Chapter

Seventeen

“Here comes Miss Crackhead America!” Mama clapped her hands and laughed.

“You got something to say to me?” Aunt TeeTee stalked towards Mama.

“Yep, you a no-good crackhead heffa!”

Aunt TeeTee didn’t waste any time punching Mama in her mouth.

Mama put her hand over her mouth, noticing blood when she released it. “You bitch!” She swung and hit TeeTee on the side of her face.

It was like a heavyweight boxing match. Mama punched TeeTee, then TeeTee punched Mama. They pulled each other’s hair, then fell in the grass and rolled around, trying to hit one another with their free hand. After a few minutes, they were too tired to continue.

“Okay, y’all. That is enough!” Carlos separated them.

“It ain’t over ’til I say it’s over.” Mama staggered towards the front porch. The side of her mouth was bloody and grass was all over the back of her purple dress. Clearly, TeeTee had gotten the best of her. Mama gave her dress a tug, then crouched like a wrestler with her hands up in waist-high karate chops. “Come on, bitch!” She wobbled. “I ain’t done with you!”

“Keep on talking, mess. I’m going to kick yo’ ass some more!” TeeTee threatened.

They tried to go for each other again, but Carlos stood in-between them. “That’s enough,” he ordered.

Steph stood on the front porch, watching and talking under her breath. “This shit is so crazy!” She shook her head. “This is exactly why I live far from this family.”

“I ain’t got time for this shit!” Aunt TeeTee gave up and went into the house, passing Grandma on her way.

“Yeah,” Mama taunted. “I bet you got time for some crack though.” Mama bellowed out a hearty laugh.

“Clarene, it’s over. Go home,” Grandma demanded.

“Don’t worry, I’m leaving! I’ve been kicked out of better places anyway!” Mama picked up her black clutch bag from the sidewalk and weaved to her car. “I hope you’re getting a good look, because this is the last time you’ll ever see me!” She smacked her round derriere, “Kiss my ass!” Then got in her car and, catching her ankle-length dress in the door. The car peeled out.

Carlos walked up the steps silently before speaking. “Your family is crazy as hell!” He took a deep breath and shook his head before retreating to a nearby chair.

Meechie followed TeeTee to her room and tried to comfort her. “Mama, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m sick of Clarene blaming me for everything.” She peeled off her torn shirt and threw it on the bed. “Yeah, I smoke crack. So what! But I’m not a crackhead!” She raised her voice, then sat on the bed. Meechie didn’t say a word—she just stood in the doorway and listened with tears streaming down her face.

“Ain’t nobody ever asked me what happen to me. After losing your daddy and Lorenz, I needed something to numb the pain.” TeeTee tilted her head and looked up at Meechie. “I’m tired of being in the streets. I want to stop, but I don’t know how.”

Meechie moved in closer. “Mama, why don’t you go to one of them places that can help you?”

“Like, what? A rehab?” TeeTee scrunched her face.

“Yeah, one of those.” Meechie sat down next to her.

“Girl, them places cost. I ain’t got no money for that.”

“Maybe you can call around and see how much they cost?”

TeeTee chuckled. “Girl, please. I’ll be all right.” She got up, searched through her dresser drawer and pulled out a black-and-white striped shirt. “Besides, ain’t nobody going to help me. It’s probably a waste of time, anyway,” she replied.

“Mama, you can at least try.” Meechie pleaded with her.

TeeTee looked at her, then turned and walked out the door. Meechie collapsed on the bed in a fetal position and began to cry and scream. “I hate it here. I don’t want to be here anymore!” Her muffled yells reminded me of someone screaming into a pillow. I wanted to go to her, but I didn’t feel like I could help her. I wasn’t strong enough.

TeeTee walked past the kitchen and out the front door. Grandma ran after her. “Lauren, where are you going?”

“Mama, leave me alone. Okay? I’ll be back later.” She kept walking.

“Lauren!” Grandma yelled. “If you going to smoke that mess…” Grandma paused. “You are not welcome back at my house. I mean it!”

TeeTee stopped but didn’t turn around. A few moments later, she continued on her journey. Grandma stood there with pain in her eyes, watching TeeTee walk off, before walking back to the house. When Grandma came back, Steph, Carlos and I were sitting at the kitchen table.

“Where’s Lauren?” Steph asked Grandma, playing with her mid-length tresses.

“She kept on walking. If she comes back here high, I ain’t letting her in.” Grandma sat down in the dining room chair and kicked off her pink house shoes. “I don’t know what to do with them two. Clarene is drunk all the time and Lauren can’t stay clean.” Grandma turned her chair Steph’s way, leaned in and rested her hand on hers.

“Please take them with you,” Grandma requested. “Those girls don’t deserve this.”

“I can see taking Nikki. We just can’t take Meechie without Lauren’s permission.”

“Wait a minute. I’ll be right back.” Grandma left the room and came back with a yellow envelope in her hand. She handed Steph a paper with a seal on it. “You don’t worry about Lauren. I have custody of Meechie and Erin. I’ll keep Erin with me, but take Meechie with you. She needs to get away from here, too.”

Steph looked down and transitioned into deep thought. Carlos rubbed her back. “Baby, her mama can’t take care of her.” He paused. “It may be best if she comes with us.”

The mood was broken by the sound of a voice behind us. “You should’ve been and kicked her ass out!” We turned to find Uncle Lee looking in the refrigerator.

“Lee, you been here the whole time?” Steph asked with her hand on her round hip.

“Yep, and I heard everything.”

“Why you didn’t come help?” Grandma asked, with her eyebrows touching each other.

“Shit, I ain’t ’bout to get in the middle of that. I got warrants.” Uncle Lee poured himself a cup of juice and headed back down the steps to his room.

Uncle Lee is one to talk. He smokes crack too. Grandma needs to put his food-stealing self out.

“That boy gets on my nerves,” Grandma ranted. “He needs to get his self together, too.” She waved her light brown hand. “I’ll deal with him later.”

The table was silent. Everyone looked rundown. Carlos kept shaking his head. Steph spent the next twenty minutes with her hands on top of her head in deep thought. Grandma sat staring into space with her legs crossed, shaking her feet. I could tell everyone was affected by Mama’s rampage, but no was brave enough to talk about it.

I was confused why no one asked Grandma about Mama’s allegations. Did Grandma really leave Mama? Was her guilt the reason why she made so many excuses for Mama?

I couldn’t believe that my favorite person in the world was the reason Mama was so bitter. I could no longer hold my tongue. I had to ask.

“Grandma.” I paused and looked at her. “What was Mama talking about?”

Grandma didn’t break her gaze. “What do you mean, baby?”

“You know… What she said about you leaving her?”

Steph looked up and gave Grandma her full attention. Grandma leaned forward and put her head in her hands and sighed. “It was a long time ago. I was young. I didn’t know how to take care of children. I was barely old enough to take care of myself.”

I took a deep breath before continuing. “Did you leave her?”

“No, baby. Her and your uncle Michael were taken from me.” Grandma wouldn’t look up at me. She played with her nails instead.

“But, why?” Tears filled my eyes.

“I couldn’t stop drinking and partying.” She took a deep breath. “I had a lot of pain in my heart. I thought I could drink them away. Horrible things happened to me when I was in foster care.”

I turned my body towards her. “You were in foster care?”

“Yes,” she paused. “My mother couldn’t take care of us because she was very ill. She had seizures. So the state took me, my brothers and sisters away, and put us in different foster homes.”

Grandma looked down as tears fell from her eyes. I was young, but something in my heart understood the pain Grandma explained. It was as though I was sitting across from a much-older Mama. Is this how Mama feels? I wondered. Hearing Grandma profess her tenderness gave me hope that one day Mama would get well enough to take responsibility for her actions too.

“I was shuffled around—each time a new family. They treated me bad. I was beaten and molested so many times I lost count. By the time I had your Mama and Michael, I was broken. I could hardly think straight. So my social worker took them and put them in foster care.”

“Were they there for a long time?” I asked.

“No. My ex-husband—your grandfather—came and got them and took them down South to be raised by his mother.” She sat up straight in her chair and looked me in the eye. “I had no idea they were being mistreated.”

“Well, why didn’t you go get them?”

“I felt they would be better off there. Her tone grew soft. “And… I was embarrassed and scared they would reject me.”

“Why didn’t you tell me, Grandma?” I wiped the tears from my eyes.

“I didn’t know how to tell you. I’m sorry, Nikki Pooh.” She grabbed my hand and gently squeezed it.

I snatched it back. “This is all your fault, Grandma.” I stood up. “If you didn’t leave my Mama, maybe she would be a better mother.”

“Nikki, calm down,” Steph said, moving her hand up and down.

“No! You lied to me!” I yelled at Grandma. “You told me to be patient with Mama and one day she would change, but you knew you were the reason she acted that way.” I wept.

Grandma came over and wrapped her arms around me tightly. Although, I wanted to resist, the wounded child within me desired her embrace. I put my head on her shoulder. “Baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t think you would understand. I’m human. I make mistakes too. I wish I could take it all back, but all I can do is do my best.” She rubbed my back. Tears fell from my eyes, soaking her blue shirt.

“What’s wrong?” Meechie asked, standing at the kitchen entrance. She surprised us. We were silent.

“Y’all ain’t going to tell me?” Meechie folded her arms. “Grandma, what happened? Why are you hugging Nikki like that? Did something happen to Aunt Clarene?”

“Come in here and sit down, Meechie.” Meechie sat next to me, locking her fingers on the table. Grandma sat next to her.

“I’ve always been there the best way I could for you and your cousins. But… I blame myself for your mother being on drugs.” Tears rolled down her cheeks. “I didn’t know how to be a mom to my kids, so I tried to be their friends. I let your mom, aunts and uncles drink and smoke weed with me and my friends.”

“What?” Meechie looked at Grandma in disbelief.

Carlos interrupted. “Steph, I think we should take Erin and Sissy to the store or something so they can talk.” They got up and walked out, calling Sissy and Erin from the back where they were watching TV in Grandma’s room.

“Erin and Sissy!”

They both ran to the living room. Sissy spoke up. “Are we leaving now?”

Steph rubbed her head. “No, not yet. But do you want to go to the store?”

They both went crazy with excitement. “Yeah!”

“Get your shoes and come on.”

When Erin and Sissy ran to the back room to get their shoes, Steph gave Grandma a nod and walked out the front door to wait for them to come out.

Meechie waited until Erin closed the door behind her before she continued. “Why would you do that?” Meechie’s voice squeaked.

Grandma held up her hand. “Please let me finish. Then they started using heavier drugs and I couldn’t stop them. So I pretended like I didn’t see it. When Lorenz died, I felt so guilty. Losing a child is never easy, but I feel if I would’ve been a better parent, he would still be here today.”

Meechie looked at Grandma strongly, before getting up and walking out the front door. Grandma sat there and watched, with her elbows on the table and her fingers interlocked. I got up and followed Meechie, yelling her name from the front porch before going after her. By the time I caught up to her, her skinny legs had carried her up the street and onto Gladys Avenue.

“Where you going?” I called to her.

Meechie didn’t answer. Out of breath, I yelled at her. “Mee-chie, where you goin?!”

She stopped walking and turned to me. “I don’t know! Dang!” She kept on walking.

I ran after her until I could match her pace. “I know you’re mad, but at least hear Grandma out.”

Meechie kept her eyes focused on her mission. “I don’t want to hear nothing she got to say.”

Tears were streaming down her face and into the corners of her mouth. “She’s the reason my mama’s on drugs. She makes me sick!”

Although I agreed that Grandma hadn’t been the best parent and had played a huge role in TeeTee’s drug addiction, I was old enough to know both of our mamas had a choice. Meechie, however, wasn’t that understanding.

“What kind of mama does drugs with their kids? I mean, what did she think was going to happen?” Meechie kept her stride, only stopping to cross the railroad tracks.

“You can’t really blame Grandma. It’s TeeTee’s fault she won’t stop using drugs.”

I must have hit a nerve. Meechie stopped in the middle of the street and set her sights on me. “What?” She walked closer and stopped right as the tip of her shoes met mine. Oh, man, am I going to fight Meechie? Damn, when is this day ever going to end?

I thought she was going to punch me, but she expressed her anger instead. “Yes it is! Grandma knew she wasn’t doing right by her kids. She knew she was the reason my mama is on drugs, but she pretended like nothing ever happened. I bet if your Mama didn’t come over here and tell everybody what happened, we still wouldn’t know.” Meechie walked off.

“Maybe Grandma was trying to protect us!” I called from behind her.

Meechie stopped, turned around and walked back towards me. “Grandma don’t give a damn about nobody but herself. If she did, she would’ve done a better job raising our mamas. What about me and Erin, huh? Why do we have to suffer because Grandma had a secret?” Meechie’s voice grew louder.

“I’m tired of people calling my Mama a crackhead!” She bellowed, “You know what I’m more tired of? Her acting like one, stealing my money, leaving us, coming home high! I’m sick of it! That money is all I have.” Meechie began to sob. “How else would I take care of myself?” she cried.
“So… what? We all supposed to suffer because she feels guilty? That’s bullshit and you know it!” She pointed at me repeatedly.

I was at a loss for words. I had never seen Meechie that mad. Nor had I ever heard her curse that much. I tried to reason with her but I couldn’t get a word in.

“My question is…,” she quieted her tone as she got closer to me. “How can you forgive her, knowing she’s the reason your Mama is a bitter old bit—”

Before Meechie could get the rest of the word out, I cautioned her. “Meechie, don’t be talking about my mama like that!”

Meechie moved in closer. “Or what, Nikki? You gonna tell your Mama on me? News flash! She don’t give a damn about you. Just like my Mama rather be out smoking crack than taking care of me and Erin!” Meechie yelled so loud an older black man came out on his porch and fussed at us.

“Hey, y’all better get from in front of my house with all that damn yelling! Where y’all live at?”

Me and Meechie walked off.

“I know you heard me talking to you,” he called from his porch.

I ignored his rants and focused on getting Meechie to come back to the house. “Come on. Let’s go back home. It’s getting dark.”

“No. Leave me alone!” She walked away. I stood there and watched until she disappeared into the distance, then walked back to Grandma’s with Meechie’s words dancing in my ears.

I also thought about how badly Mama had acted that day. I wished she would stop drinking long enough to see how messed up she had become. More importantly, I couldn’t get the sting out of my heart that Grandma had put there. I thought my grandma was perfect. An angel. But she wasn’t. She was as messed up as Mama. That was a fact I couldn’t swallow.

I got back to the house in one piece, but the pain of what I was carrying weighed me down. I felt tired. As I reached for the door handle, I heard TeeTee’s voice from the other side of the door. TeeTee’s back?

Instead of opening the door, I stood there and listened for any sounds of chaos. I didn’t hear any.

When I came in, I saw her, Steph and Grandma sitting at the kitchen table. TeeTee didn’t look high. I guess Grandma’s threat must have knocked some sense into her.

“Where’s Meechie?” TeeTee asked.

“I don’t know.” I pulled out a chair to rest for a moment. “I tried to get her to come back, but she kept on walking up Park Lane.”

Aunt TeeTee stood up. “Wait a minute. It’s dark outside. I’m about to go find my baby.”

Your baby? Just a few hours ago she was going to get high. Now she cares?

“Sit down, Lauren,” Grandma ordered. “Give her some time. She’ll be back.”

TeeTee sat down. “What have I done to my kids?” TeeTee put her forehead on the table.

Steph spoke up. “Let me take Meechie for a while.”

TeeTee raised her head from the table. “To Washington? That’s too far. I don’t know about that.”

Grandma interjected, “Lauren, you need some help. Let Meechie go and see something different. At least, you know she’s going to be safe.” Grandma paused. “And…if you don’t go to treatment, you can’t stay here anymore and Erin ain’t going with you.”

TeeTee looked like she was out of options. I held my breath in suspense, waiting for TeeTee to answer. Before she could, Meechie came in the door.

“Mama, you back?” Meechie stood in the entrance of the dining room.

TeeTee stood up. “Yes. I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize how much I was hurting you and Erin.” TeeTee began to cry. “I’m going to rehab and when I get out, I promise I’ll do better.”

Meechie let out a sigh and ran and hugged TeeTee. “Thank you, Mama.”

TeeTee raised Meechie’s chin. “Listen, I want you to get your stuff together. You’re going with Steph for a while until I can get better.”

Meechie hugged TeeTee once more, tightly, and went to her room to retrieve her bag.

I was relieved that I didn’t have to leave Meechie behind. Also, I was happy she had gotten a happy ending. I knew I wouldn’t see Mama for a long time. It hurt, but I knew for now I was better off without her.

I prayed I could find it in my heart to forgive Grandma. Although she lied to me, I felt she was trying to protect me in her own way. I hoped one day I would find my daddy. California wasn’t that far from Washington. Knowing that he would be a few states over made me feel closer to him.

“Come on, y’all. It’s getting late. We have to go,” Steph insisted. Steph called to Sissy, “Get your stuff together. We have a long ride ahead of us.”

Grandma embraced Steph. “Thank you for taking them.”

Grandma hugged me tight and whispered in my ear. “I know you’re mad at me, but I told you I would take care of things.” I kissed her on the cheek and whispered back. “Thank you, Grandma. I love you SO much!”

Meechie, Sissy and I said our final goodbyes to Grandma, TeeTee and Erin and packed into Carlos’ brown Buick Regal.

As he pulled away, Grandma stood on the steps waving and crying. I watched until I could no longer see the outline of her hourglass figure. When I turned around, I closed my eyes and laid my head on Meechie’s shoulder. Tears swam down my face as I watched the streetlights flicker through my eyelids. I knew leaving St. Louis was only the beginning of my journey, but I didn’t care. Anywhere was better than there.

 

Chapter

Eighteen

We made it over to Uncle Robert’s house after 11:00 p.m. Uncle Robert was Donny’s middle brother. Although he wasn’t my real uncle, I liked calling him “Uncle” because he was always nice to me. Uncle Robert lived in a suburb of St. Louis called University City (or U-City, as St. Louis residents commonly called it) with his wife, Kim and daughter, Marie. Their house was a nice two-story brick home that smelled of cinnamon every time I came over.

Once there, Steph told us to get some sleep because we were leaving for Mississippi early in the morning. She showed us to the guest bedroom, said goodnight and closed the door. A few moments later, I came out to look for the bathroom. While I wandered around, I could hear Steph on the phone.

“Yeah, I got her. Clarene acted a fool. She came over Aunt Rose’s house drunk. Her and Lauren got into a fight, too. Don’t worry, I made sure Sissy didn’t see it. Daddy, I’m bringing Nikki and Meechie back with me too. They’re not safe here. I may need you to help us with them, okay? Well, we’re leaving in the morning to go to Biloxi. I’ll call you when we get there. I love you, too. Bye.”

After using the bathroom, I came back in the room and slid under the covers of the queen-sized bed I shared with Sissy and Meechie. They were already sleep. I laid there for a while and prayed before drifting off to sleep.

Dear God, Thank you for rescuing me and Meechie. Please look over Mama. She needs your help. Amen.

After all that had gone on that day, talking to God was the only thing that made me feel better. I don’t remember going to sleep, but I recall the flash of light that woke us from our sleep in the wee hours of the morning.

“Get up, y’all. It’s time to get ready to go,” Steph whispered.

“What time is it?” I asked with a crackle in my voice.

“It’s 4:30. Hurry up, so we can hit the highway before rush hour.”

I dragged myself out of Uncle Robert’s comfortable bed and searched for my shoes. Meechie was so tired she couldn’t release herself from the edge of the bed. However, I had no problem getting Sissy up. She was excited to leave St. Louis.

“Did Steph tell you where we’re going?” Mee-chie asked as she stretched.

“Yeah, Mississippi,” I answered, looking under the bed for my other shoe.

Meechie put her foot in her shoe. “What’s in Mississippi?

“I think Carlos is from there. We’re going to see his family for a few days, somewhere called Biloxi. Then we’re driving back to Washington.”

“How you know?” Meechie twisted up her lips and poked out her neck like a chicken.

“I heard her on the phone talking to Donny last night.” I finished stuffing my clothes into my book bag, then left the room to meet Steph and Carlos in the living room.

“Y’all got everything?” Carlos asked.

“Yeah.”

“Make sure, because once we leave we ain’t coming back,” Steph added.

Carlos grabbed our bags and headed for the car. Steph stayed behind and thanked Uncle Robert for his hospitality before we took off to the Magnolia State. Meechie and Sissy went back to sleep in the car. I stayed up and watched the flashing lights of the cars on the highway. “How long will it take to get there?” I asked.

Carlos answered in his deep manly voice, “About 10 hours if we drive all the way through. We should get there around four o’clock.”

Steph interrupted. “Try to get some rest. We have a long ride ahead of us.”

I tried to sleep, but my mind kept wandering. I thought about what it would be like to be in Washington without Mama. Then, I thought about if I would see her again—or if I even wanted too.

I checked my coat pocket to make sure I still had my daddy’s number. When I get to Washington, I’m going to find him. I stared at the paper with his name penned on it and spoke to him. Daddy, I hope I find you. I want to get to know you. Mama can’t take care of me. I hope you can. I kissed the paper and put it in my bra, next to my heart.

Between thoughts, I could hear Steph and Carlos chatting quietly. I guess they thought I was sleep.

“Are you sure we can handle such a big responsibility?” Carlos asked.

“I don’t know. But, they don’t have anywhere else to go.” She paused. “If we didn’t take them, God knows what would’ve happened.”

Carlos sat with his thoughts before replying. “I get that, but how are we going to take care of two extra mouths when we’re barely making it now?”

“My daddy said he’ll help and I’ll see if we can get some assistance from the state. We’ll make it work.”

Steph and Carlos continued to make plans, but masked their anxiety with music from the radio. I diverted my attention from eavesdropping to singing the lyrics to Hanging on Strings by Loose Ends in my head while tapping my foot. The song reminded me of the good ole’ days back in Washington when Mama and her friends would drink, listen to music and play cards. She would get drunk and call me out of my room to perform the latest dances for her friends.

Deep down, I wished I would see Mama again. I dreaded the fact that I couldn’t see her face, even though she spent most of the time yelling at me. However, I knew it was time to take care of myself, no matter the cost.

The rest of our journey to Biloxi was pegged with ’80s jams, singing, periods of horseplay, and the overwhelming sense of restlessness we felt from being cooped up in Carlos’ car for 10 long hours.

We arrived in Mississippi that afternoon around 4:00, just as Carlos promised. The town of Biloxi looked old. A far cry from the city life in St. Louis. Just like St. Louis, there were brown people everywhere. As we made twists and turns through the city, I noticed people sitting on the front porches of their wooden bungalows, watching for any sense of excitement a passerby could spare. In a nutshell, it was country.

Before we made it to Carlos’ mom’s house, we stopped at a local chicken spot a few blocks from our destination. Once inside, Carlos was greeted with a big hug from a portly, dark-skinned gentleman waiting nearby for his food.

“Hey, man!” the man happily announced with open arms. He hugged Carlos tight and patted him on his back.

“Hey Quincy, man! What you been up to?”

“Awww, nothing, man. You know—trying to make a dollar out of fifteen cents.” The man rubbed his belly and finished with a deep laugh.

Carlos burst into laughter. “Cuz, you crazy!”

The man turned his attention to me, Sissy and Meechie. “And, who are these beautiful young ladies you have with you?”

Carlos stuck out his arm, placing his hand on my right shoulder. “Oh, these are my wife’s cousins, Nikki, Sissy and Michelle—I mean Meechie.”

Meechie hated to be called Michelle—her first name. Sometimes, I would call her by it just to mess with her.

“I’m your cousin, Quincy.”

“Hey,” we all answered.

“Y’all some pretty young ladies. Carlos, you gon’ have to keep your eyes on them.”

I couldn’t shake how funny he sounded. He talked too country and too fast. I could hardly understand him. I was kind of freaked out by his comments, so I drew my attention to the overhead menu. Meechie followed. “He a horny old man.” Meechie expressed. I put my hand over my mouth to contain my laughter.

“Y’all go ahead and order what you want.” Carlos said, momentarily leaving his conversation with Quincy. He went back to talking to the man, while me, Meechie and Sissy studied the menu. Soon after, Steph joined us.

“You guys all right?” her voice probed from behind us.

I turned to answer and found a red-eyed Steph standing behind me. “Yeah…Are you okay?”

Steph’s silence spoke for her before she opened her mouth. “Yeah, I’m okay. It’s been a long couple of days. I think I need some rest. Plus, I miss my kids.”

Steph left her kids, Deon and Alisha, with Donny until she came back. I was surprised. Steph was very protective of her children. I’m sure it took a lot to leave them behind.

“Do they have chicken nuggets here?” Sissy inquired.

“No, Sissy this ain’t McDonald’s,” Steph responded. “Just pick something and come on, girl.”

Meechie and I placed our order, then stood back and listened to Steph and Sissy fuss over her meal.

“How long we supposed to be staying here?” Meechie asked, rubbing her eyes.

“I don’t know, but I hope not long. I’m ready to get to Washington.”

I wanted to ask Carlos, but he was still knee slapping with Quincy by the door. Finally, a short, dark-skinned lady with braids called to Quincy from behind the counter. “Q, your order is ready.”

“All right, baby. Here I come.”

Quincy grabbed his bag, then looked inside the red and white plastic bag to ensure everything was there. “Thank you, baby. Tell your mama I said hi,” he said to the cashier. He headed towards the door.

“It was nice meeting you pretty ladies. ’Los, remember to stop by and see Gina before you leave.” He pointed at Carlos.

“All right, man. I see you later.”

As Carlos walked back to us, Steph met him halfway. “Let’s get our food to go. I’m ready to sit down and rest.”

The cashier bagged our food and off we went. A few blocks later, we stopped in front of a white house with green shutters and a partial chain link fence.

“All right, y’all. We’re here,” Carlos announced, then honked the horn.

“This is it?” I whispered to Meechie.

She looked at me sideways. “I guess so.”

A round lady and tall, dark-skinned guy who looked like Carlos came out of the house and met us at the car.

“Hey, ’Los.” She hugged him. “It’s so nice to see you!”

Steph got out and stood there, but the lady didn’t acknowledge her. Carlos sensed the awkwardness, so he filled the gap by introducing us to her. “Meechie, Sissy and Nikki, this is my mama, Betty.”

“It’s nice to meet you young ladies.”

We all took turns saying hello.

“Oh, and this one of my brothers, Twin.” Carlos put his hand on his back. “Twin?” I looked at Meechie. “That’s a weird name.”

“How ya’ll doing? Ya’ll need help with your bags?” Twin flashed a smile and looked me and Meechie up and down.

“Umm, I guess so. Our bags are in the trunk.” I responded.

“What’s up with the men around here?” Meechie asked.

I hunched my shoulders, then helped Steph grab the food out of the car. Betty led the way to the house.

“Y’all come on in and make yourself comfortable. Twin, put they stuff next to the couch.” She pointed to a fashionable-looking green couch with plastic on it. The house smelled musty, like someone needed to open a window. I could tell someone had been cooking because the house smelled of chicken grease and cornbread.

“I sho hope y’all is hungry.”

“We already got something to eat.”

“What? Why would you do that? I told you I was cooking.” Betty put her hands on her round hips. “That’s all right,” she chuckled and waved her hand. “There’s plenty for later.”

Me, Meechie and Sissy sat at the table to eat our food, while Carlos and his family chatted in the background. Carlos’ brother came and sat next to us. “How old is y’all?”

I almost choked trying to answer, so Meechie spoke up. “Too young for you.” She bit into her chicken leg and rolled her eyes.

“Y’all look grown enough to me.” He cracked a devilish smile, exposing his crooked front tooth. I was sure Twin wasn’t our age. He looked to be in his early 20s. Dang, he can’t find a girl his age? I spoke up. “Well, we ain’t. We only 14.”

Twin looked at me. “Girl, if you was a little older, I would make you mine.”

His comment made me feel uncomfortable. I grabbed Meechie’s leg and scooted closer for protection.

“If you don’t mind, we trying to eat our food,” Meechie snapped.

“You got a smart little mouth, don’t you? You betta be careful. One day it might get you hurt.” Twin smiled and got up from the table.

“What the hell?” Meechie looked at me. “The people here is weird. I’ll be happy when we leave.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“I think he likes you, Nikki,” Sissy teased.

“Ewww, that’s nasty. He’s too old.”

“If he starts getting too fresh, tell Steph.” Meechie insisted.

“I will. Hopefully, he’s not that stupid.”

While we finished eating our food, I looked over and noticed Steph sitting by herself. Carlos was laughing and catching up with his family, but she seemed uncomfortable. Kind of the way a person looks when they don’t fit in.

“I don’t think Carlos’ family likes Steph.” I whispered to Meechie.

“Why you say that?”

“Mrs. Betty didn’t even talk to Steph and the rest of them ain’t really saying nothing to her either.”

The door opened and a man who looked identical to Twin came in. “Oh, he’s a twin.” I said.

Meechie looked at me and snickered. “Duh.”

We laughed. “I hope he’s not as creepy as the other one.”

“Hey!” Carlos yelled and hugged him tight. “What’s up, Two?” Twin’s twin, ‘Two,’ looked identical to Twin. If it wasn’t for the red baseball cap he was wearing, I wouldn’t have been able to tell them apart. He hardly spoke to us when Carlos introduced him.

Eventually, Steph grew tired of the noise and went in a back room. We didn’t see her for the rest of the night. Me, Meechie and Sissy transitioned from the table to the living room and watched TV until all of the guest left one by one. Carlos left with them to hang out at a local bar. Betty brought us some blankets and encouraged us to make a pallet on the floor.

Before checking out for the night, I went in the kitchen to get something to drink. I turned on the light and hundreds of roaches filled the floor and the stove where somebody neglected to pick up the food.

“Ewww!” I couldn’t help but vocalize my disgust.

“What’s wrong with you?” Meechie called from the living room.

“They got roaches and a lot of them.”

“What you think they going to do? Bite you?” Meechie laughed.

“Let me see.” Sissy ran into the kitchen. “That’s nasty.” She backed away.

I started to retreat, but I was thirsty. I waited until the bugs hid under the stove and refrigerator, then found a cup and washed it three times before I got some juice out of the refrigerator.

When I returned to our pallet, I laid at the end, behind Sissy. I checked under the covers for bugs, said my prayers and then drifted off to sleep.

Early in the morning, I could hear Steph and Carlos arguing. I sat up and listened, catching a few sentences of their dispute.

“You know your family don’t like me. Why you leave me here?”

“Why is you tripping? I wasn’t even gone that long.”

“Carlos, its three o’clock in the morning. Look at you, all drunk and shit. I’m ready to go!”

“Steph, we just got here.”

“So what! If you ain’t ready to leave by tomorrow, I’m leaving without you!”

I looked around to see if Meechie was up to gossip with, but she was in a deep coma-like sleep. After sitting up for a little while longer, I laid back down and eventually fell asleep.

A couple of hours later, I heard the front door open and close. I didn’t think anything of it. I ignored the noise and tried my best to go back to sleep.

Next, I was shaken out of my sleep by two large hands pulling me away from Sissy and Meechie and covering my mouth. I tried to fight, but he was too strong. He smelled of alcohol and cologne as he whispered in my ear, “You bet not say a word or I’m going to get the other two, too.” I know this voice. I screamed, but the screams were muffled by his large, dark-skinned hand.

I struggled, but he held me tighter, wrapping his leg around mine and spreading it apart. He pulled down my panties with his free hand, unzipped his pants and pulled me closer to him. I kicked and elbowed him. But it didn’t matter. He had his grip on me. I was helpless and too weak to fight him. He licked his hand and put his spit on my vagina, then thrust his penis inside of me.

The pain of his penis ripping through me was unbearable. I tried to push it out of me, but each time he held me tighter and pumped harder. Tears streamed down my face as he continued to violate me. Eventually, everything got dark.

When I woke up, it was light outside. Hoping it was a dream, I checked for my panties. They weren’t pulled all the way up. I wrapped the blanket around me and went into the bathroom. I pulled down my panties and sat on the toilet and noticed there was blood in them. I tried to pee but it hurt too bad. As I wiped, blood and clear stuff was on the tissue.

I cried and wiped vigorously, until I couldn’t see anything else on the tissue. Who did this to me?

I went over the events in my head. I hoped I’d find a clue to who had taken liberty with me. The first person that popped in my head was Twin. I cried and cried until I was strong enough to come out of the bathroom.

I went searching for Steph, but she was nowhere in sight. I went to the living room to tell Meechie, but she was gone too.

Sissy was watching cartoons and eating a bowl of cereal. “Where is Meechie and Steph?”

“They left.” Sissy didn’t take her eyes off of the TV.

“Where did they go?”

“Back to Washington.”

“What?” I sat on the couch in disbelief. “Without us?”

“Yeah. She told me we’re going to ride back with Carlos tomorrow.”

How could she leave us? I melted into the plastic couch. I knew I couldn’t trust her. I guess some things never change.