gone, I didn’t end up immediately going back to my bedroom after all. Instead, I told Dusek that I wanted to talk to him. He had been distant since I returned, not hovering or asking questions or trying to get back on my good side like the others. Of course, he was usually a bit more distant and introverted than the rest of the court, but this felt different. I had a feeling I knew why. I had rushed out into danger and caused us to get attacked on his watch. I was pretty sure he was pissed-off at me, but of course he would never say so.
When I tried to tell him we needed to talk, he insisted that I needed to eat something first. It turned out Yukio really had made cinnamon rolls. Cicely agreed to go get us all something to eat from the kitchen so I could have a private moment with Dusek. Honestly, I was still burning up and jittery, but I wanted to talk to the man before I went all lust drunk and forgot. I didn’t want to let this rift between us stretch out and become infected like an untreated wound.
“I’m sorry,” we both said at the same time, the moment Cicely left the room.
I cocked my head toward the direction of Dusek’s voice. He was lingering on the other side of the room, leaving so much space between us, most of it filled with little hints of his chilling aura. “What in the world are you apologizing for?” I asked.
Dusek made a tsk sound and paced ever so slightly closer, if the movement of the blackest shadow in the room was any indication. “Me? Everything. You have no reason to apologize, Ruya. I’m the one at fault.”
I arched my brows at him. “I panicked and went running outside. I fell right into The Order’s silly trap, and I forced you to chase along after me without backup. Because I went running outside to save a bird from danger, the front of The Fox was destroyed, you were all hurt, and you all had to come after me and try to save me. I’m sure it didn’t help whatever plans Robin had for Odell. And you all have much bigger things to worry about than chasing after one stupid witch who got herself kidnapped.”
Fear skittered over me, raising goosebumps on my arms, but I ignored it. It was just Dusek’s natural bubak aura. He had come closer, and I watched the black blur lower, as he apparently sat on the coffee table in front of me, his knees brushing mine before he adjusted to put space between us again.
“None of that was your fault, Ruya. You’ve been conditioned to think everything is your fault, your responsibility. But it’s not. Sometimes things happen that are outside our control. Your only fault was wanting to help a creature in pain. It’s not as if you asked to be accosted!”
I sighed. He was right. My default was guilt. It was how I had been raised. Every success was to The Mother’s credit. Every failure was clearly my fault. I needed to break free from that way of thinking. I got the feeling that Dusek and I weren’t so different in that regard. “But you think it’s your fault?” I said softly.
“Of course it is,” he said, his deep voice sounding terse. “Who else? I was responsible for your safety that day. I was on guard in the upper level. I’m supposed to be better than that. I reacted too slowly to keep you from danger, then I failed to protect you from The Order’s spells.” He sighed. “I’m responsible for everything you must have suffered at Odell’s hands—and don’t tell me it was nothing, I’m not buying that. I’m sorry, Ruya. I failed you, I failed the court, and I failed our princess.”
I leaned forward, finding one of his long legs and patting his surprisingly bony knee. “Oh, Dusek, you poor thing, you’re as bad as I am. I don’t blame you for what happened. No one does. And if they do, I’ll slap some sense into them for you! You did what you could, but you couldn’t have expected me to go rushing headlong into danger. And it’s because of you that the others came to our assistance so fast. You’re the one who pointed out the barrier spell to Sanka so he could break it, right? If you hadn’t, the others wouldn’t have been able to find me, and I might even now be locked away in some pocket world somewhere. I hereby ban you from feeling guilty.”
He chuckled darkly. “Now you’re giving me orders, witch?”
His emotions made his aura of terror swell a bit, sending a chill down my spine before he pulled it back, but I ignored that, giving him a smile. “Well, I’m trying to learn about this thing called confidence. I refuse to be some shrinking flower all my life, you know?” I grinned even wider. “And, honestly? It feels amazing to tell people what to do. I understand now why Robin likes being so bossy.”
He laughed again. “Why do I get the feeling we may end up with more than one princess ordering us all around one day?” Then his cool fingers caressed the back of my hand, the touch light and fleeting. “Thank you.”
I tilted my head. “For what?”
“For forgiving me. For understanding. For always acting like I’m just like the rest of these idiots and being in the same room as me doesn’t make you want to run away screaming.”
I shook my head. He had told me a little about his past once, but only a little. He had been imprisoned by a clan of sorcerers before he met Robin. I was afraid to ask what they had done to him to make him believe he was nothing but his magic. Nothing but terror and fear.
“Dusek, that’s nothing to thank me for,” I told him firmly, reaching for his hand before he could completely withdraw. I tangled my fingers with his cooler ones and squeezed. The fear grew stronger with the skin contact, but the warm rush of my power flowing between us helped me keep from reacting. “You’re a sweet man, for a nightmare.” I lifted his hand and pressed a kiss to the back.
Dusek froze, and I waited a heartbeat for him to move. When he didn’t, I gave him a wry grin. “I’m fairly new to all of this, but I believe this is the part where you kiss me now. Not because I’m an omega and every molecule in my body is begging for relief. Not because I feel sorry for you or some nonsense like that. But because I respect you and I feel attracted to you, even without all that other stupid stuff.” I tilted my head and waited. “Don’t make me come to you. I always fumble a bit before I find the right position. I might poke you in the eye or knee you in the crotch or something.”
He let out a noise that sounded like half pain, half laughter. But he finally leaned forward, bringing cool shadows and the soft touch of his lips. I shuddered against him, feeling like I was falling into unfathomable darkness, but when he went to pull back, I fisted my hands in the front of his shirt and followed him, leaning with him to keep my lips pressed to his, deepening the kiss. His aura might be overwhelming, but the feel of his lips against mine grounded me, and I wanted more.
Food later? Cicely asked in my head as a plate clinked against the end table off to the side.
I pulled back slowly, still holding onto Dusek’s t-shirt when the bubak tried to jerk away like he’d been caught doing something illegal. Of course the faun was unaffected by our little display. Hadn’t he said he was a wild and promiscuous creature at heart? “Thanks, Cicely,” I said with a smile. “And yes, food later.”
I shouldn’t have been surprised when the faun stepped behind me, bending to kiss the side of my neck. He was in touch with his own natural desires. Why would he hesitate to join in on our pleasure? It was only natural. I was sure his thinking would be something along those lines. And even though it made me blush, I liked that idea. It felt…powerful. Like it did when I spoke up or stood up for myself. I could ask for this. I could want what I wanted without fear of judgement or punishment. This was my adventure, after all.
I tilted my head to the side to allow Cicely better access, even as I ran the flat of my hand down the front of Dusek’s soft cotton shirt, molding the fabric to his chest. “Dusek?” I breathed, gathering up all my courage. “Please?”
He gripped my shoulders and held me back. “Ruya, no. You don’t really want this, it’s just your heat.”
I bared my teeth at him. “Do not try to tell me what I want. I’m turned on, Dusek, not stupid. I haven’t suddenly lost the capacity to think. This is my life and my body. Damn it, I’m going to make love to Cicely right here in the middle of the living room, and you’re not going to stop me! And…I’m asking you if you want to stay.”
I kept my chin up and my shoulders back. I couldn’t help the furious blush, but I refused to show fear.
Dusek’s grip tightened on my shoulders as he fought with himself. “I’m only trying to keep from taking advantage, Ruya. I don’t think you’re stupid. I just…do you even realize what you’re asking for? I don’t…touch people, if I can help it. I can’t control my aura when I experience strong emotions. Do you really want your pleasure spoiled by screaming terror?”
I shook my head. “I’m not afraid of you.”
Fear. Aphrodisiac. Cicely’s voice whispered in my mind.
I smiled. “Cicely says fear can be an aphrodisiac.”
Dusek sighed, but he kissed me again, pulling me into that space where nothing else existed but the press of his lips to mine. I opened to him, our tongues tangling, as I drank in the essence of cool, dark night. Warm hands gripped my hips, then slid higher, the distant sensation of Cicely’s touch lighting a fire inside me in counterpoint to the chill of Dusek’s aura.
I gasped for air as Dusek trailed kisses from the corner of my mouth to my jaw, then down the side of my neck. Cicely’s hands slid under my t-shirt, and I arched into his touch when he cupped my breasts.
Dusek pulled away, his hands coming to my shoulders again. His deep, dark voice was full of hunger when he spoke. “You need to stand up so we can get those clothes off.”
I obeyed. From the sounds of it, Cicely shoved the coffee table out of the way, then he turned me to face him, his warm hands caressing every inch of my body as he helped me out of my clothes. Dusek stood to help as well, tentatively sliding his hands over my back and the flare of my hips, his cool touch sending little waves of fear that mingled with my arousal to feel something like…anticipation. Excitement was very close to fear sometimes, wasn’t it?
Cicely claimed my mouth, his warm, solid body pressing me back into Dusek’s taller, cooler one. When the faun slipped to his knees to finish what he had started in our dream, my breath caught in my throat. Dusek’s hands moved to my breasts, his touch still feather light, giving me goosebumps and making me shiver in delight.
Cicely hooked his hand behind one of my thighs and lifted my leg up over his shoulder, opening me to him. He clearly expected Dusek to catch me, and the bubak did, wrapping his long arms around my waist as if they had choreographed every move. I lifted one arm and reached up and back to grip Dusek’s shoulder for balance, gasping in pleasure when Cicely leaned in and licked me, pausing to swirl his tongue around my clit. Fear skittered over me, Dusek’s rising arousal causing his magic to lash out, but Cicely slid two spit-slick fingers into my already dripping pussy, drawing my mind and body back to the pleasure.
“Ah,” I gasped at the sweet intrusion of Cicely’s nimble fingers. I tightened my grip on Dusek’s shoulder, twisting my other arm around to try to get to the growing bulge I could feel pressed against my low back. Gripping Dusek through his pants, I roughly stroked him while Cicely drove me toward the climax I so desperately needed.
But the bubak pulled his hips back, out of my reach, even as he continued to support me. I tangled my hand in Cicely’s curls instead, moaning when he did something amazing with his tongue that had my clit lighting up like a live wire. His little horns were gone, here in the real world, but I didn’t have the mental capacity to question it right now.
His slick fingers withdrew from my clenching core to circle back further, over the tight pucker of my ass, and I immediately understood the question in his words as he teased me higher, not stopping his oral assault. Both?
I moaned at that. I was really inexperienced, but the idea of having them both inside me right now? My core clenched around nothing, obviously approving of this idea as the heat inside me flared higher. There was no one to tell me it was wrong, to try to shame me into behaving how they wanted me to. I reminded myself firmly that my body and my life were my own now. I was in charge here. I could choose to do whatever the hell I wanted. “Yes,” I panted. “Both of you.”
But Dusek ruined all my new, lusty goals. “No,” he said, his dark voice rough and a moment of sheer terror lashing out to overwhelm my lust. Cicely paused, clearly struck by the sudden blast of fear as well. Then Dusek leaned in and whispered in my ear, making me shudder with renewed want. “I like to watch, little witch. Let me watch the cute fae make you come. Please?”
I was nodding my head before I even fully processed his words. All my life I had been taught that sexual desire was unclean. Impure. That it would sully my healing magic. That it would make me a bad priestess and a disappointment to The Order. It felt wicked, but also freeing, to think of Dusek watching as Cicely fucked me. And I leaned into that new freedom.
My hands tangled in Cicely’s hair again and I pulled him to his feet. “Do you mind? If Dusek watches?”
He kissed me thoroughly as he spoke in my head. No. Want this.
“What happened to your horns?” I murmured between kisses as he walked me backward, my hands still tangled in his silky hair.
Glamour here. Not in dreams.
“But why?” I managed. The idea of him being altered like this bothered me for some reason.
Focus. He said, with what felt like the equivalent of a mental eye roll.
I smiled against his lips as he walked me backward, my hands finding his fly and undoing his pants. “Why are you still wearing clothes?” I demanded when we came up for air.
A chuff of air told me he was laughing. Always questions. You naked seemed more important.
I tugged at his t-shirt impatiently and he obligingly lifted his arms to let me pull it off. Tossing the garment aside, I ran my hands over his warm, lightly muscled chest. “Mmm…pants now,” I demanded. “I seem to recall someone bragging not too long ago.”
The sound of his pants hitting the floor was the best thing I’d heard in a long time. My hand trailed downward, over smooth muscle and a growing trail of rough hair. My fingers found his hard length and I let out an embarrassing little “Oh,” of surprise. He was so thick and heavy in my hand. I couldn’t wrap my fingers all the way around his cock. I had thought Sanka was well endowed, but Cicely….
His amusement filtered into my mind, and he thrust playfully into my hand. Then he paused. Protection?
I slapped my forehead. Stupid lust-addled brain. “In the pocket of my shorts,” I told him.
Cicely stepped away briefly and Dusek chuckled. “You carry condoms around with you now? Who is this brave new temptress?”
I lifted my chin a notch and pointed a haughty glare in his direction. “I am a grown adult who can make her own decisions. And I decided I wanted to find Cicely and finish what he started in my dreams.” I shrugged. “So I came prepared.”
“In your dreams?” Dusek asked, his dark aura wrapping around us.
But something scraped softly across the floor, then Cicely was back, his warm hands guiding me. Thanks. Stool. Bend over.
I smiled at his amusingly curt mindspeak. He guided me to kneel on the floor on a soft rug, bent over an overstuffed ottoman. “Where is Dusek?” I asked as I let the faun position me.
A dark chuckle oriented me to where the bubak was in relation to our position. “Right here, little witch. Watching the show.” He sounded close.
I wriggled my ass in the air, my body screaming for attention. “How’s the view?” After all, wasn’t that the whole point? Letting him watch?
Cicely moved behind me, the front of his powerful thighs pressing to the back of mine, and a large, hot length pressing along my ass crack. His fingers fisted in my hair, and he gently but firmly guided me up to brace on my hands, my head back and my back arched to thrust out my breasts, illustrating why he had put me here.
Dusek moaned in appreciation as fear skittered up my spine to mix with the warm waves of arousal pulsing through me. “That’s a perfect view.”
Cicely leaned in to nuzzle my ear, speaking to me mentally at the same time, as if whispering a secret. Nice cock. Long. Dark colored. Can’t take his eyes off you.
I grinned at his words. “I think Cicely appreciates the view too. Are you touching yourself, while you look at me, Dusek? Tell me, please? Let me see too?”
The bubak groaned. His deep voice was a wicked growl that made my toes curl. “Yes, bossy witch. I’m reclining on the couch just in front of you, stroking myself while my eyes devour you. I want to see your face when you come. I want to see your perfect tits bounce while he fucks you. Make me come, little witch.”
Cicely pushed me forward again with a warm hand in the center of my back. He caressed my ass with one hand as the other guided his big cock to my pussy. So wet. He commented in my mind. Hot. Want you.
His broken speech didn’t detract at all from the emotions coursing through me. I could feel his sincerity along with his words, and it made me want him even more. He was dying to push inside me but holding back so he didn’t hurt me.
I pressed my hips back, urging him on. He didn’t fuss and ask me if I was sure, the way someone else I knew might have done. Instead, he trusted me to know what I wanted, and he gave it to me, slowly, steadily pressing home, stretching me, and filling me. I moaned at the sensations flooding my body. “Oh, goddess.”
Cicely let out a loud breath and pulled back, letting me feel every inch of him as he drove back in, harder this time, giving me what I needed. I could hear Dusek’s breathing kick up a notch, and I clenched around Cicely as I imagined the bubak watching us. Cicely’s hands stroked down my back to grip my hips, helping to drive me onto him as he picked up his pace. He shifted my hips just a bit, and his cock hit that spot inside me that felt so good. My hard nipples rubbed across the plush fabric of the ottoman as he pounded into me, and I let the feelings wash over me and carry me away, gasping as I came hard and fast.
Cicely grunted, stopping and pulling me back and up, so I sat on his thighs as he made careful, shallow thrusts, drawing out my pleasure. It took me a minute to come down from my high enough to remember about the clutching. I could feel my inner walls holding him tight, gripping his still hard cock, and I flushed. “Am I hurting you?” I panted, lifting an arm and reaching back to wrap it around his neck. “I’m new to this. I forgot about this part.”
I felt like an idiot. But Cicely just kissed my shoulder. No. Good. Small.
One arm wrapped around my waist while the other pressed on my hip, urging me to keep up the small, grinding motions that my tight grip allowed. I groaned, loving the warm aftershocks that went through me, rocking my hips until I could move a bit more, until my clenching muscles let up enough for us to move normally again.
Cicely’s hand moved from my hip to caress my breasts, teasing and gently pinching the nipples, drawing warm patterns over my skin. And all the while, I was deeply aware of Dusek’s eyes on me, watching, burning into me. I let my head fall back against Cicely’s shoulder and closed my eyes, trailing my own hand down from my breast to my clit, slowly teasing, gathering up enough courage to put on a show as I worked myself back up.
“You’re so beautiful, Ruya,” Dusek’s deep voice murmured. “So damned perfect. I can’t believe you’re sharing this with me.” I shivered with a mix of fear and pleasure, Dusek’s magic and Cicely’s touch combining and making me feel so much more.
Cicely pressed hot kisses to my neck and shoulder as we began to move again, then he urged me forward over the ottoman again. Close to you. Reach?
I frowned for a moment as Cicely slowed his movements, then I realized what he was waiting for. Reaching out a hand, I found Dusek’s knee. He was close to me. I could reach him. “Dusek?” I pleaded, running a hand up his thigh. “Come here. Let me touch you. I want you in my mouth.”
There was a rustle of movement and Dusek’s long fingers slid through my hair, making goosebumps ripple along my skin. He lifted my head, and I went up onto my hands again, rocking back onto Cicely’s cock as the bubak kissed me deeply. The darkness closed in again, but I didn’t completely lose myself. I could still feel and hear, the fear and darkness were all around us, but it felt good. Like a teasing dance between fear and ecstasy, as Cicely thrust into me and Dusek’s tongue caressed mine.
Then the bubak was pulling away again. I reached for him, but he pressed my hand back to the cushion. “Not this time, Ruya. Please. I don’t want to ruin this.”
I hated it. But I also understood. He was afraid of his magic. Of what he was. And at the end of the day, I had to honor what he wanted. “Someday,” I whispered just for him.
Then I pressed back into Cicely. The faun didn’t need to be told to carry on. He withdrew, but only to draw me to my feet. He sat on the couch next to Dusek and pulled me down to straddle him, so we were facing each other, the bubak at our side, but not touching. I slid onto Cicely’s cock with a breathy moan, using my knees to bounce as he pressed up into me in deep, powerful thrusts. He wrapped one arm around my waist, but the other reached out to the side.
Touch her.
I belatedly realized what he was doing when a cool hand pressed to my stomach. Cicely guided Dusek’s fingers to my clit as he surged up inside me once again. Tell him.
I smiled and kissed the faun somewhere around his nose. Then I put my own hand over Dusek’s urging him on. “Touch me, Dusek? Please. Just that? Help Cicely make me come?”
The surge of fear this time was enough to make me gasp and clutch at Dusek’s wrist, but I still urged him to move his hand lower. Cool fingers pressed and rubbed, and his black aura swelled as he caressed me, driving me to slam my hips down on Cicely’s, impaling myself over and over on his massive cock as I raced toward climax.
Now, Cicely said in my head, his voice nearly a shout. I wasn’t sure if he meant himself, me, or Dusek, but either way, he was right. I came hard, my entire body spasming as Cicely gripped my hips hard and throbbed inside me. Warmth hit my arm and side as Dusek exploded as well.
Then…I screamed. My back arched and I writhed as my mind was overwhelmed with sheer, inescapable, heart-pounding terror.
It passed as quickly as it came, and I found myself squashed to Cicely’s chest as the faun hugged me tight, his entire body also shaking with fear. Dusek’s aura was suppressed, and his voice was so far away. He must have bolted to the other side of the room. “I’m sorry.” His words were more shadow than voice. “I knew…I shouldn’t have…I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Dusek,” I said, untangling myself from Cicely and reaching out toward where I had heard Dusek’s voice. But he didn’t respond.
Gone. Cicely’s voice whispered in my mind. Shadow. Then gone.
The bubak had dematerialized and run away.
I let out a shaky breath, dropping my head to Cicely’s chest. “I’m sorry,” I breathed. “I know that wasn’t fun for you either. But I just…I want him to know he’s not a monster. Thank you. For helping me try.”
He smoothed a hand over my bare back in comforting circles. Alright. Not dead. Not bleeding. Mostly fun. Hot bubak.
I chuckled and sat up. One good thing came from the abrupt scare—I wasn’t clutching right now, locking us together. I moved off Cicely’s lap, the heat inside me banked for the moment, but not entirely gone. I heard the snap of latex and Cicely moved to get rid of his condom. Then he was back, feeding me bits of cinnamon roll, pulling me down on the couch beside him and dragging a throw over us. Rest. Me. You. Later.
I huffed. “Assuming a bit much, aren’t you? Maybe I just wanted an orgasm and now I’m done with you.”
He patted my back as if he didn’t believe a word of it. Not you.
I secretly agreed. I didn’t think that was me either. Which just made everything so much more complicated.
“This was incredibly stupid, wasn’t it?” I mused as Cicely’s warm hand drew soothing circles over my back. “Goddess, I still don’t even know what I’m doing. If I should trust you. If you’re here to gather information for Odell, you’ve certainly managed to worm your way in and destroy all my defenses.” I huffed, knowing I was being silly—after all, if that was his goal, he’d hardly just tell me, now would he? And also…I just didn’t think Cicely would ever hurt me. More fae magic? Maybe. But…it just felt so right, here in his arms.
Sleep, he insisted in my mind. And despite my worries, I did as he said.
I found myself in the emerald forest we had occupied earlier, and Cicely was eagerly waiting for me, this time with cute little horns and hooves for feet. He took my hands and placed them both on his chest as he spoke, his bright green eyes locked on mine. “I hate that my mindspeak is so awful in the waking world. Ruya, I’m not here to harm you. Or this strange rebel court of yours. He squeezed my hands, as if willing me to believe him. “I gave up everything when I left the conservatory and helped you escape.” He squared his shoulders and took a bracing breath, still not looking away. “I’ve forsaken my clan, Ruya. I no longer belong to the fae. And I’m not one of Robin’s little followers. I belong to you, Ruya. I’m yours and yours alone. Do with me what you will. Use me. Punish me. Love me. But I’m not going anywhere.”
I stared at him in surprise as the sincerity of his words washed over me. I didn’t deserve that kind of devotion. I hardly knew the man, and yet he was pledging himself to me? Things like this didn’t happen in real life. They were meant for the fairytales I listened to in my lonely tower room when no one was looking.
And yet…somehow it felt right to call him mine.
“I don’t understand,” I said, lifting a hand to trail my fingers along the sharp edge of his jaw. “How? Why do I feel so connected to you?”
He smiled, warm and a bit shy. “It’s the beast in you,” he said with a wink. “That little drop of something that makes you an omega. I think it gives you other gifts as well. Like the ability to recognize a trustworthy mate when you see one. Especially one who is mostly beast himself.”
I shook my head. It was insane to let myself be so swept away by him. But at the same time…well, it made about as much sense as anything else in my life right now. So I kissed my faun, there under the swaying branches of the ancient trees, and when I finally fell asleep shortly after, lying on a bed of moss with my head in his lap, I slept for real, content in the knowledge that I had at least one person in my life who wasn’t motivated by revenge, or politics, or anything else, other than the desire to stand at my side.