tense and uncomfortable. I wasn’t sure what had happened in the kitchen, but I could sense Robin’s slow, simmering anger. And for some reason it seemed to be directed at Sanka, Martina, and Dusek. Not that I cared if they all started fighting amongst themselves. It shouldn’t matter to me one bit.
Except it did. Even with all my suspicions, and questions, and doubts…some part of me really wanted Robin and the others to be more trustworthy than I was giving them credit for. I had gotten a tiny glimpse of what it might be like to belong here, before I was taken by the fae, and I wanted that back. But I wasn’t a child. I had been manipulated, used, and lied to enough times to know that my caution was warranted.
I needed time to figure out who I was now, and where in the world I belonged.
“Do you suppose they’ll live?” I asked the pixie-cross who I could sense moving about the kitchen, putting away food.
Yukio snorted. “Fifty-fifty chance.”
I refused to react to his completely unhelpful answer, waiting him out. Cicely sat quietly beside me, a warm presence that was somehow grounding. I had a feeling the fae was doing something to make me feel so calm. That couldn’t be natural. But for now, I’d take it as a gift. Losing my temper and yelling or demanding answers wouldn’t get me anywhere with the cold pixie.
I stood and went to help with the dishes, surprised and stupidly gratified to find that they had left the little jewels on the dishwasher that let me easily find the right buttons by feel. Cicely didn’t hover the way I’d half expected him to. He stayed at the table, giving me space. Not poison? he asked in my mind. Fruit?
I sighed. “No, I don’t think they actually want to kill either of us yet,” I said aloud. “You can eat.”
I got the impression of rueful amusement in my mind, followed by an almost childlike enjoyment as Cicely dug into his fresh fruit.
Yukio nudged me out of the way with his elbow so he could put something into the dishwasher and close the machine. “Fucking around with poison and drugs is a fae thing. If we wanted you dead, we have at least a dozen other, more direct, ways to kill you, faun.”
Cicely made an audible huffing noise, but didn’t comment through our mind link.
“They all thought Robin was going to kill you,” Yukio said out of nowhere.
I titled my head and stared in the direction of the muted, moving blur of blue and black shadow that was all I could see. “What? Why?”
He sighed. “Because not a single one of us is as sweet and harmless as you apparently believe. Because Robin has flown under the radar for nearly sixty fucking years, and she’s almost at the point where she can finally carry out her master plan. One thing matters to our princess above all others—avenging her family.”
I felt a lump forming in the pit of my stomach. Not for me, but for the others. “So they thought Robin was going to get rid of me? Because I got too close to accidentally betraying one of her secrets or something? And?”
Yukio chuckled, but the sound wasn’t amused. It was full of ice. “And those three idiots got between the two of you. They were going to defend you, witch. Against our alpha.” I heard the sharp, irritated snapping sound his wings made. “I was right. Sanka never should have dragged you here in the first place. All you’re doing is destroying our family from the inside out.”
I ignored his accusation. He was just being Yukio. But he wasn’t exactly wrong. I could feel the tension in the air when Robin and the others were in the room. I just didn’t know what it all meant. Did the alpha hate me that much? If so, why had she said all those things to me before, about freedom and choice? Why had she even bothered to come get me and bring me back? Was she just tolerating me because of my magic?
She’ll harm them? Cicely’s voice in my mind snapped me out of my downward spiral. Apparently, he was able to talk to me, but he wasn’t reading my thoughts. I wasn’t sure if that was out of courtesy or because it wasn’t a talent he possessed.
“She won’t hurt them,” I said aloud, for both Cicely and Yukio. “You just said the only thing that matters is her family.”
Yukio scoffed. “I meant the family that the syndicate slaughtered.” His voice was still cold and hard, but at least he, of all people, was actually telling me something useful. “Do you know there are no more of Robin’s kind in this country? It wasn’t just her parents who were killed. It was her entire clan. Sixty years might seem like a long time to hold such a passionate grudge. But when you realize that we’re talking about not just a single tragedy, but genocide…. Can you blame her for clinging to the thing that has kept her going all these years?”
My heart ached for Robin—and I really wanted to know what kind of shifter she was—but I shook my head at Yukio’s logic. “You’re wrong. I think there is one thing that’s more important to her than revenge, and that’s her court. She loves you and Sanka. And she believes you’re all hers to protect and provide for. I’ve heard her say it.”
Yukio sighed. “Maybe. But let’s just say, I never intend to make her choose between me and her goals. Because I’m not so sure she’d choose me.” Then he put a hand on my back and gave me a little shove. “Come on. I’ll walk you to your room and find a place to put your new pet goat. I’m sure you’re right and the only bruises the others will suffer will be to their egos.”
I went as directed. “I remember the way to my room,” I said evenly, lifting my chin a notch. I didn’t need to be guided around like an invalid just because I was blind. “Unless you guys were so glad I was gone that you immediately moved my stuff and found another use for the space.”
The air chilled a bit, though I had no clue why my words would evoke some strong emotion in the pixie-cross. He pretty much communicated in nothing but snarky words, so when he spoke, my jaw nearly hit the floor in surprise. “We were all worried about you,” he said, voice so soft it was almost a whisper. “Robin has a temper, and she’s always strung out trying to mentally juggle all the games she has going on in the background. But I don’t think that’s why she’s being such a bitch right now. Maybe you should talk to her alone when she’s done browbeating your supporters.”
Then he turned away from me, his voice moving away from us. “Come on, furry. I’ll find a broom closet for you or something.”
I tensed, irrational fear making me speak before I thought. “I want him near me.”
The cold blast this time wasn’t a surprise. “And I give a fuck what you want, witch? After you got all buddy-buddy with Odell?”
I crossed my arms and stared in the general direction of his voice. “I know you have space in this hall where you put guests you don’t trust. Business partners, that sort of thing.”
I paused when something brushed my shoulder. It took me a minute to realize that Cicely had just pushed past me and Yukio and headed into my little suite. “Where are you going?”
Stay with you. The emotion with the words was pure determination.
I rolled my eyes. “They aren’t going to kill me. Or you. Yukio will find you a room of your own nearby. It’ll be fine.”
There was more grumbling in my head, but eventually the faun followed Yukio from my room, headed to a suite down the hall. The rebel court’s underground lair was massive. I knew they had room for one more person.
Finally alone, I crossed the room and flopped down on my bed with a groan. My mind and my emotions were jumbled. And I felt a bit out of it. So much had happened in such a short time. And Yukio was right. I needed to talk to Robin alone. She loved her court, I knew she did. But she was different when it was just the two of us. As if she let down a wall and stopped being the princess, or alpha, or whatever for just a moment.
But I was also terrified of the confrontation. I wanted the truth. I wanted to know everything that was going on and what my place was in it all. But I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to like the answers. I wanted to cling to my naivety for a little while longer.
The silence around me slowly started to feel less like relief, and more like the isolation I had endured in Odell’s court. I sat up and ran a hand over my face. No. I couldn’t just hide in here like a coward. If nothing else, it would drive me insane. I stood and made my way to the bathroom to shower. My emotions were all over the place, and ridiculous tears filled my eyes when I found that everything was exactly as I’d left it. All my soaps and lotions and self-care things, all my clothes and the gadgets the court had bought me—it was all right where it belonged. They hadn’t forgotten me or immediately tried to erase me from their home. And for some reason, that meant more than it should.
Freshly showered, I dragged a comb through my chin-length hair, taking a moment to appreciate the fact that I was allowed to keep my hair and nails. At least no one here was selling parts of me on the black market the way my previous family had. I pulled on some comfortable underwear, sweatpants, and a t-shirt that was either gray or some pale shade that my eyes couldn’t decipher. Then I squared my shoulders and headed to Robin’s room in the private wing of the underground. Surely, she’d had enough time to yell at her people for being kind by now.
I didn’t run into anyone wandering the hall on the way there. My fingers trailed over the ornate carvings on the wooden door before I lifted a hand to knock. I didn’t get that far before Robin’s husky voice called to me from the other side. “Come in, Ruya.”
I arched a brow as I tried to figure out what Robin was. Had she heard me out here? Or was it her keen sense of smell? Maybe she had sensed my aura. I pushed away the tempting distraction of my thoughts and opened the door, stepping inside Robin’s inner sanctum. My thoughts flashed back to the first day I had met Robin. The alpha princess had been laid out on her bed, unconscious and wasting away from a killing curse. She had a bit more vitality these days. And it was because of me. I hadn’t been able to break her curse, but if I hadn’t been here to bolster her with healing, she wouldn’t have survived long enough to find a solution. I did that. Me. I raised my chin a notch and prepared for battle as I pushed the door shut behind me.
“What did you do to the others? Did you punish them for worrying about me?” I demanded.
A low, husky chuckle drifted across the room, along with the scent of cinnamon and incense smoke. “Hello to you too, darling. Oh, me? No, I’m not busy. Yes, we can chat. I’d love to hear all about your time with Odell.”
I could hear her seductive voice coming closer, and I could almost imagine the slinky, prowling way she must move. Salamander? Were there any salamander shifters in the US? I knew next to nothing about shifters. I’d thought they were all extinct until I was freed from The Order’s pocket world.
“Hello, Robin,” I said dryly. “I’m so glad you could make time in your busy girl-boss schedule to talk to me. Fuck Odell. He was an ass and I want to know the others are okay. You can’t just punish them for standing up to you when you want to commit murder.”
Unnaturally warm fingertips touched my brow, her soft touch making magic arc between us as she brushed my damp hair back from my eyes. “It’s grown out, even in this short time. Such a lovely silver color. I’ve never seen anything like it.”
I sighed. “Robin. Seriously. Just talk to me, please.”
She huffed. “Why? I thought you didn’t trust me? Why would you want to talk to your evil captor? Aren’t you afraid I’m just using you?”
I gave into the urge to stomp my foot, clenching my fists at my sides. “Are you? How can I trust you when I don’t know anything? All the time I spent here, I did nothing but help you. I healed you. I saved Yukio. I stayed out of your business meetings and all the shady stuff you were doing in the background. I never pushed you for information. I never insisted on knowing all the details. I simply trusted you. But did you ever really trust me? I don’t even know what the hell you are! For all I know, you could be playing all kinds of magical mind games on me, and I’d never know. Look what Odell and his people did. They slipped into my dreams. They stole into my mind. And I had no clue, because I’m an inexperienced, naive idiot and no one tells me anything!”
“You’re not an idiot,” she said softly. “You’re doing the best you can with the shitty situations you’ve been put in.” A warm hand gripped my elbow, urging me further into the room. Robin guided me to a chair that I thought was close to her vanity table. “Sit.”
I sat. I was still pissed at her. But I also kind of wanted to just lean into her and bask in her aura. It made me feel at peace in a way not even Cicely’s mind magic did. Something inside me said I really could trust her. Robin would keep me safe. She’d never hurt me. She was just so…amazing. And I wanted to be close to her. Goddess, how I’d missed her.
Long, warm fingers carded through my hair as Robin moved about behind me, and my whole body warmed. Fuck.
I ran a hand over my face. “It’s happening again, isn’t it?”
Robin leaned over my shoulder in a whisper of silk and picked something up off the vanity table. Then she started brushing my hair. “Yes. I could scent you the moment I stepped out of the car earlier. Which is why….” She sighed, the soothing, rhythmic motions of the brush never halting. “Which is why I’m having such a hard time with my emotions. You make me unstable, Ruya. I turn into a raging bitch, and the beast in me wants to lash out about everything.” She set the brush aside and pulled the sides of my hair back, securing them with a clip of some kind, by the feel of it. “This helps. Being close to you. Touching you.” She let go of my hair and stepped back. “And I absolutely loathe it.”
I wanted to hunch my shoulders and curl forward at her words. It felt like a stinging slap. So yeah, definitely my omega hormones making me overreact to everything the alpha said. I forced my shoulders back and my spine straight. “I’m sorry.”
She just sighed again. “It’s not actually your fault, you know. Come sit with me on the couch. You’re right. No one tells you anything. Because they all do as I say, and I’m a paranoid ass. I have to be. I promise I won’t touch you without your permission. And, Ruya?”
I turned toward her. “Yes?”
“I’m still not going to fuck you. I want no part of this alpha-omega bullshit. I need you to understand that. I might have a dick, but believe it or not, that doesn’t determine who I am. And I have no interest in impregnating anyone.”
I shook my head as I made my way to the couch. Seriously, it shouldn’t disappoint me when she said stuff like that. It was gross. And besides, Robin was a woman. It didn’t seem right to think of things like impregnation. Goddess. Thank you for that word, Robin.
I sat on the couch and felt it dip as Robin joined me. “For the record,” I said, my cheeks flaming with embarrassment. “I’m not exactly dying to get knocked up either. Especially by someone who hates me.”
“Glad we’re on the same page,” she huffed. “But I don’t hate you, Ruya.”
I glared off into space. “You could have fooled me, your highness.”
She nudged my shoulder with hers. “I hate that I want you. I hate that I can’t tell what is genuine affection and what is this stupid evolutionary crap telling me you’re mine. I hate that every little thing you do distracts me from the goals I’ve worked on for decades. I hate that I don’t have time for this. But I don’t hate you, Ruya. I’m just sorry I can’t give you more.”
Well. That was something. “I don’t hate you either,” I mumbled.
That earned me a rich, smoky laugh. “I’m glad.” But her tone changed, becoming more serious as she spoke. “That might change though. As you’ve said, you really don’t know anything about me.”
It was my turn to be candid, so I pushed through my anger and awkwardness to give her the same level of truth she had just given me. “I know you’re smart, and beautiful, and strong. I know you’re fiercely protective of your family. I know you collect art that no one else appreciates and you love shiny things. I know you collect people almost the same way. I know you have all this pain inside you, but it’s all pushed down under the armor of being an alpha bent on revenge.” Feeling stupid, but determined, I pushed on. “I know that even if I wasn’t this…omega thing…I’d probably still be fascinated and awed by you. And I know that I shouldn’t trust you or your motives, but I still desperately, stupidly want to. Which just makes it that much more dangerous.”
Silence stretched between us, and I expected Robin to burst out laughing at any moment, because I sounded like a starry-eyed moron. Instead, she moved about, maybe putting her back to the arm of the couch so she could face me—I felt her knee brush my thigh as she moved, so that was my best guess. Then she just started talking.
“The emperor of the paranormal syndicate has a powerful magical artifact. It’s what allowed him to curse me. It’s what gives him the borrowed magic he uses to stay in power. I need that artifact.” Her voice was so soft, but full of something awful—hateful, but also tinged with pain.
“Why do you want it so bad? Someone—and I’m not telling you who because I don’t want you giving them a lecture over it—told me that the syndicate killed your family. So, is that it? You want to unseat the emperor and take his magical toy to get back at the syndicate? I understand your pain, but I don’t understand chasing something like that for longer than I’ve even been alive.” I sighed. “I know that no matter how you feel, I am a valuable asset—a tool. What I want to know is what I’m really being used for.”
“You’re right,” she murmured. “The syndicate—led by the current emperor—killed my family. And my entire clan. He made up some charges that no one really believed. But the syndicate goons all went along with it, because my people were the most powerful beings in the country. They had strength and ancient magic, and the one thing people in power can’t stand is the idea that someone else might be more powerful than them. He saw the power my people had. He saw it as a threat—even though my family had no interest in those sorts of political games. And he saw it as an opportunity to make himself stronger.”
She shifted against the couch and her knee brushed my leg again, burning heat radiating outward even through her clothes. “I was a child. The youngest in the clan because children were few and far between. Our reproduction rates are very slow because we are a long-lived race. I’m turning seventy years old soon, and I am still considered a teenager by our standards, only just on the cusp of becoming a mature adult.” She was quiet for a moment before continuing, her voice quiet and even. “So, when the attacks happened, my clan hid me. But when it was over and I finally came out of hiding, they were all gone. It was a horrific bloodbath, and it was all wiped away with witch magic bought on the black market, so there was no way to prove the syndicate was involved. I was ten years old and alone. And the emperor took the artifact, my birthright, so I was powerless.”
I reached out for her, finding her leg, then fumbling about until she took my hand. My magic spooled out between us unchecked, pumping every piece of her full of vibrant life, as if it could ease the wound of her memories. But it couldn’t heal the pain and trauma I heard under those calm, husky words. “Your birthright?” I asked, attempting to steer her toward less visceral memories.
She laced her fingers with mine and pulled gently, drawing me nearly into her lap so she could card the fingers of the other hand through my hair as she spoke. “Dragons have nearly limitless wells of magic. But it’s different than witch magic, or sorcerer magic, or even the fae. Our magic is a part of us, flowing through our being, intertwined with our aura and our physical bodies. It grows as we age, but sometimes it grows too fast, too soon for the child to handle.” She chuckled dryly. “A dragon gone insane with power, poisoned and driven mad by their own magic, isn’t something you ever want to witness, trust me on this. Long ago, a bunch of elders got together and figured out a way to help younglings. When we’re born, an artifact is created. A second heart made of something precious—treasure. A portion of the child’s magic is locked away in the artifact until they come of age and are strong enough to handle the full force of their gifts.”
I just sat there, stunned, as I tried to keep up. “You’re…a dragon? But dragons aren’t real. They’re just myths. I….”
Robin chuckled, and I smelled the faint, pleasant scent of woodsmoke and cinnamon. “Did your awful, fake mother tell you that? Dragons are very much real, Ruya. But we’re rare. Endangered. And in the US? As far as anyone else knows, the last clan of dragons in the US died out due to infighting in the clan. An easy lie for others to swallow, since many people—paranorm and human alike—have strong biases and fear about my kind. They were all glad we were gone, so no one ever thought to question the whys of it all. A bunch of beasts went mad and killed each other. Good riddance.”
I lifted her hand and pressed the back of it to my cheek. “So, the emperor not only killed your family….”
“He has a piece of my magic—of my soul—and he’s using it to subjugate every paranormal in this country who doesn’t respect his authority. The gryphons are nearly extinct because they asked too many questions about the syndicate's rules and demands. The naga have gone into hiding. The current syndicate sects are nothing but the rotten impurities that rose to the top under the emperor’s hand. They all need to die.”
She said that with such ease. As if killing people and overthrowing the ruler of an entire paranormal institution was nothing. I sat up, freeing my hand from her grip and putting some distance between us. “You’re planning on getting your power back so you can kill the emperor.”
She chuckled. “Yes. And all the syndicate leaders. And their sniveling underlings. And anyone else who has supported this fucked up regime. They will all pay. And I will make sure there’s no one left behind to avenge them.” She paused, and I could almost see her bitter smile. “I plan to wipe the slate completely clean, Ruya.”
I felt chilled to the bone. Was she implying that she meant to target entire courts, clans, and packs? “It’s absurd,” I said slowly. “How can you ever hope to overthrow the emperor? And then what? You plan to set yourself up as a ruler yourself? Do you think the other paranormals will just let that slide? Will the humans just stand by and do nothing?”
Robin sighed. “You’re too soft, Ruya. I have been planning this, putting things in place in silence, building networks and alliances and setting people up for decades. Sometimes extreme change calls for extreme measures. I plan to annihilate the syndicate. After that, who knows? It won’t be my problem anymore. Paranorms can make a new governing body. One that isn’t filled with corruption. Then I can finally rest.”
My chest ached. I wanted to hug this damaged woman, but I also kind of wanted to run far, far away. Dragons were apparently very long-lived. She had just admitted that she wasn’t even technically an adult yet, by her clan’s standards. And yet…she spoke as though once she achieved this thing, her life would be over.
“What about the families?” I persisted. “You can’t tell me every person in say, Odell’s court, for example, deserves to die just because their ruler is an asshole. That would make you no better than the emperor.”
She shifted beside me, then stood. I heard her move to the little sideboard she kept stocked, and the tinkling of glass told me she was pouring something. “Darling, I understand your concerns. But it’s the only way. A clean slate. I can’t afford to be soft-hearted. The entire system needs to be destroyed. There can be no heirs. No third cousin of the current leader who seemed so sweet but turned out to be a sociopath. No one rising up to pick up where the previous despot left off. It all ends with me.”
Her alluring cinnamon and smoke scent washed over me as she moved closer. “Whisky?”
I took the glass, because it was that or scream. A few minutes ago, I honestly asked myself if I might be falling in love with this powerful, seductive rebel princess. But now…now I was terrified. Not of her. But for her. For the way my whole world had just tumbled and tilted. Again.
Robin was broken. She had been engulfed by her trauma, breathed it in and embodied it. So many times, I had been forced to heal people whose auras were tainted, whose very energy and soul spoke of evilness and black deeds. When I was stolen away from The Order, I swore I would never heal another evil person so they could continue to inflict their taint on the world.
Now Robin was standing before me, so full of warmth, and power, and potential. And she was saying she planned to use all that beautiful spark for evil, for hatred and vengeance and retribution against innocents. I tossed back the tumbler of alcohol, wincing and gasping at the burn of the disgusting stuff. Then I set my glass aside with a thunk. “And how do I fit in with all these plans and schemes?” I asked in as even a voice as I could manage.
Robin chuckled, as if my answer surprised her. “Well, you could stay here with us and enjoy the benefits of my court—and everyone in it. Having your abilities at hand would be immeasurably valuable, since our work isn’t exactly safe. Or you can leave. My offer from before still stands. I can find you someplace else to live. I’ll make sure you’re not cast out on the street. But Ruya, I’ve told you all my secrets. Since you talk so highly of trust, I’ve given you more trust than anyone outside this court has ever been given. You can stay here with me and help me overthrow the syndicate and free other paranormals from its tyranny—even if it upsets your moral compass. Or you can go off and use the information I’ve just given you to destroy me and this entire court. What will you do, pretty witch?”
I stood, knowing I was too close to her, feeling the heat from her body against mine. “There’s another option,” I said, chin up in defiance.
“Oh?” she purred. “And what’s that?”
“I can stay here and change your mind.”
She chuckled softly. “Oh…that’s precious. You can certainly try. Though to be fair, I must warn you that Sanka already tried that. He gave up years ago. But every once in a while, he gives it the good old college try. I doubt you’ll be any more successful than he’s been.” She scoffed. “Are you afraid of me now, Ruya? Do you hate the monster inside me just like I said you would?”
Her chilly tone of voice might fool someone else. But not me. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but I felt like somewhere deep inside, Robin was hoping someone would save her from herself.
Yeah, I’m a softie. A healer through and through. What can I say?
“I meant what I said earlier,” I said firmly. “I don’t hate you, Robin. I see you. All the strength, and fire, and potential inside you. I’ve seen true evil. You’re not there yet. And you don’t have to ever go there. I think maybe you just need balance. You need a reason to live that doesn’t have to do with revenge.” I reached out and managed to find her face, to cup her cheek and run my bare thumb over the sharp angle of her cheekbone. “I’m not afraid of you, Robin. I’m sad for you. Because I can see why the others love you so deeply, and I just wish it was enough.”
She growled, the sound rumbling through her chest, where I only now realized my other hand had come to rest. Was all this new information sad and scary? Absolutely. Did it dim the attraction I felt for her and the fact that my hormones were suddenly raging out of control? Not one single bit.
Instead of pulling away like an intelligent person may have, I leaned into her like I was just begging to be put out of my misery. It was invitation enough. Long arms wrapped around my waist, crushing me to her willowy body as her mouth crashed down over mine. I didn’t have time to appreciate how plush her lips were, or how perfect she tasted. I kissed her back with as much desperation as a person could possibly muster. I felt like if I didn’t chase this moment, the woman before me would just…disappear, swallowed by her own darkness.
As quickly as it began, it was over, leaving me panting and dizzy with need, and utterly mortified and confused at what was happening. Robin said she wasn’t interested, and yet…that certainly didn’t feel like disinterest to me.
“You need to leave,” Robin whispered in my ear, causing goosebumps to ripple along my arms. “Before I do something we’ll both regret, omega.”
I pulled away, common sense and the weight of our earlier conversation cooling my libido like a bucket of ice water. “I think you’re right.”
I turned and headed to the door, but paused when Robin spoke again, her voice an uncharacteristically deep growl. “When you decide to leave us, just do me one favor please.”
I paused and she continued in a voice that tried for flippant but didn’t quite succeed. “Tell me that you’re leaving on purpose so I know you don’t need rescuing, will you, darling?”
I couldn’t trust myself to speak, to correct her assumptions that I would run away. So I just nodded and fled the room.