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FOR THE FOURTH OR FIFTH time in less than an hour, I looked down at my legal pad, only to realize I had no idea what was going on.
My office seemed too bright. The lights seemed too sharp. I glanced around as the client in front of me continued to babble on about some financial legal nonsense.
Everything else was in its place: My various diplomas and certificates, celebrating my undergrad and graduate degrees, hung on the wall, proudly and prominently displayed right across from the entrance; my desk was off to the side, facing the wall, with the window behind me; my books were stacked in precise order on the bookshelf, tucked in with some of my awards. Among them was my newest one, the one from the Pittsburgh Law and Order Association, declaring my position as “Best Associate Lawyer of the Year” that arrived just before Thanksgiving last month.
Outside, the streets of my adopted city were hobbled with people looking for warmth and a cozy corner to cuddle up in, all while the snow continually dumped down out of the sky.
Nothing was out of place, not even the typical, dull-looking client in front of me.
No wonder I was bored.
The room was a temple to law and intellect, and I’d made sure to erase quite a bit of my heart in the process of setting it up.
No wonder that, instead of taking notes, I’d been doodling.
Despite the fact I had suddenly caught myself not paying attention to my meeting (again), I smiled thoughtfully, almost longingly. Raiya used to do this same thing in Martha’s class, I recalled.
Instantly, as though I’d touched some mental flame inside of my mind, I flinched. Where in the world did that thought come from?
I didn’t like to think of her anymore. Not if I could help it.
Of course, now that I was completely against thinking about her, my mind wasn’t listening to me, and I wasn’t sure I could help it.
I didn’t have to glance at the calendar on the wall of my office to know more than seven years had passed since that day.
Seven years. Seven years.
Seven years, and I still crumbled as I remembered Raiya’s body as it collapsed against mine, still sucked in my breath as the last breath of her words passed me by, still felt the dying chill of the fire-feather she’d tucked into her hair as it flicked into darkness.
Seven years, and it was still much too painful for me to acknowledge that the only person I’d ever loved more than myself, I was unable to save.
“Sir?”
I nearly jumped out of my seat as I realized that I was still in the middle of a legal hearing. “Yes?” I straightened up in my seat, trying to look nonchalant, and, as was my usual, managed to succeed enough to get out of any possible trouble.
“Are you all right? You look ... troubled,” my client, Mr. Brown, muttered reproachfully.
I put on my most winning smile. “I’m perfectly fine, Mr. Brown. I am just making some extensive notes on your business concerns so we will be ready with the rebuttal at the end of the trial.” I tucked the drawing up against my chest, making sure he couldn’t see it, just to be on the safe side.
Mr. Brown visibly relaxed. “Oh ... well, good.” He nodded. “For a moment there, I could’ve sworn you started daydreaming.”
I almost shouted, “Lawyers don’t daydream!” It took a surprising amount of self-control not to.
Instead, I laughed cordially. “No, no, sir, not at all. I assure you, I am the most capable lawyer available for handling your case. I know what is needed to get the job done.”
“See to it, then,” Mr. Brown said as he looked at his watch. “Well, I best be off for now. I’m to meet my wife for dinner.”
“Well, don’t keep her waiting on my account.” I smiled. “I’ll get your files pulled and we’ll be ready for court as soon as the judges assign a day for it.”
“Good to hear.”
“Thank you for your time. Don’t worry about anything. I’ll have your case wrapped up in as little time as possible.”
“I’ll send you your retainer check in the mail.” He grinned. “With a nice Christmas bonus, just to make sure you know how I appreciate your dedication.”
And then Mr. Brown picked up his hat, put on his jacket, and walked out the door.
When he was gone, I just rolled my eyes. I hated representing people who weren’t concerned so much with justice as with getting out of justice, but I had to do my job. I supposed.
I didn’t like to think about that too much either.
When I did allow myself those small moments of reflection, I longed for another life. But I could hear a certain annoying voice in my head, chiding me for making life one big to-do list.
Then I quickly squelched my desire. I would, to this day, never admit to Elysian, my old “pet” dragon from years ago, was right. Not if I could avoid it.
I began to pack up my stuff for the day. I had my own dinner plans for tonight.
One of my best friends from my hometown of Apollo City was coming in to see me, and I wanted to have some time to prepare for the unpleasant lecture I was sure to receive.
My eyes fell to the notepad drawings I’d created while Mr. Brown was droning on and on about the unfairness of his situation, the integrity of his investment portfolio, and how his company was no doubt infiltrated with spies who had set him up to look like an embezzler.
My face softened for a moment, as the picture staring back at me was of a lovely young woman with wings fluttering out of her head. Even though the picture was not in color, I knew her eyes were the shade of the most vibrant spring violets, and her hair was the color of Christmas gingerbread. And even though the picture was not supposed to be real, the watchfulness and steadfastness of her eyes were more than mere reflections.
I sat down in my chair and looked at the picture glumly. When did I get so good at drawing? I wondered to myself.
I’d been only working as a lawyer here at Pharris & Dahlonega for ... was it a year, already? Surely, I hadn’t been doodling for all that time.
And when did I start allowing myself to think of Raiya again?
Of course, it’s entirely possible I never really forgot her, I mused, since she was the—No! I’m not going to think about it!
I silently chastised myself as I packed up my things. Thinking about her only made it worse, I knew.
I barely remembered graduating from high school at all. When I looked back at my pictures from that time, I could tell part of me was not there.
I didn’t have any pictures from the summer after I graduated. All I could remember was looking for her and not finding her, and having to drag around this emptiness in my chest all the time.
Thankfully, I’d transferred out of Apollo City College’s dual enrollment program, and actual college began soon enough. I’d whisked myself away to Pittsburgh, to a new city, to a new home, a new school, and new distractions.
But no new self to go along with it. I was still in love with a memory.
Anger and sadness pushed through me; I shoved the doodles into my briefcase and slammed it shut. I’ll deal with those later. I can’t think of this now. I have stuff to do ...
Once more, all of my secret longing, all of my hurt and anger, all of it was swept away under the carpet of scheduling.
*☼*
“So, you’re a bonafide Steelers’ fan now, huh, Dinger? That’s great.” The man sitting across the table from me laughed heartily.
I smiled at him; he was one of my oldest friends, Mikey Salyards. “Come on, why wouldn’t I? They are among the best teams in history.”
Mikey stopped laughing and turned more somber. “You’ve changed a lot, I guess.”
“I haven’t changed, Mikey. I’m still the best of best of best.”
If anything, I thought, it’s Mikey who’s changed since high school. The awkward teenage years and the pressure of always being in my shadow had dispersed to reveal a strong, confident, and capable (looking) person underneath. It was almost a shock for me to see my old friend looking so different.
The weird-looking beard didn’t help, I silently decided. It reminded me too much of his father, and Dante Salyards was a man I was more than happy to forget.
Mikey cocked an eyebrow at me. “Maybe in your field of law,” he said. “But you couldn’t hold a candle to me when it comes to coaching or gym class.”
“I could probably handle the PE, but I doubt I would handle the sixty-some immature teenagers running around a gym after snorting sugar,” I conceded after careful thinking.
“Aw, it’s not that bad,” Mikey said. “There’re only about forty-five students. Apollo’s a pretty small district, actually.”
We began laughing as our dinners came.
“Thanks for treating me, Dinger,” Mikey said, cutting up the medium-rare, freshly harvested, lightly seasoned teriyaki steak before him.
“No problem. I suppose it’s worth it if you’re going to travel six or seven hours in the car to come and see me.”
“You know,” Mikey said in a careful tone, “you could make the trip shorter for me if you wanted.”
I flinched. I should’ve known that was coming.
I side-stepped the subject. “How does Gwen feel about you coming all this way out here?”
Mikey caught on pretty quick and grinned; I was still as hardheaded as always, and he knew it. “She’s fine with it. I think she’d come herself if she wasn’t so worried you’d throw her out or something.”
“I wouldn’t do that to Gwen,” I said with a huff. Goodness knows I had more reasons to hate Mikey than Gwen, and I had agreed to meet with him.
“Well, she’d probably feel more than a little awkward with the whole high school thing, too,” Mikey admitted. “She is doing well though.”
“Really? How nice.”
Mikey frowned at my tone. “I know you’re still sore at her for what happened to you, but you can’t keep this up, Dinger.”
“She attempted to blackmail me, before she tried to stop me from ... ” I shook my head, but my fists clenched. “And she blamed me for getting attacked.”
“She was confused at the time.”
“Please. Don’t give her an excuse.”
“Get over it. You didn’t even love her. You were just mad she got in the way. And besides, you had—”
“Shut up. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You had Raiya—”
“I told you, I didn’t want to talk about it!” I slammed my fists down on the table, hard.
So much for self-control.
Mikey frowned. “Come on, Dinger! It’s been years! You still can’t talk about it?”
I gritted my teeth together. “I don’t want to talk about it. And frankly, you’re a gym teacher, not a therapist. If I wanted to talk about it, I would hire one of those to sit around and question me.”
“Hey, I’m a coach, and I have to deal with my students’ problems all the time,” Mikey said. “I’m good at handling problems. And besides that, you should talk about it with someone. There might be a clue in your information.”
I froze. “What do you mean?”
Mikey smiled; he seemed to be glad he’d finally arrived at the point he’d wanted to bring up all evening. He leaned closer and said, “Weird stuff’s happening again.”
“What do you mean, ‘weird stuff,’ Mike?” I asked carefully.
Did I really want to know? I didn’t think I did. The last time “something weird” had happened, I needed to transform into Wingdinger—oh, God, how I cringed at the very thought of that stupid name—and had to save the world.
Mikey sighed. “Dad’s back in Apollo City. I heard from Jason he came by, and he was asking for me. And you.”
I said nothing, only remained motionless. Mikey’s dad was not really a pleasant memory to either of us. If he was back in town, something was certainly up. And it certainly was going to be unpleasant.
After all, Dante Salyards was not a man who would take anything like supernatural trouble lightly. During his last stay in Apollo City, I knew Mikey’s dad had seen a good extent of what trouble the supernatural could do.
But still, that selfish, peace-seeking center inside of me wanted this to be fake. So I showed no emotion or reaction as I asked, “What does he want?”
“I don’t know what he wants,” Mikey admitted with a shrug. “But if he’s looking for both of us, I’m pretty sure it’s not to give us an award or any money. Trouble’s coming.”
“How would you know for sure?”
Mikey frowned. “Come on, Dinger, don’t get like that. We have to do something.”
“You mean I have to do something, don’t you?” I snorted into my drink.
“Well ... yeah. I came all the way out here to see you and talk about it.”
“I can’t just get up and leave, Mikey,” I told him. “I have a job. I’ve been working with the firm for a while now, and if I needed to take time off, I would’ve had to put it in months ago.”
“Can’t you take a leave of absence?”
“I can’t just go, I just told you.”
“You have to!”
“Why? Why should I?”
“For Raiya.”
“Shut up!” I reached across the table and grabbed a hold of Mikey’s shirt. Death was staring through my eyes as I growled, “Don’t mention her to me. She’s dead.”
“Are you sure?” Mikey asked. We’d caught the attention of quite a few people by this time.
“What? What do you mean, ‘Are you sure?!’” I nearly shouted. “I was holding her as she died!” I cringed as I looked down at my hands; they tingled at the memory of Raiya as she shuddered and breathed her last breath, her blood mingling with my tears ... I felt shame-faced as I recalled asking her—begging her—to come back, to stay alive, to stay with me ... and how, all of a sudden, she was gone. We were gone.
“But ... she wasn’t human, remember?” Mikey whispered uneasily as he glanced around to see that some of the people nearby were still looking at us. “Maybe she didn’t die, maybe she just ... went somewhere else.”
Why had I never thought of that?
I was taken aback. Was it possible? Was it true?
Maybe Raiya hadn’t died. It was possible—after all, I believed more unbelievable things; I’d seen more unbelievable things.
But I shook my head as the last remnants of my daydreams melted away in the cold light of reality. “It doesn’t matter. If she wasn’t dead,” I said slowly, “she would have come back to me.”
I might have believed it, but I still felt dumb for saying it.
“Maybe she’s trying, and you’re just not there.” Mikey raised his eyebrows, no doubt silently congratulating himself on his advanced logic.
It was enough to get me to release him.
I allowed Mikey’s remark to settle in my mind. It didn’t make any sense. Why would she come back now? What else was going on? I wondered this and questioned Mikey on it.
Mikey took a bite of his steak and said, “Like I said, there’s a bunch of unexplained events going on ... and Dante promises it’s not even half of it. I can’t explain it, but you’re not there and Raiya’s not there—”
“You just said she wasn’t dead!”
“Hey, give me a break. Rachel would be the first one to know right? And Jason hasn’t said anything about her saying stuff like that.”
I remembered the bright-eyed redhead who ran my favorite coffee shop when I was in high school. Years later, I still had nothing to compare to Rachel’s food. Even the steaks and lobster fillets I billed to my bosses were unable to fill the longing my stomach carried since I moved.
“How is Rachel?” I asked, deciding I’d had enough of the gloomy topics.
Mikey shrugged. “She’s fine. Pregnant, actually.”
“Oh? Really?” Images of a recent dream popped into my head. A little girl with red hair, smiling as she chased a smaller boy with brown hair and matching violet eyes. Rachel’s children? Is that whose kids those were?
It was possible, I supposed.
“It’s a girl, they know that much,” Mikey continued on, not realizing I was caught up in my own thoughts. “She’s due in the spring; she and Lee announced it at their anniversary party this summer.”
“Do you think she’d really come back?” I whispered softly.
Mikey sighed. “Let’s change the subject. Here.” He pulled out an envelope. “I was going to mail this, but it’s okay to give it to you now.”
I opened it and quickly scanned through the letter. Then I went back and read it again, properly this time, just to make sure I understood it. I groaned to myself, but put on a smile for Mike. “You and Gwen are getting married, huh?”
“Yeah.” There was nothing but joy in his big, goofy grin.
So I humored him. “That’s great, man.”
I humored him, and he caught me. Mikey laughed. “Come on, you’re going to have to do better than that.”
“You can’t blame me for not being excited,” I snorted. “This means I’ll have to go back home.”
“And not to mention be my best man,” Mikey added.
“Are you kidding me?” I felt oddly conflicted. Like I should agree to it, but I would rather stick needles in my eyes or puke up a pig.
“No. I’m asking you to be my best man.”
“Okay, sure, I suppose.” But this better not be a lot of work, I added silently.
“Great!” Mikey grinned. “Wedding’s in two weeks, so I’ll be looking forward to my bachelor party—”
“Two weeks? What do you mean, two weeks?” I looked down at the invitation again. Yep, two weeks. “I can’t get off from work just like that.”
“Ah, don’t be such a sour-butt, Dinger. Everyone else is coming. Besides, you can’t really like your job that much.”
“Huh?”
“I saw you when you came in. You’re tired and exhausted, and probably sick, too. You don’t seem to care, either. I can tell. We’ve been friends a long time.”
“That’s not the truth.”
“It’s a good part of it.”
I grumbled, caught. It had been forever since someone was so good at reading me. “That’s not the whole picture.”
“What else is there? Is Charlotte still giving you grief?”
I moaned at mention of her. I put my head in my hands. “You’ve got a point there, I suppose.”
Charlotte was one of the first friends I made in college. I remembered only introducing myself to her because I’d thought, foolishly, she was actually Raiya. Charlotte had the same long, reddish-brown hair as Raiya, and looking at her from behind, I was too hopeful to be cautious.
But Charlotte had been more than gracious to me, even helping me get my current job at her father’s law firm, and we were friends—but that was the problem, for her, of course.
She’d been bugging me lately with hints of how we should be dating. Or married with seventeen children and living down in the South with her mother’s side of the family. I wasn’t sure which she wanted, but I was terrified to discover the specifics.
“You don’t have to bring her to the wedding.” Mikey smirked.
“I wasn’t going to. But she did get me the job at her dad’s office. That’s why I don’t think I can just get off.”
“Come on, surely he’ll be okay with it.”
“I’m not worried about him. It’s my other boss, Pharris, who’s the real piece of work.”
“Piece of work” was the kindest way of putting it. How do you explain to scientists that you’ve found the missing link between humans and the Tyrannosaurus Rex? Everything from her meticulous, over-gelled bob to the edge of her gilded fingernails screamed dinosaur DNA. If that wasn’t enough, her attitude and tone sealed the deal.
“Just ask,” Mikey said. “And if you can’t get off, well, just quit. You don’t like it anyway.”
“I’m good at it.”
“So what? You need something in your life that you love.”
“Look, just get off my back, will you? If a miracle happens and I can get off work, I’ll do it. But short of that, you’d better call up Poncey.”
Mikey grinned, and for a moment, I had to laugh; Mikey looked just like his high school self, with food stuck in his teeth, his smile wide and innocent. “If that’s the best I can get from you for now, I’ll take it. Besides, given our history, I’d say a miracle is right around the corner.”
“Ha, ha, yeah right.” I rolled my eyes. I’d forgotten how to believe in miracles.
☼2☼