CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

MAEVE

The clock moves, but time seems to stand still for me over the next three days. I’m numb and I want to remain that way. I’ve been to Cian’s parents’ house for the wake. Jack had tried his best to shield me from the grieving family, but I had still shaken hands with Cian’s family and offered my condolences.

Jack’s reminder to me, whenever we were alone, was that Shay killed him, not me. That he would have lived if Shay hadn’t pulled the trigger. Part of me clung to his words and prayed that they were the truth.

The church moves past in a blur, and now I’m standing in the graveyard, sensing someone watching me. I don’t want to look in case it is Liam. He is the one person I have avoided intentionally. When I look up it is Shay.

It’s been three days since I’ve seen him. Since Jack went to the coroners and I was left in Shay’s care. He nods at me—and out of manners—I nod back, knowing that someone else is surely watching. Stuffing my hands deeper in my long black coat, I face forward as the priest says kind things about Cian.

No one cries except for Una. Shane holds his wife, and he isn’t the man I watched fall apart a few days ago. He’s strong and put together. To an outsider, they might think he doesn’t care. Jack’s at the front with his father. I didn’t want to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with them. Dana looks back and gives me a watery smile. Guilt churns in my stomach. She’s another person I’ve been avoiding. So many lies I’ve had to tell her. So many more I’m sure I will have to say. Having a friendship with her has never been more complicated. She’s been talking about returning to Italy soon, and I know Svetlana is encouraging her to go. She doesn’t want Dana involved in any of this, but I think it’s only a matter of time.

“May he rest in peace.” The words pull me from my thoughts as Una wails, her legs buckle, and Shane supports her as the coffin is lowered into the ground. I look away from the heartbreaking scene before me and focus on the sky. The dark clouds that are forming over our heads, threaten to open and soak us with tears from the heavens. I hold onto the knowledge that Jack gave me. Everyone thought Cian had been shot by the same man who also shot two of Jack’s uncles. He said no one would ever look any deeper into it. That knowledge I had to cling to, I had to hold on to like my life depended on it. I suppose in some ways it did. My sanity depends on it.

Once again guilt rolls through me because I felt relief knowing I would get away with it. The crowd starts to disperse, and I keep my eyes on the ground now, not wanting to meet anyone else’s grieving gazes. I didn’t need any more watery eyes, or turn downed mouths to become my focus.

“Are you coming back to the hotel?” Dana’s voice pulls my gaze from the gray stones that crunch under the footfall of the many people here, there must be hundreds. I didn’t think Cian was that well-known, but by the looks of the clientele, it was more for the O’Reagans. I’m looking across the crowd for Jack, but of course he would be going back. “Yeah.”

She exhales loudly and steps up beside me, linking her arm with mine. Dana rests her head on my shoulder. “I’ll miss him.”

“Me, too.” My gaze clashes with Jack’s and his features soften further when his eyes glide towards Dana, who’s still holding onto me. He looks so handsome in his dark suit and jacket. He kisses Dana on the head before pressing a kiss to my lips.

“That was lovely for him.” Dana straightens up but doesn’t release me.

Jack smiles. “Yeah, he got a good send off. Come on, and we’ll have a drink on him.”

Jack’s ice-blue eyes settle on me and he takes my hand in his. Dana releases me and we walk to Jack’s jeep.

“Did you drive?” Jack asks Dana.

“No. I came with mother and father. Let me tell them I’m going with you.”

“Okay. We’ll be in the jeep.”

Dana leaves, and Jack pulls me closer. “I’m so proud of you,” His voice is low, and he leans into me as he speaks. “You are doing fantastic.”

“So are you.” I look up and meet his gaze. He stops walking and takes my chin in his gloved hand before leaning in and pressing a kiss to my lips. It’s soft, but like all things with Jack, no matter how small the touch or word or gaze, I feel it all the way down to my toes.

Jack releases me as one of his uncles walks beside us.

“How’s Finn?” Jack asks him.

“He’s still here. I think him seeing Cian has made him realize he should be fucking grateful he’s above ground.”

Darragh. That’s his name. I had met him at Shane’s house. He looked just like Finn, who was in a wheelchair.

“Yeah, I think it’s a reminder to us all that we aren’t invincible.” We stop at the jeep, and Jack unlocks it.

Darragh lights up a cigarette. “Some of us. Others think they can walk on water and turn piss to wine.”

Jack laughs.

Darragh winks at me. “See you at the hotel.”

Jack opens the door for me, and I climb in. The moment he’s in, he turns on the engine and starts the heat.

“Who was he talking about?” I ask. I didn’t really care, but sitting here and seeing all the grieving people move past, didn’t entice me one bit to keep my focus on them.

“Shay and his dad, Connor. They are a different breed.”

I turn to Jack as he shrugs out of his jacket. “But he’s your cousin.”

Jack loosens his tie like he’s about to take it off, but stops. “He is, but they’re up north and do things differently than we do.”

Dana races towards the jeep. My gaze trails behind her, where Liam and Svetlana stand. I hate the sight of Liam, so I smile at Dana as she passes my window and climbs into the back.

“I don’t think I will ever get used to seeing you riding up front.”

I smile for the first time. “Me neither.”

Jack waits until Dana is buckled up.

“Well, get used to it.” Jack’s words have me looking at him. I see so much in his eyes, and my own feelings are reflected in them.

I love him.

I love every part of him, and I know that love is new but will continue to grow. I think I’ve always loved Jack O’Reagan. Throughout my life, it was a different kind of love.

When I think of all he has done for my family and me, my mom now has her own home, and Jack and I are going to go for dinner one of these days soon. Declan is out of the hospital and at home, continuing his rehab. I couldn’t be prouder. I still can’t see them, but Jack promises I can soon.

“I thought Richard would come home.” Dana pulls me out of my thoughts.

“I rang him. He couldn’t get out of work.” Jack’s voice is deep, like he’s repeating words he doesn’t believe.

“Family is family. An Chlann,” Dana speaks, and I want to see her face. I wonder if she understands the power that term carries for her family.

“How’s Declan?” She asks after a moment when the talk of Richard stops.

“He’s out of rehab.” I half turn because I know she will share my joy.

“I’m so happy for him. And you.” She reaches and grips my hand.

“He’s looking so well.”

“He’s always look well to me. I wouldn’t kick him out of bed.”

I’m tempted to look at Jack, but don’t. I wouldn’t encourage a relationship like that. I simply wouldn’t want my brother involved with Liam.

One of us is enough.

“No love interest in Italy?”

Dana’s grin tells me there was.

“You girls can chat at the hotel.” Jack turns down the street of Kells.

Dana rolls her eyes at Jack’s statement, and I turn around, facing forward again.

“I’m picturing some hot Italian stallion,” I say, just to get a kick out of Jack. It’s nice to joke, and when he looks at me, he flashes a warning.

“Dana, tell Maeve she’s wrong.”

“Yeah, Maeve, you’re wrong.”

I can picture Dana rolling her eyes. Our banter stops as we pull up at the hotel. No one moves, and Dana clears her throat.

“So... I’ll see you inside?”

“Yeah.” Jack doesn’t answer, so I do, and Dana gets out.

As she passes my window, she gives me a half-smile, and I hate how dishonest I’ve been with her.

“Are you ready for this?” Jack asks as he watches people enter the hotel.

No.

“Yes.”

Jack turns fully to me, and I want to reach across and kiss him. My stomach squirms as his intense gaze doesn’t waver, even as the seconds pass between us.

“When we bring women to outings that are exclusively for us, it’s a signal to everyone.”

I bite the inside of my cheek.

“It makes this more official than you can imagine.” Jack holds the steering wheel with one hand while watching me.

“How official?” I ask.

His smile has everything in me turning to mush, and I get it when girls freak out over a guy. I never did before, but with Jack, staying with him is the only option.

“Really official.” His smile accompanies his words.

His words raise all the hairs on my body, and I’m ready to sign my soul over to him in blood.

“So, if I don’t go in?” I ask, knowing I will, but there is a vulnerability in his smile that makes me want to see what happens. He doesn’t show this much, and I’m pushing, wanting to see more.

“I’d hate to drag you in and start off our life together on such a bad foot.”

I bite my cheek but can’t stop the smile that takes over my features.

I dip my head, feeling ridiculously in love. Jack shifts towards me, releasing the steering wheel, and his hand cups my face. He tilts it, so I’m looking at him.

“So which is it?” His playful tone gets lost when his gaze drops to my mouth.

“I think I’ll walk through the door.”

His smile is back. “Good choice.”

His mouth consumes mine, and I get lost in Jack. His smell. His touch.

A rap at the window drags us apart. Shay bends down, his hands stuffed into his coat, and he grins. Jack nods at him, and he leaves.

“We better go in,” I say, feeling guilt about kissing him and enjoying myself when Cian was dead.

“I won’t leave you.” Jack places one final kiss on my lips.

Once I get out of the jeep, he meets me and takes my hand, giving me strength and hope that after today we might be able to start over.