CHAPTER 7

We Only Get One Life

I will not waste my life! I will finish my course and finish it well. I will display the gospel of the grace of God in all that I do. I will run my race to the end!

Apostle Paul (Acts 20:24; paraphrased by John Piper, Don’t Waste Your Life)

It is good to remember that we only have one life to live, and then we will come face-to-face with God, who will ask us to give an account for ourselves. That is why Paul said in Romans 14:12, “And so each of us shall give an account of himself [give an answer in reference to judgment] to God.”

This is not intended to frighten us, but to urge us to realize that eventually the time we have been given will run out, and we will be asked to give an account of what we have done with it. This scripture doesn’t frighten me, but it does urge me to be sober-minded about my life and use it to please God.

It is sobering to think that every hour that ticks by is one that we will never get back, so we should make it count. Don’t waste it! I have wasted a great deal of time in my life, and you may feel the same way. What have we spent time on that, when we look back, we realize has produced nothing good? The wise man always lets his mistakes educate him.

The wise man always lets his mistakes educate him.

In the last chapter, I talked about specific ways we might avoid wasting time, but there are others, and they are ones that are more hidden. They are hidden because they are issues of the heart. They are tormenting emotions that we permit to remain in our lives, sometimes for years, and each day that we do not confront them is another day we have wasted.

If any one of us intends to seize the day, enter into intentional living, and stop wasting time, we cannot successfully do so unless we face the truth about how much time we waste on things like guilt, fear, worry, anxiety, jealousy, envy, greed, resentment, hatred, bitterness and unforgiveness, self-pity, et cetera. If we want to seize the day, we must be prepared to seize negative emotions that will rob us of the day. Emotions that we don’t want may visit us quite suddenly, without an invitation from us. All it takes is for someone to swoop in front of us and grab the parking place we have been waiting for at the mall, and we get a visit from anger. Or for someone we work with to get the promotion that we believe we deserve more than they do, and we get a visit from jealousy, resentment, and anger.

Because we never know on any given day what our circumstances may be, and because we cannot control the actions of other people, we are in danger every day of wasting time on negative, useless emotions. It is quite possible that there are more people in the world right now who are either experiencing some of these emotions or are angry about one thing or another than there are those who are totally at peace.

Jesus said that the makers and maintainers of peace would be called the sons of God (see Matthew 5:9), and understandably so. Sons have a degree of maturity. We don’t expect anything other than unbridled emotions from babies and children, but we do expect more than that from our grown sons and daughters, and so does God.

For too long, we have allowed ourselves to be victims of these energy-draining, time-wasting emotions, thinking we can’t help the way we feel, but the truth is that we can control our emotions and not allow them to control us. It may not be easy, especially if you are someone who has lived by emotions for a long time, but it is possible with God’s help.

He who has no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down and without walls.

Proverbs 25:28 (AMPC)

God would not instruct us to rule over our own spirit if it were not possible to do so. We need not be victims of circumstances, for through God’s grace (power), we are created to rule, to subdue, to manage, and to have authority.

I have found it very helpful to resist negative, unwanted emotions at their onset. When something happens that causes unwanted emotions to rise up within you, subdue them. If you let the emotion lead, you are headed for trouble. Name the emotion and say, “You’re not welcome,” and then start talking to yourself. For example: If I were to hear of a ministry opportunity a friend had received and it was one I had always dreamed of, I might get a visit from jealousy and envy. As soon as I notice it, I should say, “Jealousy and envy, you are not welcome here!” Then I can have a talk with myself, saying, Joyce, you are so blessed that it would be ridiculous for you to be jealous of anyone. God has a unique plan for each of us and, Joyce, you have done things that others have never done, and some of them will do things you will never do. I always find when I do this that my emotions calm down and I can behave properly.

Yes, I have had to have conversations like this with myself often in my life, and others that are similar. I have told myself often that I don’t intend to waste my day being angry or feeling sorry for myself. Perhaps this type of action is a new thought for you, but the truth is that we all talk to ourselves, if not out loud at least in our thoughts, so why not tell yourself something that will help you live the life you truly want to live.

When a person is threatening to jump off of a building, someone is sent to “talk him off the ledge.” I use this idea when I feel like I am about to leap into a state of wild emotion. Sometimes we have only a few seconds to decide what we will do, but if we can learn to take a deep breath and talk to ourselves, we may save ourselves a lot of trouble.

Let’s imagine that my husband, Dave, says something I don’t agree with and refuses even to admit that he might possibly be wrong. Most married women know what I am talking about! When this happens, I can feel anger rising up within me, and I need to do something about it before it reaches my mouth. I know this because of many years of navigating this scene improperly and then regretting it later.

I have wasted a great deal of time being angry with Dave over things that were so insignificant and foolish that it was ridiculous. But once we get angry and start talking, or perhaps yelling, it is hard to be talked off the ledge because we have already jumped, so to speak. But if I can talk to myself and remind myself quickly that my goal in life should not be to correct Dave and prove myself to be right, I will save myself a lot of misery. Only those who intend to seize the day will rule their emotions.

I guess we will never know for sure, but I seriously wonder how many days of our lives we have wasted, never to be redeemed, due to harboring these negative emotions. It is probably best that we don’t know, or else we might lose another day in regret.

I think I will talk about some of these emotions in groups because we often find that they work together in attacking the purposes of God for our lives. Jesus said that the new commandment He gave us was that we love one another as He had loved us, so that the world might know we are His disciples (see John 13:34–35). Since God is love, the only way the world can see Him in action is through love, and God has called us to let Him love the world through us. Therefore, let’s look at emotions that hinder the love of God from flowing through us and make us miserable in the process.

Since God is love, the only way the world can see Him in action is through love, and God has called us to let Him love the world through us.

Jealousy, Envy, Greed, and Resentment

All of these emotions are condemned by God and should be aggressively avoided by us. Each of them is a total waste of time because they don’t change our circumstances. They don’t help us get what we want. They do make us mean-spirited and grumpy.

Always wanting more no matter how much we have shows a greedy spirit. We are told to avoid not only greed, but also greedy people, so it must be a dangerous thing indeed. God wants us to be content with what we have, ask Him for what we want and need, and trust that He will provide it in the right way, at the right time, if it is the right thing for us.

These evil emotions certainly present themselves to all of us, and merely feeling them is not sin, but when we nurture these emotions with evil thoughts we usually act on them and they become sin. Always pray for God to help you resist the devil the moment any negative emotion shows up in your life.

Are you jealous of anyone? Do you have resentment in your heart because you feel left out? Take a step of faith and tell the person you resent that you are happy for him. Taking godly action always breaks the power of the devil. We overcome evil with good (see Romans 12:21). Go a step further and start praying for the person, asking God to bless him even more. The more you bless others, the more you will be blessed.

Don’t waste any part of the one life you have to live being jealous, envious, greedy, or filled with resentment!

Worry, Anxiety, and Fear

These three emotions are ones I think it is safe to say everyone experiences at different times in their lives, but like the first group we examined, they are a waste of time because they accomplish nothing positive. They don’t prevent or solve our problems. They help nothing, and they harm us, because they steal our peace and joy. Henry Ford said, “I believe God is managing affairs and that He doesn’t need any advice from me. With God in charge, I believe everything will work out for the best in the end. So what is there to worry about?”8

Only a deep trust in God can help us avoid these useless emotions. Our trust in God increases as we have experience with Him and see His faithfulness in our lives. God is good, and He always takes care of us. He may not do exactly as we would have preferred, and we may not always understand why, but He is good and He is faithful.

Why do we worry? It may be a difficult thing to face, but I think we worry simply because we are afraid that we won’t get what we want. If we can say, “Your will be done, Lord, and not mine,” and mean it, we will never have to worry again. All fear is a result of not fully understanding the unconditional love of God and then not trusting that, because He loves us, He will always do what is best for us. “Perfect love casts out fear” (I John 4:18 NKJV).

I once read that a day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work. This is another good reason not to worry. Most of us don’t have any excess energy to waste, so the next time you are tempted to worry, just remember that if you do, it will be a waste of time. Corrie ten Boom said, “Worry doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow, but it empties today of its strength.”9

A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work.

Anger, Unforgiveness, Hatred, and Being Offended

Jesus said many times that we are to forgive those who hurt us and do so quickly. He doesn’t make light of our pain, but He does know we only add to it through these miserable emotions. The emotions of anger, unforgiveness, hatred and bitterness, and offense are close relatives. When we become angry, we may refuse to forgive and we get bitter and can even begin to hate those God has called us to love.

Let us be more concerned about our reaction to those who hurt us than we are about what they have done to us. What they have done is ultimately between them and God, and our reaction is between God and us. We will need to be prepared to forgive many people in our lives, and some of them over and over again. Being angry with people is useless. It very rarely, if ever, changes them, but it does harm us in many ways. Forgiveness is an attribute of strong people. The weak find it hard to do. I’ve heard it said that one of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. Let’s remember the good that people do and forget the bad.

Forgiveness is an attribute of strong people.

Don’t be easily offended unless you are signing up to be miserable in life. We have countless opportunities to be offended each week, but we don’t have to “take offense” just because it is offered to us. Sane, reasoning people don’t do things that will make them miserable.

Guilt

I probably wasted more time feeling guilty than anything else. Until I was in my fifties, I suffered from what I can honestly say was continual guilt. I even felt guilty about feeling guilty because I knew it wasn’t what God wanted for me. I often say, “I didn’t feel right if I didn’t feel wrong!”

My guilt started at the time I was a small girl due to my father sexually abusing me and warning me not to tell anyone. I assumed it had to be wrong if I couldn’t tell anyone, and this started a cycle of guilt in my life that was unbelievably tormenting. When a person feels guilty she can’t really enjoy anything.

God wants us to enjoy our lives, but we can’t do that if we don’t know how to enjoy ourselves, and we can’t do that if we continually find fault with ourselves. God has provided total forgiveness and guilt-free living in Jesus (see Isaiah 53:5–6). Our debts have been paid. Our sin and the guilt have been removed, so any guilt we suffer with is the devil’s way of deceiving us and preventing us from receiving the fullness of God’s love.

God has provided total forgiveness and guilt-free living in Jesus.

The way God helped me experience freedom from the torment of guilt was to be well educated on what His Word says about it, then to believe His Word more than I believed how I felt. I would often say out loud, or quietly to myself, Joyce, this guilt you feel is a liar and a thief. You are forgiven completely, and your sin is removed as far as the east is from the west. If there is no sin, how can there be any guilt? I actually learned to reason with myself based on Scripture, and although it took some years to be completely free, I made progress on a regular basis.

Self-Pity

Self-pity is surely a waste of time because it does not move God to give us what we want. We feel sorry for ourselves when we don’t get our way, or feel slighted in some way. People do sometimes take advantage of us and that of course is not right, but self-pity won’t change it. This is another negative emotion I wasted a lot of time on until God spoke this to my heart: Joyce, you can be pitiful or powerful, but you can’t be both, so make a choice.

I will leave you with this thought as we move on to other things: Your time is valuable, so don’t waste any of it on negative, useless emotions that do nothing but make you miserable.

Chapter Summary