Meeting people and making friends in Mexico is not as daunting as it may at first seem. The sealed, unknowable Mexican character is the stuff of legend. But although this reputation does have a basis in reality, you will find Mexicans open and hospitable once you have put in the time getting to know them, and they are not the coldest of people even on first meeting. Those used to British reserve will recognize the formal first handshake, but it soon warms up after that.
So, how do you get to know Mexicans? If you are either working or studying in Mexico, the first you are likely to meet will be your colleagues or classmates. With the former, you will soon be on friendly terms after the necessary formality of a first business meeting. Mexicans usually socialize in big groups of friends or family. Once you have made a friend, you will be accepted into his or her group, and will very quickly find yourself with a social life. But going out for drinks or dinner is one thing, and being invited to someone’s home is quite another—Mexicans entertain casual friends and acquaintances outside the home, which is reserved for family and close friends.
What Should I Talk About?
A genuine interest in all things Mexican is not a bad position to start from. As in any relationship, you can gradually increase the numbers of “safe” subjects. But it takes time to feel your way, and you should remember that while a Mexican can criticize anything of his that he wants to (his football team, his mother, his country), you should never join in. This sensitivity should work both ways—if someone is unremittingly critical about your country, you should take it personally—they don’t like you!
Mexican hospitality is difficult to fault. The one criticism that you could make, if you were feeling particularly churlish, is that it is nonnegotiable. You are expected to accept a person’s invitations, and they may be offended if you do not, especially if you are a foreigner with, it is assumed, nothing better to do. You will be expected to reciprocate at some time, although if you are only there for a short time this does not apply. If you consistently refuse invitations, the worst that will happen is that you will be labeled as someone who doesn’t join in, but if you go to one party you won’t want to refuse the next—Mexican gatherings are simply too much fun. The Mexicans are equally pressing and generous with food—try everything, and eat well!
With regard to timekeeping, remember that a social engagement is not a business appointment. If you show up to a party at the time specified by your hostess, you are likely to find her with her hair in curlers. It is not just fashionable to be late—it is unusual not to be.
There are, of course, exceptions. Obviously you must be on time for such occasions as baptisms, weddings, and funerals. And don’t ignore the significance of being invited to dinner at someone’s home in a country where people tend far more to go out to socialize. Whereas you can be an hour late for a party and still be one of the early arrivals, dinner invitations are less flexible—fifteen minutes to half an hour after the specified time is probably about right. If you are invited for dinner, you probably know your hosts well enough to be able to judge when to show up.
Given that most people in cities live in large, impersonal apartment blocks, it is not that easy to get to know your neighbors. You may share a hallway and walls, but there will be little opportunity to socialize. People seldom stop to chat in the elevator or on the stairs, though that is less true the smaller the building, and you will certainly get closer to your neighbors if your apartments are within a house. The person you will all undoubtedly know is the portero, or doorman, if you have one. He knows all, and generally tells all, and at the very least is a good source for finding out the gossip about your neighbors and the neighborhood in general.
It is a good idea to register with your embassy or consulate, which may be able to give you a list of clubs or associations set up by people from your home country. These can vary from charitable associations to sports and special interest groups. Even if you decide to avoid your compatriots and explore Mexico’s cultural riches on your own, these contacts can be a useful source of recommendations for anything, from Spanish classes, doctors, and dentists, to emergency plumbers. The realities of Mexican society, and its relative impenetrability, however, mean that you are likely to call on these contacts for more than just the basics—expatriate organizations run sports teams and other specialized clubs, and will be able to point you toward someone who shares your interests. You will be surprised by the variety of activities on offer.
While football (soccer) is the national obsession, American sports feature prominently in Mexico. Baseball is probably the U.S.A.’s most successful sporting export. A significant number of Mexicans also play Major League baseball north of the border, so it is no surprise that it should be popular with locals and American expatriates alike, both to play at an amateur level on the weekends and as a spectator sport. Mexico even has its own professional league.
Joining others for sports or other common interests is a good way to get to know people, and also to practice your Spanish—it is easier to feel confident and comfortable if you are doing something you enjoy and can discuss. However, Mexico’s public sports system is not great, and clubs and associations do not advertise in local newspapers, but by inquiring through any contacts you have, including your embassy or consulate, you can access a wider world of flesh-and-blood Mexicans outside the expatriate crowd.
Private clubs are a different matter. These range from small tennis clubs, through fully equipped gyms in urban areas, to large, exclusive city and country clubs that provide every kind of sporting activity and a huge bill at the end. Golf is an elite minority sport in Mexico, but there are plenty of good courses. Every beach resort has at least one, catering to rich tourists and charging accordingly. There are also plenty of courses inland, and these, especially around the capital, tend to cater to a more Mexican or long-term expatriate membership. Nearly all will allow you to arrive at any time, pay a green fee, and play. Dress codes are more relaxed than in either the U.K. or U.S.A. Tennis may not be quite as elitist or exclusive, but most courts are run by private clubs. Showing up and playing is not an option, but if you are in Mexico for long it is worth joining a club.
So good are the Caribbean reefs, Pacific waves, and limestone caves nationwide (a third of Mexico sits on limestone), that many foreigners have moved to Mexico specifically for the purposes of pursuing their passions for diving, surfing, and caving.
