to go off to the vampire coven, where it was entirely possible I’d end up dead, there was something I needed to do first. I had put this off for too long, afraid I’d fail. But after everything I had been through the last couple of months, I knew I didn’t want to be the type of person to let fear stop her from doing what she could to make life easier for others.
I made my way down the hall to Cicely’s room and knocked on the door.
His comfortable, welcoming aura washed over me as he opened the door. Inside? he asked, a hint of fondness and curiosity coloring the word.
I nodded and followed him in, turning to close the door behind me. When I turned back, he was there, stroking his fingers through my hair and pressing soft kisses to my forehead and cheeks before claiming my mouth.
Of everyone in this building, my faun was the only one who so freely touched me. He didn’t care about my magic, or whether he was going to offend me. He just gave all of himself to me like it was the most natural thing in the world. I enjoyed his soft kisses for a moment more before pulling away, smiling against his lips. “Hello to you too,” I said, a bit breathless. “But that’s not really why I’m here.”
Pity, he said in my mind, taking my hand and leading me over to a small loveseat. Talk? Afraid vampires?
I shook my head. “No. I mean, yes. I am afraid of waltzing into the vampire’s coven and acting like I know how to play social games and spy on people. But that’s not why I’m here.” I took his hands in mine and squeezed. “I want to try to heal you. Your throat. Do you still want me to try?”
He squeezed my hands back. Yes. Please. But no expect.
I nodded. “No expectations. I get it. Just so you know…I’m not sure how it will work, or whether it will be painful for you.”
His soothing energies wrapped around me like a hug. Okay.
“Okay.” I pressed my lips together and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath as I let my magic unfurl.
With most simple healings, it was simply a matter of letting my magic flow outward to the supplicant. The magic would take care of the details all on its own. But with more complex cases, I had to direct the healing, look for a way to connect my magic to the innate intelligence of the person’s body, of their automatic functions and the programming of every tiny cell. I let my magic wash through Cicely for a moment, filling his whole body with wellness. Then I pushed forward, directing the flow to the damaged tissue of his throat.
I didn’t need to know all the structures and mechanics involved. All I needed to do was will him to heal. Voice, I thought, pushing intent through my aura. Talking. Swallowing. Movement. Air. I felt my magic respond, flowing over damaged tissue and structures and getting…stuck. It was as if I was trying to convince a brick wall to bend. The damage had been done so long ago that the scar tissue and deformities were a part of him now. Usually, I was coaxing the body back to baseline. But in this case…his body had already accepted his current state as the new baseline.
I pushed harder, feeling my magic warm a few degrees, until it was burning under my skin. Cicely’s hands gripped mine so hard I felt my bones grind together. His breath came in ragged pants. I was hurting him—trying to force his body into a shape that it no longer saw as its own.
Reluctantly, I pulled back, letting my magic equalize, the power flow between us slowly dissipating. I opened my eyes as I stroked my thumbs over the back of Cicely’s hands. “I’m sorry,” I said, tears of frustration filling my eyes. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I think…it’s impossible to fix.”
He cleared his throat roughly, and I heard the clicking sound of his swallow. Okay. Not your fault. Worth. Try.
I let out a defeated sigh. “Did it…do anything at all? Does it feel better? Worse?”
He cleared his throat again, and I froze when he made some strange, broken sound. After a few more attempts, he finally managed one small, difficult, cracked word.
“Ru-ya.”
The tears in my eyes finally overflowed, and I lifted a hand to wipe them away. “You said my name.”
He touched my face, his thumb brushing over my damp cheek. Never made sound before. This. Painful. But a word.
I swallowed, sniffing as I tried to get myself under control. “You’ve never managed to make a sound before? So this is something. But…do you mean it hurts to try to talk? Or have I done some other damage?” It had sounded difficult, uncomfortable and grating, when he attempted to speak.
Not hurting now. When speak only.
I nodded. “Thank the goddess.” I hadn’t mucked around and caused him some new, lingering damage.
“Ruya,” he rasped out again, then promptly broke down coughing.
I reached for him, rubbing my hand over his t-shirt-clad back. “No. Stop it. Please. Don’t hurt yourself!”
When he caught his breath, his voice in my mind was…tender. Had to. One more. Your face.
He had to say my name one more time. To see the look on my face. The look that must have been so bittersweet and filled with longing. “Yeah,” I breathed, pressing my forehead to his. “Okay. I get it. But no more.” I took his hands again. “Oh, Cicely I’m sorry I can’t help you speak.”
It seemed so unfair, especially after how he had helped me to see.
He wrapped me up in a hug, pulling me in close, leaning back against the arm of the loveseat until I was nestled into the crook of his neck and shoulder, breathing him in. Knew. But thank you trying.
I pressed a kiss to the soft, warm skin of his throat, then nuzzled my cheek against his stubbled jaw. “You’re welcome.” I hugged him tighter. “I’m going to miss you,” I admitted. “I’ve…sort of gotten used to leaning on you whenever I need comforting. Funny, since you started out as an enemy spy.”
Mate, he whispered easily in my mind, filling the word with so much emotion. Then he used one hand to tickle my ribs, making me squirm and yelp in surprise. No bring back more enemies.
I laughed against his shoulder. “No. I’ll try my best not to fall in love with any vampires.”
I swallowed hard when I realized what I had just implied. That I wouldn’t go falling in love with the enemy…like I was falling in love with him.
Cicely just combed his fingers through my hair and sighed contentedly. Rest.
And for the remainder of the day, I did. Right there in his arms. Because I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to get the chance again anytime soon.
And I was right. A flurry of preparations began over the next few days. Robin and Yukio conspired to make one of the vampire queen’s most treasured pets gravely ill. Martina and Sanka drilled me on vampire etiquette, knife use, and how to get messages out of the vampire coven’s lair.
Dusek hovered quietly on the outskirts of everything, a dark, terrifying shadow that emanated disapproval. But the night before I was set to leave, he materialized in front of me, pulled me into his arms, and kissed me, letting all of his worry show. I shuddered under the caress of his dark magic, and he gripped my upper arms as he pulled back. “The moment they want more from you than you’re willing to give, you send us a message and get out, do you understand?” His deep voice was ragged. “You owe this court nothing.”
Then the bubak folded himself into shadows and disappeared.
I sighed. He had been held against his will at some point in his past. Yukio had been forced to kill people for a living. Martina had been horribly used and abused by the syndicate’s previous vampire king. They all expected the worst, and they thought I was blindly walking into danger out of some sort of naive obligation. Even Cicely questioned my decision, insisting we should talk Robin into sending him instead.
Only Robin seemed to actually believe I’d be okay. It might just be that she didn’t care, so long as I got the information she needed. But I didn’t believe that. She had never coddled me in quite the same way the others had. Yes, she had tried to protect me from herself during my heat. But she didn’t seem to see me as fragile, the way the others sometimes did.
The Order trained you to be meek and docile. But that’s not who you are. I recalled the words she’d said to me when she showed me her dragon self. I see the power in you, Ruya. She knew I could do this. She just didn’t believe I’d still want to show mercy when it was all said and done. She thought it would change me.
We’d see.
I would show her that she was right to believe in my power. And that she still underestimated exactly the kind of witch I was becoming.
I had made up my mind to trust Robin. I had claimed my spot in the rebel court. Now it was time to show the world that it wasn’t the dragon princess they had to worry about. It was a harmless looking healer who would change the world.