Chapter Four
Ben’s boots squelched through the mud as he and Paradise hurried along the wide, crowded streets of the village of Lump. The market was already in full swing, and the smell of smoked kippers, fresh bread and barbecued lump-hog swirled in a delicious mist around them.
As they weaved their way through the throngs of shoppers, voices raised up all around them.
“Morning, Ben!”
“Good to see you, lad!”
“Eat something, boy, you’re thin as a rake!”
Ben smiled and waved back at everyone with his metal gauntlet. Then he led Paradise past the final few stalls and out on to the road that ran to the north of the village. The road was long and straight, and stretched out almost as far as the eye could see.
“So what’s your village called?” Ben asked, preparing himself for the long hike ahead.
“Loosh,” said Paradise.
“What? But that’s only twenty minutes away. You said you walked for three days to get to my house!”
“I did,” Paradise admitted. “I got kind of lost.”
“You got lost between Loosh and Lump?”
“No, I didn’t get lost. I never get lost. I got kind of lost.”
“For three days?”
“Yes!” she said, her face crinkling into an angry scowl. “Do you have a problem with that?”
Ben shook his head. “Nope.”
They trudged on in silence for a while. The sun was climbing in the sky, and the trees on either side of the track were alive with the twitter of birds.
“So … what are you then?” Ben asked.
Paradise frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, are you an elf or something?”
“Just, you know, being so small.”
“I’m not that small!”
“You’re pretty tiny,” said Ben.
“I’m nearly average height,” Paradise replied.
“For an elf, maybe.”
“Elves aren’t short, they’re tall,” Paradise said. “Everyone knows that.”
“What? I mean, yeah.” Ben forced a laugh. “Of course. Just kidding.”
They walked on a bit more.
“So, what, you’re just a human being then?”
“Yes!”
“You’re an ordinary human being?”
“Yes, of course I am!”
“Not a goblin or a pixie or anything?”
“No!”
Silence fell again. They’d only gone a few more steps when Ben broke it.
“You didn’t really recruit loads of other warriors, did you?” he asked. “You were just making that up so Tavish would let me go with you, right?”
Paradise shook her head. “No, I did. I rounded up the roughest and toughest fighters I could find from all over the country.”
“Oh,” said Ben, his shoulders sagging. “So I will just be watching after all.”
“No, you’ll definitely get to fight,” Paradise assured him.
“Won’t the other warriors mind?”
“I shouldn’t think so,” said Paradise. “They’ve all been horribly killed.”
Ben’s eyes widened. “Really?”
“Of course not,” Paradise said, smirking. “I went looking for a great warrior and your house was where I eventually ended up. I asked around whose house it was, and found out about Tavish. I guessed he had to be the warrior I was looking for.”
“Him? Nah, don’t know where you heard that from,” said Ben. “If he cuts his finger he has to go for a lie down. I’ve fought loads of monsters, though.”
“What kinds?”
“Oh, you know,” Ben said, after the tiniest of pauses. “Big ones. Bigger ones. Er … other things.”
Paradise stopped sharply and sniffed the air.
“Do you smell that?” she said.
“Sorry, I think I stepped in something back there,” Ben said.
“Not that,” Paradise said. “It’s sort of a … burning smell, like…” Her eyes went wide. She barged past Ben and broke into a run. “The village!” she yelped. “It’s coming from my village!”
They sprinted along the track, clambering over fences and bounding across streams. Paradise was faster, but Ben was better at jumping and climbing, so they were neck and neck as they made the final mad dash to Loosh.
By the time they reached the village, there was almost nothing left. Stone shacks lay in ruins. The burnt wreckage of wooden huts smouldered and smoked. All that remained was the village well, a trampled vegetable patch, and an elderly donkey in a straw hat.
“Trolls’ teeth! I’ve never seen anything like it,” Ben said.
“I-I know,” Paradise stammered.
“I mean … a donkey,” said Ben, “wearing a hat!”
“Not that! My whole village has been destroyed.”
Ben’s eyes widened, as if he were only now spotting the damage for the first time. “Oh. Right. Yeah, so it has.”
Paradise cast her gaze across the wreckage. “They’re gone,” she said. “Everyone’s gone. I’ll never see them again.”
“Helloooo?” called a voice. Paradise didn’t seem to notice.
“Mr Thringle from the baker’s. Gone,” Paradise said. “Bibbly Codd, the goat tamer. Gone.”
The voice came again. “Is there someone up there?”
“Old Granny Belcher. Voice like an angel, face like the back of a dog. I won’t see the likes of her again,” Paradise continued.
“We’re down the well!”
“Do you mind?” Paradise snapped. “Some of us are trying to be upset here, and it’s not easy with… Wait! The well!”
They dashed to the well and peered into the gloom. A dozen villagers were crammed down there, clinging to the rough stone walls or treading water below. An old woman with a face like the back of a dog let out a cheer when Paradise’s face appeared at the top of the hole.
“Paradise! We’re saved,” she sang.
“What happened?” Paradise asked. “Was it the monster?”
“It was!” sobbed the woman. “It was horrible.”
“It had the head of a shark!” one man cried.
“And the body of a bear!” added another.
“And the tail of a bunny!” said a third. There was a pause. “But a dead scary one.”
“What’s a shark?” asked Ben.
“Yaaar, lad,” came a voice from the gloom. “A shark be a big fish.”
“That’s Captain Swordbeard,” explained Paradise quietly. “He used to be a pirate, but now he runs the fishmonger’s.”
“A big fish doesn’t sound too bad,” Ben said.
“A shark be the biggest, nastiest fish you ever set eyes on. With teeth like saw blades, and eyes carved from pure evil itself,” said Captain Swordbeard.
“Actually, that does sound pretty bad,” Ben admitted.
“We’ll get you out,” Paradise said. Ben turned the wooden handle that lowered the bucket down into the well. When it was close to the bottom there was a loud THUNK!
“Ooyah!”
“Sorry,” said Ben, and he wound the handle back half a turn. There was a scrabbling and splashing and the rope went tight.
“Ready!”
Ben cranked the handle backwards. After a minute or more of winding in the rope, a man’s head rose slowly into view.
The man was short and chubby, with a red face and only a few strands of hair on top. His knuckles were white from gripping the rope, and his whole body trembled as Paradise helped haul him over the edge of the well.
“Mayor!” Paradise cheered. “Are you OK?”
The man did his best to smile. “Oh, don’t worry about me, dear,” he said. “I’m fine. Just dandy. It takes more than a silly monster to scare the Mayor of Loosh!”
A furious roar split the morning air, and a hulking shape exploded from the woods beside the village.
Squealing in panic, the mayor tried to jump back into the well, but the beast was a frenzied blur of speed. It closed the gap in a flash and slammed into him, all gnashing teeth and slashing claws. The mayor shrieked in terror as the monster scooped him up in one bear-like arm.
Ben drew his wooden sword, but a kick from the mayor’s flailing feet caught him on the chin and sent him spinning to the ground, the sword flying out of his grasp.
“I was lying, I am scared! I’m proper terrified!” the mayor squealed. “Don’t eat me, I’ll taste rubbish!”
Ben tried to stand, but his head was fuzzy from the kick and the ground felt like quicksand pulling him down. Through blurred vision he saw Paradise charge at the rampaging monster, her tiny fists raised.
With a desperate kick of his legs Ben knocked her to the ground just as the creature’s claws slashed through the air above their heads.
“I chew my own toenails,” squealed the mayor. “And I haven’t had a bath in months. I’m probably poisonous!”
The beast let out another ear-splitting roar. Ben scanned the ground for his sword.
There! Still groggy, he half crawled, half rolled to the wooden weapon, snatched it up and leaped to his feet.
“Hey ugly, if you want a fight you…”
Ben’s voice trailed off. He looked around. Aside from him, Paradise and the donkey wearing the hat, there wasn’t another living creature in sight.
The monster – and the mayor – were gone.