CHAPTER TWENTY

MAEVE

He is worse than I thought. It’s moments, it’s glimpses that I think I see something more in his eyes for me, and then he goes and reminds me of our contract—of what is hanging over my head. I pick up the beer; I don’t drink, but right now, I’m not doing so well, so I partake in something I hate. When Jack sits beside me and drags my chair closer like I’m a possession, I drink more and focus on the red and white tablecloth. The liquor has a funny effect on my system. I shrug out of my leather jacket as heat that I hadn’t felt before starts to fill my body.

Cian returns, and everyone starts to eat. Dana and her mother keep the chat flowing. All the men seem to smile and nod at whatever they say. I love their relationship. Everything Dana says about college and her trip to Italy, Svetlana’s excitement for her daughter, is genuine; she wants to know everything.

My gaze skims the men. Bastards. Each and every one of them.

They are all the same, just like my father. I drink some more until I gain Dana’s attention.

“You’re drinking?” She leans forward while folding a napkin. Her attention is focused on the napkin, like what she’s saying isn’t important.

“Just the one.” My voice sounds defensive, and I curl in on myself when I gain Liam’s attention. I hate how he looks at me. I glare at him as I drink, getting a bit braver. How I’d love to call him out on the cruel things he said when I was a child. I should laugh at him and say, look at me, sitting at your table, eating your food, pretending to fuck your son.

Jack’s hand touches my leg, and I know the hostility is pouring off me. I swallow my pride and look up at Jack with a smile pressed to my lips. It’s a smile that is keeping all the pain in, and I won’t let it go because I fear that if I do, I will fall apart at this table. Considering right now, even though I’m angry, this is perfect. Sitting here with Jack as my boyfriend, enjoying food with his family and Dana, my best friend. I’m surrounded by a darkness that presses on our backs. Within these four pillars, it’s like we are safe, encircled in fairy lights. It makes me think of my bed-time prayer that my father said with me every night.

“I lay my body down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, and if I die, before I wake, I pray to God my soul to take. All four corners of my bed, all four corners of my spread, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, bless this bed that Maeve lies on.” My father’s voice whispers in my ear, and pain lances my heart. I used to picture the four angels, each holding a corner of my bedspread.

Jack leans in slowly, and presses a kiss to my lips that I accept. I need something to anchor myself into right now. I reach up and touch his cheek. The kiss is short, but it sucks all the anger from my system, leaving me dizzy with longing.

“So maybe after, we can go and check out the ‘Viper’?” Dana’s words pierce through the veil that Jack’s kiss seems to have placed around me.

“That sounds like fun,” Shay speaks up with the sweetest smile on his face. No matter what, I don’t like him. I don’t like the intelligence that lies behind his eyes as he speaks. I feel he’s speaking one thing but completely thinking another. It’s a weird assessment since I haven’t been around him much, but that’s how I feel when I look at Shay.

“You’re coming.” Dana is leaning over, making sure I hear her.

“It’s up to Jack.” I take another drink, and like how it makes me feel. Jack still holds my hand, and it’s nice. The warmth that radiates from him is different from the warmth the drink is creating. I know the drink is false somehow, but his isn’t. I feel it from the tips of my fingers all the way through me.

“Whatever you want.” Jack smiles down at me, and I don’t know if it’s the small lights that seem to flicker around us, or the liquid that flows through my system, but his smile seems real. Heat rushes to my cheeks, and I dip my head, not wanting him to see what I really feel for him. “I think it would be fun,” I say, looking up from under my eyelashes.

Jack faces forward. “It’s settled; we will go to the Viper.”

“I might pass,” Cian speaks up. He’s been quiet most of the night; I keep sensing his gaze on me, but each time I look up, he’s eating. Maybe this is what comes with drinking, a sense of paranoia.

“Your mother and I will pass.” Liam’s voice carries that note of authority, and he always sounds like he thinks he’s above everyone else. Above humans, above the law, even above gods.

Svetlana laughs. “I wouldn’t dare dream of it.”

She’s still stunning and would attract a lot of attention, but she’s looking at Liam like he’s everything she could have dreamed of. I don’t get it. Do I look at Jack like that? I take another drink to find the bottle empty.

“Would you like another?” I’m surprised at Liam’s offer. I’m surprised he even noticed. I should decline.

“Yes, thanks.”

“I’d spin you around the floor,” Shay smiles up at Svetlana with a sickeningly sweet smile on his face.

“Such a charmer.” She’s smiling back.

Shay’s gaze skips to me, and his smile falters just a little. I wonder if he can see the dislike I hold for him. The only two people at this table that have ever shown me kindness are Dana and Cian.

“You should come,” I say to Cian, hating that I haven’t made an effort when he has done so much for me.

He pauses eating. I don’t know how he still has any space in his stomach for food. It’s like a bottomless pit. “I just might do that, Reilly.”

I hate it when people use my second name as my title.

I don’t dare look at Jack, his anger is practically rolling off him, and it’s nice.

He’s jealous. I didn’t think that was possible. Liam places a bottle and a fresh glass in front of me.

“Thank you.” I have to force the words out, but I also will remember my manners. No matter what he might think of me, I was raised to have respect for people. I most certainly would never speak ill of a child like he had done about me.

“You don’t have to stay. Go on now and have fun.” Svetlana is speaking to Dana, but she smiles at me too. “Thank you so much for coming, Maeve.”

Her kindness has always been there. How she ended up with Liam will confuse me until I’m covered in clay.

“Thank you for having me.”

Svetlana rises and starts gathering up the plates.

“Are you ready to go?” Jack releases my hand, and I take a good few mouthfuls of my drink before I nod. I know Dana is watching me, but I refuse to meet her eye.

“Let’s go.”

Shay is still seated along with Cian. Jack pauses.

“I want a quick word with Liam. I’ll follow you.” For the first time, Shay’s voice sounds real, gritty, and he carries violence around his shoulders like a weapon. He could strike, and he wouldn’t think twice about it.

“See you later, then.” Jack doesn’t ask why Cian is still sitting.

“Are you coming?” I can’t leave him out. Jack reclaims my hand in his.

Cian hesitates, and I have no idea what’s running through his mind. But he finally stands to his full height, towering over everyone else.

“Yeah, I will.” He’s grinning, and I’m aware of Jack’s hand tightening on mine.

Jack finally stops eyeing Cian, and we leave the table. Svetlana walks us to the door, and her goodbyes are filled with hugs and promises for us to come again. I hang on to her a little longer than I should, but for me, this is really goodbye.

I want to thank her for always having been kind to me, but if I start speaking in full truths, my smile will slip, and words that I’m keeping in will pour from my lips.

I get in the back of the jeep with Dana. Cian turns up the music the moment he gets in. Jack is the last, and he turns it off. Cian doesn’t dare turn it back on.

“You have to tell me how this happened?” Dana’s gaze is glazed over from the drink. She isn’t drunk but merry. She’s pointing at the back of Jack’s chair.

“It’s a long story.” I reach for the stupid line that needs to be removed from the English language. Nothing is ever that long of a story. It means either I don’t have the energy to get into it, or it’s none of your business. Doing that to Dana isn’t right.

The jeep starts to move, and the silence is stretching out like the road before us. “I met Jack at the Viper.”

Dana grins. “What the hell. I never thought you’d go there.”

She’s right. I wouldn’t. Partying isn’t my thing. “Yeah, well, Declan had an episode.”

Dana’s smile falters, and she nods as she gets what I’m saying.

Telling the truth, in a sense, makes me feel less of a bad person. “So I went to the Viper to blow off some steam.”

I know Cian and Jack are listening to each and every word I speak.

Dana rolls down the window before sitting back while letting the breeze catch dark strands of her hair. “Well, I’m glad you did.” She turns her head, so she’s facing me now; her eyes are half closed. “You both always fancied each other.”

The child in me that kept that hidden, dies a little. I’d never confessed to Dana how I felt about her brother, so now I know I must have been obvious in the way I looked at him or acted around him. Her words sink in, and she had said both.

I snort. “Hardly.”

“You didn’t fancy me when we were kids?” Jack moves the rear-view mirror so he can see me.

“You were a dick,” I say.

Cian sniggers from the front seat.

Jack’s lip tugs up slightly, but his eyes dance with humor. I want him to look away from me. “I might have been a dick, but you liked me.”

“God, you’re so full of yourself. You always had a thing for her, too.” Dana says as she slowly starts to roll up the window.

My heart jumps a little as I deny it in my head.

“Yeah, I did.” Jack meets my gaze in the rearview mirror, and I don’t want him to play with my heart.

“You sure had a funny way of showing it.” The words are a growl, and I sit back, trying to control my emotions. I need more drinks, or maybe the drink is doing this.

“Like you said, I was a dick.” Jack’s acknowledgement, I hate. He can’t act like the good guy.

“You still are,” Cian speaks under his breath, but we all hear it. I’d love to know why they are at loggerheads.

We pull up at the back of “The Viper.”

“Well, no matter what, I’m glad you guys did the ugly, and you are now my sister-in-law.” Dana’s excitement is misdirected, and I glance at Jack. He can smash his sister’s heart.

I can’t even answer, so I get out, and Dana dances around the far side of the jeep. I don’t wait for Jack but follow Cian into the club. I want to get lost in the mass of people. I want to be sucked in and spat out later tonight when I’m too drunk to remember the things that I would do.

Tonight I would drink and give my virginity to Jack, so I could walk away from him for good before he did any more damage to me.

The club is packed, the air is warm, and I shrug out of my jacket. Cian glances at me over his shoulder, a cheeky smile on his face as he reaches back and takes my jacket from my hand. “I’ll put it somewhere safe.”

“Thank you,” I mouth the words, and he’s ready to walk away, but I grab his arm. I might not see him for a while, and right now, while we are surrounded by sweaty bodies and pulsing music, I drag his large form down to me so I can whisper in his ear. “Thank you for helping my brother. I’ll never forget it.” I brush a kiss to his cheek; the stubble rubs against my lips.

“I know about you and Jack.”

I pull away as my body seems to jerk.

“I know he’s forcing you to do this. Pretend to be with him.”

“He told you.” Fear clings to my words. “Please don’t tell Dana.” Or anyone I want to add.

“I won’t, but if you’re in trouble, I can help you.”

I laugh, but it’s short-lived. I wasn’t going to borrow from Billy to pay Bob when they were two sides of the coin; no matter what, they were O’Reagans.

“I’m good.” I finally tell Cian.

Fingers twine with mine, and I know it’s Jack as he moves me away from Cian. Jack’s smell circles me as he brings me deeper into the crowd. He spins me around, and when our gazes clash, I hate him. I hate him for what he is making me feel. Pulling me closer, I stumble into his wide chest, and he moves us slowly. I have no idea what is running through his mind. He holds my gaze before lowering his head to me. No matter what, I can’t resist Jack, and that’s what makes him dangerous.

The sultry music has my hips moving. I leave Jacks’ arms, breaking the kiss, and continue to sway. His arms circle my waist as he drags our bodies back together. His hard chest at my back has my heart beating rapidly when I think of his body on mine. His fingers dance along my neck as he drags my hair aside and places a warm kiss that has me exhaling loudly. I continue to sway, knowing my ass is rubbing against his cock, that’s growing rapidly.

His hot kisses are setting my body on fire. I step away from him again and move through the crowd. I need a drink. I need to fuel my body with bravery or sugar coat what I’m about to do. I reach the full bar and try to get the barman’s attention, but he’s overrun. A warm body presses beside me, and the moment the bartender sees him, he approaches us.

“A Bud and…” Jack looks down at me.

“Vodka.” I’ve never drank it.

“What mixer?” The bartender leans in so I can hear him.

“7up.”

He leaves, and the music blasts across the room. Strobe lights bounce off every surface, and everyone looks so happy. So alive. They sway and smile and drink and laugh while I’m being dragged under the current, and only getting bubbles of air before being dragged back down again. I know right now he’s watching me with those ice-blue eyes. I get a tiredness in my heart at trying to keep upright. My gaze clashes with his, and I want to confess what I feel, what he’s making me feel, and maybe he would give me a real chance. His large hand trails up my arm, firing off my nerve endings. I’m a mess around him.

Don’t sleep with him. He’ll destroy you.

I drown out the voice of reason when my vodka arrives. I drink the liquid in three large gulps as it burns my insides.

I land the empty glass on the counter, and Jack’s laughter nearly undoes me.

“That’s not how you drink vodka.” He speaks through his laughter.

My body buzzes, and I’m feeling a little braver. I step closer and lick my lips. His laughter stops. “That’s how I drink vodka.” I don’t know why I said that. It isn’t sexy, but Jack’s gaze darkens with what I note as lust. So, maybe it was sexy.

Jack leans in, and as I fall into his eyes, I know directing him into his office and giving myself to him will be the easiest part of all this.

I know if I do this, I’ll be willingly stepping into the waves to be gobbled up and spat out by Jack O’Reagan.