There’s so much more pollen here than there is in New York. Without the buildings and skyscrapers, balls of spring fluff drift over my nose and make it itchy. The gravestone in front of me is an extravagant, blue-gray granite, and the afternoon sun brightens every grain of the rock like a million tiny lights. Engraved on it is Miles Hendricks, along with his birth year and the day he died. He was seventeen.
That’s such a short life.
I’m so sorry, Miles.
Tears sting my eyes. Dr. Levy didn’t want me coming back to Caldwell so soon, but ten months is a long time when you have unfinished business weighing on you as heavy as the ocean. My new medication is working, and as of last month, Dean Bowman was officially convicted. For kidnapping, premeditated attempted murder, aggravated assault, vandalism—the list goes on. He was given thirty years in prison and a restraining order against both myself and Keely—even if he ever managed to get out of jail, he could never come near us again.
The case against him was strong. As if to gloat more, he’d confessed to the animal killings, which added to the judge’s decision to lock him up for a long time. Dean had attempted to kill me, and the entire jury agreed that he was a serial killer in the making. I’ll never forget how scared I was taking the stand, having to face the man who almost took my life, but I did it. And now, I really am ready to move on.
“Olive?”
Wiping my cheeks, I turn around. West wears a black T-shirt and the blue swim trunks I asked him to bring. His dark hair has grown longer, falling in pieces over his forehead, and his eyes are tired, like he has smudges of motor oil beneath them.
The seasons have changed. We have too. My hair now reaches the middle of my back, and the stress of the past ten months has caused me to drop ten pounds. I lost my appetite for a while as I adjusted to my new meds, but I’m doing better now. Eating more. It’s all progress. But I’m suddenly insecure about how skinny I am.
West scratches the nape of his neck. “How are you?”
“Okay.” I look down at Miles’s grave. “I know it’s weird to meet in a cemetery, but I wanted to see him before I did anything else. I needed to.”
“Yeah.” West stands beside me. “I’m due too.”
An oak tree canopies the grave and shields us with its shade. It’s a pretty place for Miles to be buried—rolling hills, a fountain with a sculpture of an angel. Plenty of nature.
“My mom found these home movies she made when I was a kid,” I say. “You know, before I left Caldwell the first time.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. Miles is in most of them. He was a really sweet kid. He’s always smiling and laughing in the videos, and he’s always following me around.”
“You’re going to make me cry if you keep telling me that stuff.”
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
When I left Caldwell ten months ago, West and I took a break from talking to each other. We waited a month before we started talking every day—through FaceTime, on the phone, even webcam. But this is my first time seeing him in person since then, and it’s surreal. He wanted to visit me on Christmas but wasn’t able to because of work. Plus, he now spends every weekend with Amelia, and it’s important for him to be with her.
But I think the real reason neither of us has tried to see each other until now is because we weren’t ready.
I reach into my purse and pull out a folded piece of paper. Smiling, I hand it to West, and he hesitates before he unfolds it.
“Holy shit,” he says. “You got into the University of Maine.”
“Yep.” I rock on my heels. “Marine Sciences.”
His smile stretches his face. “That’s amazing, Olive. You’re going to be a scientist.”
“I guess so. I just really like fish and things.”
He chuckles and hands back my acceptance letter. “I know you do. But this also means . . .”
“I’ll be a lot closer than New York.”
“We can finally be together for real.”
“Finally,” I say, but the smile melts off my face. I touch my wrist out of habit, although the elastic is gone. “West, if we’re going to move forward, there are still things I need you to know about me. Before the crash, I freaked out—”
“I know. Faye told me.”
“Why didn’t you ever bring it up?” My voice breaks.
“Because it doesn’t matter. What happened, happened. I don’t even hate Dean for it anymore. I mean, he’s in jail, so, no point.”
“When I was driving into town with my parents, I felt like everyone was looking at me. Like everyone blames me for what happened to Miles.”
“Trust me, that’s not true. What happened last summer is a tragedy. That’s all anyone says about it.”
“There’s something else I haven’t told you.”
He doesn’t look surprised. “What is it?”
“My psychiatrist thinks that because Miles was with me the night I fell off the cliff, I began to subconsciously associate the event with him. The thing is, all last summer, I was having nightmares about Miles. Nightmares that he wanted to hurt me and drown me. Then, when I woke up after the crash and had another episode . . .”
West crosses his arms. “What’d you see?”
“It was more than seeing. I felt, heard, and saw Miles chasing me through the forest to your parents’ cabin. Then he tried to drown me.”
“Wow. That’s . . . intense.”
“Yeah. Dr. Levy said it was a dream, and I confused it with reality. But it haunts me every night. It messes me up that my last memory of Miles wasn’t even real, that my mind could create something like that.” When West doesn’t reply, I ask, “Do you hate me?”
“What? No. Why would I hate you?”
“I don’t know.”
“You didn’t ask for any of that, Olivia. No one would.”
The leaves flutter above our heads. A chipmunk climbs the trunk of the tree, and West’s arms wrap around me, encasing me in warmth. I breathe in the familiar smell of earth on his cologne. When we pull away, we’re both crying.
“Damn it.” West laughs and wipes his eyes. “I told myself I wasn’t going to cry.”
I can’t help but smile. “Me too. Maybe we should get out of this graveyard. But there’s one more thing I have to do first.” I reach into my purse and pull out three stones. I open my palm, and West frowns.
“Are those—is that sea glass?”
“Yep. Miles gave them to me.”
To my surprise, he smiles. “That little shit. I recognize their shape and color and everything. When did he give them to you?”
“Last summer.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I guess I didn’t want to create more drama between you two.”
“It doesn’t matter now.”
With a smile, I put one in West’s hand. “There’s one for you, one for me”—I set the third stone on Miles’s grave—“and one for him. At least this way, a part of us will always be together.”
He slips it into the pouch of his backpack. “Thanks, Olive.”
“Come on, let’s get out of here.”
“Where to?”
“The cliffs east of the lighthouse.”
As the sun drops to the horizon, the shadows from the trees stretch over the streets like arms. West and I hold hands and walk the sidewalk to the beach, by the fish ’n’ chips shop shaped like a pirate ship, past Coffee Cabin and Caldwell Body Shop. When we reach the shore, a twinge of nervousness touches me at the red lighthouse perched atop the cliff. But that isn’t where we’re going.
I jump on West’s back, and he gives me a piggyback ride as we head east. Grapefruit-colored streaks paint the sky. A content, peaceful happiness washes through me, so I take out my phone and start filming.
“Hey,” West says, “get that thing out of my face.”
“No.” I laugh. “Maybe I want to remember this forever.”
Mom’s home movies inspired me. They make me feel immortal. When I watch them and see Miles, West, and me as kids, I like to think somehow, somewhere, that part of us still exists. Even if we’ve aged—even if one of us died—nothing will change the fact that we were there.
Once we reach the cliffs, West sets me down. The grass is cool on my toes through my flip-flops. I drop my purse and take off my clothes until I’m only in my blue bathing suit.
“So now we’re stripping?” West lifts an eyebrow.
“We’re going swimming.” Rolling my eyes, I nod at his shorts. “Why else would I ask you to wear those?”
He laughs and peels off his shirt. “Well, I figured, but are you sure?”
“I’m sure! I’ve been practicing. Turns out I actually love diving boards, and I’m a pretty good swimmer.”
“Well then, after you.”
The water stretches endlessly to the sun. With one last smile at West, I run toward the edge of the cliff and jump.
I land in a deep sea of cerulean. Safe, alive, and finally free.
THE END