Don’t let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy…
—THE EAGLES, “TAKE IT EASY”
A breakthrough: Ask and listen. I don’t have to be sitting in the middle of Iowa on location of a classic Hollywood movie to practice this spiritual act.
Before I am even back in Los Angeles, I decide to approach my spiritual journey as a listening campaign more than a seeking expedition. On the flight from Iowa, I listen to a series of guided meditations on my Headspace app led by the soothing voice of Andy, the bald Buddhist monk who has become my virtual guru.
I have been practicing these ten-minute, Zen-inspired meditations with him for a few months now, every day, and I have noticed that I am more relaxed, more focused, and less anxious and distracted. I feel more…centered. It didn’t happen overnight; there wasn’t a single moment when it hit me like, “Hey, this meditation shit is working!” Rather, I have just been consistent in closing my eyes, calming my breath, and training my mind to be still and when it wanders into my worry place, bring my focus back to the breath. At first, the ten minutes seemed like ten hours. Now, though, it goes by so fast I often just keep meditating past when the bell rings.
Somewhere over Nebraska, I click on the “Happiness” series, which begins with Andy explaining in a short video tutorial the meditation tool of visualization.
“Anybody can learn to visualize,” he says. “Imagine a friend or family member, or someone you really like; just bring them to mind for a moment.”
He pauses. I choose to picture the guy seated next to me: my son, Jackson.
Andy explains that when our mind gets distracted, we need not panic or have an emotional reaction to losing our focus. Instead, he suggests, we just “gently” bring our mind back to the breath or the mental image. Over time, he says, the mind will soften and more easily focus on the moment.
I then click on Day One of the “Happiness” meditation and begin.
Andy starts with an explanation of what his Buddhism-informed definition of happiness is, saying a regular practice may not make you laugh and smile more but rather bring “an underlying fulfillment, contentment and satisfaction in our life.”
My meditation starts with Andy encouraging me to maintain a soft focus ahead and as I gaze gently to get comfortable in my seat I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth, settling myself down. Self-soothing until I am feeling calm—something I needed a Xanax to do just a few months ago.
Then I close my eyes and let my breath find its natural rhythm and become aware of my body, feel it pressed against the airplane seat, my feet placed on the cabin floor and hands rested on my thighs.
Andy gently instructs me to scan from head to toe and “check in” with my physical self, noting how it feels—getting a sense along the way for “the general mood for the mind.”
Then Andy urges me to take a moment to be clear about why I am doing this happiness exercise, and I think about how I am doing this because I hope to learn how to be as happy every day as I was on that Field of Dreams with Jackson.
He tells me to notice the rising and falling sensation of my breath and, when I do, I feel like I am floating, like any tenseness or worry is drifting away from my body, as if I am hypnotized yet totally self-aware at the same time.
My breath is now slow and effortless. Then, I do as he suggests and imagine a pinprick of light in the middle of my chest, representing all the happiness I seek in my life, and I visualize it getting bigger and bigger until the light fills my entire body.
As I picture this lightness of being overtaking me, I feel completely at rest, entirely fulfilled in the moment. I am present. Before I know it, the ten minutes is up and Andy is telling me to gently open my eyes. And as I take in the packed airplane, an environment that once made me feel agitated and claustrophobic, I feel very…well, happy. As my son and I speed over the majestic Rockies at five hundred miles an hour, I feel more still than I ever have. And I wonder if my blissful state of just being me is actually the state of being one with God.