BRETT helped Seth from his booster seat as Alan eased a sleeping Matt out of his car seat. His youngest slumped against Alan, a dead-to-the-world, sweaty weight and he didn’t stir as Alan nudged the door shut. The kid could sleep through anything. He played hard and slept equally hard.
The cooler air in the batting cage was a welcome relief after being in the sun most of the day. Ruben was on the phone. He waved to him from the office and pointed at the playpen he’d already set up in the cramped confines.
“Thank you,” Alan mouthed as he eased Matt down and covered him with a light blanket.
Ruben gave him a distracted smile and continued talking in rapid Spanish. Alan heard Jessica’s and Jonah’s name, but for all the smattering he’d picked up of the language from hanging out with Ruben all these years, he never could understand him when he was talking to his mother.
Alan paused at the door and looked back at Ruben. He’d taken the time to shower and change, though he still had faint stubble on his cheeks. His black curls gleamed, threaded with the occasional silver that thickened a bit at the temples. The summer sun had only deepened the golden-brown of his skin. He looked… sexy. Well, except for the furrow on his brow and the downward turn of his mouth. Alan couldn’t figure out why he was still single. Alan had been too busy taking care of the boys to date, but Ruben didn’t have that excuse. Though based on his comment earlier, he was probably looking, and that left Alan with an unsettled feeling.
Ruben glanced up, caught his gaze, and raised one heavy, dark brow in a silent question. Alan shook his head and left. He checked on Michelle, who was running the front desk, and took a quick scan of the main room to make sure all of his sons were accounted for and not into any trouble before starting to put away the equipment they’d used for the scrimmage.
As he cleaned off the catcher’s gear, his thoughts kept returning to last night. He had been so certain Ruben was going to kiss him again. He’d lain awake for hours thinking about it afterward, trying to downplay the niggling disappointment. He was crazy to even consider the fantasy, but that hadn’t stopped him from thinking about it or going over past memories in detail.
Ruben had a point: Why did it bother him so much to hear him mention Cassandra? It wasn’t because of the kiss or the heated exploration that Alan had initiated another time, though they definitely played a part. If it had been just about the physical aspect, Alan thought he might’ve been able to put the incidents behind him. If it had been just the physical, it never would’ve gone beyond that first kiss.
Alan had missed Ruben when he left. Missed him like something vital had been cut out of his life. He’d been pissed and hurt in a way he knew was more than missing a friend. He and Ruben had a connection that went beyond friendship, an emotional intimacy that didn’t belong when they were both married to other people.
That was why he felt so guilty, because he’d allowed it to continue, and that was more dangerous than the stolen kisses.
Alan sighed, rolled up the canvas bag they used to carry the equipment in, and stored it away in the locker. He wanted to talk to Ruben about it, but he wasn’t sure what it meant and he didn’t want to stir things up that might be better off left alone. They had a good thing going with the business, their friendship. The only thing that would make it perfect was if Jessica and Jonah could be here for the summer.
“Dad, can I use a cage?” Mikey called over the din of the other kids.
Alan crooked a finger at him. Mikey came over, his face twisted in a grimace because he already knew the answer. “What do you think?”
“I’ve gotta wait my turn. But, Dad—”
Alan cut him off with a shake of his head. “Whining isn’t going to work, buddy. These kids paid to be here, and their parents are coming to pick them up at a specific time. It wouldn’t be fair to take that away. You’ll get your chance. You just have to be patient.”
Mikey nodded with a huge sigh. “Yes, sir.”
“You don’t have to sound so resigned over it,” Alan said with a chuckle. He pulled Mikey close with an arm around the back of his neck and gave him a gentle noogie.
“What’s that mean?” Mikey squirmed away. “Resigned?”
“Oh-my-God-my-life-is-so-bad.” Alan made a shooing motion. “Now go, hit up the arcade for a bit. Hey, and go tell your uncle you want him to come over for dinner.”
“Okay.” Mikey changed directions and headed toward the office. Maybe it was wrong of him to use his kids to strong-arm Ruben, but Alan didn’t feel bad about it at all. He recognized the signs of a major brood coming on. And when Ruben brooded, he often made life-changing decisions without talking to anyone first. Like signing with Tampa. Or when he asked Karen for a divorce. Or even when he returned to Boston. It wasn’t that they were necessarily bad decisions, Alan just wanted to be braced for whatever was going on in that man’s head.
Given the situation, Alan wouldn’t be all that surprised to find out Ruben had decided to move back to Tampa to be close to his kids, or maybe even go to his family in San Juan. That would still be closer to Jessica and Jonah than Vermont.
Alan frowned and stared at the office door. Ruben wouldn’t make a decision like that again without talking to him first, not now. They were business partners. That involved all kinds of logistics. Though if Alan had to choose between being closer to his kids and the batting cage, there would be no argument. His frown deepened as the worry grabbed hold of him. His boys would be devastated if Ruben moved to Florida, especially Matt. They all looked at him as if he were another member of the family.
“Dad, are you mad?” Mikey asked as he came out of the office. He stopped when he saw Alan’s face.
“No, why?” Alan asked, pulled out of his spiraling thoughts.
“You’re making a scowly face at the door.” Alan watched Mikey’s expression change, as if he was making a catalogue of recent transgressions in his mind. “I didn’t do anything.”
“Uh-huh.” Alan couldn’t help teasing him and grinned when Mikey’s eyes went all wide and innocent. “Spare me the excuses, buddy. I’m just messing with you. Cage Three has opened up. You can go hit for a while if you want.”
“Wicked.” Mikey started to race off and then dropped to a fast walk when he realized Alan was still watching him.
“Hey, Mikey. What did your uncle say about dinner?”
Mikey jammed a batting helmet on his head. “He said to tell you, ‘You win.’ Does that mean he’s coming over?”
“Yep. Thanks, buddy.”
Alan took one last glance at Ruben’s door then went back to work. There was no sense angsting over a maybe. He’d talk with Ruben later. They’d had a good conversation earlier, just like the talks they used to have on a regular basis. Open and honest, not holding anything back, and Alan wanted to see them continue.
RUBEN shook his head as Mikey shut the office door. Alan was too used to getting his way. Ruben had a hard enough time saying no to him, but it was even harder with the boys, especially when it was such a little request. He knew Alan well enough to realize that if he sent one kid in, he’d send them all. So if Ruben wanted to talk to Karen, he’d better do it now instead of later. He glanced at Matt, who still slept in his playpen, his thumb planted in his mouth. Ruben got up and gently removed his thumb before returning to his desk to make the call.
“Disney, Ruben? Really?” Karen said when she answered and Ruben winced. He should’ve called before Jessica had a chance to tell her. “During the school year? Don’t you think you should’ve talked to me first before you mentioned that to your daughter?”
Ruben tamped down his initial surge of irritation at her tone. She already sounded exasperated, and they fed into each other’s moods too well.
“You’re right. I should’ve. I was just throwing out possibilities,” Ruben said, tapping a pen against the stack of invoices on his desk. “I also told her it would be based on how they were doing in school. They can’t have missed days or dropping grades if they are going to take some time off. It was a ‘we’ll see’ plan, not anything definite.”
Ruben refrained from pointing out that Karen hadn’t talked about London with him first, either. They’d both learned early on in their split that things went so much smoother when they didn’t snipe at each other.
“I just want some more time with them this year,” he continued. “I’m not blaming you for the craziness last year, but I’m really missing them. They’re growing up so fast.”
“I know, Ruben. I’m sorry,” Karen said, her voice softening. “What if instead of missing school in October, they extend their winter break and stay in Vermont for some skiing after Christmas? They’ll still miss a few days, but nothing gets accomplished at that time of the year anyway.”
“That’s the teacher in you talking.” Ruben considered her suggestion. On the one hand, he’d have to wait a little longer to see them, but if they extended their holiday visit, then Alan and his boys could go skiing too. Jessica and Jonah would like that. “I think that’s a good idea.”
“That should make the kids happy. They’ve done Disney several times. It’s not really a novelty anymore. They rarely get their winter sports and they complain about that.”
“Are you all set for London?” Ruben tossed the pen in the cup holder and settled back in the chair. No matter what he did, he couldn’t seem to calm the restlessness inside of him. He needed to do something, anything; this waiting was really getting to him.
“Yes, now that the passports have come in. I was beginning to worry. Thank you for not freaking out about this.” Karen hesitated, apology tingeing her voice. “I jumped on the chance, and I know it really puts a damper on your summer.”
“Like you said, it’s a good opportunity for them. So I’m trying not to be a selfish bastard over it.” The cramped office was crowded with pictures from their baseball days, many of just Alan and Ruben, but the desk was reserved for pictures of their kids. Ruben stared at one of all six of them, lined up like stairsteps, with Jonah and Brett looking like fraternal twins, one darker, one lighter.
“I was thinking… I know it’s last minute, but why don’t you come down for a few days before we go?” Karen suggested. “It’ll give the kids a welcome surprise. They’ve been bummed too, despite their excitement for the trip.”
Ruben pulled out his calendar as the idea grabbed ahold of him. “I think I could do that if we got Michelle to cover my time here at the cage. Laurie could easily handle the missed practices. But I’d have to be back in time to get ready for Opening Day. It’s a big deal around here. Let me talk to Alan and see what he thinks.”
Karen was silent a moment, and there was a strange hesitance and curiosity in her voice when she spoke again. “I don’t know if you realize this, but you talk about him like he’s your significant other.”
Ruben thought about what he and Alan had built together, and how they interacted with Alan’s kids and with Jonah and Jessica when they were visiting. “I suppose I do in some ways.” Sometimes it seemed like in just about every way except one.
The phone went quiet again and Ruben braced himself for accusations that he had no defense for. “Was he the one you left me for?” She didn’t sound upset, more reflective. Ruben supposed that the years since he dropped the bombshell and her happiness with her new marriage had mellowed her hurt.
“No. Not in the way you think. I was in love with him, still am, but we’re not together. He’s not interested in me like that, though there are times when he’s given me hope. You’d probably get a kick out of watching me pine. I left because I was living a lie and you deserved somebody who could give you everything.”
“Damn, Ruben, you still know just what to say, don’t you?” Karen said with a light laugh.
“Not always.” Ruben glanced at the playpen as Matt stirred. “I’ll call you tomorrow about coming down after I talk to Alan tonight. What do you think about them staying later in August too? They can come back the week before school starts.”
“A week? Back-to-school shopping is our big thing. We make a long weekend out of it.”
“You mean you’re not going to do a shopping extravaganza while you’re in London?”
“Well….” Ruben heard the smile in her voice. “Maybe, but that’s not going to get them set up for school. I suppose we can split the back-to-school shopping this year. How’s that?”
“I think that works,” Ruben said, tucking the phone under his ear as he got up. Matt yawned and rubbed his eyes. “Thank you for being so understanding.” They both wanted what was best for Jessica and Jonah, and that was having both of them in their lives. He should’ve known she would work with him instead of letting his disappointment build up false anxieties in his head.
“We’ve both said and done things we regret. I know this last year has been crazy, but we both need to make some sacrifices, right?” Karen replied.
Matt pulled himself to his feet with a little whimper and silently held up his arms to be picked up. “Hey there, big guy,” Ruben murmured and gathered him up, smiling as Matt burrowed into his arms. He was always a cuddle bug when he first woke up. “We do. Thanks again, Karen.”
He hung up the phone, then kissed the top of Matt’s tousled head. “I think we need to change your diaper and go find your dad.”
Matt pulled his thumb out of his mouth and patted his damp little hand against Ruben’s mouth. “No. Hush.”
Ruben chuckled and shifted Matt in his arms. “What? I’m not allowed to talk to you, sleepyhead?”
“Talk bad. Bad. Bad, Unca.” Matt blinked sleepy blue eyes up at him and continued to pat his mouth in an unmistakable gesture that Ruben should shut up and let him enjoy his drowsy state. Ruben considered tickling him and then decided against it as he sat back down behind the desk and pulled up the budget program. He knew very well that moments like this ended too fast as kids grew up.