THE Giants were all invited to a party at the Penguin to celebrate the end of the season. Skip put on one of the suits Walt had picked out for him and was making sure his hair was slicked into place in the hallway mirror when Mickey whistled.
“You look darb,” Mickey said.
“Thanks. You like the suit?”
“Sure, it’s pretty swell. Looks like it cost you a pretty penny.”
“I got a deal.”
Mickey pursed his lips but nodded and led Skip back into the main room.
Joe joined them at the door before they went out. They took the subway downtown. Skip couldn’t help but remember the first time he’d been there with Walt, and it made him feel sad and nostalgic. Tonight, Estelle was waiting for them in front of the club, not Walt, and Joe gave her a hug and a brief kiss before they all went inside together. That display made Skip feel even sadder.
Inside the club, everything was chaos. The space was packed with people. The band was raucous, blaring out fast-tempo jazz. Skip had to shout to cut over the sound of dozens of people chattering away. A mixed crowd of men and women was on the dance floor, doing variations on the Charleston. Servers in bow ties zoomed around, handing out cocktails in tall glasses.
“This is intense,” Mickey said, echoing Skip’s thoughts.
They spent the first half hour or so mingling. Skip mostly shadowed people he knew; he followed Joe and Estelle around for a while, and then he teamed up with Mickey. He danced with a couple of girls he didn’t know. He was congratulated by a few members of the press on an outstanding rookie season. It felt like he was trapped in a whirlwind, but he was enjoying the positive attention.
Then he saw Walt.
It was too much temptation, having Walt in the room with him. He wanted to talk to Walt like he wanted to take his next breath, but he knew couldn’t, not here, not with John McGraw just over there and that lawyer Thompson talking to Rogers Hornsby. Not with most of the Giants’ owners and managers, the very people who wanted to keep Skip and Walt separated, making their way through the crush. And yet Walt had been invited to this party, like the apple on a tree full of serpents.
That was when Skip decided he’d just about had it. This situation was devastatingly unfair. He’d finally found someone who really saw him, who thought he was smart and talented, who made him feel like those things were true, but they couldn’t even simply talk to each other in public?
Skip was temporarily paralyzed by anger and indecision. Mickey walked over and said, “Hey, whoa, you all right there, fella?”
“I’m all right.”
“Good. This is quite a blow. You ever seen anything like it?”
“No. Can’t say I have. Will you excuse me?”
He paused for a moment to screw up his courage. He glanced toward the door, wondering if he could make a getaway if he had to. He scoped out the locations of each person who might object to him being seen with Walt. It felt a little like strategizing before an at bat, figuring out where each player was and what his limits might be in terms of visibility, speed, and skill. Then he took a deep breath and walked forward.
Walt was holding a highball glass and speaking with a woman Skip didn’t recognize. She was pretty enough, but out of luck if she wanted something more than conversation with her companion, Skip couldn’t help but think.
Walt saw Skip coming. When they made eye contact, Walt’s expression turned wary. He leaned toward his companion and said something. She smiled and left.
If Skip’s calculations were correct, they were pretty well hidden from most of the Giants’ leadership, given that one of the grand columns that dominated the room was currently between them and John McGraw. Skip cared less about that as the minutes ticked by, however, so if someone saw them, he would figure out how to deal with the consequences.
“What do you think of this party?” Skip asked.
“It’s hopping,” said Walt.
“I, ah, just wanted to say thanks. For everything you did this season.”
“You’re very welcome.” Walt sipped his cocktail. “Is this a good-bye?”
“No, not at all. Far as I’m concerned, this is just the beginning.”
Walt grinned. Then he darted his gaze around the room. “Are you, ah, sure it’s even a good idea to talk to me?”
“Best idea I had all night.”
Walt guffawed. “That can’t be true. Seems to me you’re taking a pretty big risk even saying hello.”
Skip nodded. He whispered, “You’re worth the risk.”
“Your career is not worth risking.”
“That’s for me to decide.”
Walt frowned. “I want to talk about this later.” He looked around. “Although, really, I want to get out of here. This party is pretty stuffy, and I get the distinct feeling the press isn’t very welcome, despite getting invitations. Or maybe I specifically am not welcome.”
Skip shrugged. That was certainly possible.
“So, I think I will head home shortly.”
“Me too,” said Skip.
Walt nodded. “You’re… Thanks, Skip.”
“You’re welcome.”
WALT had been home about half an hour—his heart racing the entire time—when Skip showed up. The first thing Walt did when he opened the door was grab Skip by the front of his shirt, haul him inside, and plant the kiss to end all kisses on him. Skip put his hands up on Walt’s shoulders.
“You’re crazy,” Walt said when he came up for air. “This is crazy. Why did you come talk to me at that party?”
“I had to.”
“You did not have to do any such thing. Why would you jeopardize your career like that?”
Skip pulled away and walked across the room with a huff. “Don’t you get it, Walt? What I’m telling you?”
“Apparently, I don’t.”
Skip crossed his arms. “Fine. Then here it is. I have never in my whole life met anyone who makes me feel the way you do. Did you know that? Not once in my whole life has anyone looked at me and seen anything but a worthless, stupid bum. But you look at me and see a genius.”
“Everyone else is wrong.”
Skip nodded. “Maybe. I don’t know. What I do know is that I believe it when I’m with you. You’re the first person in my whole life who really sees me. You see the whole me, see right through into the center of me, and you see the real me. I’ve never had that before.”
Walt’s stomach flopped. It was a goddamned tragedy no one had ever seen the real Skip before. Skip deserved to be seen, to be loved. He was a phenomenal man, a smart and kind man, a man Walt very much wanted to spend more time with.
“I think….” Skip looked at the floor. “I think I love you, Walt. That’s what I’m saying. I don’t want to give that up.”
Walt’s heart shattered then. It was like someone had taken a hammer to his chest and made everything break into pieces with one swift pound. He had never expected this man to fall in love with him. He’d never expected to fall in love with this man. And yet that was what had happened, hadn’t it? In all the time they’d been spending together, be it in bed or in a speakeasy or just sitting in this very room laughing and talking, Walt had fallen totally, irrevocably in love with this strange man from Ohio.
“I love you too,” Walt said.
“You do?”
“I truly do.”
“What about all those other men?”
“What other men? There are no other men in the universe. There’s just us. Wasn’t that obvious?”
Skip tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. “You were with a lot of men before you met me.”
“Sure. But I was looking for you the whole time.”
Skip winced. “That’s a terrible line.”
“I know.” Walt grinned. “It’s true, though.”
Skip laughed and put a hand on his forehead. “Well, then, surely you know now what I was thinking. I stood in that club and I thought, that man right there is the best thing in my life, but I can’t even talk to him in a room with two hundred other people? That’s ridiculous. So, phooey to what McGraw and Thompson say.”
Walt didn’t like that Skip was likely feeling especially impassioned after an intense night and too much liquor. At the same time, his heart soared to hear Skip talk this way. “You don’t mean that,” Walt said. “No matter how great that thought feels, no matter how much I love hearing the words, you can’t really mean that you’d risk throwing your whole career away just for me. Nor do I want you to. I want to find a way for us to be together that doesn’t keep you from playing baseball.”
Skip dropped his hand and walked across the room. He slid his hands around Walt’s waist. “You’re right, of course. But I thought…. I don’t know what I thought.”
“We’ll find a way, Skip. We will.”
“But just so you know, if I really had to choose between love and baseball, I’d choose love. It’s even better than I thought it could be. You make me feel like a complete person, Walt. Without you, I’m not all there. You make my game better. You make all my nonsense thoughts go away. Without you, I don’t think I even could play baseball.”
Walt kissed Skip, really kissed him, with tongue and teeth. He licked into Skip’s mouth and tasted him, and he put his arms around Skip and held him close. He couldn’t fathom someone making that kind of sacrifice for him, but he wasn’t about to turn it away.
“You are certifiably insane, you know that?” Walt said.
Skip smiled. “Sure. You are too.”