down. She following up by pointing her right pointer finger at his dark, wide nose. “You know what? I don’t need you. I was doing your old ass a favor by being with you. It’s your loss! Good luck finding somebody better. Nikki and Sissy, come on!” Mama stormed out of the door. Sissy and I ran after her. As we passed Harry, his face grew softer. I think he felt sorry for us.

Harry went and stood in the doorway. “Clarene!” he bellowed.

“Go to hell!” she screamed, struggling to get the car door open.

“You want to know the real reason I don’t want to be with you?”

Mama stopped and faced Harry. Harry moved closer to her. “You’re a shitty mother. You don’t care about nobody but yourself. What kind of woman leaves her children for days and doesn’t call one time to check on them? Look at your children. They look like they haven’t bathed in days. Any man would be out of his mind to deal with you.”

I was stunned. Harry wasn’t that dumb after all. Mama stood in silence, staring at Harry. After a few seconds, she turned and walked to the car and called to us. “Nikki and Sissy, bring your ass on before I leave you!”

“Wait a minute, girls.” He dug in his pocket and handed us two crisp $20 bills. “Take care of each other, okay?”

I quickly took the money and stuffed it in my pocket. “Thank you, Mr. Harry.”

“Nikki! What is taking so damn long? Hurry up and get y’all asses in this car before I make you walk home!”

Me and Sissy jumped in the car as Mama sped off, cursing and holding a cigarette in her left hand.

“I don’t know who he thinks he is. If he can’t accept you two, then I don’t need him no way.” Mama went on fussing and taking a drag of her cigarette in between. I didn’t say a word. I just looked out the window and prayed that she didn’t direct her rage towards me.

“Did you say anything to Harry? You know how you can get.”

“No, Mama. I didn’t say anything to him.” I looked straight ahead and tried my best to speak soft and avoid eye contact. She was volatile. When she was like that, any word or look could set her off.

“I bet your stank-ass attitude turned him off. Do you know how hard it is to find a good man that will accept older children? All you had to do was smile and be nice, but you couldn’t do that, huh?”

“I didn’t do anything, Mama. Why are you mad at me?”

“Nikki, you’re always doing something. You’re always complaining about something. I’m tired of seeing your face, you make me sick!”

Sissy tried to jump to my defense. “Mom, Nikki didn’t do anything! Please don’t be mad at her.”

“Shut up, Sissy. I’m not talking to you!”

I wanted to cry, but I was full of anger. I knew I didn’t do anything, but somehow I was still to blame. Each and every time one of her boyfriends dumped her, she took it out on me. I was tired of her abuse.

God, Please let Donny come and get us today! I silently begged, while Mama continued to scold me. I was relieved to see the Countryside sign in the distance. I knew I had a better chance of getting away from Mama’s punches outside of the car.

Once we pulled in, Mama shouted, “Both of you get out of my car!” I got out in a hurry, slamming the door behind me.

“Don’t slam my damn door! Hurry up and get your ass in the house!” She was shouting in front of the neighborhood.

I knew the moment I walked in the door, Mama would come after me. I was so nervous that my hands were shaking and I felt like I was going to throw up.

I couldn’t get in the door all the way before she approached me with her finger in tow.

“Who do you think you are, little girl?”

“Mama, why are you so mad at me? I didn’t do anything,” I repeated, flinching at her every move.

“What? Don’t talk back to me!” Mama followed her sentence with a slap to my face. “You ain’t worth shit. Who’s gonna want you? Hell, I don’t even want you.”

Tears rolled down my cheeks and through my fingers as I held my face. But, instead of allowing her feeble remarks to break me down, I found the courage to bark back.

“That’s fine! I don’t want to live with you anymore. I hate it here. I want to go back to Washington.”

Mama laughed and taunted me. “Yeah right, who’s going to take your simple-minded self?”

“Donny. We told him everything. How you leave us with no food while you go and hang out with different men. He’s on his way to get us.”

“You little bitch! I knew you were up to something!” Mama lunged for me, grabbed my shirt and commenced to beat me in the face and head. Each blow to my head made me dizzy, eventually causing me to fall against the living room wall. I did my best to cover my face and head, but she kept on hitting me.

“Mom! Please stop!” Sissy pleaded with her, but she kept on hitting me until she was too tired to continue.

Out of breath, she found haven on the wall nearest the stairs. “Don’t you ever talk back to me again, you hear me? Next time, I’m going to beat your ass into a coma.” After she caught her breath, Mama made her way up the stairs.

Sissy ran over to me, crying. “Nikki, are you okay?” She tried to comfort me by rubbing my wounds, but I pushed her hand away.

“It’s okay. I’m fine.” The truth was, I wasn’t okay. My head was pounding so loud I could hardly hear myself think. The pain was agonizing. Tears fell from my eyes like raindrops, causing the blood from my nose to ease into my mouth.

“Nikki, your nose is bleeding.” I balled up the bottom corner of my t-shirt and wiped the blood from my nose.

“Why did she hit you like that? I want to go home, Nikki.” Sissy and I hugged and cried until we heard Mama coming down the stairs. I held my breath, hoping she wasn’t coming back for more.

“Nikki, watch Sissy. I’m going out.” Before I had a chance to respond, she left out the door.

“She’s leaving again?” Sissy questioned.

“Yes and we have to get to a phone and call Grandma. Maybe she can come and get us until Donny gets here?”

Dizzy, I got up and looked out the window to make sure Mama was gone. I didn’t see her car, so I told Sissy to grab a change of clothes and we headed out the door to find a phone.

“You still have blood on your face, Nikki.”

“Where?”

“Under your nose and on your cheek.”

I wiped the remaining blood from my face with my sleeve and folded it so no one could see. Once we got to the phone booth, I quickly dialed Grandma’s number but no one answered. Fearful that Mama would catch us, I dialed again.

“Come on. Somebody pick up!”

“Hello?”

“Grandma?”

“Yeah, who is this?”

“It’s Nikki.”

“Hey, Nikki Pooh. Is everything all right?”

“Can me and Sissy come over?”

“Sissy’s in town?”

“Yes. Can we come over?”

“Yeah, baby. Come on.

I couldn’t fathom telling Grandma that Mama had beaten me up. What if she tells Mama and she beats me some more? She seemed so happy to see Sissy. But I knew when she saw my face, she would know something happened.

It took us two hours to catch the bus from the County to the Northside of the city. We finally made it to the bus stop on the corner of West Florissant and Goodfella Avenue. Next we had to walk 10 blocks to get to Grandma’s street. Sissy was tired, but I was excited to see Grandma and Meechie sitting at the kitchen table. Grandma greeted me and Sissy with a big smile and open arms.

“Oh my goodness! Look at how tall you are, Sissy. How did y’all get here?”

“We took the bus,” I responded, holding my head down to try to conceal my face.

“All the way from the County? Where’s your mama?”

“I don’t know.”

“What’s wrong, Nikki? Come here so I can see you.”

As I walked closer to Grandma, I could feel the sorrow inside of me. I was so angry and broken, yet I had no idea how to express it. Although I did my best to hold back my tears, my pain won. Once I reached Grandma, I fell into her arms and wept.

“Grandma, I don’t want live here anymore. I want to go back to Washington.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! What’s going on?” Grandma gently tilted my head up, revealing the cuts on my face. “Baby, what happened to you?”

“My mama doesn’t love me. All she does is cuss me out, leave me and beat me up. I can’t take it anymore.”

I could see the disappointment in her face. “What happened over there?”

I wanted to tell her, but I avoided the details of what Mama did. I guess in some way I was ashamed that I had allowed Mama’s incompetence to go that far. In other ways, I wanted to spare Grandma the embarrassment that her child had grown to be a horrible mother. I knew Grandma would feel responsible. Instead, I pleaded for Grandma to grant us refuge. “Grandma, can we please stay here until Donny comes and gets us?”

Grandma looked perplexed. “Donny’s coming to get you?”

“Yes, please let us stay. I can’t go back to Mama’s.” Out of fear that Grandma would say no, I prepared myself to drop to the grey kitchen floor and tightly wrap my arms around her bottom half. She would have to pry my fingers from her legs—I would rather die than go back and live with Mama.

“Of course you can stay here, baby.” Grandma put her arm around my shoulders until it reached the other side and pulled me in tight. “Go ahead and get cleaned up. Let me worry about your mama.”

I slowly made my way to the bathroom, leaving a trail of tears for Meechie to follow. She came in the bathroom and closed the door behind her. “Girl, what happened?”

“It was bad at Countryside. My mama was never home. I was hungry all the time. She never bought groceries or left me money. When Sissy came, I thought things would get better, but they didn’t. Then, I met a boy who turned on me because I kicked him out of our apartment. He got mad and got his sister to push me in the sticker bushes and scratch up my face. THEN, my Mama beat me up because she said I was ruining her life.” I plopped down on the cream-colored toilet seat and rested my head in my hands.

“Damn, all that happened in two months?” Meechie laughed, then tried to conceal her humor. “I’m sorry for laughing, cuzz, but it’s just that you look so miserable.” She reached over and picked a leaf out of my mangled mane and threw it in the blue wastebasket next to the toilet. “And, tore up. So… Do you think Aunt Clarene knows you’re here?”

“I don’t think so. I didn’t leave the apartment until I knew she was gone.”

“Oh, shit! You know she ’bout to come over here trippin’, right? What you going to do?”

I got up from the commode and turned on the water in the sink to wash the dirt and blood from my face. Then I washed my hands and walked out of the bathroom with Meechie hot on my trail.

“Umm… You didn’t answer my question.”

I stopped before getting in earshot of Grandma. “I don’t know yet. Hopefully, Donny comes and gets us before Mama notices we’re gone. It’s not like she cares about us anyway.”

“Y’all going back to Washington?” Meechie’s tone got softer.

“Yes, I can’t stand it here. I want to find my daddy and go live with him.” I turned to walk away, but Meechie grabbed my arm, urging me to stay. “Wait a minute. If y’all go…I want to go, too.”