back with Robin’s court, the more I let go of my wariness. Once my heat eased and I no longer had the excuse of raging hormones to blame for my feelings toward the others, it became very clear that I couldn’t stop myself from being drawn to them. From trusting them. Even if it was foolish. There would always be a little niggling voice in the back of my head that questioned people’s motives. But I had to believe that there was good in this world. That not everyone was evil. That I was more than a commodity everyone wanted to possess.
I made a decision. I simply couldn’t—wouldn’t—live that way. If I turned into a bitter, suspicious, paranoid husk of a person, then that meant my fake family back at The Order had won. That what they had shaped me into was all there would ever be. And I refused that scenario. I wanted more for myself than that.
Now I just had to figure out my place in this world.
As delightful as it was to spend every waking moment in the comfort of Cicely’s arms, I got dressed, left my room, and sought out the others, forcing myself to mend the uncomfortable distance that had grown between us.
Cicely seemed to understand. He didn’t tell me I was being foolish. He didn’t try to stop me from interacting with the others or try to keep me to himself, which just made me that much more confident in my decision to trust him. He was here for me, no matter what I decided to do. And he was happy to let me make those decisions. His affection was a warm presence in the back of my mind throughout the day, and it helped give me the courage to work on becoming the kind of person I wanted to be.
So, I talked to Dusek. I told him I didn’t regret what we’d shared, and that I hadn’t given up on trying again, or on attempting an actual relationship with the bubak, if that was something he wanted, no matter how scared he was. I had left him speechless, but I hoped that meant he was actually taking my words to heart. Maybe starting to believe he was just as worthy of affection and attention as anyone else.
I talked to Yukio, which was admittedly much harder, since he took avoidance to a whole new level. He pretended to ignore me, but I knew he heard me when I told him I was sorry for pressuring him and for crossing whatever boundaries he had around his love life. I told him I’d never dream of messing up what he had with Robin—or Sanka for that matter—and that I’d do my best to never make him feel uncomfortable again. He told me to shut up, shoved a muffin in my hand and left. But for Yukio, that was probably as close to “No problem, let’s forget it,” as I was going to get.
Then I talked to Sanka. I apologized for holding him at a distance, and I told him how much I had truly missed him and the easy thing we had between us—something that might not be love, not yet, but was so much more than just some casual fling. Trust, affection, companionship, support…I don’t know, but love might not be far off, if I just got out of the way and let things unfold as they would. He had clasped my hands and asked what I needed. Like always, he wanted to take care of me. And I knew I’d have to work on not seeing that as in insult, not automatically assuming it was because he thought I was weak, or naive, or helpless.
Martina was easier. She had never really pushed me for anything. She always seemed content to let me make my own decisions, in my own time. She was kind of amazing that way. Especially when I knew she was used to being in charge in her own way, over her domain in the court, telling people what to do when it really mattered, when their security and safety was at risk. The fact that she just let me be me and come to my own realizations on my own schedule was refreshing. And of course, she also gave me pointy things and taught me how to use them. That earned her major points with me.
“Tuck your arm in closer to you,” she advised, her strong hand gripping my wrist and nudging me into position. “Better. Now, follow my voice and my touch, and see if you can stab me before I can grab you.”
We had been at it all morning, Martina taking me through how to hold the knife and how to best make use of it without my vision. She was currently wearing some kind of padding or armor to keep me from really hurting her. It had terrified me at first, but after she took my hand and made me stab her in the chest, I realized how effective her protection was. She wasn’t new to this. I had to trust her. And I did.
“Oh, look,” she taunted, moving around me at random, speaking so I could follow her playfully sarcastic voice. “A poor, defenseless female. Maybe I should accost her.”
I snorted a laugh. “Is that your impression of a man?”
I heard her foot scuff as she tried to fake me out, but I didn’t fall for it, swiping my blade at the place where I heard the footfall, rather than where her voice had been. I felt the tip of the blade graze something and she chuckled. “Careful babe,” she said, dropping her voice in a hilarious parody of a man’s. “Or I’ll have to show you how to ‘stab’ someone. Might have to whip out my own knife. More of a sword really. Mine’s bigger than yours, you know. Which is important. Makes me feel superior.”
I lunged at her with the blade, but she caught my wrist, spinning me so my back was to her front, my knife arm immobilized across me and held in an iron grip. “No,” she said firmly. “Let them come to you. If you lunge like that, I can see what you’re doing and get out of the way. I’d be able to move, and you wouldn’t see it. It lets me just grab you.” She squeezed for emphasis. “If you wait until the last moment, keep the knife low and out of sight, they’ll be surprised, and you might get a decent jab in.”
I nodded. She had told me all of this before. “Sorry. I’m a slow learner, but I am trying.”
Her grip on me relaxed and she spoke against the back of my neck. “What? Ruya, you’ve been doing this for all of three hours now. You’re an exceptionally fast learner. I thought we’d mostly be working on how to hold the thing, so you don’t stab yourself. I didn’t think we’d progress to you actually using it today.”
I sighed. “But you have stuff to do. I’m just taking up your time. I need to learn faster.”
She let go of my non-knife hand to wrap her arm around my waist and give me a gentle squeeze from behind. “You’re too hard on yourself, sweetheart. No one learns this stuff overnight. I’m not The Mother. I won’t punish you for not achieving unachievable things.” Then she removed her arm from around my waist. “Now, if you move your arm like this, with a little twist here, you can break right out of my hold, see?”
I did as she showed me, then turned to face her, dropping the knife on the practice mat, just to be safe. “You’re right,” I told her with a grin. “You’re not my mother. Thank the goddess.”
“Okay,” she said slowly.
I stepped closer, feeling her strong alpha aura press against mine. “I don’t find myself wanting to kiss The Mother.”
Her laugh was infectious as her arms slipped up around my shoulders, her hips bumping mine. “Oh? Well, that’s a relief, I suppose. I would really have to question the family dynamic there.”
“Oh, be quiet and kiss me already,” I demanded, angling my head down but waiting for her to close the distance between us.
She leaned up into me, and I chuckled against her lips at the odd, foreign press of her bulky padding. Her lips caressed mine, not timid, but not in a hurry. Giving me time, as always. I pulled back, smiling. “Yukio must be feeding you well. Is he trying to fatten you up too?” I teased, giving the sides of her chunky armor a squeeze.
She chuckled, stepping away, a sense of movement telling me she had bent to retrieve my knife. “No. He only does that for you. Here, practice putting that in your sheath, so you don’t lose it or stab yourself in the heat of the moment.”
I made a vacant face. “Oh, no, my heat is over for the time being.”
She laughed. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”
I grinned. This felt so much better than clinging to my suspicion and fear. It was so easy. Like breathing. I fumbled with the knife, bringing my other hand around to feel for the sheath. Pain flashed across my finger, and I hissed. Of course I’d cut myself. Way to go, Ruya.
Martina stepped close, helping to guide the knife into the sheath. Then she gripped my injured hand, pulling it up between us.
“Do I still have all my fingers?” I joked. It hurt, and I could feel warm blood sliding down my finger, but I was pretty sure it was nothing major.
Martina inhaled. “Finger is still there. You cut yourself pretty deep, though. There’s a lot of blood.”
Her voice grew deeper as she spoke, almost…sultry. She didn’t immediately put pressure on the wound or offer me a bandage or something. I tilted my head. I had always wondered…. “Martina?”
“Hmm?” her response sounded preoccupied. She was still holding my arm up between us.
“Um…do you…want a taste?” I managed, feeling stupid about my utter lack of knowledge.
She squeezed my wrist harder. “What?”
I smiled wryly in her direction. “You’re a chupacabra. You drink blood, don’t you? Is that…is it weird to ask?”
She stepped a bit closer, lifting my hand to press a kiss to the tip of my fingers, avoiding the bleeding cut. “No,” she purred. “Not rude. Just…incredibly tempting, and I didn’t want to take without asking.”
I nodded in understanding. Martina had been a blood slave when the vampires owned her. Of course she would have strong feelings about just slurping on someone without permission. “Well, I wouldn’t want it to go to waste,” I breathed, both scared and…surprisingly turned on.
Martina’s lips touched my finger again, then her tongue joined in, slowly swiping up the length of my digit, cleaning the blood from my skin. She hummed with apparent appreciation, then slipped my whole finger into her mouth, encompassing my skin with wet heat, her tongue curling around my finger suggestively. Small, sharp fangs dragged along my skin.
My omega heat was absolutely over. But she made me feel like it had flared up again, my entire body going all warm and flushed.
Martina pulled back then, licking my cut once more before pressing a soft kiss to my parted lips. “Thank you,” she breathed. “But if you ever want to be a juice box for me again, you don’t have to cut yourself. I have built-in straws.”
I chuckled. “I will definitely remember that,” I promised. “If…um…this juice box is the right flavor?”
She snorted laugh. “My favorite kind.”
“Martina.” I was so caught up in the chupacabra shifter that I didn’t notice the other powerful alpha aura enter the room. “May I borrow Ruya for a while?” Robin said, her husky voice full of amusement at witnessing our awkward flirting.
“We’re done playing with sharp things for the day,” Martina said easily, turning me and giving me a little swat on my butt before pushing me toward Robin. “She’s all yours.”
I huffed indignantly, straightening my spine and lifting my chin. “Excuse me? Am I just some object to be passed from person to person? Don’t I get a say in this?”
Robin’s warm fingers touched my bare arm and a little wash of my healing magic leapt for her before I dampened it down. It was always harder to control around her. Not that I minded sharing my power with her. But I was trying to learn to control it. With Sanka’s help, I was getting better every day.
“Ruya, darling, will you please grace me with the honor of your presence for a bit?” Robin said, pouring it on thick.
I rolled my eyes. “Now you’re overdoing it. Is there no happy medium with you?”
She laughed. “No. Absolutely not. All or nothing, sweetheart.”
“You’ve got that right,” Martina commented as she moved further away, her voice muffled. She was probably stripping off her heavy armor. I didn’t usually miss being able to see. My blindness was my natural state, just a part of me. It was how things were. But now, after being able to see in Cicely’s dreams…well, I couldn’t help but wish I could see Martina pulling off all those layers to reveal the lean, strong body underneath. I sighed and turned to where I could sense Robin waiting.
“I suppose I could spare a little time out of my very busy and important schedule,” I informed her.
She looped my arm through hers. “Good. I think it’s about time I show you a few things.”
I tried not to overreact, but my gut did a little flip-flop at her words. I’d be entirely willing to let Robin “show me a few things” whenever she wanted. But while I knew the innuendo wasn’t an accident, I also knew Robin would never actually act on it. She was pretty clear about what she wanted from me, and sex didn’t seem to be on the menu. A little flirting when I was about to go into heat and we were both being driven crazy, sure. But she always held herself back.
At first, I thought that was a good thing. And I knew now that she had so much darkness inside her. But…I’d be lying if I wasn’t a bit disappointed anyway. “What did you want to show me?” I asked, probably after far too long of a pause.
Robin led me to the elevators, and we rode up to the main theater level. “You seem to be more comfortable here lately,” Robin said, not answering my question. “Have you decided to trust us then?”
I nodded. “I have. I’m sorry I waffled for so long. I…was confused. But I know what I want now.”
She released my arm as the elevator came to a halt, taking my hand instead, lacing our fingers together and gently tugging me out into the hallway behind the theater’s stage. “And what is it that you want, my darling witch?”
Her words were playful, but I could hear the tension underneath. She was afraid of something. What did she think I was about to demand?
“I want to stay here,” I said firmly. “But I want to be part of your court. Not just some guest that you all tolerate because I might be useful. I want to be one of you.”
She squeezed my hand, then released it so I could take hold of the banister as we descended a few steps down into the massive open area that once held seating for the theater. “Are you sure?” Robin said softly. “We’re not the heroes, you know. I thought you hated my plans.”
I shrugged as I followed after her voice, stopping in what felt like the center of the wide open, echoing space. “I do hate your plans. Or at least, some of the details. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to stay.”
“You won’t convince me to suddenly become a saint,” she warned, moving closer to me.
I inhaled the soft whiff of cinnamon and smoke that wafted off the shifter. “We’ll see,” I said with a small smile. “I’ve been told I can be incredibly stubborn at times.”
She brushed the hair back from my face, her long fingers like magic over my scalp before she gripped the base of my neck. “I suppose you wouldn’t be nearly as interesting if you weren’t,” she said in a wry voice. Then something in her demeanor shifted. “The Order trained you to be meek and docile,” she said softly. “But that’s not who you are. You only pretended to be meek because it was necessary to survive. I see the power in you, Ruya. It’s magnetic. But your will isn’t enough to change who I am and what I have to do.”
I brought my own hand up to touch her cheek, trailing my fingertips over the sharp angle of her jaw. “The world trained you to be hard and heartless,” I shot back. “But that’s not who you are. You only pretend to be heartless because it was necessary to survive. I see the light in you, Robin. And I’m not trying to change who you are. I’m trying to save you from destroying her.”
The moment stretched on forever. Then I felt Robin lean in, pulling me closer, her palm cupping the back of my neck, longer fingers stroking over sensitive skin. Her motions weren’t desperate this time, not driven by alpha-omega nonsense. This felt…sweeter. More tentative. And far more dangerous. Her lips met mine, and I wrapped my arms around her slender waist, holding her close, knowing she would just run away again when the moment was over, but not willing to pass up this chance. Robin’s soft lips caressed mine in a slow, sensual dance that had me melting into her, wanting to beg her not to put up those walls again.
But all too soon, she was pulling away, putting distance between us. “Believe it or not, the thing I wanted to show you wasn’t how far I can stick my tongue down your throat, darling.”
I rolled my eyes at her sudden retreat into haughty princess mode. “Sure.”
“I know you’ve had to struggle to overcome your mistrust. I wanted….” She sighed. “I wanted to show you that I understand trust goes both ways. If you weren’t scared off by my evil plans, I doubt seeing a little lizard will send you running.”
Then the air around us seemed to…shimmer. I felt it in waves against my aura, like warm, rippling water or the heat from a fire, swirling in the air around me, filling it with magic and energy. Then it retreated, stabilized. I had felt it when shifters changed forms before. Martina had changed around me a few times. But this was something altogether different in a way I couldn’t quite explain.
“You’re…magic,” I breathed, as my mind finally caught up to what I was sensing. She had tried to explain before, but I didn’t fully grasp what she meant until now. Robin’s magic wasn’t just a thing she used, not some external tool that she could harness or let pool inside her. It was part of her. Part of her being, her essence.
And she was missing some of that power—missing a piece of herself. That was what she had tried to tell me when she explained why she needed that artifact back from the emperor.
I started when something warm nudged my arm. The cinnamon and smoke scent that always lingered around Robin had intensified, and it filled my lungs with spice and heat. I reached out a hand and planted my palm on smooth, hard scales. Robin’s dragon skin was firm, almost metallic, and it radiated heat, as if a fire were contained inside her.
She let out a little rumble that sounded more encouraging than threatening. So, I slid both hands over her body, exploring by feel the way I never could by sight. A reddish blur stood before me. But beneath my fingers was a thing of beauty.
“You’re…amazing,” I breathed, fingers finding a mane of silky hair, a broad chest, a thick, solid leg ending in hard, curved talons. She moved and I felt the way her body rippled beneath my fingers, graceful and serpentine. “Oh, Robin, you’re beautiful.”
She stuck her massive snout in the crook of my neck and shoulder and breathed out, her hot breath ruffling my hair and making me shudder. Then she moved again, coiling around me so I could explore the length and breadth of the creature before me.
After I had “looked” my fill, she shifted back, and I was practically bouncing on my toes, filled with so many questions, so much wonder and awe. But she spoke before I could. “Do you see now, Ruya?” she asked, her voice full of power. “I’m a killer. Born and bred. You won’t change my mind about what has to be done.”
I shook my head at her. “I see no such thing. I felt beauty. Grace. Power. A living being with a massive heart that beats as furiously as my own. There was no killer there.”
She chuckled. “That reckless goodness in you. I don’t know how it remains after the things you’ve been through.”
I smiled at her. “Because I decided to keep it. You’ll see,” I said in a cheery voice, undeterred by her warnings. “When the time comes, you’ll choose the light as well.”
“Perhaps I should have just eaten you,” she mused. “Then maybe you’d see things my way.”
“But you didn’t,” I said, looping my arm through hers again. “Which means I’m right.”
“For the moment,” Robin said easily.
“For the moment,” I agreed, just to end this argument. But I wasn’t going to give up on the beautiful dragon shifter. I’d heal her heart the same way I had healed her body. I had to. In the same way that I refused to accept my lot as a bitter, helpless tool, I also refused to accept Robin’s sullen martyrdom. It was just that simple.
Even if I was pretty sure it would be the hardest thing I’d ever done.