If you want to know how nuanced the etiquette of wine gift giving can be, consider what a French woman recently told me. She brought an excellent Châteauneuf-du-Pape to her Parisian father-in-law’s dinner party but was dismayed when he did not open it at the dinner. Before his next dinner, he specifically requested that she bring some wine, which to her was the ultimate compliment in that he now seemed to trust her taste in wine. The first dinner party was an evaluation of sorts.
Who knew the simple act of giving and getting wine is freighted with such uncertainty? Time to clear it up:
GIVER:
Do not expect a host to open your bottle, unless he or she has specifically requested that you bring a bottle. He or she may have already carefully chosen the night’s wines. In fact, it is best to take your host off the hook by telling them: “This is for you to enjoy another time.” If you really want to open the bottle, contact the host in advance and ask if there will be an opportunity to open it. In any case, make sure to take the time to buy something special at a quality wine store, because doing so will separate you from the last-minute, liquor-store-going masses.
GETTER:
Because the bottle you receive is meant as a gift for your hospitality, you are not obligated to open it. To prevent hurt feelings, signal your intentions by adding to the invitation that you have preselected the wine, which is code for “your wine doesn’t get opened.” Of course, if you aren’t choosing the wine in advance, it is a gracious gesture to share what your guests brought.