Chapter Nine

Of course she did. Tension tied up her muscles, but Cordy nestled against him, almost in farewell. Nerves grated her skin as bad as the rough kitchen chair scratched through her petticoats.

“I mean just this.” She shook so hard even her tongue trembled. Of course she wanted him, but of course she had to let him know he had a choice. “You have no need to go through with the wedding.”

“Cordy, you don’t want to marry me?” He repeated, his forehead crumpling. Even in just one day, she knew Hawk well enough to read the disappointment flashing in his eyes, and she gulped back a sob.

“Hawk, you don’t need me anymore.” She ignored the question while her heart snapped. With a deep breath, she stared him full on and saw her future melt. But he had to see the truth.

“How can you say that?” Pain glazed his gaze.

“Hawk, you know Davina doesn’t need her honor restored. But Mr. Muybridge doesn’t. We’ve made enough money so far for you to wire her. You can ask her to reply with the truth. That she never wanted to marry you.” She looked away from his hot eyes. “Then in case her godfather does show up, you have proof. Proof of your innocence.”

Hawk’s puzzled brow pained her, yet his strength warmed around her. “Cordy, I am certain Muybridge is on his way. He will show up. Tomorrow, if not sooner.”

“Then wire Davina quickly.” She grabbed his arm. “Once we know her true mind, Mr. Muybridge won’t need an affair of honor. And we won’t need to rush into something, um, something unthinkable a day ago.” Need and want wrestled down deep in her soul.

He held fast to her fingers. The words tore from her heart but landed on the air like aimless feathers on the wind. It had been magical, for a few hours, to think of herself as this man’s bride. To feel the sprout of forever.

“Unthinkable?” Hawk raised her hand to his lips, and her toes exploded. Oh, to feel his mouth upon hers. “Cordy.” His lips closed around her name like a caress. “Isn’t it the same for you? A dream we can make real?”

“The exhibition? Or the marriage?” Cordy swallowed harder and ran her fingertips across his mouth, then laid them back on her own lips. The taste of him seeped into her flesh. Her body sprang to life from top to toe, but she gave him no time to speak. “We’ll hold the exhibition just as we planned. You’ll be able to afford your travel to your ranch. I’ll settle up with the bank. Maybe I’ll have a little left to start up somewhere else.” Tears flooded her eyes, but she gamely met his gaze. “And if I don’t, well, I’m certainly not afraid to work hard for someone else.”

“I already know that. I know your strength, your resilience. But darling Cordy.” He pressed his warm lips harder into her palm and once again, she cried silently for the kiss that had never happened, for despite his endearment, he held the act so meaningless. “We could…”

“No.” She pulled away. “Hawk, you must admit your caution upon marrying someone you barely know.”

His wonderful lips struggled over his words. “Cordy, did we not decide it worthy to explore each other?”

Her eyes brimmed. Love was too deep to make light. “Yes, to save your life. But we have a way out now. Marriage isn’t an expediency any longer. And if we marry, they—the whole of Paradise—will think it’s true.”

“What’s true?”

Her cold fingers screened her eyes. “That I forced you to dishonor me. They’ll use my brother’s reputation against me. No one would believe an English lord would, you know?”

“Know what?”

Then she grabbed his hand all on her own. “No proper English lord would marry someone like me if he didn’t have to.”

“It isn’t true.” His touch grazed her face. “Merely the vituperation from a disgruntled suitor and his overbearing mother.”

“But everyone will believe it true.”

“From what I gathered, no one thinks much of either Pelikan.”

Cordy sniffed into her sleeve. “You mean your posse? They are fine men in their way, but they hold no influence here. Mrs. Pelikan can be dreadful, but she runs the Ladies Charitable Society and is quite generous. And Percival, while a snake and an infant, is an elected alderman. But that’s not it at all, Hawk. Not at all.”

As if on cue, Hawk held her tight against his heart. Once again, she accepted this as where she wanted to be. No, belonged to be. But…

“Hawk, I can’t go through it again.”

“Go through what again? Darling, Clancy’s embarrassments are not yours. And I’m so fortunate to have found you.”

That darling again. She shivered with deliciousness, but breathed out hard. “Not Clancy. My heart came apart, seeing those women point at me and laugh. As if foreclosure isn’t bad enough. My reputation in tatters again. Humiliation beyond my control.”

“In tatters again? Cordy, I don’t know what you mean. No one, other than the Pelikans, counts Clancy’s sins against you.”

She flapped her hand. “No, it’s me. The reason I left home. The man I let kiss me…he was a man of class and reputation. I fell for him. I trusted him.” Her heart clenched with the old pain Lambert had drilled into it. “He said the right things, then tried the wrong things. Of course I said no. But he told the world things that weren’t true. He humiliated me and destroyed me.”

“No, darling. You are not destroyed. Then or now.” Hawk’s breath warmed the top of her head; his sweet word thrilled her ailing heart. “Just like Pelikan, your rejection caused him to lie. But you’re still here, strong and able. You started a whole new life. Unafraid. You can do the same with me.”

Could she? Oh, she wanted to.

“People love to believe bad things,” she hedged. “Oh, such miserable rakes.” Her teeth ground so tight together she wondered if Hawk heard. “And that hellish Hair and Brains Club…”

“The Hair and Brains Club?” Hawk’s breath rushed out and rustled her hair. Against her, he stiffened in shock. “How do you know of such a despicable society? Rich boys with far too much money and papas with far too much influence.”

A horror she didn’t like frissoned through her. He knew of the horrible club? What if?

“Say you weren’t one of them.” She breathed into air that had grown suddenly cold around her.

“Of course I wasn’t.” Insult pulsed beneath his cheekbones. “All of Bronckton College knew. And pretended they didn’t.”

“Bronckton?” Cordy’s bones turned to porridge. “You matriculated? How can this be? How can I not know this?”

Hawk crossed his arms in defense. “Despite that club, Bronckton has a marvelous reputation even across the pond.”

“I know of its reputation.” Her heart shattered. “My father was a noteworthy professor. But Hawk, is this more proof against our marriage? I don’t even know where you went to school. We don’t know enough of each other to promise our lives together.” She swallowed tears and shank from him. Her lace collar tightened like a noose, and her throat tore with a sob.

Hurt blanched Hawk’s face. Then he returned his arm across her shoulder, and she sagged into him. “Your father was the legendary Professor Meeker? I took his seminars. I made no connection before.”

“Why would you? It’s a common enough surname. And that’s just what I mean! We know so little of each other.” She wiped her eyes, but tears spilled anyway, warmed her cold cheeks. Hot blood poured through Cordy’s body as Hawk tightened his arms. She nestled into him. “But yes, he was my father.” Oh, Papa. Her heart all but bled. Such a good and honorable man. “He’d passed away the year before, but his good name was the only credibility I had against…Lambert Truefitt. One of the notorious Hair and Brains Club members. But the damage was too far gone. Lambert’s apology was halfhearted at best. And the sly looks in his eye let doubt be raised about me. Not long after…” She choked back the memories. “…I had the chance to come to Paradise. I’d started St. Agnes at sixteen, studied Economics, so it seemed I might have skills enough to run a business of my own.”

“Of course you have and you did. Remarkably well.” His eyes, tone, held pride in her. Hawk’s left hand left her to run fingers through his deep brown hair. “I can’t quite remember the blackguard’s name, nor the lady’s, but I did help defend the honor of a young lady from St. Agnes.”

“Oh, the duel.” Life and light sparked once again in Cordy’s heart. Hawk had done the proper, honorable thing. “That must have been wonderful for her. Despite the foolishness of dueling, I did think you gallant to defend her when you told me of it. But the young lady wasn’t me.”

“Can you be certain? The coincidence would be serendipity and fate all in one. That we were meant to be together.” Hawk touched her chin, seemed unwilling to give up. “Her cousin was my housemate. Matthias Willer.”

“Oh, Hawk, I would remember such valor.” She squeezed his arm. “But I have no cousin. As it is, I wish I’d known about the duel. That someone cared about the honor of the innocent. But campus gossip rarely reached me. I lived in town.” Her lips pursed. “Mama always needed help corralling Clancy.” She rolled her eyes, then looked up at him. “Was it possible I attended your sister school at the same time you were at Bronckton?” She peeked down at her lap. “I don’t even know how old you are.”

Hawk grinned. “I am twenty-four. You?”

“Twenty-two last month.”

“Then we’re the proper age to be a couple.” He nodded with determination, and her heart fluttered. “I began Bronckton at just turned eighteen. Right after, you know. Davina. But I had some gaps in my studies. I returned to England for Burton’s wedding, and his children’s subsequent births.”

Her spirit lightened at the joy in his eyes. “Weren’t you afraid of running into Mr. Muybridge again?”

“No.” Deep laughter rumbled in his chest. Every tension eased. “He became renowned lecturing on motion pictures throughout the States, then he took a position at the University of Pennsylvania. Wealthy patrons provided him an outdoor studio, access to the veterinary hospital, and the zoo, all so he could study animals in motion. And after animals, Eadweard began to photograph male students in motion, and some faculty, um.” He flushed. “Without…their garments.”

Cordy heated back. “Goodness me. All their garments?”

“Every single stitch.”

For a flash, a vision of Hawk’s chest, unclothed and rippling with muscles, swam in her head. “Ooooh.” She caught her breath. “Uh, so was photography your field of study then?”

“No. History.” He chuckled. “American. But these last months, Burton arranged for me a grand tour of Europe. He explained I needed some culture stuffed in my head before I undertook a life in the Wild West.” Then a stab of fear jabbed his face. “I truly don’t know why Muybridge is in Nebraska, of all places.”

“Well, maybe he’s back to lecturing throughout the States.” Cordy gave a firm nod.

“Perhaps.”

“Maybe he just wants to show off his pictures of, you know.” She tried a coy grin to hold off another powerful picture of Hawk…

Hawk’s eyes twinkled. “Pleased to see your mood has improved, but you are avoiding the subject of our marriage. Is it on, or off?”

Although her practical nature reared its head, most of Cordy wanted to say yes. However, somebody crashed through the front door before she could do so. Hawk’s protective arm held her tighter at the loud yelling.

“What now?” Cordy grumbled, hating to leave the cuddle, but moved to get up. “I best go see.”

As soon as they left the kitchen, Charlie Tuttle rushed toward them, his sloppy hat in hand. Cordy, jaw askew, wondered anew just what it was Katie saw in the scruffy wrangler but, in her own newfound love, reminded herself of Katie’s words: the heart wants what the heart needs.

“Howdy, Mr. Shockley, Miz Meeker,” Charlie gasped out their names.

“Sit down, Cordy.” Hawk ushered her to the horsehair settee in the parlor.

“Charlie, calm yourself.” She sounded like a school teacher herself.

Charlie flushed and bowed. “Sorry. But Mr. Shockley, I got news. Doc Hackett’s diagnosed your horse. Looks like he stepped on a sharp rock. Stone bruised the sole of the hoof, which got an abscess.”

While Hawk stood with full attention, gratitude glazed Cordy’s sensibilities. With the discussion of the injured horse, she now had time to decide on being a bride of not. Although, she admitted with pounding veins, she had let love in and wanted to let it grow. She wouldn’t, couldn’t refuse.

Hawk muttered something.

“Yup. That’s why it feels so hot.” Charlie’s arms waved like windmills. “And why he went lame so fast. Doc’s draining it, gonna soak it in Epsoms, then wrap it in a poultice. You can ride him in about a week.” Sadness deepened the brackets around Charlie’s sun-kissed face, and Cordy looked at him again through Katie’s eyes. Hardworking. Handsome. Gentle hands, kind to animals. Her friend was lucky, after all. Unable to stop herself, she stole a breathless glance at Hawk.

“Doc’s fee’s a dollar.”

Hawk grinned. They could afford it now.

“But you won’t be riding in your own exhibit, then,” Charlie’s voice broke with the same sadness in his eyes. “The stage’ll be through on schedule, though. Roads are good enough. Likely be getting more spectators and contestants. But I have a second set of news.”

“And what’s what?” Hawk’s tone was steady, but Cordy’s blood swam with fear. She already knew.

“A stranger pulled up to the livery just now and wants to find you, Mr. Shockley.”

“Hawk, please.” But Hawk’s grin vanished. He seemed a smidge taller, as if his knees had tightened. “A man for me, you say?” His words were careful. Cordy’s heart beat itself nearly to death, and she got up right away, next to Hawk. “A spectator?”

“Maybe.” Charlie plunged on. “But he’s an old man with white hair and a long, white beard. Gunnar claims he’s the man you described him to watch out for?”

Hawk nodded and pulled Cordy tight against his side. “Yes, it would appear so. Well done, my friend. I’ll discuss the diagnoses and fee with Doc Hackett. Thank you.”

With two fingers at his brim, Charlie Tuttle trundled off. Hawk took Cordy’s hand again and his fingers had gone cold.

“Mr. Muybridge is here already?” Cordy whispered. Panic burbled through ever cell.

“Apparently, yes,” Hawk murmured against her hair.

“But Hawk, the wire said tomorrow. I don’t have the screen finished. And we aren’t married, either.” She barely whispered.

“I don’t think the screen matters much right now.” Were his lips trembling?

“Oh, dear heavens, Hawk. What can we do? Maybe your posse told him we’re getting married tonight. That should make a difference, wouldn’t it? I mean, we’re almost married.”

Hawk chewed a lip she wanted to kiss. “It might. Most churches hold betrothals as significant as marriage.”

Her fear lessened, but her mood darkened. “Well, that thinking is just what got you in this mess from the first. Promising to marry Davina. And just proves your worth today. Without the vows being struck, Mr. Muybridge will think you’re just as shiftless this time.”

“I wasn’t shiftless, Cordy. Darling. Davina didn’t want me, either. And thank God for her good sense.”

“What do you mean?”

“I wouldn’t be here with you now. And it would be far, far worse…” he muttered slowly against her shoulder, “if you truly don’t want to marry me.”

Cordy exploded right then with love, with truth. “Oh Hawk, I do want to marry you. I want to be your bride. I want you. And I don’t want you to die today.” Gloom ran down her spine. “But if you do, please give me a kiss now.”

“Oh, Cordy. I want to give you so much more than that.”

His intensity insulted her and thrilled her at the same time. “Mr. Shockley!”

“No, no. Well, that, too, of course, but I mean, I’ve already given you my heart. My love. I want you, no doubt. But I want to give you my name, my future. My forever.”

“Oh.” She gently held his face and closed her eyes. Oh, the heat, the nearness. The forever. The almost.

The door crashed open again, followed by a mighty yell. In shock, she pulled apart from Hawk.

“Oh, here we go again, young man.” A wild-eyed, wild-haired man shouted ten feet away. “It seems I find you yet again, compromising a fine young lady.”