After I finished testifying before the Senate, I actually went across town to see a woman who helped to oversee the teen pregnancy programs across the United States. I shared my experience with her, expressing my frustration that I had asked lots of questions and not gotten any answers. For the most part, she had encountered the same brick wall, but she told me about one gentleman—a government appointee—who had responded to her questions.
She asked him, “If we know abstinence is the best thing and condom distribution is only risk-reduction at best, why do we continue to throw condoms out at these kids?”
He replied, “Oh, come on, they’re going to do it anyway. Abstinence is an upper-class white value and these minority kids and poor white trash are like horny little rabbits … they’re going to screw anyway.”
I don’t know about you, but it infuriates me that a government official would say this! Does this sound like somebody who respects you? Like someone who thinks highly of you? Like someone who wants to give you the best? Not at all!
“If you’ve got a dream, you’ve got to protect it. People can’t do something themselves. They tell you, You can’t do it. If you want something you go get it.—Chris Gardner (played by Will Smith) in the movie The Pursuit of Happyness”
I take issue with this mind-set because I lived in south central Los Angeles for eight years at the height of the gang and drug wars. I don’t remember anybody coming into my neighborhood and saying, “Since you’re going to do it anyway, this is what we’re going to do: safe drugs. I want all of you students to hold out your arms and make a fist. Now roll that sleeve up and then tie one of these rubber tubes around your arm. Okay, class … this is a syringe. We are going to teach you how to calculate the number of ccs of heroin you can safely inject without overdosing—because you’re going to do it anyway.” Have you ever heard of anything as ridiculous as this going on in a school? Of course not!
Most of you probably don’t remember the race riots in Los Angeles, but I lived it! They evacuated entire neighborhoods. They had a citywide curfew. Entire blocks were burned to the ground and left without power. The National Guard was armed and posted on rooftops. In all of the chaos, I don’t remember anyone coming into our neighborhood and saying, “Since you’re going to do it anyway, this is what we’re going to do: safe violence. We’re going to make these bulletproof vests available in the nurse’s office, so if at anytime you feel the urge to be violent, you can have access to as many vests as you want. Okay, class … we’re going to go down to the firing range to teach you to become expert marksmen so that when you do your drive-bys, you won’t shoot innocent babies and elderly people—because you’re going to do it anyway.”
Have you heard of anything as dumb as that?
“They’re going to do it anyway” is a lie in truth’s clothing that originates in the minds of adults and is then communicated into the lives of young people.
At a rally not long ago, I pointed out the hypocrisy by asking 6,000 high school students in attendance, “What’s the legal age of drinking in this state?”
In a loud unanimous voice they yelled, “Twenty-one!”
Then I asked them to name some groups that encourage them not to drink, and they named MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Drivers) and SADD (Students Against Destructive Decisions).
I asked, “What’s the legal age for smoking?”
They unanimously yelled, “Eighteen!” and said that TheTruth.com was the group that encouraged them not to smoke. Then I asked, “What’s the legal age for driving?” “Sixteen!”
But when I asked, “What’s the legal age of consent to have sex?” they began yelling out random answers: “Sixteen! Eighteen! Twenty-one!” It was mass confusion.
When I asked why they didn’t know, they responded, “Because the adults haven’t told us.”
Why is it that for every other risky behavior, adults can send clear messages, but when it comes to common sense and sex, common sense goes out the window because common sense is not common?
No one uses this kind of doublespeak when it comes to underage drinking. MADD has been applauded for their efforts to protect the lives of America’s youth, and you would never hear any sane person say to them, “You’re wasting your time! These kids are going to do it anyway. Your expectations are so unrealistic—you should just teach them how to accurately calculate what amount and type of alcohol they can safely consume for their weight and sex to safely avoid the legal limit for drunkenness, just in case they should have to take a breatha-lyzer test.”
TheTruth.com has led a very slick campaign targeted to youth, encouraging them to stop—or never to start—smoking. In their crusade against tobacco companies who market to adolescents, no one would discourage them by saying, “Why are you trying to scare these kids with the facts? You’re wasting your time. They’re going to light up anyway. The temptation to smoke is too great. You just need to pass out filters and teach them how to safely put them on to reduce their chances of getting lung cancer.”
Yet when it comes to encouraging young people to wait for sex, abstinence educators are told that we’re wasting our time. Just because not every kid will listen to the wisdom of adults doesn’t mean we should lower reasonable standards. There will always be teens who smoke, drink, take drugs and even have sex, but we shouldn’t lower expectations for everyone because a few choose to take risks.
Whenever I hear adults complain about the youth of today, I remind them that the kids aren’t the problem—it’s the adults. Not too long ago, I heard Jerry Springer (I watch him for research purposes only, of course!) make one of the most shocking statements I had ever heard on his show. I couldn’t believe my ears. Twice on the same episode, he said, “Teens have no business having sex at all.”
Now if Jerry Springer can get it, why can’t the rest of the adult population?
If you want to see hypocrisy in action in your community, simply ask a few adults the following questions:
• Do you think minors should be allowed to drink alcohol if they want? Why or why not?
• Do you think minors should be allowed to smoke cigarettes if they want? Why or why not?
• Do you think minors should be allowed to have sex if they want? Why or why not?
The people who attach themselves to the “They’re going to do it anyway” lie in truth’s clothing are deceived. They usually come from one of two different camps:
“Camp A” is the adult who couldn’t wait to have sex for herself. Because she didn’t have any self-control or self-discipline and didn’t believe in the rewards of delayed gratification, she didn’t think anyone else could possibly live an abstinent lifestyle.
“Camp B” is the adult who believes that others can’t possibly have the same high level of self-control and self-discipline that he has. That adult’s superiority and prideful attitude is reflected in comments like the one from the government appointee from the beginning of the chapter.
These people are telling you that you don’t have the capability to make—let alone follow through on—the best decisions for yourself. The Naked Truth is that you’re going to have to make a decision for yourself, because the people in Camp A and Camp B aren’t going to be of any help (even though they’re adults).
I once heard of a study in which an average group of students was randomly divided in half. Both groups were given the same books, curriculum and assignments. Everything was the same, except for one small difference: the expectations of their teachers. The first class was told by their teacher that they were average students. The second class was told that they were brilliant and exceptional students but that their previous test scores hadn’t reflected it. This class’s teacher promised to work with them to make sure the students’ true level of intelligence was revealed by the end of the year.
One teacher recognized average and expected average. The other teacher believed in the students, presented high standards and expectations, and committed to helping them achieve the expected standards. At the end of the study, researchers found that both sets of students believed what they were told and responded accordingly. One class far exceeded the other in performance, and you probably don’t have to wonder for very long which class it was!
In my own life, I know that if I had not had parents and a few teachers who countered the general expectation of many in my community, I would have had no positive encouragement to strive for academic excellence. If I had not had a handful of individuals who told me it was possible to wait until marriage for sex—counteracting the messages of friends, music, TV and movies—I would have never heard the word “abstinence.”
The Naked Truth is that abstinence as a lifestyle is the best choice when it comes to sex. Be suspicious of anyone who tries to tell you otherwise! It’s never too late to start an abstinent lifestyle. Will everybody achieve the optimal goal? No. There will always be people who are going to gangbang, smoke, drink and do a lot of other risky things, including having sex. But the solution is not to remove or lower the standard, but instead to challenge, encourage and equip people to achieve their optimal goal.
Everything you hear will either pull you toward or draw you away from what you’re supposed to be in life. If you’re not consciously rejecting the negative things that you hear, then subconsciously you will start to internalize and meditate on them. When you start to meditate on them, you will start to believe them—and, ultimately, act on them.
Words have power. As a matter of fact, words are so powerful that Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
Words have power—both those you speak and those you hear. They will either help you develop into the person that God calls you to be, or they will distract you from it.
The Naked Truth is that you achieve what you believe.
Impressionable minds live up—or down—to the expectations placed on them. Who will you listen to? To the world? To your friends? Or to what God says about you? Will you listen to lies in truth’s clothing, or will you heed The Naked Truth?
• What expectations do you have for yourself? Your friends? Your grades? Your life?
• If what you achieve is what you believe, take a moment and write three sentences about what you believe about yourself and your future.
• Why is “They’re going to do it anyway” a lie in truth’s clothing? What is The Naked Truth? How can you make it true for you?