The steam from the bathroom followed Amanda as she headed back towards the hotel bed. Her wounds throbbed against the towel which she kept tightly wrapped around herself, her damp hair dripping down her back.
‘Feel refreshed?’ Shane glanced away from the television to lock eyes with her. Beyond him the city sparkled beneath a blue sky.
Amanda rolled her neck, feeling the pinch in her left shoulder and dropped down onto the bed. ‘Everything aches,’ she grumbled.
‘Then you shouldn’t push yourself so much.’
‘Can you…’ Amanda tucked her hair back and raised her left shoulder towards him. The skin was dark, a maelstrom of black and blue. ‘It’s still bothering me. Could you take a look at it?’
‘Sure.’ Shane tentatively touched her bruised shoulder with his fingertips, gently applying pressure.
‘Argh,’ Amanda grimaced through clenched teeth.
‘This hurt?’ he applied more pressure.
‘Uh-huh.’
‘Can you roll it around for me? Just move it a little?’
Amanda moved her shoulder, feeling the sinewy resistance of her battered skin.
‘The joint seems fine,’ Shane concluded, ‘but it is badly bruised. There might even be a fracture somewhere.’
‘Going to hospital still isn’t an option, not yet.’
‘I know.’
‘So?’
‘More pain meds. Less overexertion.’
Amanda rolled her eyes and pressed her hand against her side. Her ribs continued to ache. They felt like tree branches which had been worn down to their delicate inner core, with no sturdy bark to protect them. Each breath, each sneeze, each bubble of laughter came with a flash of brilliant, bright pain.
‘How are you holding up?’ Shane was watching her, his brow furrowed.
‘I’m still in one piece.’ She winced. ‘Just about.’
‘Want me to check you over?’ His fingertips were still resting on her shoulder.
In the bathroom Amanda had pivoted and turned in front of the misted mirror as much as she could but her assessment of any lingering damage was limited.
‘Okay,’ she gently withdrew from Shane and rolled onto her front. ‘Could you check my back? I can’t see it in the mirror.’
‘Sure.’
The weight on the bed shifted as Shane sat beside her.
‘How does it look?’
‘Um.’
‘What?’
‘The towel. I can’t see through it.’
‘Ah.’ Amanda sheepishly wriggled out of the towel and let it drop to the ground. She held her breath, suddenly feeling exposed. ‘Um… Shane?’ she whispered after the seconds drew out between them.
‘Yeah, uh,’ he coughed several times. ‘There’s…’ He traced his finger down her spine and Amanda closed her eyes. His touch sent delicious shivers racing through her body which silenced the sirens of pain that were continually screaming out. ‘Some bruising here,’ he drew out a map of her afflictions with his fingertips, ‘and some redness here. But everything looks to be healing. All of the swelling has gone down, the cuts are closing up nicely.’
‘So I look okay?’
His hand lingered at the base of her spine. ‘Uh-huh. Absolutely,’ he replied quickly with a bit too much enthusiasm.
‘Great,’ Amanda slowly started to roll onto her back. ‘Because I was wondering if you’d check my front too? Just in case there’s something wrong that I’ve failed to pick up.’ Her heart was frantically pounding against her sore ribs but she didn’t care. This was the most alive she’d felt since the morning Will had left her. Even her battered body couldn’t cage what was swirling around within her.
Shane didn’t meet her gaze. His head was bent, focusing on his hands which were now resting in his lap.
‘How are the bruises?’ her voice was breathless, verging on seductive.
‘Amanda…’ Shane clenched his hands into fists, as if he was fighting against something she couldn’t see.
‘My ribs still ache and there’s a constant pain in my side.’
With a strained groan he let his fingertips glide down the canyon between her breasts. ‘There’s bruising,’ he whispered, stroking her side. The sensation was both awful and amazing. Amanda tensed against the sheets, grabbing handfuls of the crisp white fabric. ‘By the looks of it you probably bruised some of your ribs.’ Shane drew closer as if he was coming in for a better look. He smelt of sweat and fresh coffee. Letting her eyes flutter closed, Amanda drank him in. ‘And then,’ he gently touched her outer thigh, ‘there are some lacerations, but they are healing well. I’d say the main problem is your shoulder. But it will get better, it just needs time.’
Amanda opened her eyes. Shane’s face was inches from her own, his breath warm against her cheeks.
‘How are you feeling?’ he asked as his eyes searched the depths of her own.
‘Better,’ she curled her body towards his. ‘You always make me feel so much better.’
‘Amanda…’ he closed his eyes, his voice raw with longing.
‘Hold me,’ Amanda laced her hand around the back of his neck, ‘bring me back to life.’
His lips were on hers instantly. He kissed her softly, tentatively. But as she melted into his embrace the kiss deepened. Amanda allowed herself to let go. She felt like she was floating as the burden of Will fell away from her. The bed became a cloud and Amanda gasped in delight. She was free.
Shane remembered just how to hold her, to touch her. Every movement was infused with fiery passion yet there was a tenderness in their connection. A tenderness which only time could breed.
‘Amanda,’ he murmured her name into her damp hair. ‘Amanda, I’ve missed you so much.’
She closed her eyes and sucked in a breath, her toes curling. ‘Yes,’ she gasped, ‘I’ve missed you too.’
*
There was still sunlight outside when Amanda got off the bed, unfurling her long legs. The golden hues of late afternoon glistened off distant windows. Amanda looked out on the city. She was dressed in one of Shane’s T-shirts, her hair an uneven tumble down her back from where it had dried while she slept.
After they’d reconnected Shane had slipped out. Amanda had been sleeping, curled up and content beneath the duvet when she vaguely heard the door click open and then close. She’d drifted away on another cloud, but now she was fully awake and the room felt empty and cold. She shivered beneath the T-shirt and hugged her arms against her chest.
The city was alive beneath her. Cars slowly meandered up the street, outpaced by the people who briskly walked beside them, unencumbered by traffic lights and congestion. Amanda pressed a hand against the glass and kept watching. The white van was still stoically beside the curb, its constant presence mocking her. She’d run its number plate through several searches online and come up with nothing.
It was easy to observe up in her ivory tower, to imagine where people were going, to add whimsical details to their lives. Amanda liked to think that every event which had led these people into the city had been a joyous one. But maybe someone was running up the street frantically searching for a lost loved one. Maybe someone else was still reeling from the sting of betrayal, just as she had done.
Amanda spun around, abandoning the bustling vista of the city. The bed was empty, the stark white sheets crumpled. Where had Shane gone? She smoothed her hand along his side of the bed. There was no lingering warmth. It must have been over an hour since he’d left.
‘He’s coming back,’ Amanda whispered to herself. ‘He promised he’d never leave. He’s coming back.’
Amanda’s body betrayed her. She wanted to sit up, to wait on Shane’s return, but instead she sagged down against the disturbed sheets, allowing their softness to envelop her. Her hours in the gym had taken a mighty toll. Now her body was demanding rest and lots of it. Her eyelids closed and she rolled onto her back, drifting away from the stillness of the empty room.
*
‘Coffee.’
‘Coffee?’ Amanda rubbed at her eyes and turned her head in the direction of the deep voice which had just spoken.
‘Coffee.’ Will was at her bedside, holding a cardboard cup out towards her. Amanda noted the label, it was from the café beneath her flat. She gave him a crooked smile and sat up.
‘Have you been out?’ she croaked, wishing she sounded more polished first thing in the morning.
‘Briefly.’ Will waited for her to settle herself against her pillows and then handed her the coffee.
‘To get this?’ Amanda lifted her drink.
‘Yep. I did look through your cupboards but you didn’t seem to have much in.’
‘Yeah,’ Amanda raked her free hand through her hair. ‘I keep meaning to go out and get some essentials.’
Her latest freelance job had turned into a rabbit hole. She’d dropped down it at the end of the previous week and she’d just kept falling. Her client was demanding; every time she completed something there was a new problem, a new solution she had to find in a timely manner. The fog had only cleared when she was around Will. And when she was with him the last thing she wanted to do was drag him to Asda for the food shop.
Amanda laughed self-consciously. This was Will’s first time in her flat and the cupboards were bare. The only things left in the fridge were two cans of Coke and a half-eaten takeaway pizza. Amanda was living like a student. It wasn’t the impression she’d been hoping to give to the guy she’d just started dating.
‘You forgot to get coffee?’ Will tilted his head at her as he sat down on the edge of the bed.
‘I know, I know,’ Amanda threw her hand up in submission, ‘I love coffee. I’m a Gilmore when it comes to my coffee consumption and yet here we are. And now you know how scatterbrained I can be when I get stuck into a job.’
‘A Gilmore?’ Will frowned, his thick black eyebrows pulling together.
‘It’s a thing from a show I love,’ Amanda waved at him, batting the question away. ‘But you’re not supposed to see this side of me. Not yet.’ She groaned as she nursed her coffee. ‘You’re supposed to see the together Amanda. The Amanda who always irons her clothes and gets to places on time. Shambolic Amanda shows up later, much later.’
‘I like the shambolic Amanda,’ he tenderly stroked his fingertips against her cheek. Amanda chewed her lip, recalling how amazing it had felt to have his strong hands exploring her entire body the previous night. ‘This is the real you, and that’s who I want to get to know.’
‘I’m sorry I didn’t have coffee in,’ she whispered, smiling at him.
‘It’s no problem,’ he mirrored her warm smile. ‘I like that I got to go out and get you some. I like taking care of you, Amanda.’
She looked at him. At the mountain of a man who was perched on her bed bathed in pale early morning sunlight. He was all strength and power, a raven-haired Greek God. But in her bed he’d shown a softer, gentler side. Will Thorn was two extremes, held together in a muscular package. No wonder his eyes always seemed to glisten with some inner mischief. He was the jester and the hangman, the pauper and the prince. Will was everything Amanda had been searching for – a gentle giant.
‘I promise that next time I’ll have some coffee in,’ Amanda insisted.
‘Next time?’ Will’s smile widened and Amanda thought her heart might burst from sheer excitement.
‘Yeah,’ she managed to remain coy, her fingers pulling at the stickered logo on her cup, ‘I’m hoping there will be a next time. Aren’t you?’
‘Most definitely,’ Will’s voice was rich with sincerity. ‘I’m hoping for many, many more next times.’
*
The door clicked open. Amanda stirred in her sleep and swept the hair out of her eyes. Someone was moving around at the end of the bed. And she could smell coffee. The oaky aroma was like a bolt of lightning as it struck her senses. Amanda fought against the sheets bundled around her as she sat up.
‘Hey,’ Shane had his back to her as he placed the cardboard cup holder down beside the television.
‘Hey.’ Amanda swept her gaze across the room, towards the window. The blue sky had darkened, turning to indigo as she slept. ‘Where…’ she coughed, resenting the accompanying ache in her chest. ‘Where have you been?’
‘The gym.’ Shane was approaching her, cup of coffee in hand. ‘And then I went to grab some coffee. I thought you might want some.’ Before he handed her the drink he pressed a soft kiss against her lips. It helped burn away the remaining remnants of sleep, but as they parted Amanda still felt a sting in her soul. She took the coffee and hoped that her anguish wasn’t written across her face. ‘Did you sleep okay?’ Shane’s voice remained buoyant and happy.
‘Yeah,’ Amanda looked down at her cup. ‘I slept fine.’
‘It’s okay, you know.’ Shane was raising his own drink up to his lips.
‘What is?’ Amanda blinked uncertainly at him.
‘To, you know,’ he shrugged nervously, ‘not jump straight back into being us. I know that one time isn’t going to bring us back to that point. Hell, I don’t even know if I want us to get back to the point. If anything I want us to be better, stronger.’
Amanda just stared at him, unsure what to say. How could she promise him a future when she didn’t even know if she was going to survive the week?
‘But I’m getting ahead of myself,’ Shane shook his head, casting his train of thought to the wind. ‘The point is that I know things aren’t simple. I know you’re still mourning the loss of your husband. But I’m willing to be patient, Amanda. I hope you know that.’
The coffee cup was warm in her hands. Her palms were wrapped around it, eagerly absorbing its heat. ‘Then don’t leave.’ She kept her head bent to the cup, unable to meet Shane’s gaze.
‘I’m not going anywhere.’ He put down his drink and hurried to her side. He sat next to her and tucked a golden strand of hair behind her ear, grazing her cheek with his fingertips. ‘I’m here for you, always.’
‘When I’m sleeping.’ Amanda bristled and leaned away from him. ‘Don’t leave when I’m sleeping,’ she whispered, on the verge of tears. ‘I woke up and you were gone and—’
‘Christ, I’m sorry, I didn’t think,’ Shane was wrapping his arms around her, pressing her head against his chest. ‘I would never, ever, just up and leave you.’
Her heart leapt up into her throat. She was back in her perfect home, living her perfect life. Only it was shattered. The far side of her bed was empty and Will was gone and he was never coming back. All of her wounds sung a mournful melody in unison, causing her to slump against her pillows, powerless against her grief. ‘That’s what he said.’ She bowed her head.
‘Amanda, I promise I won’t leave you. I love you.’
‘He made a vow,’ she sniffed as she pulled away from Shane’s embrace, furiously wiping at her eyes. ‘He married me and he made a vow to never leave. But he did. He broke the biggest promise that he made to me. And I understand why. I’ve grieved for him, for Will, for everything we lost, and now he’s gone. I know that in a way he was never really there with me, not completely.’
‘Tell me what to do.’ Shane gripped her hands in his and looked into her eyes. He was a boy again, drowning within the rising tide of his emotions. ‘Tell me how to make you feel secure. Tell me how to make you believe that I’ll never leave.’
‘I… can’t…’ Amanda shook her head. She couldn’t answer him because there was no answer to give. Promises were just words that could be broken. Just as prayers were wishes with wings. The words held no weight on their own. They required actions to take root and become something substantial, something you could cling on to. ‘Just don’t leave.’ On her lips it sounded like such a simple request.
Shane kissed her. Again and again he kissed her, each one a miniature promise of a greater commitment.
‘I won’t leave you,’ he told her fervently. ‘Ever. Do you understand? I swear to you, Amanda, I’ll always be here.’