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Lula
Lula struggled to find her passion to teach on Tuesday morning. So many things were pushing in on her brain that she felt suffocated by her own thoughts. She still didn’t know what to do about her father and seeing Nan so helpless the day before nearly brought her to her knees.
Nan hadn’t even been able to say her name. The memory of her trying so hard to tell Lula she loved her made her heart break anew every time she thought about it.
Dom had been amazing. He always was. She desperately wanted to know what she was to him. She loved him clearly and without reservation, and he seemed to care about her, but to what extent? For how long? Thinking of the inevitable end caved her chest in.
“Sweetheart,” Amy said softly at lunch when she had zoned out for a little too long, “is everything okay?”
She looked at her sandwich but had zero appetite. She set it on the desk. “I just don’t know how to feel anymore. About anything.” She had explained about her father to Amy the previous day and her friend had been the understanding shoulder she needed. “About Dom, about my father, about Nan”—she made a swirling motion with her hands—“it’s just all mixed up.”
“I think that’s understandable given the circumstances,” her friend told her. “But for now, let’s just think about one thing at a time. Tell me what you’re feeling about Dom.”
“Oh, Amy,” she breathed, “I love him. I love him so much I can’t breathe.” Fuck it, but she did, she was well and truly in over her head.
Amy just smiled. “It’s about time you admitted it, but why does it make you upset?”
“I just feel like he’s going to fade away at any moment, that suddenly he’ll get tired of all the drama in my life and disappear.”
“Has he shown any signs of it?”
She collapsed into her chair. “No, I just can’t get over the feeling.”
“You’re letting his reputation steer your thoughts, Lu.”
“I know, but I’m also trying to stay reasonable. I’ve had my heart torn out too many times.” She didn’t think she’d survive it this time.
Amy sighed. “But I don’t think you are being reasonable. He’s been by your side through a lot in a very short time. I think you need to give him some credit. Men can change.”
Lula crossed her arms over her chest, fully aware it made her seem petulant.
“You’re adorable when you’re mad at me,” Amy pointed out.
She grumbled but could hardly stay angry, especially when she said, “I love you, Lu. I’m sorry you’re going through so much; I wish I could take it away.”
She knew she did. “I love you too, Ames. Thanks for listening.”
Between afternoon classes, Lula checked her cell and her entire body went limp. There were five missed calls from Miracle Hill.
Nan.
As her students filed into the room, she rushed into the hallway, desperately dialing the center.
“Yes, hi,” she practically shouted into the phone. “This is Tallulah Stanley, I think you’ve been trying to get ahold of me.”
“Yes, of course, Miss Stanley, please hold.”
She waited, not breathing, while the canned piano music floated through the phone at her. This was torture. Why was hold music even a thing? No one liked it. Especially when waiting to hear news about ...
“Miss Stanley,” the director of the care facility’s voice interrupted her thoughts, “this is Janet.”
“Hi, Janet,” she breathed, tears already squeezing out of her eyes. She couldn’t say anything else; she already felt the soul being ripped from her.
“Lula, I’m so sorry to tell you that your grandmother passed this afternoon.”
“No.”
“I’m so sorry, Lula, I know how close you two were. We did everything we could, but she slipped away so peacefully.”
No. No, no, no, no, no. She cried out and slid down to the floor. “No, please ...”
She could hear Janet’s tearful intake of breath. “I’m so sorry, Lula.”
She felt strangled as her heart shredded in her chest. She dropped the phone and collapsed into herself, tears streaming down her face.
“Miss Stanley?” One of her students came out into the hallway to find her and stopped short. “Oh my gosh! Are you all right?”
She wiped her eyes and tried to smile. She couldn’t. “I’m fine, Juana, thank you.” She took a deep breath but it became a sob and tears started streaming once again.
“Do you want me to go get someone?”
She shook her head and forced herself to calm down. She would have time to fall apart later, for now she just needed to get there. With all the strength she had, she pushed herself up from the floor, grabbed Mrs. Wheeler from the room next door, and briefed her on what happened.
The older teacher’s face fell and she pulled Lula in for a tight hug before moving all of Lula’s students into her room. “I’ll cover you for the rest of the day,” she assured her. “Don’t you worry about a thing.”
“Thank you,” she said, nearly falling apart again from her generosity.
“Of course, now go on.”
In a rush, she grabbed her things and headed straight for Dom’s room. She needed him. No matter what happened after this, she needed him right now. She couldn’t face being alone in the world without him there.
She knocked lightly on his door and stepped into his room.
He turned from the board where he had been drawing out the diagram of the Battle of Waterloo, took one look at her face, and dropped the marker he was holding. She could see the pain and understanding in his face.
“Hey guys,” he told the class, “I’m going to step out for just a moment. Jeremy, you’re in charge, no fires.”
The students turned around, curious, but he just took her arm and ushered her out the door. “Oh, Lu,” he said, pulling her into his chest.
She cried, cried so hard it echoed across the hallways. “Nan,” was all she could choke out.
“I know, I know,” he soothed her, stroking her hair, kissing the top of her head. “I want you to wait right here,” he said, pulling away from her. “I’m going to grab Chaz to cover my class and then I’m coming right back to you.” He pointed at the floor. “Stay right here and then we’ll go. Together, okay?”
All she could do was nod.
“That’s my girl,” he said and then bounded down the hall to Chaz’s room.
Ten minutes later, after the school was properly notified, she was in the passenger seat of Dom’s car, desperately holding his hand, unable to stop the tears.
––––––––
Dominic
For the rest of his life, he would never forget the look on Lula’s face when she walked into his classroom utterly broken and completely lost.
It broke his heart.
He walked closely with her as they entered the care center. She was quiet and somehow smaller. He just held her hand as hard as he could.
The staff rushed to them when they entered, their eyes were red with tears. The director was close behind and simply pulled Lula into a long hug.
“Would you like to see her?” Janet asked after they had cried together for a few minutes.
All Lula did was nod sadly and reach for his hand. He grabbed it immediately and stood by her side as she entered Nan’s room.
A soft cry escaped her. He fought his own tears as she rushed to her grandmother, took her hand, and pressed it to her cheek. “Oh, Nan,” she whispered, “I love you so much. What am I going to do without you?”
He stood behind her and put a hand on her back just so she knew she wasn’t alone. He didn’t know what else to do. His heart was cracking in two and he just felt fucking helpless.
After a few minutes, she turned and buried herself in his chest. He held her. Held her so tight he was afraid he would hurt her, but he couldn’t let go as her shoulders shook violently and her tears soaked into his shirt.
When she finally calmed, Janet issued them into her office and they discussed funeral arrangements. Lula sat limply, leaning into him. She answered Janet numbly and burst into tears again when the director explained that Nan had left specific instructions just this week.
All Nan wanted was Lula, Dom, and her friends from the center to have a simple service in her memory at the Miracle Hills’s chapel. Her remains would be cremated and Lula would sing “Amazing Grace.”
“How could I possibly do that?” she asked, her voice wobbling. “How could I possibly keep it together?”
But Dom knew she would, she would never deny Nan’s last request of her.
An hour later, they left Miracle Hill and she was silent, shrunken on the seat next to him.
The service would be on Friday afternoon.
They spent the night in each other’s arms; she cried, he clutched her to him.
The next morning they returned to the care center to clean out Nan’s belongings. He watched as it destroyed Lula one minute at a time. She didn’t talk much, just went through the motions, holding things to her before placing them in boxes. When they were done there were only three.
“It’s not fair,” she said, shaking her head at the remnants of her grandmother’s property.
“What, babe?” he asked softly.
“It’s not fair that she lived such a big beautiful life.” Her voice was rising, her fists clenched. “And there is only three fucking boxes to prove it.”
She sobbed and he captured her in his arms. “Three. Fucking. Boxes!” she bawled and they sank to the floor.
His heart broke all over again for her.
All he could do was hold her tight and rock her back and forth. His tears joined hers in the empty room.
“Three boxes,” she whimpered.
He kissed the top of her head, wiped a tear away with his thumb. “She was more than that, Lu, so much more. And she loved you so very much.”